Calling Time on Wine - 100 Day Reset | Thread 2: One Day at a Time - Together

[therockingbird]

Welcome to Thread 2 of Calling Time on Wine 100 Day Reset 🍵

If you’re here, you’re doing something genuinely brilliant. This reset isn’t about perfection, shiny lives, or pretending it’s easy. It’s about choosing ourselves one day at a time, even when life keeps lobbing chaos our way.

We’ve already proven we can sit with hard evenings, bad days, stress, boredom, celebrations, and still not reach for wine.

Thread 2 is about keeping the momentum going, supporting each other, being honest when it’s tough, celebrating the wins and remembering why we started when motivation wobbles. Clearer heads. Stronger bodies. 💪

So pull up a chair, grab your tea, water, or AF alternative, and keep going. You are not doing this alone - and you are doing so well. 💛

Hey @Crocodocodile please stay if you think it will help you - we’re all on a different journey but as long as we are supporting each other then it will continue to be a great thread regardless of who is drinking what.

Agree with everyone else’s posts to @Crocodocodile. And OP @therockingbird you are truly an inspiration!

I’m amazed that it’s now day 34. The days are really stacking up aren’t they? One thing that struck me from @SwiftyFifty’s latest Ian C post was how he says to avoid places like pubs if you find it hard not to drink in those situations (the same way you wouldn’t sit in a cake shop if you were avoiding cake).

It feels good to hear someone say that as my mindset has always been that I really should be continuing my life as normal but without alcohol. However, I’m not going to lie - for me, sitting in the pub stone cold sober, surrounded by drinkers, just isn’t fun - and I’d rather stay home! The problem with that is DH has told me I can’t realistically be a hermit for three months as it’s not fair on him to see our friends alone every time. Which I do understand.

@SwiftyFifty great that everything is going in the right direction for you with the blood tests. Well done!

@Crocodocodile - this may or may not help! It’s meant to help though. I moderated all last year. I knew I had to change my drinking habits, they had turned into self medicating post DH’s stroke, but I drank too much than was safe before that. I read a lot, had my bloods done to see where I was at (similar to @SwiftyFifty), as I knew that would be a big motivator for me (DH drank too much and I am sure that contributed in truth to his stroke and no one would want his life now or for their kids to be carer along with me, so the health aspect was a big motivator). I listened to lots of podcasts etc. And, in many ways it worked - I drank SO much less last year than the previous one, my blood work improved etc.. all good. I needed that year to do all the processing and thinking etc.

What convinced me I needed to stop was that moderating was exhausting being honest. I decided to drink no more than 2 nights a week, but the problem with that is the cravings never really stop and it’s a constant negotiation process in your brain - three more days and I can drink again, it’s Saturday so I can have a drink etc. And it creeps up - you are on holiday so that’s justification, it’s a birthday so that’s justification, you are out for a meal so that’s justification. I got tired of it.

We all have to come to this decision in our own time though, and some folk can easily and successfully moderate. I can’t (and it’s not even the amount I drank in those 2 nights, as that wasn’t much, I just found it tiring) and I’m not sure it’s many of us on this thread.

Do keep posting though, if you feel you want to x

@therockingbird - life doesn’t stop because you decide to stay sober - what a wise comment. Many of your comments are wise and thoughtful, thank you. What a lot you’ve been through - your mindset, sobriety and strength of character are the ultimate two fingers up to your Ex.

I’m full of cold, so don’t feel like drinking anyway, my head is fuzzy enough. At least it’s fuzzy because I’ve got cold!

@ThisIsMyBurnerPhone - the NA stuff isn’t really floating my boat either being honest - it’s too sweet. It’s so cold at the moment I’m having a lot of herbal tea for fluids and a hot chocolate in the evenings. I’d love to find something that works better. Mother Root is nice, as is Hip Pop Komboucha, but I haven’t found something to settle on.

Morning all! I was away for work last night so usually I would have looked forward to the opportunity to have a few drinks. Last night I went for a run and walked to the office this morning feeling super fresh and well rested.

Alcohol does not deliver what it promises - I’m increasingly realise that most of my drinking doesn’t even make me happy at the time, let alone the next day.

@freshstart2026 "The problem with that is DH has told me I can’t realistically be a hermit for three months as it’s not fair on him to see our friends alone every time. Which I do understand."

I would say that realistically you can do whatever you need to do reset your relationship with alcohol and get away from the daily bottle of wine. Does your DH know how much you were drinking? This seems like an incredibly unhelpful (and selfish) comment from him to be honest.

