Support thread for anyone trying to lead an Alcohol free life - Winter 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!
This thread is for anyone who is trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation or a break, there are a couple of really good threads on this board that will be a better fit. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

I love it too @Onewildandpreciouslife i have to admit that my attempts to stop drinking over the years, I think I once did about 3 weeks but otherwise it was always days and I was too embarrassed to post on here. One terrible morning I did get up the courage to contact my gp via online form and said that I thought my drinking was problematic and I’d like to try Naproxene (something like that I can’t remember the name but I’d read an article saying it was wondrous) I got a thank you for reaching out and it just told me to self refer to the local drugs/alcohol service. It wasn’t done for me after I’d really been so brave to reach out - that was in January of this year.
It took me until August to actually do it, I easily drank a bottle of wine every day with some spirits thrown in for good measure on the weekends often two. Over the Summer my blood pressure had gone through the roof and I was getting dizzy and short of breath. I was really worried about my health.
I found this thread and it’s been an absolute life saver.
I don’t know what clicked differently mainly the worries about my health but my field currently has bunnies in it and I am so grateful :)

Those bunnies are welcome friends @FiloPasty - I'm glad that they are capering alongside you now.

Thanks for the copy 'n' paste @Onewildandpreciouslife - that post has been so helpful to so many. Not sure why links to Blogspot seem to be vetoed from this site these days; it's hardly a den of iniquity. Indeed, my own blog has resided there since 2008 and Sid would never besmirch himself by association with such spaces. Plenty of links abound to litter-tray lining paper DailyM or GB News "stories" elsewhere, not sure why Blogspot has fallen foul. But there we are.

Stay safe in Storm Bram if it's in your area. x

Hi can I please join? I’ve been wanting to stop drinking for a long time, I go through phases where I think I can moderate and I can’t. I could easily drink a bottle of wine every night but ‘allow’ myself 2 a week - usually ends up being 3/4 a week or more on holiday.

Can anyone recommend some good podcasts? I’ve downloaded some audiobooks and I am posting here for accountability.

I haven’t told anyone yet as although my husband does comment on my wine drinking, if I said I was stopping forever that would probably confuse him too.

Over the Xmas period I’ve decided I’ll use a health reason to stop people keeping on at me or asking me too many questions.

@Onewildandpreciouslife this was a great read thank you! As an eternal repeater of the leech stage I take great comfort from this. How was the run?
@WhatMaggieDid and @hereshegoesagain36 welcome it’s lovely to have fellow newbies joining. It’s a great community.
Had another urge to divert to the shop on the way home tonight after another hideous work day. But I took the dog for an extra walk and now it’s gone. @Crazeechick post work is 100% my danger time so I have to put a barrier in to save me from myself! I either go to the gym or go for a walk. Or I read the notes that I’ve written to myself on how I feel the next day after I’ve had a drink. And i come on this forum and read the posts. It’s early days, but those rules seem to be helping!
@WendyWagon your old boss sounds diabolical! I think I’ve met a few like him sadly.
@Becky3825 Yay to the gym! Have you got a bit of a plan for the coming weekend?
@ShyMaryEllen man flu is very serious. I find it often appears when I myself am unwell and appears to afflict my DH with alarming severity compared to my own symptoms. The sleeping ogre made me laugh! I have one in my house too!!!

Ooh and I meant to say I’m day 16 and my skin looks great! It’s the first really good physical sign I’ve had. Sleep is improving and wacky dreams continue! Sugar cravings reducing too. It’s not plain sailing but the boats going in the right direction.

The run was fantastic @Carpetburn, thank you. I mean, objectively my heart rate was too high and my pace very poor, but I’ve got to start somewhere!

Yay for lovely skin!

Welcome @hereshegoesagain36 - glad you’ve found us

Exercise is good for the liver, which I'm sure you know, @Onewildandpreciouslife . I envy those who enjoy it. I should do about 500% more exercise than I do, but I'm rubbish at keeping it up. As with many things I start off all enthusiastic, then get bored and give it up.

I also found when I stopped drinking years ago that I developed a sweet tooth. I just went with it, as I figured that denying myself wine was one thing, but denying sugar too would be a step too far, and it would go away when my body got used to no wine. It didn't. Sugar is bad for the liver. Sometimes it feels like Nature is just being spiteful, doesn't it?

Thank you all for the welcome back and to @Onewildandpreciouslife for the obstacle course piece. I read Clare Pooley's book some time ago and really loved it then.
I fell like I'm Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde sometimes - I KNOW how much better I feel when I abstain, but I struggle to control Mr Hyde when he starts to emerge and I so very quickly go from just one with a meal, to cracking a bottle open every night. Right now I don't know if forever is something that I can manage but I would really like to be that version of me; confident in my sobriety and confident in myself.
Those of you who have managed extended periods of time - is this something that comes to you eventually or is it always a battle?

@Onewildandpreciouslife that is such a great read, thankyou! @Carpetburn I'm impressed with your change of routine, that's what I need to do, but I find the dark evenings tricky. Especially as my sleep is currently so disturbed so I'm exhausted in the evening. But I will continue to find ways to cope. Have a good day everyone, and a sober evening x

Up early. Still spinning out about everything. Deep breaths. IWNDWYT

Morning all.
There is no need to think about forever @WhatMaggieDid - it will seem impossible, and your brain will panic.
I have banged on before about the similarities between running and sobriety (so apologies to everyone who’s heard this before 🤣), but there is a mantra when running of “run the mile you’re in”

There is no point letting your mind spool forward to mile 20 of a marathon when you’re on mile 3. And there is no point worrying about X event in the future when you’re on day 2 or 20 of not drinking.

in the early days, your only goal should be not to drink. Do anything you need in order to get to bed sober.

