Calling Time on Wine - the next 100 days after the first 100 day reset | Thread 3: Continuing to support and navigate together.

[needastrongone]

As promised, a new thread.

As the title states, this is the third thread. It started for those of us who wanted some support and a safe place to navigate a 100 day alcohol reset. Most of us on the thread wanted more time and space than Dry January to fully reset and maybe reflect more on our relationship with alcohol than one month.

What we also found was the most wonderfully supportive and uplifting set of folk, all with the common intention of being AF from January for 100 days. A few blips along the way for some (including me at the beginning) but for those that have, we’ve tried to understand why they happened and most of us have continued to be AF going forward and managed 100 AF days since January.

We are going for another 100 (we all liked the idea of breaking being AF into chunks of time) and I don’t think it matters one bit if new folk want to climb on board and start from here, we can all offer a friendly and non judgmental place here.

@needastrongoneinterestimg point you make about thirst. Definitely a trigger for me. I drink more water now then I ever have done so that I don’t get the wine urge.

@needastrongone I get you - my house has never been so clean 😆 I do like to distract myself often. It’s that or the dreaded doomscrolling which I’m trying to stop!! I use the organised mum method and get to tick off all the jobs daily, my evenings are spent doing photography edits and watching Netflix. I need to read more!! Don’t do that often enough..

We went out for dinner last night with another couple. Neither of the men drink (the other dh is in recovery for more than 30 years and is a sobriety therapist as it happens). The wife and I would normally have a cocktail and then I'd have a glass of wine as well (and I would have had 2 glasses before we even got there and probably another 2 at least when I got home). This time she ordered a kir royale, I ordered a mocktail and then she said "oh am i the only one drinking - I'll have a virgin mojito instead" . When I said "no go ahead" she said "Actually I was out last night and had a kir royale then so I'm fine" Can you imagine?

Went to bed last night after a good night out, read my book and got up this morning feeling just fine.

@Icecreamhelps happy belated birthday and well done on getting through the week af. Waking up feeling refreshed is such a huge win.

@needastrongone thanks and I use the Merlin app although I don't think mine is working properly because its not picking up much. Need to check my settings. Can totally relate to being present in nature this af life has opened up a whole new world.

@CoffeeCupMilk it's still something I am navigating that it's acceptable to just be and do something for me. Something to help my anxiety, stress, mental and physical health. The by product of reading and walking is so much better than anything I could ever find at the bottom of a bottle of wine.

Another walk completed managed a hour and a half. I feel really tired now so going to have a long bath and pamper myself with some nice bubble bath stuff and listen to a radio play.

Hi @therockingbird, since joining this thread I’m starting to feel inspired to make it to 100, but taking one step at a time… currently aiming for next Saturday! It’s social drinking that will be biggest challenge for me and I do feel a bit daunted thinking about some of the things in the diary.

@needastrongone that reminds me of when I stopped smoking, some of the habits were so hard to break. I did it though, it was a long time ago and wouldn’t even think of buying a pack now, so maybe I can do this, too.

@Ladymuckypuddle I know, I do not expect him to make the same decision but it was very sweet!

Funnily enough, on our big walk back yesterday, we said how good it felt to be heading home with a clear head and I mentioned how much I was looking forward to just reading for a bit before bed. Best sleep score (apple watch) in months last night.

@Icecreamhelps happy birthday! It’s a huge milestone to keep off it on your birthday.

@anewyearthisyear this is my goal! I’ve started dreading nights out because of the terrible sleep and angst that follows, even when I’ve tried to stick to just a few.

Evening all ! Hope everyone is having a good weekend, was up early today and went on a beautiful walk to a lovely waterfall and forest, it was stunning, wasn't tempted to get in to the water im not going full cold water swimming and all that yet!! I've never really been a morning person but I'm finding I'm excited to get out of bed and have my coffee in the morning now, I love my morning ritual, of water, vitamins and then my coffee, it's even better when everyone still asleep!.
I feel like I'm getting my days back in the right order now,

@DaftPenguin well done on getting through your first hurdle, to be fair that was always going to be a big one going to a beer festival on your first day so that's amazing that you did it. It might be easier to keep it as a week by week challenge for you, perhaps so it doesn't feel like this huge stretch infront of you, xx

Been lurking for a bit and managed 40 days AF - until this Sat :(. A couple of drinks had me crashing into the most crippling migraine I've had in a long time. Have only just surfaced for work and feel like death . Zero chance I will be drinking again after that - it's the only thing that frightens me more than a hangover because I'm completely incapacitated for 24-48 hours. So depressing to be back to a 2 day dry streak on the TryDry app....how do people pick themselves back up??

