Calling Time on Wine - 100 Day Reset | Thread 2: One Day at a Time - Together

[therockingbird]

Welcome to Thread 2 of Calling Time on Wine 100 Day Reset 🍵

If you’re here, you’re doing something genuinely brilliant. This reset isn’t about perfection, shiny lives, or pretending it’s easy. It’s about choosing ourselves one day at a time, even when life keeps lobbing chaos our way.

We’ve already proven we can sit with hard evenings, bad days, stress, boredom, celebrations, and still not reach for wine.

Thread 2 is about keeping the momentum going, supporting each other, being honest when it’s tough, celebrating the wins and remembering why we started when motivation wobbles. Clearer heads. Stronger bodies. 💪

So pull up a chair, grab your tea, water, or AF alternative, and keep going. You are not doing this alone - and you are doing so well. 💛

Hi everyone. Just discovered this thread so Im thrilled. My story is I usually drink 4 bottles of prosecco or wine per week - i always drink a bottle in a sitting. Done it for donkeys years. I haven't touched a drop though since xmas day. It kinda happened by accident - I had the flu and I just carried on not drinking. I plan to give it up forever.

My partner (relatively new) lives with me and doesnt drink, and I was just feeling a bit embarrassed by the fact I just sit there getting slowly sloshed most nights.

Also Ive had several nights out where I have had terrible hanganxiety afterward and it seems to be getting worse with age, and lasting longer (51). A pissed up woman in their 50s just isnt a good look. Also, Im relatively slim but have to watch what I eat and I am finding it harder to keep slim. I also was regularly waking up at 3am. Ive been really successful in a new business venture, and I really don't have the time or energy for hangovers.

Anyway since stopping after a rocky start I feel soooo much better. My boyfirend comes in from work late most nights and now I can stay up with him til later, and sleep in til later and I sleep so well. I wake up happy, Im far far calmer generally, my anxiety has dramatically reduced. Weight hasn't changed annoyingly but if Im tempted I just get a treat from the shop instead - it seems to be curbing my desire to drink. Will weight start to drop? Does weight always drop? I mean the calories in 4 bottles a week surely I would be seeing a difference by now?

Ive had a couple of wobbles but I really analysed them and a few were because something shit happened - I realised I instantly was like 'i deserve this, I need this drink it will help' I sat with the feeling and just replaced it with choccie, and the feeling passed. Same with a couple of celebratory things. And the truth is if I had had drunk a bottle when the shit things happened I would have overthought them, been really sad, overly anxious - whereas instead I felt a bit crap for a couple of hours then I was over it.

Im going to be challenged on Saturday as my first big social outing since I gave up. My brothers 50th. I know I will be made to feel guilty if I don't drink and celebrate 'properly' with him. Im thinking of just lying and saying Ive been getting migraines so I cant drink at minute. Any advice anyone?

Could you drive to avoid drinking and have a built-in excuse?

No because my boyfriend drives.

Oh I also forgot to add Im neurodiverse so alcohol really really soothes my social anxiety when out. Its gonna be interesting to see how I cope without it on Saturday. Haven't done that in a long time. Sad hey!

Checking in for when the other thread is full. Another night without a bottle of wine glugged down...you're welcome liver!

Hello 👋 Still here, not drinking, doing my jigsaw puzzle.

Just marking my place on the new thread. Survived the evening with my friend. Saw the still open wine in the fridge after and it's been there since Christmas and not bothered me so didn't expect to feel tempted, but I did. I should throw it away but for some reason I can't bring myself to.

Not looking forward to tomorrow, Friday is a hard day but I have a busy day on Saturday so I need a clear head so that should help.

Welcome @amibeingaknob

Just checking in. Another day done well done all!

Thanks for the new thread!

Thanks for the new thread! Day 23 in the bag here!

