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Allergies and intolerances

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Original poster

Is friend being selfish for.................................

114 replies

Julia76 · 27/06/2007 19:51

not taking peanuts off of the menu for her birthday party when my ds2(8) is anaphylactic to peanuts????????
She is aware of the seriousness of his allergy. We have been friends for a long time. I asked her if she could ask the venue not to put peanuts out but she insists that they will not consider taking them off of the menu, as it is a set menu. Although she had not actually asked them, she was assuming this. Surely this is my friend who is being awkward & not the people doing the food because as long as they get their money would they really be bothered about not putting a few bowls of peanuts out? All my family & other friends always make sure that no peanuts are present if invited to a party, as they would not put him at risk & I feel she is being selfish. I feel like "why should I bother even going to the party if my so called friend obviousaly is not bothered about the risk to my ds. Any opinions. Is it me being unresaonable or is my friends being selfish?

OP posts:

Perigrine · 27/06/2007 19:53

Totally totally selfish and I wouldn't go if that was her attitude!!! My son has reacted just to peanuts having been in the same room.

FrannyandZooey · 27/06/2007 19:54

Sounds like your friend hasn't got a clue about allergies

I presume your ds won't be able to go? Just tell her this, and explain why.

I am quite surprised that the venue offers peanuts for a children's birthday party anyway

UCM · 27/06/2007 19:54

Yes, she is being selfish, does she want you to go? I wouldn't dream of having a kids party with nuts.

belgo · 27/06/2007 19:54

yanbu.

I'm surprised that the venue provide peanuts, they are such an allergy risk. Maybe you can phone the venue and ask?

nickytwotimes · 27/06/2007 19:54

if she's not even willing to ask, then i'd be inclined to stay away!

Loopymumsy · 27/06/2007 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

KaySamuels · 27/06/2007 19:57

I have a mindee with same allergy and it is terrifying for his mum who is a good friend of mine.

No yanbu - I wouldn't go, you will not relax and will be so worried, as perigrine says it is a serious allergy.

mumto3girls · 27/06/2007 19:58

Just tell her that your son won't be goijg and that she had better warn ALL the other mothers that nuts will be there.

OR ( and this is my choice) phone the venue, tell them that your son hasbeen invited to their venue and that he has a severe peanut allergy. Ask what guards they have in place to ensure that he and any other children affected are protected whilst on their premises. I bet they remove them.

PenelopePitstops · 27/06/2007 20:00

julia 76, if she asked most places would comply anyway. Even if it is a set menu things can be changed slightly.

dont turn up and explain why.

IsabelWatchingItRainInMacondo · 27/06/2007 20:08

I'm fuming at reading your post.

If your friend knows about the allergy and insists in serving peanuts knowing that your child can die thanks to that, she is not your friend.

I would not go to the party and would erase her from my list of friends, simply because it is not safe to have my child near to someone who doesn't take such allergy allergy seriously. Not worth the risk...

IsabelWatchingItRainInMacondo · 27/06/2007 20:10

"OR ( and this is my choice) phone the venue, tell them that your son hasbeen invited to their venue and that he has a severe peanut allergy. Ask what guards they have in place to ensure that he and any other children affected are protected whilst on their premises. I bet they remove them."

actually... thanks god I'm such a coward as my first thought at reading the post above was "yeah, ring them and cancel the party!"

lulumama · 27/06/2007 20:11

outrageous

my DS has a peanut allergy, and my friends never ever ever have nuts out if he is there

and nuts are not essential food for a kids party and so allergenic, i am amazed they are being served

i am sure they could be taken off the menu

no-one will die if they don;t have peanuts, whereas your son;s health could be in serious jeaporady otherwise

problem is, people can get confused with food intolerance and true allergy, and not realise how dangerous it can be

mumto3girls · 27/06/2007 20:12

cancel the party? Oh no cos it would be her dc that would suffer not the selfish friend...

Pixiefish · 27/06/2007 20:12

i like Isabel's suggestion

Personally I would tell her that i couldn't go and tell her why. Or do as Isabel suggests

ViciousSquirrelSpotter · 27/06/2007 20:13

God your friend is unbelievable.

How normal is it to have peanuts anyway?

Wierdie. I just wouldn't go.

And frankly, I wouldn't want my DS to ever go to her house again. If she doesn't understand the seriousness of a peanut allergy, then you can't trust her not to feed the poor child something like cake that's been in contact with nuts.

Original poster

Julia76 · 27/06/2007 20:14

Franny&Zooey: it is not a kids party. Sorry if I did not make myself clear enough. It is her 3oth bday party & she has invited friends & their children. She said the kids were invited also & got a bouncy castle outside for the kids & disco for the adults.

OP posts:

Original poster

Julia76 · 27/06/2007 20:16

Sorry guys. You have the wrong end of the stick. Probably my fault I should have made myself clearer. It is my friends 30th party but asmentioned b4 she is inviting her firends kids also. Are your opinions the same or different now you understand its not a kids party! sorry again for giving you the wrong impression!

OP posts:

lulumama · 27/06/2007 20:17

even so, if there are young children about, peanuts can be bad news ,a big choking hazard....

lulumama · 27/06/2007 20:18

if it was 30th, and one of my friends children could die or have serious medical issues if he came into contact with peanuts, i wouldn;t have them on the menu, at all!!

ViciousSquirrelSpotter · 27/06/2007 20:18

hmm, it's slightly different, but tbh I still don't understand why nuts are essential.

I don't think i'd miss them if I went to a party without them.

Does she really want your DS to come? Is she only inviting children because she knows that her friends otherwise won't be able to come?

FrannyandZooey · 27/06/2007 20:19

even so, Julia

fgs the party is not going to be ruined if there are not peanuts there

I mean your friend could just arrive early, remove the peanuts and dump them, if she thinks the venue are going to be wildly insulted if she requests that peanuts are left off the menu

mumto3girls · 27/06/2007 20:19

peanuts in bowls are never on a menu anyway...it's hardly a course of a meal is it?

Whats your starter - yummm a bowl of peanuts??

Pixiefish · 27/06/2007 20:21

same opinion no matter who the party is for. She's not much of a friend

ViciousSquirrelSpotter · 27/06/2007 20:22

Yes, on balance I think she's still being selfish

If she's like this for a 30th birthday party, what will she be like for a wedding (or has she already had that)?

onlyWotzadodar · 27/06/2007 20:24

Even for an adult party, I agree with Lulumama, there are other nibbles you can offer at parties. A large packet of peanuts won't cost much to replace with cheesy buscuits!

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