Calling Time on Wine - the next 100 days after the first 100 day reset | Thread 3: Continuing to support and navigate together.

[needastrongone]

As promised, a new thread.

As the title states, this is the third thread. It started for those of us who wanted some support and a safe place to navigate a 100 day alcohol reset. Most of us on the thread wanted more time and space than Dry January to fully reset and maybe reflect more on our relationship with alcohol than one month.

What we also found was the most wonderfully supportive and uplifting set of folk, all with the common intention of being AF from January for 100 days. A few blips along the way for some (including me at the beginning) but for those that have, we’ve tried to understand why they happened and most of us have continued to be AF going forward and managed 100 AF days since January.

We are going for another 100 (we all liked the idea of breaking being AF into chunks of time) and I don’t think it matters one bit if new folk want to climb on board and start from here, we can all offer a friendly and non judgmental place here.

@DaftPenguin I am started (very tentatively) to explore breath work. I can’t emphasise enough how much this isn’t me, and I am finding it really hard being honest - my mind just wanders after a few seconds. But - I am going to give it a real go this time - I didn’t have the headspace before, and when I was drinking I’d be asleep on the sofa anyway. I am an anxious overthinker at the best of times. I’ll let you know if it’s useful x

Good luck for the lunch @PeacheyPeach!

Morning all, day 166!! Just under £2k saved not buying the daily bottle of wine.. so I’ve justified my recent splurge on a David Lloyd family membership as perfectly valid ☺️ The new all singing and dancing health club 15 minutes away is proving popular! Yesterday morning I did a body pump class followed by a spa session, complete with a lay down on a hot bed for good measure- I think I’ve found my new home from home. We were at a local festival yesterday afternoon and the Pimms was flowing.. first time in a long time I’d considered a sip. I was good and bought myself a homemade lemonade to quench my thirst. I guess these obstacles will always crop up - it’s just how you navigate them in the moment. The cream tea strawberry and Prosecco jam was also declined.. I consciously look out for hidden alcohol (which is everywhere)! @needastrongone I’ve often thought about breathwork so it will be good to have some feedback. Also, well done on the bloods!! Absolutely amazing results, you must be thrilled. Good luck with the lunch @PeacheyPeach try not to overthink it and just enjoy time with friends - alcohol doesn’t control us, we control it. Happy Sunday all xx

@needastrongone excellent news about your blood test results. My MCV and MCH were really high back in January I've not had them retested yet.
@therockingbird day 166!! How different we all sound now we are reaping the benefits. Your weekend sounds lovely happy Sunday x

@Icecreamhelps I love time to myself at home too, I hope you’ve had a good weekend 😊
You could well be right about the anxiety, it could be a surge of something as I wake up.

@needastrongone really positive news about your blood test results, fantastic! Yes, please do let me know how you get on with the breathwork and what you’re using to practice it. I’ve used headspace before and found it useful, so definitely open to that kind of thing.

@PeacheyPeach I hope you had a lovely lunch today! How did it go?

@therockingbird what a perfect thing to do with the money you’re saving, I bet you felt great when you came out of DL!

I made it through the sociable weekend, lunch was great, lots of people on soft drinks and kind of weird - but not in a bad way - to experience it on the sober side of things! Have talked about it with people now and starting to feel like I’ll be sticking with it for a while xx

Morning.

So far, the breath work is going to take some work - I keep thinking about my shopping list of stuff to do but I ‘think’ I was a bit better at it last night, so I’ll persist - I’m using an app called The Way. I had a bit of a dodgy week of sleep last week and I have slept better the last two days but who knows 😊.

@DaftPenguin - it sounds like you’ve actually got a social network that might be helpful as you negotiate AF events, given that others don’t drink. It is a bit strange I admit, staying sober - but very freeing too. I found initially I didn’t tell folk re not drinking but then felt after a while I was comfortable talking about it a bit more and actually the ‘why’ - ie I had used wine as a way to numb the trauma post DH’s stroke but it was becoming problematic and that needed to stop. Folk completely understand, in fact just moved on after the initial explanation very quickly!

@therockingbird amazing amount saved. What a great thing to do - channel the money into something positive for your health and family. I can understand that tiny moment re the Pimms, theres quite a strong association with summer and sunshine and socialising and events with that drink isn’t there, and it’s actually quite a refreshing drink! But so it homemade lemonade, well done.

Here’s to another week, hopefully with a bit better weather it seems.

Hello everyone, I haven’t been on the thread for a while. I hope you are all doing well! I’m starting a new job in August and need to feel my best and be at the top of my game. I know that’s not possible when drinking so I’m hoping to get back on the wagon as of today. My weight has also crept up by a few pounds so I will be focusing on eating healthily too.

As ever the biggest issue for me is socialising (I have social anxiety and hugely struggle not drinking when around other people). Also just wanting that feeling of escapism, even though I’m not even sure what I’m trying to escape from!

Hi @freshstart2026 , I relate so strongly to what you’ve written. It’s definitely the social side I find hard, for the same reason. Congratulations on the new job 🎉

Thanks @needastrongone . Unfortunately not all weekends will be as easy, but this one definitely eased me in to being more honest about it and not being one of the drinkers. It’s so hard not to just think about the to do list!!

Hi everyone,
Hope you all have a good weekend,
@needastrongone my husband does breath work, he loves it, he combines it ice baths as well and he has actually seen physical changes as well as emotionally changes Ita amazing, so keep at it if you can, id be the same tho my mind would start to think about decorating or what shopping we need to get in!
@therockingbird wowser 2k saved that is incredible and 166 days, just amazing and I love how you've gone and got yourself a membership , now you've got something to show for the money and you can get yourself fit and even more healthy
@DaftPenguin your weekend sounds great, and good that you felt able to talk a bit about it with your friends, hopefully you will get the support when you need it, it's definitely stranger to see things through sober eyes isn't it but nice to think that you still can socialize your just not left feeling awful for the days following!

We had a gorgeous Sunday lunch with friends, I never stopped laughing, we had so much fun and I drank sparkly juices !! I think back to a lunch we had last year and I can't remember people leaving, I drank so much I had to stay in bed all day Monday, felt uneasy all week as to how id behaved. Yesterday I was present , I could have proper conversations which I can remember today and had fun. I know it sounds crazy but I actually feel like a pressure has been taken off me by not drinking, I feel free from it !

Hi all. Yes the socialising is still hurting nearly six months in. Popped for a drink after a dog walk yesterday- my suggestion. Had a coke but my friend was settling in for a few more wines and although I said I’d stay, I didn’t want to and I think she sensed that. Then I went home and thought to myself all evening, is this it now? I guess it is and the benefits outweigh blah blah yada yada but there’s no doubting it’s not very exciting!

Ps welcome back @freshstart2026 have missed you!

(When trying to be mindful, I mean 😄)

@SwiftyFifty sometimes we just want that break from reality don't we, to get silly and have the buzz of a few drinks, it's hard when we feel that's taken away from us. We know why we are choosing not to drink but that doesn't always make it easier.
@freshstart2026 having that goal of your new job is a great start, I understand the feeling of feeling like you need to drink for your social anxiety , that is exactly why I drank as I felt it gave me the confidence and also the break from the mundane, so it's only when I've been honest with myself that I can see drinking didn't really do anything but make things worse, a temporary fix that left me feeling regretful and embarrassed and made my daily life harder as I was suffering the after effects!!

Hi all xx hope you're all good and week is going well, I can't believe how fast the weeks are going maybe it's my age!! Or maybe it's because I don't feel like I'm walking through sludge anymore!!
Had a bit of an anxious start to the week with my Ds and some issues he's going through, the thought of dealing with this and a hangover at the same time I can't get my head around now, but this would have been the case a few months ago, I'm just feeling grateful that I am clear minded to handle this all x

Hi everyone xx

@PeacheyPeach I agree, the weeks are flying by! Sorry to hear it’s been difficult with DS this week, hope all OK xx

@SwiftyFifty it’s funny what you say about it not being very exciting because I have just this week had an ‘oh my god I’m so boring’ moment. Not in a massively self critical way, but more in the sense that I’m a parent, I have a busy responsible job, I try to keep on top of house and life stuff, and then I have a little sit down - whether here at home or out at the pub - and a drink. That’s basically it. It’s really made me think about what I want my life to look like, drinking or not.

