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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have refused to remove the photo?

127 replies

moominmarvellous · 11/07/2010 23:50

A friend of mine has emailed asking me to remove a picture of her DD from an album on Facebook of my daughters birthday party.

Just to clarify, it's the back of her child, in fancy dress, she's in the distance in a photo taken of two other children. I know she doesn't like her DD's pics on there, so I deliberately didn't include any of her or tag her Mum in pics to draw attention to anything.

I'm begining to wonder if they're in the witness protection programme!

OP posts:
sushistar · 12/07/2010 00:32

maybe she's paranoid about abuse. Maybe she or her dd have been abused. you just can't tell.

differentnameforthis · 12/07/2010 04:09

OP knows friend doesn't like her dc's pictures on FB so should have informed the friend before putting it up. Doesn't matter if it is the back of her, it's the principle.

Rollmops · 12/07/2010 06:18

The fact that one can't see her face on the pic it's irrelevant; she's not your child hence it's not your decision - remove the pic.

ChippingIn · 12/07/2010 07:42

I think your friend is barking - if you can't even tell the sex of the child in the photo, let alone identify the child....

Personally, I'd find it very difficult to be friends with someone like that - why don't you just restrict her access to all your photos?

IF you could identify her child I would remove it - whilst thinking but as you can't I wouldn't - you albums can only be seen by some of your friends - there's no harm in what you have done.

Rollmops/Differentnameforthis/sushistar etc - It's the back of the child in fancy dress and the child isn't able to be identified - what exactly is the harm in the photo??

MrsDrOwenHunt · 12/07/2010 07:51

if she doesnt want her dc pic on there she doesnt want it on there, precious or not still remove it, its just a pic not surgery

SloanyPony · 12/07/2010 08:40

Its precious as hell unless she has a reason like witness protection, abuse, dogey ex, etc.

But its still her choice and you should blur it or remove it.

YANBU but you are if you dont amend it, technically, and I suspect she is too but its still her choice - just not a reasonable one, extraneous circumstances aside.

DuelingFanjo · 12/07/2010 08:41

if she has asked you to remove it then why not? it's no skin off youor nose.

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 12/07/2010 08:49

Legally and morally yanbu. Socially, I'd go along with her - crop it or but a big black rectangle over where the child is.

porcamiseria · 12/07/2010 09:05

just remove it, it means very little to you, and obviously does to her as she would not have asked otherwise

GypsyMoth · 12/07/2010 09:15

was the mum at the party? did she see photos being taken and voice it then?

PfftTheMagicDragon · 12/07/2010 09:15

You should remove it.

DetectivePotato · 12/07/2010 09:28

It doesn't matter what you think. It doesn't matter if she is being OTT. Its her child and you should respect her wishes. If I asked this of a friend and they refused, I would be rethinking the friendship if my wishes couldn't be respected.

YABVU.

DetectivePotato · 12/07/2010 09:30

"why don't you just restrict her access to all your photos?"

Stupid suggestion.

GeekOfTheWeek · 12/07/2010 09:43

YABU

Jamieandhismagictorch · 12/07/2010 09:58

I agree with the consensus here. Just blur or remove it, even if it seems OTT to you.

Dropdeadfred · 12/07/2010 10:00

Why would you NOT want to do what your friend has requested??

TrillianAstra · 12/07/2010 10:05

She is being ridiculous, but it doesn't hurt you to do it, so just do it.

Original poster
moominmarvellous · 12/07/2010 10:27

Well I put the pic on in the first place at the request of another friend - so I didn't see the harm in it. My friend was there when she said it was a nice one, would I put it on FB - she agreed it was lovely!

I think it bothers me because I suspect it stems from jealousy after previous examples of pettiness.

I wasn't rude but responded asking if it was really necessary to remove it as her DD's back was very clearly not the photo subject.

She does have pics of her DD on FB btw - some with my DD in it! Shock horror - without MY permission!

Pic has been removed, friend will probably follow suit in the near future. Thanks all!

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 12/07/2010 10:33

jealousy??? why would that make her not want a pic of her dd in public domain though??

tomme · 12/07/2010 10:36

social networking sites call for a whole new set of etiquette to be drawn up I think. I have pictures of my children on fb but would never ever put pictures of someone elses child on there without checking first. I was very surprised to see a friends album with photos of her dd birthday party on there and all her and my dd's classmates as well, when no mention had ever been made of this. I have never said anything to my friend or anyone else about it but do wonder how all these childrens parents would feel if they knew. I know most of them wouldNj't as they are not on fb.

The case of the original op is different though and whilst I think yanbu to post it I don't see the problem in removing it either.

femalevictormeldrew · 12/07/2010 10:41

She maybe is being a bit OTT but her child, her call.

hmc · 12/07/2010 10:44

Remove it - but she does seem OTT

melikalikimaka · 12/07/2010 10:48

YANBU, she is a bit OTT about this, but it's her kid. I wouldn't be bothered with inviting her next time though.

saggyjuju · 12/07/2010 10:57

we are relatively new to fb my husband and i, we have had massive fam issues to the extent of police involvement and also court actions to stop a member of fam havin contact with the children. my husband refuses to put any photos on his of the children or to even mention when and wheres in regards to the children,and surprise surprise a close fam member to the one we don't have contact with,but we still have contact with this other fam member,has page after page of photos of the children splashed all over her faceook we didn't know anything about....now the trouble we have had has died down which is lovely and we know if we say anything the whole mess will start again,but the first part of the fam split was basically people being disrespectful about other peoples needs and there obviously is a massive vein of disrespect to others that runs right through this family,shocking and v-sad

Original poster
moominmarvellous · 12/07/2010 11:06

The jealousy is to do with the other mums and various friendships among the children, I think if the pic had been a cute one of her DD cuddling her best friend, there'd have been less of a problem.

Lesson learned about FB though, I really thought the majority of people would think the same as me in this instance.

OP posts: