...to HATE 'misery memoirs'

[rhirhirhirirhi]

Over the past four years or so I've seen memoirs' become increasingly popular, but surely I can't be one of the only people who thinks that there is something inherently weird and creepy about revelling in these tales of woe? I think it's completely acceptable to read them as a way of supporting yourself if you've been through something similar, but I cannot begin to understand why somebody would otherwise choose to read them. The other day I was in a big Tesco and they had a BOGOF offer on them- allowing some woman to eagerly scoop up 8 (!) with names like, 'Please Daddy No' and 'Our Little Secret' and put them in her trolley.

I was speaking to a friend about this recently and she admitted that she loves them, and said that it helps her to ''appreciate her life''. Worse still, she tried to justify it by saying that many of the ones she'd read were actually fiction, so technically she wasn't really 'experiencing a real person's misery''. Fictional misery memoirs?! Good God, if I were an author writing pretend tales of child abuse I would seriously be re-evaluating my skills! AIBU to think that most people should be perfectly capable of appreciating their life without having to delve into a book detailing the horrendous life of some poor person?

The Lovely Bones is SO upseting but so well written that I couldn't put it down.

That one sneaked past me because as you said it's fiction.

Thankfully, you can actually judge a book by its cover, so if I see a white/cream cover with an child eyes staring out at me and a title that seems to be a plea or insult, I steer well clear.

I always wonder how the parents feel, who wanted their child to be a model, but they end up being the model for the cover photo of a book like that. >

On a lighter note, our local Waterstones has a section to house this genre called "Difficult Lives." I was enchanted to see June Whitfield's autobiography in it.

YANBU! They are awful, I just hope that the victims are able to find some peace through writing. I do think that some people 'get off' on them and that at the very least it serves no moral, ethical or intellectual purpose to bring these experiences into your life.

The worst thing is having to say no politely and firmly when a friend or relative tries to loan you one and explain how it affected them. Always wanted to say "Sorry oh well fed and prosperous relative, actually, really not interested in why you wanted to spice up your 2 week beach holiday with a heart rending tale of incestuous sexual abuse..."

I agree with the previous poster (forget who) who recommended that people with a concern about child abuse save their money and donate to the NSPCC.

YANBU

I second MrsDeVere about the publishing industry being potentially exploitative.

As with many similar areas - some reality TV, Jeremy Kyle, tabloid 'real life' articles etc - the person who's story it is is at the very bottom of a pile of people deriving money or pleasure from their misery: producers, publishers and the public who provide a market. Even if the author does have a driving desire to describe their horror - and survival - to the world.

I think Loopy Loops' point about people lucky enough to have had a happy childhood/adult life finding them enlightening is true, and could help some adults empathize in the future.

But the image of WH Smith and the like turning these tragic tales into a calculated commercial aisle is sickening to me.

I also agree that they are unsuitable reading for any teenager.

What age does a person (child, teen or adult?) need to know such detailed descriptions of child (or any other form) abuse? I don't see how it could benefit a twelve-year-old.

As Paisleyleaf quoted: "if you keep having these books lying around where children can see them, it sends an uncomfortable message about adults finding titillation in children's suffering."
I agree that is definitely a point worth considering, and if I were a fan of these books I would keep them in my bedroom, away from communal family bookshelves.

I could read them when I was younger but cannot go near them now I have my own child. My mum could never understand how I could read them, now I know what she meant

I think that anybody intrigued by the genre should read this extract...you will never need to bothet with another

it is the voyeurism that makes it wrong...i find the whole topic upsetting and although i appreciate it is not one that should be hidden, or not talked about....i try to avoid it as it just makes me think about horid things and paranoid about my own kids.

so to find people actively seeking misery memoirs out to read...well, either they aren't moved in the same way (and are just reading for the story) or they are, but they like feeling that mix of revulsion, horror and sadness at the plight of some poor child imagined or otherwise.......

arg. doesn't bear thinking about.

The one (and only one) I read a few years ago had quite graphic accounts of sexual abuse.

I will not allow my dcs to read it. I am exerting parental guidance and control just as i would a horror film or violent game.

Oh and TLES- what else do you have on your bookshelf? The Anarchist Cookbook, perhaps? Lives And Loves Of Jeffrey Dharma?

haha @portia's link.

Amusing

Thinking more about whether misery memoirs provoke empathy in the reader... they certainly provoke an emotional response and that's why people read them.

But is it just for that chemical-emotional surge, or do people finish the book feeling driven to do something to stop such abuse happening in the future? Getting involved in charity work, for example?

Or do folk finish the last page, breath a sigh of relief that their own life is so far removed from the one they've just inhabited for the past 300 pages, then move on to the next miserable topic?

I have various books too many to list tbh.
Narnia series,
harry potter
biographies
encyclopedias
factual books,
many fiction
to name but a few.

I completely agree. I read the first Torey Hayden book, because that was interesting for me as a teacher. But I can't bring myself to read any others. Russell Howard did a funny take on them on Mock the Week once, just pointing out how absurd and distasteful they are.

I agree. I can understand some one reading one such book to maybe understand the issue more. But reading loads of them for relaxation and leisure??????

Interested that people are particularly offended by the fiction versions of these.

I read stories like that all the time. One of the best ones I read a while back included an incestuous relationship, patricide, suicide and self-mutilation. Bloody brilliant it was.

Here it is

IMO the problem is how badly most of these modern ones are written, not the extreme content!

There's a novel by Susan Hill about a family in which one of the sons writes one of these memoirs, only it's imaginary, or is it? It was serialised on Radio 4 a few months ago - The Beacon.

Portia, what a poor poor man, what a dreadful life he has had

i have read quite a few of these types of books but i have now decided not to read anymore. they did make me appreciate the good upbringing and life i had/have. but they did make me feel quite down and i had this overwhelming ense of powerlessness and anger towards the perpetrators.

"I know what you mean re: covers. I have (rather anally) grouped my bookshelves in order of colour. "

loopyloops - have you seen this video? A whole San Francisco bookshop arranged by colour only: beautiful.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=45DlE0zoMSU

I'm fairly appreciative of my upbringing anyway. I'm able to appreciate it within a normal framework. I doubt 'My life in a goldfish tank 2: thank god I was flexible' is going to change the facts of my own existence.

I have nothing against therapy and self-help and sharing with the similarly troubled. Making money out of hyperbolic sensationalist dirge actually takes the piss out of people's experiences.

Wow that is brilliant!

Amazing!!

I was going to agree completely but then noticed that Wild Swans was mentioned as one and I really did enjoy that book. Haven't read any of the others though and have no desire to.

Oooh loved the Andrea Ashworth book as well.

ha ha at jimmymcnulty !

There is a big difference between the books that are well written and about more than just the misery (Angela's Ashes, Lovely Bones, Good Earth) and books that have been written purely to cash in on the misery aspect. The three books above are all well written stories of an entire life - and the "misery" aspect of each isn't the centre of the tale.

I don't doubt that some of these people had horrific childhoods, but, given the glut of these titles and the genre that has grown up (with the associated marketing etc), how many of these people are sitting are being encouraged by others (publishers?) who themselves are motivated by the money?

I can't remember who posted it, but I did write my story down for my own healing, and it was tremendously helpful. Never once would I consider publishing it or even showing to anyone. Not that it is nearly miserable enough for publication, but I'd be horrified at people being "entertained" for my misfortune.

I'm also a great believer in forgiveness being better for the victim than revenge. If you take revenge (or feel the need to) I think it shows that you still have emotions attached to the process. Whereas to forgive someone, you have to let go of ALL your emotions and anger, and you therefore can start healing and moving on with your life.