ETA - sorry if my comment sounds a bit aggro 😂I was a little bit angry on your behalf with the lack of support!

Yes, he’s a drinker too but at least manages to keep it to weekends. I understand it’s crap for him to be on his own all the time with other couples. I have done a few social occasions sober this year and didn’t especially enjoy them without alcohol - I got through them but would rather do something else if I’m not drinking. TBH though I s’pose DH is right in some ways that that isn’t sustainable long term - unless I want to be a hermit for the rest of my life!

On another note, I was just thinking this morning: it feels sooo good to be doing such a positive and healthy thing for MYSELF with this 100 day challenge. I’m sure you all feel the same!

I think you're right that realistically you are much more likely to succeed if you find a way to socialise sober but I also think it's fine to prioritise not drinking now (whatever you might need to do in order to achieve that) and worry about the rest later. I am sure it will get easier in time xx

@therockingbird Wow- your post brought tears to my eyes. I can sooooo relate. Im also a social worker and I never judge people with addictions because they make sense. Self-medicating makes sense and its why most of us do it when we are struggling with life in some way. I did, and I know most people do. Dealing with something head on, without that comfort blanket to numb you is brutal. But what I learnt over many many years is in my sad moments that I should never drink - it just made it darker and worse. Its an antidepressant afterall. It numbed me for a while - yes- but then came the aftermath and the hangiety and all the associated problems it caused.

Its not the solution but it damn well feels like it at the time.

When a person is ready they will stop. For me, I think the worst is behind me thank god, and Im stronger now so I could do it. A year ago - no way - a year before - absolutely not. @Crocodocodile theres no judgement here, only total empathy and I can completely relate. Hope you are ok. x

Ive had this. I said 'Ive been getting these horrid migraines so doc said I had to give up alcohol and coffee. Theyve been a nightmare'. No questions asked since. Who can argue with that? Its partly true. I have been having horrid headaches on and off but its not the reason ive gone dry, I think its workload related tbh as thats recently crept up.

So true @amibeingaknob - alcohol is highly addictive so it’s no surprise that many people do get addicted. Whilst of course we all must take responsibility for our choices, I think it’s okay to acknowledge how powerful an addiction alcohol is and that it’s often very hard to kick the habit.

I have a day off work today and have had a very productive morning decluttering the lounge. If I’d drunk last night I’d be feeling rough today and wouldn’t have had the energy. It feels great to tackle some of these chores I’ve been putting off for months if not years!

@Crocodocodile firstly this is shared with no judgement. If you find it hard to moderate, and moderation brings you back to drinking to excess, and you want to go alcohol free again, then it may be that you need different support. Some people can do it with online cheerleaders, for others that won't be right or enough. You can always go to your GP, or try AA or therapist support, etc. Just because some people are managing to do this and you're not, doesn't mean anything more than this particular approach wasn't right for you. Good luck!

Hi,

Realise I'm over a month late - in fact, in the wrong month altogether - but I've just read through this thread and I sense that you are my people.

I really need to tackle my drinking, again. I have taken breaks before with Dry Jan but have ended up going back to it, moderating for a couple weeks then sliding back into bad old habits. In 2024 after a particularly humiliating bender I pronounced I was quitting for good. Managed 4 months. Then slunk back to it. (I felt a lot of shame around this but looking back. I was also going through some intense group therapy work and simply didn't have the coping skills. I was subtracting the alcohol but not adding anything to help).

I'm just sick of it. Sick of waking up ashamed that I drank another bottle of wine when I'd told myself I wouldn't. Fed up of it affecting my sleep, heart rate, motivation and emotions. And perhaps one of the most insidious things is it makes you battle with yourself? You heart wants to quit but your head wants to drink. Deep down, I know that I need to stop. So here I am again, Day 2.

You are all doing really well and no-one can take this break away from you. Even though I've fallen back into old ways, I have definitely taken learnings from every break I've had. The battle is the allure of "drinking in moderation" but I just don't think I'll ever be a moderate drinker. I've tried; and it's such an effort; and I ultimately fail and end up in a huge shame spiral.

Right now what scares me is 1) the thought of "forever" (which is why we say One Day At A Time!) and 2) being the "odd one out", which is a huge trigger for me. But I probably am the odd one out in my drinking now, I'm probably one of the heavier drinkers in my circle. And I look at all the sober people and I'm so jealous and want to be the same as them (just by popping a magic pill and not doing all the hard work, of course. So step by step, here I go again.

