to think single parents get, kind of, forgotten in the general scheme of things

[sevenkeystomysoul]

Right, so I'm a single parent, no big deal there, I prefer it to the alternative and generally get along fine. But most of my close friends are smug marrieds (maybe not smug, as such, but don't know they're fucking born kind of take their priviliged lives for granted). I don't have much money and babysitters are a once-in-a-blue-moon phenomenon, but would it kill the fuckers to invite me to a day time bbq on a Sunday when they know DD is with her dad and I'm on my own? I know they don't do it consciously, but I kind of fall off the radar on these occasions.

Yeah Dorie, you go girl, bitterness and nastiness will take you a long way. You have fundamentally misunderstood my OP, I can only assume you're a bit thick. Good luck to ya!

And there goes the moral high ground

As a single parent I can agree with you that IME you do simply drop of the radar and fail to get invited.

I had one friend tell me once that if I could find a man to bring along that would help. Yeah if I could find a man to bring along I wouldn't be single now would I!

And to the person who said how lucky we are to get a free weekend to ourselves - never happens to me. My ds's 'father' vanished off before he was born as he wasn't ready to be a dad. And over 11 years later he's still not ready.
After 11 years of no lie in, no help, no support, no break from the relentlessness of it all, and no-one to call on when you're ill, no money for baby sitter, and so called friends vanishing off left right and centre on their couply worlds I can tell you that being a single parent is NOT easy. Please don't assume we all get free time.

And to those of you marrieds, smug or otherwise, maybe think a bit more of those single parent friends of yours. Because you never know who is going to be the next one to find themselves single with invitations drying up before their eyes. Until you've been there you can't ever truely understand just what it means to be a single parent.

Go look on the single parent threads, you'll see lonliness and vanishing friends is one of the main issues we all appear to suffer from. But of course that would be our own fault it seems....

7 totally understand where your coming from. I'm a single parent since pregnancy and ex has never been involved, had 1 night out in 6 years and have been known to mutter under my breath about smug SP who don't know how lucky they are to get a free weekend

I think summer is hard as you do get to see happy families everywhere and for much longer with the longer days, kids laughing and shouting daddy in neighbouring gardens can bring a tear to my eye. Sitting in the local park whilst lo school friends come back from activities I can't afford to send him to all adds to the feelings of being a cr*p mum. I'm lucky that lo has been accepted into a fab school but most kids are from a 2pf and many of them a lovely until they find out I'm single then some of them treat you like a leper but others are fine about it. The way I look at it is those that shun you aren't worth knowing.

Sorry gone off on one then but it has been getting to me too lately.

YANBU but honestly bite the bullet and invite yourself along next time, bet your friends just don't think but would love to have you there and when it all get too much read the relationship page and it will remind you that its no always as perfect as it looks from the outside. I managed not to burst into tears at the park today by playing he's beating her, she's cheating on him with all the happy families.

ps first paragraph was being sarky not nasty.

Gillybean really feel for you 11 years but I bet your relationship with lo is fantastic.

Just as an side but lets have a bit of a singleparents are fab moment.

Was in the shop with my LO age 5 and was chatting to a woman with lo in same class, she was saying how she couldn't bring her child to shop as she would whine for sweets, comics etc and had left her at home with hubby. While we were chatting my LO went round the shop and got everything we need and came back and put it in the basket for me. Her face was a picture
and I suddenly felt like a brilliant mum

OP, you bitched about your friends, called them fuckers, said they didn't know they were fucking born, priveliged, and smug. But you're not in the slightest bit envious and you think they are lovely and you love them?
Er whatever.

And if you post in AIBU you will be told you are BU. Which you are. And then attacking other posters and calling them names just makes you a twat as well.

I stand by my original point. They just didn't want you there, and we can see why.

"...but would it kill the fuckers to invite me to a day time bbq on a Sunday when they know DD is with her dad and I'm on my own?..."
Perhaps 'the fuckers' simply don't enjoy your company.... Wonder why?

Sevenkeys You call your friends names and still expect them to invite you to theirs for a BBQ.

And you call me thick??

I didn't know it was compulsory for couples to have to invite single parents. And to think all these years I have only ever invited people I like, whether they be couples or single.

Have you ever thought they may be trying to tell you something?

I do find since my marriage broke up that I don't get invited along to things as a family (my three DC's and I still are one) so much - and the only conclusion I can come to for this is because it makes some people who are in a "traditional" family unit feel uncomfortable not to be able to pigeonhole you, its like trying to put a square peg into a round hole and unsettles the "eveness" of everything.

