Support thread for anyone trying to lead an Alcohol free life - Winter 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!
This thread is for anyone who is trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation or a break, there are a couple of really good threads on this board that will be a better fit. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

I’m not in the headspace to name check everyone (sorry), but I am reading, and am thinking of you all. Just put the glass down if you can. You really can, you know. I did it for eight long years. It’s honestly worth it. You don’t want to find yourself where I am now. x

Thinking of you very much @ShyMaryEllen - you are such a bastion of wisdom and support on here. I am sorry the news was less than great. But there's still time for plans to be enacted, strategies to manage and radars that you are now on. We will all be really rooting for you, every day. 💐💐

How are you feeling @WendyWagon - is all good with the hospital plan for you? I really hope all shall be well.

Strength and courage, fellow-warriors. It will be alright. xx

Hi, just found this thread and wanted to pop in and say hello and introduce myself. I’m in my mid 50smum of 2 older teens, have an hubby and have been regularly drinking 2 bottles of wine a night since the pandemic. It’s done nothing for my waist line or my bank balance let alone my health etc. I’ve tried moderating but have realised this is not an option for me and want to stop completely. I managed Thursday to yesterday with no alcohol at all (had 0% fizz on Friday which was really nice and AF beers over the weekend) but managed to drink 2 bottles of wine last night and I feel disgusted with myself. Today is a new day and I’m feeling very positive. My danger time is getting home from work, in the kitchen on my own cooking

@ShyMaryEllen you are an inspiration on this thread. You have offered such wise words to our number. I wish you the best of out comes.

@REP22 i am in a fair bit of pain due to the consultant stopping my RA meds. They effect healing so I can't take them until the op is done. I'm finding everything hard. Both pain killers and steriods don't touch the sides!

It was interesting to read in my pre op pack not to drink for two weeks. They lift the liver to access the gallbladder. I'm aware alcohol swells the liver so it's OK here. All my readings have been normal for nearly four years so that's a blessing after twenty years of alcohol abuse.
I don't know why as I drank five days out of seven.
For me the legs pain was the warning sign of serious damage along with losing my job.
Looking back I think the night I embarrassed myself at an awards ceremony I had my drink spiked. One of the guys I was with hated me and he left straight after I fell. Very odd.

What I do know is you have a blip don't continue the next day. Your liver will start to change and by day ten you're buggered. You build up a tolerance and you will want more and think you can 'handle it'. My user name came about as I fell off the wagon a fair few times in the early years. However I've never gone beyond the blip night and after feeling like hell I get back on board and learn from it. It doesn't happen much these days, in fact I can't remember when I had a blip last time. I'm not perfect but I do have the advantage of a non drinking household.
I too have lost a lot of weight which I know would go back on with boozing. I'm too ill to be vain but I'd love to go shopping when I'm better with all the money I haven't spent on wine.

@AFLife hi and welcome onboard.
Firstly, well done for taking that first step. It's not easy to admit to ourselves we have a problem. And secondly, well done on that great start you've made. You did a few days af (5?) - that's a great start.
I think it's normal to lapse quite early on. It's definitely a journey!
I used to have the same Danger Time - in from work and cooking ( amongst other danger times).
Can you stock up on the af fizz and beer you enjoyed ? Make new habits.
I had a wobble yesterday and was so glad I had aldi's 0% fizz in. Poured a large glass ( added a crodino, for a kick), and I was over it.
I like how you said it felt nice not drinking. Can you make a few notes of the actual benefits? Keep it on you to read - it's a great reminder I find. I always play it forward - I know if I drink today, I'll feel rubbish tomorrow.
You can do it. It's just one day ( or hour) at a time 💪

Sending strength @REP22. I won't repeat the lovely words from others but am nodding along to each one. I also want you to know I am listening when you say it's not worth it. If you can take anything from this it's that there are people that will and have made themselves healthier by reading your comments.

