Support thread for anyone trying to lead an Alcohol free life - Winter 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!
This thread is for anyone who is trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation or a break, there are a couple of really good threads on this board that will be a better fit. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

@FaithHopeCarnage They're both buggers, aren't they?! I think I found smoking easier to stop because of growing social pressures against it. You could no longer smoke on the bus, in the cinema, in the restaurant... Smoking was more frowned on and we were more aware of the health dangers. It's almost the opposite with alcohol. It's promoted all the time, it's encouraged socially, there are loads of places where alcohol is available, and it's cheaper than smoking. Hopefully, the tide is turning. But I do still occasionally think that maybe if I reach 80, I might sometimes have a smoke and a drink. Just to be a rebel really!

I once read something on the lines of 'Can anyone ever be an ex-drinker?', and the answer was 'Only in the way a pickle can go back to being a cucumber'. When someone has reached a certain point (I don't use the term 'alcoholic'), they can stop for years and maybe for life, but they are different from how they were before they drank - a cucumber - and also from how they were when they were drinking - pickled. It's a tortuous analogy, but it resonated. Once a cucumber has become a pickle, it stays a pickle. Pickles are fine fruits, but they are not the same as cucumbers, and never will be. You can stretch the metaphor in many ways (pickles last longer and are tougher than cucumbers etc) but the fact remains.

I love the idea of a tribe of us in our chariots 😎. We'd be a formidable bunch, I'm sure. Sid is such an excellent mascot, and I can see why you want to do right by him, @REP22. I can also understand what you mean about not knowing which drink will be the one to tip things into 'no going back' territory. That is still preying on my mind. I'm very tired (although I'm not sleeping well) and I still have a feeling of 'pressure' under my ribs. I can talk myself into health anxiety and am trying not to do that, but it's not easy. I wish I knew whether the US scan covered my pancreas as well as the liver.

Agree with everything you said @REP22 and @ShyMaryEllen. People sometimes talk about ‘rock bottoms’. In my experience they just keep coming, each one worse than the last; when it doesn’t seem possible anything could be worse. And yet it is. I started problematic drinking as a weekend binge drinker - the binges just got longer and closer together, until it was daily. And then it gradually got earlier in the day, until it was 24/7. It took many, many years, all the things I never thought would happen, eventually happened. As they became normalised I found new depths to sink to. And there is really only one end game. In some recovery programmes they talk about the “yets”, as in ‘X hasn’t happened/I don’t do… yet’. But happen they will.
And yet (!) we all have the power to arrest this - it’s difficult but very simple. I love the cucumber/pickle analogy. Am proud to be amongst this group of pickles! I could labour some point about dry-cure, but that would be unnecessary 😂

Thanks @ShyMaryEllen I am definitely a pickle! It's a bit like how you can never unsee something. Some people can have a drink and never get sucked in by it. They can take it or leave it. I'm not one of those people.

I have just checked my medical record, and I was right. There is evidence of fluid around my liver. This is the first time that has happened, and explains my symptoms. Drinking off and on for 18 months has pushed me from fibrosis to cirrhosis, and it is entirely my own fault. It is now 2 weeks since I had a drink (the scan was a week ago). I don't know what the chances are of getting things back to how they were.

Don't do this to yourselves, shipmates.

https://open.spotify.com/episode/42K35mOvcRFFZqDez015d2?si=uHZLSKzoSAeHtXl6GZecZQ I was listening to this podcast about LA/AF drinks. The main message I took from it is that AF drinks are heavily processed, the exact process not necessarily made clear, they also have added sugar. I don’t know why I found it so depressing as it all stands to reason when you think of it, I guess I didn’t want to think too much into it. I’ll continue to have some in social situations. (They also have an episode on microplastics, equally depressing.)

@ShyMaryEllen I am so sorry your news isn’t good. Your liver team should be able to give you a plan, diet, medications. 🫂

Thinking of you @ShyMaryEllen. Hopefully full diagnosis and a treatment plan will be found. Hugs.