Hey all, long time reader here, I haven't popped in for a while to give an update, but I have been reading and I am so glad to see all of you are still sticking with sobriety despite what life throws at us. Hello to all the newbies (or not so newbies now). And hello to the long timers too, its good to still see you are around too so we can read your progress and experience which is so important.

Its 165 days for me today.

Yesterday I was this < > close to getting a bottle of wine. I was just at the end of tether with a number of things and I just thought what's the point of it all. On top of this I am tapering myself off of Lexapro. So I just wanted to get out of my head, I wanted to press pause on life for a bit and go into a drunken stuper on my sofa with chocolate and something good on the tv to watch.

But my bessie friend Travis (AKA ChatGPT) told me to ask myself the following:

• Do I want alcohol, or do I want relief?
• Do I want wine, or do I want to switch my brain off for a while?
• What feeling am I trying not to feel?

'He' told me sometimes when we're making progress, there are days when the mind seems to say, "Can we just go back to the old way for a night?" It doesn't necessarily mean you want alcohol. It can mean you're tired of carrying the effort of change. Thanks Travis.

Some musings from the last 165 days are:

• My old drinking friend always raises my non drinking when we meet up. She always asks if I am still sober, and then proceeds to tell me "I've only drank once since we last caught up". I would never tell someone I haven't drank since I last saw them so I find this strange. This is the same person who told me she would never drink one bottle of wine in one go like I used to.
• I still haven't lost weight sigh. However, I am eating a few one packet dark chocolate hob nobs most nights
• I haven't been to a pub or invited to any social activity that involves alcohol since I gave up. I would love to go to the pub on a Friday night to have a parma (aussie schnitzel) and 0% beer, but noone invites me out anymore because I don't drink
• To keep me going at the weekends, while cleaning my apartment I listen to ALOT of sober podcasts, a recent discovery is Sober Awkward, I find I can relate to her alot more than other sober podcast women who look amazing and always have a frothy coffee in their hands in every photo
• I am reading one book a week, but I am in bed by 7.30pm and allow myself to scroll on my phone until 8.30/9pm then I start reading a book. I am sleeping a lot better because of this.
• The money I have saved is now being spent on buying my dog some amazing home made dog food that is delivered! and 3x pilates classes for me (not him) a week.

I think to summarise - I've realised that good days and bad days happen regardless of whether you're drinking or sober. Alcohol doesn't change that. The real difference is what you do when a craving appears. It's that one decision that can either take you back to Day 1 or keep you progressing on the path you've worked so hard to sustain. For now, I will keep going to bed really early like a nanna and hopefully because of my dogs new diet, he will continue to accompany me on this journey for many more days/months to come.

Also wanted to add, for the newly soberérs. It took me over 90 days to start to feel the benefits. But I was drinking one bottle a night for many months so I was probably detoxing quite badly. But yeah, after 90 days I found the sleep that everyone mentions.

Also, with all the hours you are given back with sobriety, my house has never been cleaner or more organised lol!

@IjustbelieveinMe what a fantastic post! “Chat” as I call her is so helpful in these and indeed any situations!
I’m sorry you’re not getting invited out because of non drinking and I also get friends justifying their drinking to me. I hadn’t realised how solitary and lonely my life had become and not dribking has really opened my eyes to that. I don’t get invited out and I used to think it was because I drank too much and was annoying but now I think is it because I’m not drinking and have been written off!?

