...to HATE 'misery memoirs'

[rhirhirhirirhi]

Over the past four years or so I've seen memoirs' become increasingly popular, but surely I can't be one of the only people who thinks that there is something inherently weird and creepy about revelling in these tales of woe? I think it's completely acceptable to read them as a way of supporting yourself if you've been through something similar, but I cannot begin to understand why somebody would otherwise choose to read them. The other day I was in a big Tesco and they had a BOGOF offer on them- allowing some woman to eagerly scoop up 8 (!) with names like, 'Please Daddy No' and 'Our Little Secret' and put them in her trolley.

I was speaking to a friend about this recently and she admitted that she loves them, and said that it helps her to ''appreciate her life''. Worse still, she tried to justify it by saying that many of the ones she'd read were actually fiction, so technically she wasn't really 'experiencing a real person's misery''. Fictional misery memoirs?! Good God, if I were an author writing pretend tales of child abuse I would seriously be re-evaluating my skills! AIBU to think that most people should be perfectly capable of appreciating their life without having to delve into a book detailing the horrendous life of some poor person?

The cover art thing - picture of a lone child staring out from cover or cowering away (monochrome or watercolour tones on white background) plus handwritten title is also rather eerie - its like our shorthand accepted vision of the abused child - rather like all books that touch upon womens experience in islam seem to be illustrated with a womens eyes peering from behind a veil- whether its about the iraq war or 17th century Kabul,
OK its a shorthand, a cliche, the reader knows what to expect, the books sales benefit from protective mimicry but its interesting that these cliches are used to sell them

Need to stop thinking. Off to look wan and sepia toned....

is it a rival to mills and boons - misery escapism rather than romantic ahem fantasy?

I can understand that people might write these books for therapy, catharsis or just hard cash, Im kind of interested in the motives of reading them.

Well, have just visited a thread here where someone mentioned the fact that parents flat out disbelieved children's horror stories of mistreatment in school, where evil lunch ladies forcefed vile food, and public humiliation of small children was seen as the norm. (I think it's in Chat 'Things Teachers Did Then That They Would Never Do Now', or something like that) Seems a lot of people have lived through pretty horrible experiences or witnessed routine abuse of others in school maybe it's cathartic to see stories about miserable childhoods finally see the light of day and be believed?

OMG Clemette that's awful

I didn't read the first half of the thread properly, has anyone mentioned the word Schadenfreude?

After reading that link, I shall be sure to use the words "ghoulish epicaricacy" next time this topic comes up in conversation.

Please don't categorise Wild Swans with these books, as seems to have happened earlier. It is a fabulously written, fascinating, important book about the destruction of an entire culture from the perspective of one child - it has nothing in common with the kind of books generally being talked about here.

I agree SleepingLion - Wild Swans is nothing like these crap shite books (nor are Angela's Ashes or Once in a House on Fire imo).

But 'please daddy, no'. The publishers should be ashamed of themselves thinking up such a blataltnly titillating title. I would judge someone as an idiotic moron (at best) if I saw that book on their shelf.

SGB - you need to write books. Your titles and descriptions are making me roar.

agree 'Wild Swans' is not a misery memoir, it is the tale of an entire family, not just a child, and covers political/ historical themes, and is well-written!

Alot of you seem to have had very charmed childhood.

Unfortunately, child abuse is very real and exists. Alot of the readers who read these books are victims of child abuse themselves, they are not perverts looking for titillation. They read them because they are comforting for them knowing that they are not alone and others understand what they have gone through, especially as it can be a difficult subject to talk about. Why shouldn't victims of abuse write openly about their experience, why can't they stand up and say "This is what happended to me". Why should it remain a taboo subject and kept behind closed doors. Reading these books have helped alot of abused people come to terms with what has happened to them in life.

Furthermore, they inspire child abuse victims to speak out and realise there is no shame in being a victim.

If you don't like the book, don't read it but don't run down people who have had traumatic experiences as a child. Perhaps you should try speaking to a victim of child abuse and understand how it has afected their life!!!

isnt about charmed lifes,is about disliking salacious schleppy stories with sepia tone pictures of wee girls. honestly none of those books can be considered a good rounded narrative about overcoming adversity. they are pile em high sell em cheap stylised accounts of really harrowing events

and that is the gross bit,the reality of violation and abuse reduced to a 2 for 1 promotion.

not one person on this thread has 'run down' anyone who has had a traumaitc childhood.