Hello @AFLifewelcome! Get yourself some 0% to have whilst you're cooking. You can still have the habit but just without the alcohol. I also recommend Naked Mind app and the alcohol experiment which you can do on the app - you're early days so a perfect time to start.

Oh yes, @AFLife I forgot about Annie Grace 30 day alcohol experiment. That was one of the first things I did. Loved it.

Posted link to Clare Pooley's blog above, with welcome and comment for @AFLife, plus a SidPic. Post currently hidden for MNHQ checking - hopefully will be reinstated.

Greta to hear from you @CarrotSeeds rocking the star of sobriety. x 🎉

If not, I also wanted to share a quote I heard on the radio yesterday:

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift...” Love and strength to all of us who are suffering. @WendyWagon and @ShyMaryEllen - so much love to you both. x

Late to catch up today - @ShyMaryEllen I'm so sorry, wishing you all the best and thanking you for your frank advice. @REP22 I'm frequently lying to myself about alcohol - no one knows I drink anyway, so I'm letting myself down
@Becky3825 hope the job interview goes well. Hi @AFLife good to have you joining us, there's so much support on here.

Was it the Obstacle Course link @REP22 ? I tried posting that on the last thread and it never got unblocked! So I hope you have better luck than me!

I remember that, @Onewildandpreciouslife - mine was a link to her first blog entry, started in 2020. It's frustrating as I'd typed some words that I'd hoped would be helpful to @AFLife and others at a similar point in our journey. And for perfectly respectable, decent mums (I'm not a mum myself though, unless you count Sid), who find themselves hitting the wine when starting to cook dinner and helping the kids with homework... which is where Clare Pooley was when she had one of her key realisation moments - she'd poured herself the last of her leftover previous bottle of wine into a mug and was swigging from it at early teatime when she looked down and saw that it had "World's Best Mummy" written on it. So it was a link to that post, a link to CP's book for sale at Waterstones and a picture of Sid. Not sure which of those was ultimately the most egregious, but there we are. Like yours, I suspect mine won't be reinstated.

I'm sorry I didn't copy and save the text for edited reposting - I spotted a typo straight away, hit 'edit post' to correct and it was already greyed-out and gone.

Undeterred, I repeat my very good wishes to you my friends, and especially to those in pain, of whatever sort. I will have another go with the SidPic. Sound asleep - Rest with him, if you need to, for a bit - and rise refreshed and with hope.

As in the quote I posted above (think it is attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt, always-excellent) - don't forget to live for today and for what may happen tomorrow because you are beating yourself up and tormenting yourself for the past, and previous actions which, for whatever reasons, were beyond your ability to control.

With love. x

For those talking about "the obstacle course" from Claire Pooley's book it's all about the obstacles that you have to deal with when you start with not drinking.
Basically it's hard as you have to get yourself over and aound all these obstacles that are everywhere. BUT once you get through them it gets better and easier.

I think this is true. I'm on day 135 and it's a darn sight easier than it was on day 1, 5, 10, 15, 20 etc etc. To keep having to go back and do all that awful hard stuff again and again and again is soul destroying and just so hard. It's easier to plough on through than keeping on putting yourself back and back again time after time.

I'm not preaching just offering words based on what I've experienced.

I still want wine, but the wants get less and easier to cope with. It's a case of doing all those bloody firsts as well. First lunch out, first dinner party, first celebration with family, first birthday etc. I've got the first of a 3 week Christmas holiday in the sun coming up as well.

I know I won't crack as I had oral cancer this Summer that required surgery.
I'm never putting that poison back in my mouth again. Highly likely that the alcohol caused it in the first place.

But oh the irony of the wine witch who still comes calllng. But I bash her down, put her back in her box and crack on. It can be a roller coaster of sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's not but I just need to continue on the roller coaster until it swaps to another more gentle ride that I know in time it will.

Keep cracking on everyone. Don't listen to the wine witch. Bash her down and reduce her power. Each of us has the power and ability to change. We just have to do it.

Lovely Sid😍

And thanks, @REP22

I missed your post, @Kipperandarthur, sorry.