Bed early for me too and up really early even at weekends.
I sometimes feel is this it, my life is dull etc but if I started drinking again, new friends wouldn’t magically appear and I cannot go back to the hangovers and self loathing.
Weight loss was slow for me but eased mysekf off the chocolate and have been doing Pilates and am now just over a stone down. The biggest area is the stomach and under boob bit.
About three weeks off the 200 days here. Although I often think is this it now ( and not in a particularly good way) I think I’m going to stick at it after the 200.
Great to hear your thoughts and progress @IjustbelieveinMe

@SwiftyFifty sorry you are not being invited out either, its shit isn't it. And it can feel lonely, I get that too. Well done on the weight loss! I will follow your lead and I think from next week the chocolate has to stop for me, after 160+ days plus I can't keep using the excuse I need a treat to replace the alochol any longer lol!
And good to hear you will be continuing after 200 days, please please stay and update us here, its so inspirational and so important for us to read other people may be going through hard stuff, but managing to stay sober despite of it all. I love reading your updates.

I hope it's okay to come and post this less good update. For various reasons had been thinking about having a drink last night (was at about 3 months off) and did.

I actually talked to chatgpt about it on the train home, approaching the shop, and it said all the sensible things...but I did anyway.

Chatted to chatgpt this morning but it's not the same as the real people on this thread! So hope it's okay to come here.

It really wasn't that great, I slept badly, have got up late, set the day off to a bad start, and am trying to treat it as a learning point rather than crashing down on myself.

I carefully bought 14 units worth and promised myself that would be the limit for the week. About 6 are left and part of me wants to throw them now, while another part wonders if I'm back in the loop and should keep them for tonight...so annoying!

Morning everyone.

@CoffeeCupMilk - it’s definitely okay to post. As you can see from the thread, we are all definitely not dancing in the smug glow of how joyful AF life is, because - quite frankly - sometimes it’s crap. Sometimes it’s crap just because life is crap, but sometimes it’s crap because we are AF, let’s just be honest about this fact.

One night of drinking does not undo 3 months off. It doesn’t even come close to jeopardising all that good stuff. It’s a learning experience and that’s it. It’s reminded you how crap you feel the next day. Do not crash down on yourself, just dust yourself down, allow yourself a bit of grace and self pity today, get a good nights kip and continue the good work. Eating one bit of cake during a diet doesn’t mean the diet is ruined, and this doesn’t either. And actually, you had maybe 3 glasses of wine, which is about 6/7 units. It’s not a disaster.

@IjustbelieveinMe - I think your post was great too. I relate to the lonely feeling. We don’t get invited out in the evenings anymore, but that’s because of DH’s disability. Mainly I’m okay with this, as I was never a big party animal but I do need some social interaction. I try to keep putting time and effort into ‘daytime’ friendships - meeting folk for a run, a dog walk or inviting folk over here so DH gets the interaction too. These are less based around drinking and more about actual friendship, so probably healthier emotionally too. We actually go to a local pub midweek and have lunch and play bingo - this week we ended up sitting with an older couple and actually, they were fascinating and funny and it was a totally random but positive experience.

I am in no way saying my life has been more stressful than anyone else’s here but it’s certainly been tough over the last 4 years. I’m sort of trying to embrace the boring because I’d have given anything for the boring life I have now 4 years ago. I just didn’t appreciate it at the time (pre stroke) in the way I do now.

If any of this makes sense!!

And, for absolute honesty, DH wanted a G&T last night and we had some lemon gin in, which is my favourite. I poured him one, loads of ice and tonic and by god, I really wanted one too - I even sniffed it 🤣. I’m not even sure that feeling will ever go away for me personally, because we can’t always avoid temptation completely.

Just goes to show it’s such a habit that claws at you. You said it wasn’t that great and you suffered today but you are wondering about the remaining wine ( I presume!) now. This would absolutely without doubt be me. I would NOT throw out even a mouthful of wine.
Agree with everything @needastrongone says. This in no way ruins all you have achieved. One inquisitive blip. Just carry on counting the days as per usual otherwise this would be so demoralising after all your hard work

Thank you both. Argh my mind is so all over the place about this... don't understand why I'm fine thinking straightforwardly, logically and precisely for e.g. work but not on this!