...to HATE 'misery memoirs'

[rhirhirhirirhi]

Over the past four years or so I've seen memoirs' become increasingly popular, but surely I can't be one of the only people who thinks that there is something inherently weird and creepy about revelling in these tales of woe? I think it's completely acceptable to read them as a way of supporting yourself if you've been through something similar, but I cannot begin to understand why somebody would otherwise choose to read them. The other day I was in a big Tesco and they had a BOGOF offer on them- allowing some woman to eagerly scoop up 8 (!) with names like, 'Please Daddy No' and 'Our Little Secret' and put them in her trolley.

I was speaking to a friend about this recently and she admitted that she loves them, and said that it helps her to ''appreciate her life''. Worse still, she tried to justify it by saying that many of the ones she'd read were actually fiction, so technically she wasn't really 'experiencing a real person's misery''. Fictional misery memoirs?! Good God, if I were an author writing pretend tales of child abuse I would seriously be re-evaluating my skills! AIBU to think that most people should be perfectly capable of appreciating their life without having to delve into a book detailing the horrendous life of some poor person?

He is in secondary yes, and therefore the library has to cater for all ages from 11-18.

What people seem to forget is that some 11/12 yr olds are able to read at a level much higher than their years. So they go for books at their level...which is what DS1 did.

Show i never swore!

I have to say it is awful reading this thread.

As someone who had an extremely difficult childhood, it has always been at the back of my mind to write about. I had thought about the issues of "outing" my family and going through all the grief again, but never had I thought of readers feeling "grubby" by my story.
These books (the non-fiction ones anyway) are written usually as a form of dealing with serious issues. There is a market for them because other people like to empathise and see that, no matter what you are dealt with in life, it is possible to come out stronger and more together.

I have read one or two of them, including a couple of Dave Peltzer's. They aren't my favourite type of book because they are quite upsetting and bring up bad memories for me, but I think it is a good thing for people who have had less of a difficult time to see that bad things do happen.
DH, for example, being from a "good" family with no troubles, often finds it hard to believe me when I tell him about things that have happened to me. An occasional reading of this kind of book has opened his eyes a little to parts of the world that he didn't know existed.

Ha ha - Take A Break, Chat and Pick Me Up - my DH calls them Chav mags.

When I was pregnant they were always in the midwives waiting room so I started reading them. With the mix of the hormones I used to get so upset...my DH banned me from reading them.

Read one in the docs the other day, a real life story. A 9 yo had a fire safety course in school. A few weeks later mum fell asleep on her sofa with a cigarette. The stub fell out of the ashtray and set fire to the furnishing. Daughter woke, mum out of the count, because of her fire safety course she rescued her 5 brothers and sisters and dialled 999.

At the end the mum said "I've learned my lesson now, I only smoke in the garden.

I had to stop myself from shouting at the magazine. You nearly killed your 6 kids, just give up the bloody fags!!!!!!

I don't agree that you need a higher reading ability to read those books. At my ds's school (he's y7) there are some books restricted to older children but am fairly certain they don't include those titles. There are better books to stretch a child with.

I think you're misinterpreting what the poster said TLE. Ability to read a particular level is different from the appropriateness of reading certain books. Many 7 or 8 year olds even are capable of reading and understanding such misery lit, doesn't mean they should be allowed to.

Him reading at a higher level is irrelevant. You can read at a higher level and still be encouraged to read appropriate material.

And I'd actually dispute these books catering to any 'level' anyway. I don't think they're appropriate for any age but impressionable children with behavioural issues probably shouldn't be encouraged towards them.

Just because you're able to read something, doesn't mean you should. I'm probably able to read Barbara Cartland's work...

x-posts megapixels

Loopyloops sorry to hear that, I think the majority of people would be unhappy with the fictional ones, and no doubt the pressure by Editors and Book Companies to make them as upsetting as they can.

They are not looking at the individual as "grubby", especially if it's a purging process, more the marketing and genre building behind them.

If this is the way you want to go, then I think you should write it. You may not want to publish, but you may feel better about doing it?

It's down to the survivor to choose their path to recovery Loopy.

I would say imo,therapy is much more beneficial than scribbling down pages of horrible memories but then who am I to judge,I just don't read them.

And if this thread upsets you,how would you feel if after writing your book (or recounting your experience of abuse) got countless knock backs from publishers?

no i didn't think you were being arsey.

At the end of the day -just the way i see it - if a child of 11/12/13 wants to read these books- like i did- they will find a way to do so.

I agree with your posts Posh.

Loopy, I wrote a 5 page letter to my mum listing all the things she had done, watched, accepted and the reasons why I didn't want her as a mum, and all the things I was upset about. Put it in an envelope an burnt it.

I felt much better.

Also, what happens if people come out, as per Dave Pelzer and call you a fantasist or a liar?

Have you had counselling?