I agree that it gets easier as you go on. I honestly don't know what made me think it would be ok to have 'the occasional drink' after so long without touching a drop - I knew it wouldn't. I am kicking myself now, of course, but that's not going to change a thing.

I feel a bit like I did 8 years ago. Determined not to drink, and with no desire at all to do so. Even thinking about wine makes me feel awful. All I can do now is to hope against hope that I can be granted another 'last chance' to put things right. I don't deserve it, but I really want it, and have vowed to myself and my husband that I will not squander it if I am granted it. I did tell him about the letter, and he was lovely about it.

I'll stop with the 'me me me' soon, I promise😀. Meanwhile, feel free to look on my self-indulgent posts as a warning. It's easy to keep thinking that tomorrow will do to stop drinking, but one day it is too late.

@ShyMaryEllen i just wanted to say I’m thinking of you and hope you are able to get the support you need in real life. I relate very much to the shame aspect of drinking and the gamble on my health. I think one of my biggest issues has been the secretive nature of my drinking. I know I’ve got an issue, others also know but we tiptoe around each other keeping the dirty little secret.
@WendyWagon also sending lots of love and sorry you have been so poorly.
@AFLife nice to meet you. I’m back on the wagon after a blip. But I’m sticking around this time. Post work is my riskiest time usually but I’ve been blindsided at other odd times lately. Lots of great advice here is helping. Day 2 ticked off-again.
Hope everyone is having a restful evening.

Good luck @ ShyMaryEllen.
I wish you well going forward and well done for telling your husband.

I completely recognise your wanting to be granted another 'last chance' to put things right. I feel I was given a last chance after a few warnings in other areas in previous years - but all of them were alcohol related whether fatty liver, blood tests etc.

These warnings do need to be taken seriously and you and me both are walking examples of what others don't want to end up enduring.

I'm hopeful that mine is sorted but the fact remains that I need to be checked every 3 months for the next five years. The first year is crucial as well.

Just to give a bit of background I was a bottle of wine a night girl in my twenties and thirties. In my forties less so and for the past 13 years I only drank at the weekends not in the week. But it was still a bottle each night of the weekend plus a bit more if I was out.

I always loved wine and also cigarettes in my younger years. Those I did give up though.

I've had the biggest wake up call ever and it's an unpleasant and uncomfortable feeling knowing that really it's quite self inflicted. Don't be me. If you have a drink problem tackle it now before your health suffers because sadly it will for those who keep on drinking a bottle of wine night after night, year after year.

Morning everyone . Sorry to have been AWOL for a while things are crazy here. Not been able to read over all the posts either.

Just checking in. Nearing the 18 month mark. Life is super super difficult at the moment. It feels like everything is going wrong. we are having a major dispute with DHs family (which is further complicated as it also involves work) and it looks likely that we will have to sell our house and possible relocate and accept a major change in lifestyle.

DSs GCSE mocks are approaching in January and his report is not great..and on top of that he was left alone on Saturday morning and drank all the beers in his grandmother's fridge and got completely plastered. (He doesn't drink regularly as he doesn't have the opportunity - not invited to parties. We don't have much booze at home ) But it was a huge shock to me and obviously given my relationship with alcohol and the fact that his aunt and uncle are with in long term recovery i am very concerned.

It's all complicated by his ADHD and lack of impulse control and planning and also issues with a girl, anxiety about mocks and low self esteem. I am desperately trying to find him a suitable adolescent counsellor with experience in ADHD and alcohol.

Morning all.

It’s good to hear from you @EastCoastDamsel - I often wonder how you are doing. But I’m sorry that life is so difficult. You’re doing really well to stay sober through all this - it’s not easy.

The incident with your son sounds distressing. But at his age this may be a one-off reaction to stresses (or just plain curiosity) rather than an indication of the start of a problem. I know we would all rather our children didn’t drink, but it’s almost impossible to imagine a teenager that doesn’t go through some sort of drunken experiment. I’m not trying to downplay it, just to suggest that you may not need a counsellor with specific experience of alcohol.