The letter just said they will scan again in 6 months and if my abdomen gets distended they recommend drugs from the GP. No follow up at all. I am in shock, and very scared. I kind of expected this, but at the same time I can’t quite believe it. There is a big family birthday this week so I am out a lot, and my children are staying for the weekend to go to the party, so I need to hold things together for them. I don’t want to tell my husband yet either as I am too ashamed.

Yeah I cant even think about trying to moderate. I am addicted to the dopamine hit alcohol gives me as well as to alcohol itself. It's basically like crack to me.

In bed and have my first job interview tomorrow which I am of course wigging out so much about. Especially after my 48 hours of insanity at the weekend. I am stuck in the two week cycle of sobriety then just pressing the fuck it button. And I know I will be drinking at least all night if I start. I know I won't be just 'going for a couple'.

It's just that depression and loneliness and self hatred and just weakness i guess over takes after 2 weeks of trying so hard every day.

Wish I could do a 28 day stint in a padded cell but clearly not a realistic option.

Will just keep trying and definitely going to stay at my mothers this weekend when the kiddos are away. I need to just get out of my quiet and lonely house but to somewhere I wouldn't dream of drinking and also doesn't trigger me to want to drink either.

Hopefully if I get work some time soon it will also help as I keep just getting to a point of like 'what's the point as I've got nothing on' sort of thing.

Circumstances alone just not helping

Hello all!
I have been lurking on MN for years but not sure I have ever posted. However, this is a subject close to my heart as with be four years sober on New Year’s Day. I still enjoy reading sober stories and actually find I still benefit hugely from forums and podcasts. Not all the time but always good to have that support to go back to.
Would it be helpful for me to share any knowledge or ask me anything? I feel like the ghost of Christmas Future…❤️

@wonkymumbun congratulations, what an achievement! Can I ask roughly how much/often you were drinking & if you reduced first or just stopped cold turkey? What podcasts would you recommend?

@ShyMaryEllen I am so sorry you feel alone IRL with this knowledge just now. Do get in touch with your GP and also your liver team must surely be able to offer something in the interim, diet? diuretics? reassurance? Six months is a long time to wait as you’ll be interpreting every twinge as meaningful. Hugs.

@wonkymumbun welcome and 4 years is such an achievement!

@wonkymumbun congratulations, what an achievement! Can I ask roughly how much/often you were drinking & if you reduced first or just stopped cold turkey? What podcasts would you recommend?

hey @TwoNicePuppies,
Thank you ❤️
Had always been a bit of a “lush”. Started drinking at home when I had children and our lives suddenly became much less social. It really ramped up during lock down and my husband and I would often polish off a bottle of wine each, a few times a week. By Christmas I was feeling awful and the thought of heading in to the boozy season made me feel gross, so we decided to do Dry Jan and kept going. I had given up before, during my pregnancies and a couple of Dry Jans but it was the first time I really knew that that was it. So completely cold turkey, yes.
I had done a couple of years of the merry go round of setting rules, trying to be ‘good’ in the week, only drinking one type of drink- but all of that is actually harder than nothing at all it turned out.

Listened to This Naked Mind, One for the Road, Sober Awkward and lots of books. Still listen to We Are The Luckiest every so often- that one really helped me.
A huge amount of positives obviously. Lost a huge amount of weight, got really into exercise and am fitter and slimmer at 49 than the last 15 years. Was just starting peri too at the time I gave up and suddenly, I could sleep and my brain fog and anxiety massively reduced. Had known for a very long time that I was using it to cope with life and that it probably exacerbated my anxiety but the difference was quite remarkable.
Keep going everyone. I know it can be incredibly tough, but just do today ❤️

@Carpetburn thanks for checking in. Im doing well.
@ShyMaryEllen I'm so sorry to read your news. I hope you can seek some advice tomorrow x

Thinking of you today @ShyMaryEllen. I hope you can talk to someone in real life today.

I felt so low yesterday. Everyone's comments here really helped, thank you so much. This is going to need life long effort to avoid something that so many people seem to think is a treat etc etc. It is just exhausting. I think those who don't understand addiction dont understand that, the effort to keep 'normal' and the shame when it slips or you remember back. But im back on and my thinking is right again. Whilst my drinking has got worse (and worse) over the years it has never been normal. Even as a teen I was the one getting way to drunk, even drinking alone.