Lots and lots of people drink for social anxiety. It's not sad it's normal in our society. So it can feel tricky to start to learn how to socialize sober as a grown adult. A couple of things help me. Going in with the mindset of it being an experiment and wondering how it'll turn out. This gives you permission to find it a bit crap after a certain time, or find it a bit hard at the start, etc. You're observing what it's like to socialize sober and you're learning from it.
If you need to come up with an excuse to avoid all the encouragement to drink, then do that.
Pay attention to the other non/low drinkers. You don't know it yet but you have lovely sober chats ahead of you. You probably avoided the sober people when you were drunk but now there's a lovely group of people available to you, who know how to chat and socialize sober.
You are building a new muscle doing this, so giving yourself grace is fine.
My first big social event sober three years ago was a work Christmas do. It did feel a bit weird and strange and awkward I admired how the non-drinkers could enjoy themselves without alcohol and wondered how they were doing it. I was still able to enjoy some of the early part and just left around 11 when the drunk karaoke started and my own desire to stay ran out.
Last year I danced my little heart out sober at a family wedding. I have learned how to do a new thing.

Thread 2! Wow! Time marches!

A social experiment? I love that. When I have done it in the past Ive remembered feeling so anxious at the beginning - overwhelmed, not being able to talk properly so then overtalking about shite, just basically cringing inside. I remember caving after about an hour or two cos I felt so awkward. I also felt bored quickly as well. Also my ego likes how people respond to me drunk. I often get called a 'laugh' and super fun socialising. Im defo not normally. Maybe socialising won't be good for me anymore - and drinking is the only thing that makes it bearable/enjoyable. Ive been going through a period of 'unmasking' because its healthier with autism, and this may just be part of it. Be intersting to see how it pans out.

@therockingbird thanks for the new thread and welcome to any newbies.

day 24 for me and it’s been fine so far. No desire to drink but I was/am a binge drinker rather than an everyday drinker so it’s not unusual for me to do weeks AF.

Im wondering if anyone else is feeling like this? I’m away for a few days with DH to a place we go to frequently. I usually drink when we’re away - few small beers during the day, wine in the evening then a Baileys at bedtime. I don’t tend to binge on these breaks (my bingeing generally starts in secret/when I’m alone) so I don’t get drunk on these breaks. But definitely would feel tipsy most days.

Not drinking has not been hard. I’ve loved waking up fresh every day and sleeping well.

But…..DH is really annoying me!! His drinking/behaviour is the same as it’s always been - he has maybe 5 beers over the course of the day with meals in between, is not drunk (although a bit tipsy) and he’s thoroughly pleasant! But I’m just finding him irritating. Finding a lot of his chat meaningless, childish maybe and just a bit boring.

I’ve always idolised DH and put him on a pedestal which I think contributed to my poor self esteem and ultimately to me drinking to numb myself. Although I am categorically NOT blaming him for my drink problem.

I’m a bit unsettled by these feelings. We’ve a two week holiday booked for June (cruise) and I’m deep-down worried I won’t enjoy his company sober.

Anyone else feeling like this? As I say, I’ve done weeks/months AF in the past and not felt like this. He’s never aggressive when drinking, quite the opposite. I wonder if it’s because I want to be AF for life that I’m feeling like this?

🤔

@amibeingaknob I am a bit like you - when I’m a bit tipsy people find me hilarious - not so much when I’m blind drunk though.

I think part of me drank because I wanted everyone to think I’m great - some sort of external validation. The need to be “the funny one” that everyone likes. Doesn’t help that most of my social circle are big drinkers too.

I am now just accepting that there may be people/groups I cannot socialise with anymore. And that’s ok. I’ve already refused a party invitation for next month as I can’t bear the thought of it - being surrounded by drunk people as a sober person. It’s just awful and soul destroying. Before I would have gone even though I don’t really like the people (DH’s friends) and likely got drunk to endure it.

Someone said to me on the first thread - nothing is more important than your health/sobriety - so I am putting myself first probably for the first time in my 60 plus years.

It’s unsettling at times, and I feel guilty about putting my needs first, but I genuinely believe its paramount to me becoming sober for life.

Good luck 💐

@Youdontseehow I can't necessarily identify with what you have discribed, BUT one thing I would say is, it's early days. Lots of the things I have read talk about being irritable and impatient when you first stop drinking. I appreciate that for you (as a binge drunker) you are probably less physically / practically impacted by not drinking for a few weeks but there is still a shift (certainly a mental one) when people go sober. I would try not to dwell on your feelings too much right now but see how things progress in the coming months and take stock. It might be that you need to spend your time together slightly differently if you are no longer drinking. He might need to do his drinking with other people, but as I say, try not to think too far ahead.