The great advantage your son has is that he has you, modelling that it is possible to deal with stress without alcohol - that will have more impact than you can imagine, and he is very lucky

Good morning all.

@EastCoastDamsel I'm sorry for your troubles.
We're moving and I'd rather not.

I think the country has been subject to fear and rumour for far too long. The recruitment industry and housing market have been frozen. It's caused huge stress to people and pitched people against each other.
There's been some pretty disgusting threads on benefits and the disabled.

Hopefully today will clarify things.

I hope so too, @WendyWagon. This budget seems to have been going on for decades. My daughter will get the keys to her first (bought) home tomorrow. It's dragged on for yonks, and I'm delighted for her, but I hope no nasty surprises are announced that will make her regret taking the plunge. I doubt it, as she is very much in the 'starter home' end of the market, and it appears to be the other end that might be targeted, but we just don't know until the budget itself.

Agreed about the growing lack of compassion for the disadvantaged, too. Again, when measures are put in place and we can see how they play out, that may settle down (I hope) but I do feel that we are being set against one another by malign forces, and wish it would stop.

Hello Shipmates and welcome to new and older faces who’ve been round longer than me. I’ve read all the posts and send love and strength to all, I’ve appreciated the honesty on these threads and it’s helped so much.

I joined because I was terrified about my health and damage I’ve done to my body, hearing about those of you who have more serious health conditions is so sobering, I hope everything improves for all of you. I have more blood tests and an ECG scheduled but my Dr told me the other day that she was really proud of the “lifestyle changes” I’d made and it was really noticeable to her that I was looking much improved. Day 75 here. Hang on in there everyone especially those under 30 days it does get easier.
Not looking forward to the budget today but at least the sun is shining.

Hello shipmates,

Late on today as have had meetings. So sorry to hear of your son's episode with the beer @EastCoastDamsel ; that must have been really upsetting. I hope he doesn't feel too rotten - perhaps it will be a lesson learned for him. I hope all will be well. Mocks can be very grim. For what it's worth, I found the mocks infinitely worse than the actual exams themselves. He's got you in his corner, which is a very good thing indeed.

Sorry your move is a reluctant one @WendyWagon , I hope it turns out better than anticipated in the end. I too steer clear of the benefits and disability boards. You're right - there are some nasty pockets of "humanity" on there. So much hatred in the world at the moment. I'm a regular reader on another site called Ask a Manager. It's a US-based employment advice site, generally a good read and well-run. They've had topics in recent weeks called "how can we protect employees traveling to areas with increased immigration raids?" and "what to do if ICE agents come to your workplace" - ICE being US Government Immigration and Control Enforcement officers, often in masks and unmarked vehicles, who are now routinely in certain areas literally driving around and hauling away mainly non-white people. It's terrifying. I despair sometimes. But there IS still goodness and kindness out there, lots of it. And plenty on this thread here. We still have hope.

Strength and love to you. xx

Inspired by the AF martini post some weeks ago (thanks!), I’ve done some searching for alternatives for parched sobernauts. And I’ve found - Crodino. For anyone who likes aperol it’s the business. Available in pale or rosso. Just fill the glass up with ice and a slice of lemon or Orange, and maybe a sprig of rosemary. Top up with tonic or sparkling water if you fancy a long one. It’s probly in all the supermarkets but it tasted so good I bought in bulk from Amazon. Delicious, refreshing and keeps you bolted to the wagon!

@Slackfoxy crodino is great isn't it. It's been a lifesaver for me.
It's £5 for 4 bottles in tesco ( when on offer), but I've ordered 10 from Amazon, £14
I have it with Aldi's rose nozecco, or fever tree blood orange or clementine - love it.
I'm going to a pub family party mid December and I've been planning my drinks. I can buy af perroni which I don't mind, but I'll take a few bottles of crodino. I'll have with tonic.
It's a shame pubs don't really sell drinks like this. Maybe some do, but hopefully more will start to.