Ive got some hard days ahead with my DM as I'll be her carer. I need to be as healthy as possibly. I slept so well last night, ive woken up feeling better than yesterday. X

@ShyMaryEllen I’m so sorry to hear your news. You have been so helpful to me and others on this thread. Thinking of you and hoping you get some proper follow up care/conversation ❤️

@Becky3825 I often think of you. I don’t contribute to this thread much now but do read it. All the luck in the world with your job interview. I do think once you start work (and use that nursing degree you worked so hard for), things might get easier. I totally see why at the minute you feel lost, especially on the weekends when you don’t have your girls. Hopefully working will give you something else to be proud of, to give you more reasons than ever not to drink. I have everything crossed for you that the interview goes well 🙏🏻

To everyone else on the thread, keep going, keep trying, thanks for all the encouragement and love here. I’m 14 months sober and it has made such a big difference to my life. ❤️

Glad you’re feeling a bit better @Womanshour . I promise you it will not always feel this hard. Over time, if you can stay sober, alcohol will have less and less of a place in your thoughts- there may be triggering times, but you will find that you see them for what they are. Unfortunately this all just takes time - all we can do is take it one day at a time.

Great to see you @CarrotSeeds - 14 months is amazing!! 👏👏

Sorry to hear your news @ShyMaryEllen - it’s so hard to read these things in black and white. I hope you get some in person support soon - push for it if necessary

Thanks so much @Onewildandpreciouslife your comments are so reassuring. I hope you are doing ok x

Morning all.

Hugs to you @ShyMaryEllen (or unmumsnetty hugs as they say). Please don't be hard on yourself; think of what you would say to a dear friend in the circumstances if the friend were you. I've read that the liver has amazing powers to heal, so the odds are that if you stay sober now, your health will improve again.

Best of luck with the job interview @Becky3825 ! Really good to see you back.

@Womanshour I identify so much with everything you say.

I got freaked out over the last two days and drank again 😥I hate it so much, I hate the way it makes me feel. The fuzzy head and the sense of panic when I wake up the following morning. I feel so ready to stop but can't seem to stay stopped.

Today is day 1 for me again. Four hours of teaching and a meeting with my boss. Am just going to take it an hour at a time.

@ShyMaryEllen I'm so sorry to hear your news. I don't know much about your past ( quite new here), but I did read your post the other day. It was so touching to me because you were so scared for yourself, yet you found the time to share and warn others.
You certainly stopped me in my tracks ( few wobbles recently yet I know af is the best way forward for me), so thank you.
Please don't feel ashamed. It's an addiction at the end of the day and there are so many of us in this blasted boat.
Sending you ❤️ and 💪 today x

@elusivehope sometimes one hour a time is the best way. Get through today and focus on day 2 tomorrow. It's like a treadmill sometimes you just can't get off.
I was wobbling again yesterday. Thank god we don't have alcohol in the house.

Thank you all. Your support means a Iot.

I don’t think I will contact anyone, today at least. I need to take it all in. As I said, I have a lot on between now and Christmas so the best thing is just to keep going and not drinking. There is nothing that can be done anyway. If things get dramatically worse there are some treatments to manage the symptoms, but otherwise nothing.

Even if things do decline rapidly, you have to be six months sober before you can be considered for a transplant, which is the only hope at that stage, so the important thing is to get that six months under my belt. Dr Google tells me that if I don’t drink it is possible that the fluid will go on its own ( it depends on how bad things have got) so there’s an aim there.

I can’t face telling anyone in ‘real life’. When the right moment comes I will tell my husband, but I need to be mentally strong enough to have the conversation, and I’m not yet. He has always been supportive, and I don’t know how he put up with me when I was drinking, but he drinks himself (too much over the past couple of years) and there is nothing he can do, so adding to his problems won’t help either of us really. I definitely don’t want the children (adults) or anyone else to know anything about it unless they have to.