I think there is a big difference between books that contain misery (which could include "the Good Earth" by Pearl Buck, which won a Nobel prize), and the shelves and shelves of "Misery Lit", which you now see in WH Smith, and which I imagine have little literary merit, and lots of misery as a selling point.

I find people who read all these child abuse books for pleasure a bit creepy tbh.

Love Dara though, he IS funny

There was a book published here in Ireland called something like "Ma, he sold me for a packet of fags".

Somehow resisted the urge to purchase...

Sorry the thread is upsetting, Loopy. I also avoid these books. If the story is true, it feels like the victim is really exposed. And I'm uncomfortable that some readers might get off on them in one way or another.

Oddly enough, I like to read Take a Break or Bella on the train. Maybe it's the fact that the stories are less detailed.

I also agree with the OP that some works of literature touch on horrible childhoods, but it doesn't affect me the same way. The message is "look at my artistry" rather than "look at my victimhood".

None of this is to discourage you from publishing your story if you think it would help you, Loopy. I'm sure some readers would get a better understanding of the kind of things that happen. But some readers might have more voyeuristic motives.

Oh God, Olivia, there seems to be a series of those books 'Ma, its a cold aul night and I've no bed' or something is one of them. They're all written by the same person and I can't understand how she can get a series out of her awful life. The sight of those titles makes me cringe and they were the first thing I thought of when I saw this thread.

They all seem to conform to a certain look too, usually a white or pale coloured cover with a picture of a child with sad eyes looking out. And cursive style writing.

I think if they make abuse victims feel comforted and give them hope then that's great but I don't think that's why most people read them tbh.

Agree with the design layout of misery Jacey

yanbu
Some doctor/psychologist on daytime TV said that if you keep having these books lying around where children can see them, it sends an uncomfortable message about adults finding titillation in children's suffering.
I think he might have a point.

YANB at all U - I can't stand those books. However, if there are some people who've dealt with abuse and reading them has been therapeutic that's obviously a good thing but given their huge popularity I can't help suspecting that a lot of people who haven't been abused read them out of a kind of voyeurism.

I just imagine the publishing equivilant of A&R men trawling support groups for someone who might make a good book.

A lot of them are poorly written, sort of rushed out.

If it helps the author and they make some money its no bad thing. They just dont seem right somehow.

I have read the ones written by Cathy Glass because she is a foster carer and i was interested in that side of things.

I hate the rest of them. I mostly hate the covers showing achingly beautiful blonde children in cath kidson style tea dresses.

WTF is that about?

YADNBU - they are hideous. They make me shudder just seeing them on the shelf. I read a couple many years ago, when there wasn't a genre for them, and they were interesting, gruelling and well-written, (Angela's Ashes was very good - and also the point of the book was not the misery and poverty - that was just one aspect of his life story) but I squirm now, at the way they've become a cash cow for bandwagon-jumping fairly talentless writers, and the shelves are full of them.

Also detest the gangster/hard man autobiographies - who gives a stuff about some illiterate neanderthal thug who's spent his life earning cash in hand for bare knuckle fighting round the back of the pub? And the fact that he's had a couple of walk-on parts in some duff movie and stood at the back at a Kray funeral does not make him interesting, or famous.

If children read miseryporn then whether or not they understand them, surely even as their parents then it's not really any of your business. (Sorry this sounds so much more controversial than I mean it to but there isn't really another way of putting it).

What I mean is your DC's can do what anyone does if they start reading a book they don't get, dislike or find boring and put it down and stop readin it.

Otherwise surely they are getting something out of reading it. Even though as parents we do direct our children to not read certain types of literature, they make their own choices and learn by their choices.
Remember as has been pointed out, these books whatever we think about them are in schools and libraries (and indeed in school libraries), they're not illegal or "gateway books" (can you tell I'm making up terms as I go along?) to something worse.

I personally am with you all and have read a few of these books and am unsure about how feel about them but know that I don't wish to read anymore of them and I figure that when my dc's (they're only 6 at the mo) are old enough to read such books, then they'll make their own minds up about these books.

[Waits to be flamed for her brazen tone.]

My Niece is addicted to " Misery porn " she has shelves of it in her house. When I speak to her she tells me about the latest one and how sad and upsetting it is. Why read it then

I love to read but, I read to escape the doom and gloom that surrounds us most days on the news and in the papers. I found " The lovely bones " very upsetting and it was fiction.

JaceyBee

I know what you mean re: covers. I have (rather anally) grouped my bookshelves in order of colour. What is interesting is that colour really can indicate genre. Generally:

Black - thriller, mafia, detective
White - non-fiction, childhood, upsetting stuff, French literature
Red/orange - oriental fiction, autobiography (esp. sports)
Green / blue - bestselling fiction
Yellow/brown - classics, dull fiction, some bestseller
Pink/purple - self-help, instruction manuals, random books
Grey - intellectual fiction