Hello @HelloSkeletonFace3 - welcome! Well done on your journey so far and for the time you have managed to be sober 💪

Last summer I decided I needed to drink less (I think had been averaging a bottle or equivalent a night by that time, the odd day off but also some days where I would drink more). I tried to moderate with varying success, I didn't drink at all in October, November was sort of ok then December was a bit of a shit show. I've drank twice this year and I didn't enjoy either occasions - I know I am inching towards where I need to be. I am not sure if that will be total abstinence or not but regardless, I know I am moving in the right direction. I got to where I am over the last 4.5 years (with a break for a pregnancy in the that time) and I'd say I have been 6 months in my concerted effort to get things back under control. I can that I am getting there and hopefully you feel the same x

Welcome @HelloSkeletonFace3 - it’s good to have you with us!

Thanks @2026x & @freshstart2026

Dipping my toe tentatively in after doing dry January. I did this because I had developed a nasty habit of having wine most nights of the week. It crept up on me over the years. I used to drink only at weekends. Then the days when I drank wine expanded to include Friday to Monday. And then it became week days. I was lucky if I could achieve one wine free day a week. I used to ‘share’ half a bottle of wine with my husband. But in reality I always had the bigger glass and we then started down the slippery slope of opening a second bottle. I think there may be a genetic aspect at play because there have been several member of my family who have been alcoholics. My own dad is a full blown alcoholic. He tried Dry January and only lasted a few days. I don’t want to become like my dad. I’ve been using the Try Dry app. I started a bit late (on Monday 5th Jan) and had one slip up where I shared a bottle of proscecvo that someone had given me as a gift. I also shared a bottle of wine with my husband on Sunday. But I have to say that I don’t enjoy wine as much as I used to.

So yesterday I decided to aim to be completely dry for the rest of February.

This has made me realise alcohol is really overrated. I was just using it to numb my feelings and it was making me feel more anxious later on when the after effects of it wore off. The main difference it’s made has been to my sleep. I’m no longer wide awake for hours at night feeling full of anxiety.

On the topic of moderation.
Moderation sounds good. Everything in moderation, right? Moderation is something to aspire to, to achieve? Giving up, restricting, sober, it all sounds bleak and dull. But the truth is that giving up is simple and moderation is really difficult. Giving up is one decision, the same decision, each day (I'm not saying it's easy, but it is simple). Moderation is the on-going noise in your head all day, every day. First to drink or not to drink, how much, when, what. Once you start, the negotiation begins again (another glass, another bottle). Then the next day negotiations (I'll skip that thing I was going to get up early for, I'll see if someone else can bring them, etc etc).
Not drinking anymore brings simplicity. One decision, don't drink today.

Welcome, new people - @HelloSkeletonFace3 - I love your post, it so resonates with me. That sick of yourself and your own excuses feelings of shame and definitely being tired of moderating, it’s exhausting. I’m glad (I think) I tried to moderate as it gave me some space to explore my relationship with alcohol but I am tired of negotiating with myself and drinking inevitably increasing anyway after a few weeks. You are not a week late - your time is right for you now. I’m the same as @2026x, not drinking at all seems too big, but very happy to Not Drink Today, and say this daily.

Hello @Marmalademorning - good luck for Dry February. The restorative sleep has been wonderful for me too.

Thanks for all your lovely posts - they are such a help.

On the topic of moderation, for years I did think look I will just drink like a normal person (whatever that is) and everything will be lovely. But just recently I had the insight that I don't want to drink like a normal person. I want to have a bottle of wine and maybe a bit more. I don't want a lovely glass of wine or two and then go to bed. I want it all. So not having a glass of wine isn't a deprivation since I don't really want that. And what I do want is unsustainable - I will ruin my health and my relationships and be miserable if I lurch around every night drunk on a bottle of wine. It took me a while to realise this but it is really helping.

@anewyearthisyear you have articulated this brilliantly. This is exactly how I am. I’d rather have none than just one. What’s that saying re alcohol- one is too many and ten is not enough. I simply cannot have one glass so I’m better off with none. I think a lot of light/ unproblem drinkers find this hard to understand

Am away for work in a hotel in London. Previously, bottle of wine in my room. Now,waiting for food in a busy pub,drinking an AF beer. Must admit, I really had to work at the choice but am doing it. Shrieking woman at next table isnt helping mind you!

I really romanticise drinking on my own when I am in London for work. I sort of drink on the solitude and the detachment from my regular life, usually in nice bars or fancy hotels with very overpriced wine (which I think makes me feel less bad about getting slightly pissed on my own 🙄). Now I focus on having the opportunity to go for a walk on my own or get up early and go for a run. It's hard though - the draw of the escapism is strong. Well done

That’s really impressive, well done @Hedjwitch 👏