to think single parents get, kind of, forgotten in the general scheme of things

[sevenkeystomysoul]

Right, so I'm a single parent, no big deal there, I prefer it to the alternative and generally get along fine. But most of my close friends are smug marrieds (maybe not smug, as such, but don't know they're fucking born kind of take their priviliged lives for granted). I don't have much money and babysitters are a once-in-a-blue-moon phenomenon, but would it kill the fuckers to invite me to a day time bbq on a Sunday when they know DD is with her dad and I'm on my own? I know they don't do it consciously, but I kind of fall off the radar on these occasions.

calling ones close friends fuckers,speculating about privileged lives very much evokes resentment and feeling excluded. i certainly didnt call her a bitch.do think she posted resentful and angry content

No scottishmummy, I'm not backtracking, what makes you think that? And I honestly can't see how my op is 'dripping with resentment and envy'. I have pointed out that I feel no envy towards my friends. I am very happy that my friends have rock-solid marriages but it's not something I aspire to, and even if I did, or do, some day, that doesn't mean I resent what they have. And fyi, the wee spat was caused by a couple of posters making quite nasty and completely uncalled for personal attacks.

runnybottom, but I wasn't name calling and swearing at you in the op, was I? By that token, if someone posted, let say, 'AIBU to think my neighbour is an absolute c*t for playing trash metal at 100 decibels until 4am', the correct response would be 'YABU and you are clearly a c*t also'. My op was somewhat tongue-in-cheek, rather than 'meant to be amusing', but the sentiment was serious and, if you've read the thread, you'll see that a lot of 'saintly single parents' (surely just as bad as 'smug marrieds') feel the same way.

proudnsad, I never denied calling them fuckers etc, but the wording wasn't entirely serious. I guess posts, like texts, are open to all sorts of interpretations.

op, I thought you were obviously being tongue in cheek. As you said, if you thought your friends were 'fuckers' you wouldn't want to go to the barbecue anyway.

If it is any consolation I would rather go to your barbecue than anything hosted by scottishmummy, dorie et al.

I have a mental picture of them standing with arms folded and lips pursed should there be any inappropriate profanity.

And I do not think 'smug marrieds' is anywhere near as nasty as 'jealous bitch' or equivalent to calling someone a 'bitter resentful' single person. The former is a fairly light hearted way of having a bit of a dig. The others are an unpleasant attack on someone for a situation they may not have chosen and sometimes do not enjoy.

Why not stop having a go at the op, which is getting tedious, and engage with the basic premise of the thread, which I for one find very interesting.

I know what you are saying op but I much prefer to socialise with other singles. I find couples talk quite boring at times. I am not in a couple and I like to talk to single people about their lives and experiences as I have more in common with them.
I do have some very good married friends and friends in couples but sometimes I feel like a gooseberry and I don't feel like I can moan about the same things with them. I do feel like they don't know theyre born and I am very jealous of their position. It can be a wierd dynamic as a single girl socialising with couples. Insecurity all round.

Yawn yawn yawn. Whatever. You didn't say exactly what you said, you didn't mean exactly what you clearly meant, boo hoo hoo.

I understand your message, sevenkeys. I am happy to revisit my attitude towards including single parents in family outings on weekends - I don't know any socially so have not been guilty (I think) to date. Sorry to hear that your social circle starts to drop off. It should not be the case.

I always feel like I can talk about more ''naughty'' things with single people but I know that is deeply prejudiced. It dosn't really matter if a person has a ring on their finger or not. I always admire those couples who mingle more and don't spend the entire evening glued to each other.

Poshsingle I think when you get to a certain age single friends are few and far between. I can't think of anyone other than me who is single.

runnybottom- I don't undrestand your post at all. Can you please explain?

LOL,spero stamp your wee feeties protesting any bbq but nowhere near me et al

oh not dem other lassies.no siree. maybe i will become a smug unmarried in a built up area.all over the halloumi

v funny

Janos, your absolutely right. MN can get extremely nasty and personal at times. It only takes one person to misinterpret a post, react inappropriately (i.e. personal attack, in this case, Dorie's completely uncalled for 'jealous bitch' comment), and that seems to be an open invitation for everyone who has their own issues/has had a bad day etc etc to put on their bitchy boots and stomp all over the op. Once the vultures have descended, it's impossible to fight them off, they don't bother to read the whole thread, or even subsequent posts by the op, and it all gets very nasty very quickly. However, discounting those who appear to have taken personal umbrage at my post, for whatever reason, or those who simply seem to enjoy being vile behind the shield of anonymity, most posters have helped me to see that this is part and parcel of being a single parent and nothing to get too upset about. I'm glad I posted, for this reason, that is what MN should be about, mums (whatever their personal situations) sharing experiences and offering support. Of course it wouldn't be MN without a very large dose of piss taking, nothing wrong with that, but the outpourings of pure venom are always extremely unpleasant to be on the receiving end of.

scottishmummy, I am afraid I will need to run your post thru bablefish. Maybe I will come to your barbecue as you seem quite entertaining, but I am afraid runnybottom will be sobbing alone, prodding her sausages at a lonely grill.