I find happily married friends also rarely invite me along on days out - but funnily enough the same friends have now begun to invite me, my children and my OH since I have been in a happy relationship

I just invite people to mine and still find friends will only come if their OH is busy or whatever. I now have a lovely eclectic mix of friends who are gay, lesbian, single mums, foriegn and like to get a feel of being with family etc etc etc - the others are just missing out

gillybean your post is so eloquent and so true. Completely my experience although only 6 years in. Until you are in that position you really can have no idea and I've had similar comments to you.

they see as you as an angelina jolie type sexual predator and think the minute they turn their back you will be flashing your bits at their OH?

runnybottom and dorie are being very strange. I don't think the op has lost the moral highground, she has been provoked by really quite nasty posts.

Gillybean has really said it all.

Strange? Really? OP says AIBU that people who I sound like I don't like don't invite me to events? PP say yes you are, and OP says fuck off, you didn't understand the question, you thicko!

And mine and dories posts are odd?

Newsflash: single or married, other peoples lives don't revolve around you, and if you consistently don't get invited to things with your friends you either a) need new friends or b) start to wonder what it is about you that people don't seek out your company. And it isn't purely the fact that you are single.

Dear runnybottom. I was being polite, which may be in fact needless passive aggression. So I shall be honest and say you were unpleasant and rude. the op has been provoked and responded. She has raised a genuine concern and your charming response is to say that actually nobody likes her.

I didn't read op as saying she expected everyone to come running after her. Just that she felt a bit left out as a single parent. That is a feeling I, and many other single parents can understand.

You are entitled to disagree, of course, and I appreciate the warning at the top of this thread. But why do you have to disagree in such a needlessly aggressive and unpleasant way?

Just my view. Sure op doesn't need me to fight her battles.

Thank you Spero. Dorie and runnybottom, I appreciate that posts are open to misinterpretation and both of you appear to have misinterpreted mine (although nobody else on this thread appears to have had a problem understanding what I meant) and I appreciate that on AIBU, people are at liberty to disagree with me. However, personal attacks such as 'you are a jealous bitch' and 'all your friends hate you and I can see why' (not verbatim but that was the sentiment) are uncalled for and just plain nasty. I was posting about a situation that, as you can see, is common to a lot of single parents, and doesn't reflect on me, as such, but my circumstances. If you have nothing useful/amusing to add to a thread, why bother responding in the first place? I'm afraid it just makes you come across as ignorant and spiteful.

Isn't the point that dorie called OP a jealous bitch pretty much out of nowhere? Calling someone 'smug' not really the same thing.

I am a semi-smug married and OP you are not BU. You're right it does happen and you've made me think. I have a single friend WITHOUT dc and she often gets left out of bbq's because 'she won't want to be around couples and screaming kids' well maybe she would...I'll ask her more!

op what a heaving mass of resentment-if in rl you are as vexed and prickly as your op no wonder no one comes a knockin. take theay bloody big chip off your shoulder

ease up a bit
and in rl no one calls their "close friends"
smug marrieds
privileged life
the fuckers

you got yourself a big ole heaving mass of resentment goin on

i can think of better things to do than go to a crappy bbq with smug married folk, would rather eat my own feet

eat feet?makes a change from halloumi

You are so, so wrong scottishmummy. I explained in an earlier post that I am not envious/resentful of my friends. And, no, in rl, nobody calls their close friends smug marrieds or fuckers, but last time I looked MN was an internet forum, not rl at all . And the wording of my op wasn't entirely serious, I guess if I really considered my friends to be smug-married fuckers, I wouldn't want to be invited to their bbq anyway.

are you backtracking?you call all close pals fuckers?

your op drips with resentment and envy.it really does.but i see others have taken this up with you too.leading to a wee spat

oops just read your post properly and you did indeed call them fuckers etc...you gotta be careful round these 'ere AIBU parts and how you post, as now I feel a bit foldy armed and harrumphy. I'm sure you meant it tongue in cheek but that's why you're getting flamed.

I replied to you in the same tone as your OP. You were the one name calling and swearing, which means it is unsurprising that you get replies in the same manner.
And assuming that I have misunderstood you because I disagree is both tedious and irritating.

Like most people I invite people to events because I want to spend time with them, and their marital status has never been an issue, as I am quite sure other people I know are the same. You have no idea whether I am a smug married or a saintly single parent. I am assuming your OP was meant to be amusing, however that attempt failed and I do believe the lady doth protest too much.

Blimey, where's all this venom coming from?

OP struck me as tongue in cheek, just a bit frustrated and fed up.

Now she is a 'jealous bitch' whose posts are 'dripping with resentment and envy'. Nasty stuff.

What's with all the personal attacks?

Being happy does not make you smug.

How would you feel if the "smug-marrieds" were calling you a "resentful and jealous single"?