What's your cruise like? is it the type you get off frequently or are you mainly on board the boat?

@2026x thanks - good advice. I do think I am going through a bit of a mental shift because in the past, I’ve always gone AF for a spell with a view (consciously or subconsciously) to “moderating” in the future. But this time I’m wanting to be AF for life, so there is not a future of drinking again with DH to “look forward to”.

The cruise will be one when we get off every day. There will be plenty to do. And it’s places we’ve not been to before so it will be interesting.

DH doesn’t have many friends (maybe 4 friends but 2 live very distant so only see a few times a year) or hobbies and he has always tended to like me to be there when he goes out (his friends used to wind him up about it). But yes, we are going to have to look to a future where socialising isn’t always around alcohol. And to be fair, he is trying to do that already as he is conscious that I don’t want to sit in pubs every time we go out.

I’ve woken up this morning less annoyed/irritated and he is genuinely a “good bloke” so I think I will just sit with my feelings, reflect on them and try not to bite his head off if he does annoy me!

I’m going out to the pub with a friend tonight. She’s very supportive and wouldn’t try to convince me to drink or anything. Although I’m up for it there is a small part of me that begrudges her drinking! I’m thinking why should I go out just to enable her to drink when I can’t. I know that is totally the wrong mindset though, just need to power through. So similar to other poster re DH and the cruise, I get where you’re coming from

I think you've hit the nail on the head there. There is a group I hang out with, and we always have soooo much fun. But I suspect that it is entirely about getting pissed up. One of the group hates it (she doesnt drink) and tolerates it for her partner. She was telling me the other day at coffee how she can't stand it, how the people are vile etc - and I have such a different perspective. My guess is because Im hammered. I will try sober, but Im imagining I am going to get as offended as she does (we are very similar) and then I will stop going to these nights out.

@amibeingaknob There are two other women in our group who do drink but are also happy to meet for lunch, cinema etc. so I am planning AF meet ups with them.

my new mantra is that if something isn’t enjoyable without being drugged, then it’s really not worth doing!

Youdontseehow - I totally agree!

Its the same with dating (when I was). You could think a date when really well, you had soooo much fun together, bonded and laughed so much - but actually its cos you had 3 glasses of wine that night and basically could have had fun with a lamppost. 😂

Checking in! Day 20 here, a weekend looming and zero plans to drink a drop. I'm surprising myself with how much I'm enjoying making plans that don't have wine factored in.

I totally get you on this @Raindancer101. Years ago when I gave up smoking, I bought what I'd decided would be my last packet, and smoked them other than the last one. I carried that cigarette around with me for months - I think knowing it was there and available took the psychological edge off quitting a bit. There were times that I really wanted it, but then I told myself that once it was gone, it was gone, so I just carried on saving it for when I "really" needed it. I eventually gave it to someone else and never looked back!

Just go in without expectations and with curiosity. If you're quiet and a bit awkward just note that. If you relax with someone and have a nice moment, note that.
I now know I can dance sober which I never thought I could do. I also know I won't be going to a class Mum's night out in the local pub ever again because that was excruciating sober.
I learned both those things the hard way, and beat myself up a bit after I couldn't engage with that class Mum's night out. But then I gave myself grace and just decided never to do it again.

I will make mental notes, and sit in the uncomfortableness. Good thing is my
boyfriend doesnt drink, so hes really supportive. He gave up years ago, said he just got fed up of how it made him feel, and he got into fitness (hes a PT) and he couldnt' justify it anymore. He did say I will find nights out more boring and likely want to go earlier. Im always raring to go and stay late. Whereas sober me is struggling to keep eyes open past 9, so its gonna be interesting for sure.

Has everyone lost weight? Im at almost the one month mark (last drink xmas day), and havent lost any so a bit disappointed by that.

Not lost a single ounce

Really? I don't get it. I was drinking at least 4 bottles of wine a week - thats over 3000 calories. Gutted.