What a pointless waste of a typing finger runny bottom. Either engage or go away.

MollieO - that is exactly the problem. I have quite a wide circle of friends and I know only two other single people, both women.

I lived with my parents in Shropshire for a few months after my relationship with my daughter's father broke down and I saw with awful clarity what my life would be like if I lived there; I would not have got a look in at the social life as it seemed to consist entirely of 'couples dinner parties'. I went to a few toddler groups over the summer and I felt I had to keep my status a secret. This is very sad.

I suppose we should be glad that runnybottom and scottishmummy have progressed from posting unprovoked attacks to posting pure drivel

you wrote aibu.got dug up,didnt like it.but portraying yourself as misunderstood is off mark

maybe consider your op,its pejorative terms. how thread developed

Dear scottishmummy - the nastiness you see in the op's thread exists only in your mind.

which is fair enough. You are entitled to have an opinion, just as I am entitled to laugh at it.

But you've said your bit, made your point, why not leave the thread alone now mkay?

I am not interested very much in whatever vendetta you are pursuing. I would however welcome other people's take on the whole 'single mother potential social pariah' thing as it is something I think about and worry about.

Thread developed fine thanks scottishmummy, as I said, I was reassured by the majority of posters that the situation I described is common among single mums. Just a shame that a couple of nasty pieces of work stumbled across the thread and started posting vile personal attacks, before descending into nonsensical musings about built-up areas and cheese .

I went on a trip to Chester zoo with one of the Shropshire mummies - I was talking about one of my friends who is a single mother (I had not at this stage 'outed' myself; I was telling people my daughter's father worked abroad). She laughted and said 'single mothers! I suppose I never think about them!'

It was the laugh that did it for me. She was amused. I don't know why she thought it was funny. I wouldn't call her a 'smug married' as I don't think that is harsh enough.

Bonkers as conkers. Have we stumbled across the bitter singles party?

You're mental. You call your friends smug priveliged fuckers and then say some calling you a jealous bitch is uncalled for! Wowee, such a shocker you don't get invited places! You get back what you give, in RL and here too.

I'm afraid I don't have room for you spero at one of my bbq's, they're so well attended by both single and married friends. They even sit next to each other, and manage to converse! Quite normal in civilised society actually, one wonders where it is you live that makes it so difficult?

ok,fuckers,don't know they're fucking born etc is a kind salutation.i can only cite what she wrote,and is vexed and seems resentful.now you can chose to disavow that interpretation,but doesnt change tone is of resentful post

so as a digression complaints made about how the op incisive wit has been misrepresented, but doesn't alter what written or how it appears to me and others

O dear runnybottom. I don't know what lense you are seeing this thread through.

You have had it explained often enough. lets just agree to disagree and move on, pleeeeeaaasssse.

I am very sad I won't get invited to your barbecue. It might have helped me get out of this very lonely and bitter place in which I find myself. There. Does that make you feel better??

Spero, maybe scottishmummy held a bbq in a big field, cooked only halloumi and invited only couples, and nobody came! That would account for the bitterness

I wish there was a snoring emoticom.

I am cheering myself up by imagining scottishmummy and runnybottoms shindigs. The fun! the Laughter! the misinterpretations and fallings out! This puts Albanian blood feuds in the shade for sheer tedious repetition.

But I think you may have hit the nail on the head. Talk of barbecues has clearly opened some old and deep wounds.

You have explained. I disagree with your view. What part of that is too difficult for you? You do understand that there are different ways to view the same thing?

If you think fucker is a term of endearment, keep it up, and your social circle will shrink even further.

Well I read the OP and thought it was pretty much tongue in cheek. I understood completely what she meant and didn't think it was an attack on all married people. I really don't understand why some posters seem to have taken it so personally and made such personal attacks on the OP.

I'm not a 'bitter single' but I am a sad single parent. Sad because I struggle to understand why ds's father chooses to have no part in the life of his son who is so deliciously funny and utterly gorgeous.