@Hereagain334 sorry to hear about your migraine 😐 has this happened before when you've had a drink or is it because you've not had a drink in a while that it affected you more, Migraines are just awful, feel so sorry for anyone who suffers with them
40 days AF is amazing tho , have you set a new challenge ? x look at it as it's the start of a new month so it's a new streak on the app calendar anyway, you can do it !!

Hi @Hereagain334. First, well done on 40 days and sorry about the migraine - I had them as a teenager and true migraines are completely debilitating. Those days AF are not lost. You gave your body a real break from alcohol. You probably learned and thought a lot about why you drank too. Don’t think that it’s a complete reset. If you were on a diet and had a slice of cake, that’s not the whole diet ruined!

I’ve mentioned before that I did most of last year moderating my drinking before starting this AF path with this lovely lot. I had a blip early January when my DF was on end of life. That drink gave me nothing but taught me a lot. I also noticed that when I was moderating, my tolerance for drink just plunged and I felt like shit the next day for a very little amount of drink, so I can understand the migraine. It’s a learning, not a failure.

Sunday even was a very normal one here, so nothing to report. The sleep when you are alchohol free though - I can’t really describe how restorative it is and how vivid the dreams are at times. How I ever functioned on alchohol induced sleep is beyond me now.

Hope everyone is okay. A waterfall and a forest sounds wonderful @PeacheyPeach❤️

Your walk sounds very tranquil @PeacheyPeach

Welcome @Hereagain334 good luck with af June. No need to discount the 40 days as you still completed them. I hope your migraine has gone and you are feeling better now.

Thanks @PeacheyPeach , at least it was just me and DH so wasn’t feeling too much social pressure, just a bit self-conscious! Your day sounds idyllic, I love the quiet mornings too xx

@Hereagain334 I agree with the others 100%, you’re doing so well and this is just a blip. If you’re anything like me, hangover head would be making you feel far worse about yourself than you need to be, hopefully this will ease for you soon.

Nothing much to report here today, put a couple of tempting bottles sitting on the kitchen side away, had a cup of tea, day 4 done.

morning all hope everyone is ok x day 53 for me today,
@needastrongone the sleep is something else isn't it , I have such deep sleep now, I still struggle to go to sleep so I take magnesium an hour before, so that does help me drift off, but wow it's like I've been knocked out! I feel like my body is making up for all the terrible sleep it's had over the years!!

Hello all. Well done @PeacheyPeachon another day done - you are doing so well. Talking of sleep, I stupidly had a cup of coffee at 5 pm yesterday and did suffer a bit in terms of my own restful night last night. Not to the extent of drinking, but a good reminder that other things disturb it too.

That said, I got up early and did my speed session without any issue. I think I’ve a few months of decent sleep in me now to cope with the odd one. I said it yesterday but I honestly don’t know how I functioned before!

Hope everyone is having a good day.

Hi everyone, I hope it’s been a good day.

Day 5 and I had my first major wobble today. Weirdly, there was no actual drink involved, I was at work. We were talking about holidays and without going into too much detail, it made me realise how deeply ingrained drink is into our leisure time, the extent to which we see it as a treat and an essential part of going out, and the bonding that happens as a result of even just talking about it! I didn’t tell them about the plan to not drink at all, I didn’t want to. Challenging myself on that now and trying to unpick some of those feelings because with the memory of the hangover and angst and feelings of self hate fading again, I’m thinking… maybe if next time I could stick to just one…

I’m writing about this here because it’s been 10 years now of trying to drink socially in a way that doesn’t leave me feeling terrible, but it’s clearly not working and I just don’t want to feel that way again.

Morning all hope everyone is ok x
@DaftPenguin it's hard because as you say it's so ingrained into us that drink means fun, that we are having a good time because we are drinking. And it's hard to get away from that as that's all we see on the tv, social media, anything entertaining its all based around having a drink, and with some people they are able to keep drinking in its place and moderate and have a good time, and leave it at that, but then there are others who can't moderate or who are left feeling anxious and it's stops feeling fun, but it's almost looked down upon by going Alcohol Free. It feels like there's going to be less to do in life because such a big factor has been put on hold for a while , but it's looking at it on the flip side and realizing that we don't need to use it as a support, that sometimes we are enough, I've just read a thing that said Alcohol isn't normal , it's just normalized and there's a difference!
I wonder if there are other countries were drinking isn't such a big thing,

Hello checking in for day 7, 1 week done. The last few days have been fine but I know the weekend will be harder.
I have been enjoying the wild strawberry trip drink with a few strawberries in. It makes a change from the tea. @PeacheyPeach I think you are so right about alcohol being normalized. Its everywhere and you can often feel like the odd one out not drinking. Hope everyone is well

Hi all, 120 days AF here (had to check my calendar!) welcome to all the new joiners, this is such a great place for support. I check in every day.