We have had a jolly good dig at the sad twats who slaveringly buy book after book for their next 'fix' - do you not feel that it trivialises other people who have been abused?

There is becoming a desensitisation to graphically detailed abuse in our culture, meaning someone who stands up and says .... "My dad, on a couple of occasions, dragged me upstairs by the hairs" or "My mum, although she never touched me and generally raised me properly, could be such a vicious bitch that she shattered any self esteem I ever had" .... may be met with "yeah, so? I read about a girl last week who was being forced to give blowjobs to her mother's pimp when she was four. That's worser, that is."

dont assume everyone posting has had ponies and great life jenna. never know anyone else circumstances unless they disclose.it is fairly likely a few on this thread have seen bereavement, been carers,had disadvantage.and still dont like schlocky " dont eat my cat dont make me watch anthea turner daddy"

I never realised that so many people were abused till I came to MN. I thought I was the norm and that being abused was rare. Now I realise that I am infact the minority.
Will put Andrew Collins's books on my new 'to read' list.

has anone read the latest adrian mole.Has running joke throughout that his mum is writing her lifestory(entirely fictionalised) called "A child called Shit" pmsl.

jenna how do you know all that?

Have you researched this subject?

Do they really comfort adult surviviours of abuse? Do they really encourage disclosure?

They could be just as likely to upset abused people and make them hide their abuse incase they are accused of making it up [to make money etc]

Do you really think that no one on this thread has any experience either first hand or through work/family of childhood abuse?

That is quite an assumption to make.

I understand exactly what Jenna is saying.

At the end of the day if you dont want to read a book like this then that is your choice however some books can be a lifeline (and no Im not exaggerating)to someone who has been through/going through a similar situation.

If someone chooses to write it, that's up to them. If someone chooses to read it, likewise.

But it does seem to be sensationalising abuse. Making it somehow virtuous to have been through it and overcome it. The ultimate hard-luck story.

I think we run the risk of getting desensitised to the stories, and to the effects they have. Not everyone does recover. Not everyone can.

I survived. I'm lucky. But I'm no better or worse than anyone else because of it.

Why aren't these books classed as child pornography? I have never read one, but from this thread it sounds like they contain long, drawn out, detailed, explicit descriptions of child abuse (including sexual).

Surely if the protagonist was an adult rather than child, they would be in the "erotica" section of the shop.

Surely the only reason to buy would be to get off on.

Ick.

I am not convinced that they are a lifeline.

A well written account with perhaps some help and advice included may well be a real help.

Reams and reams of stuff churned out and sold in Tescos, I am not so sure.

The trash mags are the same. I started buying them when DD was ill. We would pass the time at hospital ploughing through them. At the time most of the stories were about difficult pregnancies and being ripped off by Tukish toy boys.

They are now almost exclusively about childhood sexual abuse. The people are not anonymous. I am not sure how much of that is through choice or because the magazines will no longer accept anonymised accounts (they all used to be). I do not think there is any follow up or help available to these people after they have told their story.

I am not saying they shouldnt do it.
I am not saying they should be ashamed.
I dont know if it helps or not.

I do know that the magazines are not doing it for the good of the protaganist.
They want to sell magazines and it seems a very odd thing that child abuse has become a commodity.

I have not suffered myself. I genuinely do not know if its a good idea or helpful to write these accounts, either for the writer or a reader who has been abused.

I am sure that I dont like the money making, industrial scale explotiation that is behind them.

I view these books as "emotional tourism".

Some people like crying at books, just as some people like crying at films. Crying releases certain hormones and can make you feel better (in a weird way). I understand that. I like a good cry myself.

Personally, however, I don't like the idea of using someone's real life misery to give myself that emotional kick. It seems wrong to "enjoy" (in whatever way) something that has been so horrific for someone else.

Well I have thefirstmrsdevere so Iam talking from personal experience :(

Sorry to hear that Notenough

I still do not think these things are positive. Not all of them. As I have said before, some of the well written ones with a point to them. But not all of them.

Thank you thefirstmrsdevere :)

I do understand what you are saying but the ones I have read have been very helpful and inspiring.