Please feel free to move on if you are triggered by family dynamics, or don't want to read my speel lol!

I thought I would take the time to write today. It was my birthday last week, it was a bit different to last years! but was tarnished by a family member not acknowleging it. This has sent me off on a spiral of anxiety and having to take this week off work.

I think what sobriety has taught me is, the feelings you have are so much more deeper, I wish I could still drink so I could numb them, but I am not. There is noone here who would judge, or care. But I just know deep down one drink would send me right back to where I was before (1 bottle of red a day).

So this week I have been listening to a lot of different podcasts, trying to understand why I have such deep reactions to my family and feel rejected. I am a 53 year old woman now, I am supposed to have myself figured out by now surely? but no, absolutley not. But I have realised its not my fault, and I need to show myself more self compassion.
Various people I have listened to (in case this helps someone else like me):
Jonice Webb - how to overcome childhood emotional neglect
Scott Barry Kaufman
Loads of different sobriety podcasts including they think its all sober (mate)

Back to work tomorrow, hoping for a good nights sleep. And between now and then just continuing to try and regulate myself and my feelings. Going to go and sort out some paperwork now and keep busy. Stay strong everyone.

@IjustbelieveinMe Happy Birthday. I turned 53 last week too! I could relate to your post so much, my birthday sounded very similar. I'm on day 149 thank you for the podcast recommendations I will give them a listen.8

@IjustbelieveinMe I’m sorry that sounds horrible. Did they just forget or was it deliberate? It really doesn’t take much now for people to acknowledge your birthday on the actual day especially with FB reminders etc.
You did so well to get through and not succumb to drinking. Although it might numb it, for me it makes me angrier and full of self pity.
You are smashing the non drinking so hold onto that!

Thanks for your lovely replies @Icecreamhelps and @SwiftyFiftyyes, it was deliberate. It was the same family member who was over here for a visit a couple of months ago who I didn’t get to spend time with. I even contacted them on my birthday to thank them for a card (which my aunt had sent from them both) but even then he didn’t respond.

on another note, I realised I made a mistake, it’s 150 days af not 120! So that’s a positive at least lol!

yes the podcasts I found on Jonice Webb were hard listening but make a lot of sense to me- this is her website which has lots of resources and also a test to see if you show traits of emotional neglect in childhood - it’s helped me to understand myself further and why I behave the way I do at times: https://drjonicewebb.com/cenquestionnaire/

Morning.

@Icecreamhelps - I’m sorry about the family situation re your birthday. And I’m sorry too that it triggered your anxiety. But how you have considered your feelings and sat with them and tried to understand them is the real win from being AF. You had to be ready to do this, and you felt strong enough to do the work and show yourself compassion. You are far stronger than you have given yourself credit for. I totally get it - I wasn’t ready to confront some of my emotions after DH’s stroke, particularly around the break down in family relationships that this then entailed. I’m still not sure I’m ready for all of that without professional help, but taking a break (dare I even say giving up?!) initially because I was so worried about my physical health has allowed me to look after my emotional health too.

I hope you have a good day at work. I’ll look at the websites too and always enjoy a podcast recommendation. And sorry, I didn’t thank you for the recipe link either!

@IjustbelieveinMe I'm really sorry to hear about the poor behavior of some of your family, it sucks when people upset us and the after effects of their behavior, so you have done amazingly well instead of trying to numb those hurt feelings you've dealt with it, well done, please don't let the actions of others affect your peace, xxx
@MidnightMoon24 you are doing so well in your first week, I would say the first couple of weeks are the hardest and after that you slip into the routine and it gets easier. What I find helps me when it gets to the weekend is having treaty food, and a bottle of nonsecco, or those trip drinks, I have them with lots of ice in a gin glass so that I feel the weekend is different than just the every day, , you have to make a plan that will keep you going xxx

@IjustbelieveinMe sorry to read about your situation and sending you a happy belated birthday.

@PeacheyPeach yes weekend treats and special drinks really help make it feel like the weekend.

Still here, still dry and still leaning into making sure I have time for myself which is easier said than done some days.