At some point (and I think this is usually between the 100 days and 6 months Clare Pooley mentioned) you will need to address the issues underlying your drinking. There will be enough space between you and alcohol for you to have a good look at it, and see why it took up such a big part of your life. When you start to understand that, you can start to work on it.

So yes - I will be 4 years sober in March, and it does get easier. There are occasional moments when I think about alcohol - I’ve had a hard year what with one thing and another- but I squash them pretty easily these days.

But I’ve had a lot of practice! And it starts with one day (or one hour) at a time. Good luck - and post here as much as you need to, it really does help

For me it was about a switch in mindset. I'd wanted to stop for years before, but circumstances . . . yada yada (you all know the score - there was always a Y in the day or something). It took a diagnosis of liver damage to scare me into doing it for real, and at that point I fully embraced it, and looked at myself as a non-drinker. I'm a bit 'all or nothing' (although I was fine with AF fakes and with cooking with alcohol), so when the 'I am a non-drinker' message sunk in it was surprisingly easy.

What worked for me was that I carried on as before, but without alcohol. I went to the same places as I did when drinking, but had a soft drink. I opened a bottle in the evening and drank 'wine' from a wine glass. I did holidays and Christmas as before, too, but without alcohol. I know we are all different, but I do think that helped, as the change was 'only' that I had a different liquid in my glass, and my lifestyle stayed the same. That's a bit of a simplified version of events, of course, but it's basically what happened, and it worked for 8 years or so.

Good morning Shipmates,

Bit brighter here this morning.

Welcome @hereshegoesagain36 - I'm glad you've found us. I'm not much of a podcast person, but I did find the "One for the Road" series by Sober Dave very helpful and worth listening to. Lots of his episodes are available via YouTube. As well as Clare Pooley's book, I also found Catherine Gray's "The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober" and its sequel "Sunshine Warm Sober" immensely helpful.

@Onewildandpreciouslife and @ShyMaryEllen are right, @WhatMaggieDid (welcome back!) - Forever is a very long time and a hard concept to stick to. I know "one day at a time" is a real cliché, but may be more helpful than forever. There are some folk who can't manage one hour at a time, let alone a whole day. I tell myself it's "for now". And repeat, repeat, repeat. Much more helpful to my little pea-brain.

Lads, a new life-milestone was reached in SidTowers last night. I recently got a little plate with two false fangs on it, having had two teeth extractions a couple of years ago. The gaps were affecting my smile and greatly impacting on my confidence and (possibly vain) self-respect. I finally bit the bullet (ho ho) and got the replacements from my lovely dentist a couple of weeks ago. Best £856 I've spent in a long while. But, last night, I'd taken them out and forgotten where I'd put them. And thus it was that I turned to Sid and uttered the immortal, inevitable cry: "I've lost me teeth!!". 🦷🦷 I am becoming an old fart (and part-cyborg, it would seem). Here's Sid, utterly beside himself and frantically helping in the search. I found them in the end, without his "input". Lazy little git.

Strength and courage my brave friends. It will be alright. xx

😂

If you hadn't asked for his help, the blighter would no doubt have had his eager snout into every nook and cranny, found them and returned them bent and twisted by his own gnashers, or worse, he'd have consumed them and you'd have had an unenviable decision to make😳

You have to love them, don't you? I am currently on a break from dog-proofing my house, as I am expecting a canine guest at any minute. I had forgotten that plonking things on a coffee table does not equate to putting them away, where dogs are concerned. It's hard work.

This is good advice @ShyMaryEllen this approach is what I've done. I still enjoy the same things I used to do but I'm more accepting of leaving the pub or party early these days. I'm still me.
I'm a big fan of the AF alternatives. I think this group (although I mainly lurk), quit lit and AF drinks have been my sober saviours these last 7 months. I am at a stage now where not drinking is becoming my normality.
Hope everyone here is keeping well, I read your posts regularly and am cheering you all on.

Oh my other tip is finding other stress busters and rituals to relax. I find a walk or lighting a candle really helpful.

Hehe, yes, you have to be one paw ahead of them all the time!

The prospect of having to wait by Sid's bottom with a bucket and a pair of tweezers did occur to me. Not a jolly one. 🤢😉 Hope your doggy visit goes well. xx

Thank you, that is so helpful.

I totally agree @ShyMaryEllen another very good incentive as well as feeling better and losing weight which have both happened for me. My try dry app estimates that I’ve saved nearly £1000! Whilst I have been buying alcohol free alternatives it’s definitely a huge amount less and it also doesn’t take into account the snacks as I would always be raiding the cupboards and then having a bacon sandwich the next day rather than my trusty porridge.

One day at a time, for those who are truely struggling and falling off the ship I loved the blog post that @Onewildandpreciouslife shred about doing the hard bit over and over. For some people this is the way out, over the year I used to do, if I fell off the wagon which I did earlier in the year until my health scare if I’d got to 5 days without drinking, I would just say to myself that I had to do at least 6, I knew in my heart that I’ll never be free of it until I totally abstained but it did take me a while and a few false starts, then if I got to 6 or 7 days next time it would be 8 etc once I got to about 10 days it did get easier.
I joined this thread on day 6 back in September picked up from some posts about AF options, taking a B1 supplement and joining Try Dry - which I wish I’d found earlier as I love ticking it off each night to say I’ve not drank. You can set goals and missions and I wish I’d journaled on it more as I think I would enjoy looking back. I gave myself a task that I would do a year, there were times when I wished I’d done 100 days or something but I’ve set a year and I’m going to do my year and hopefully say at that point that it’s forever.

Love and light, no drinking today shipmates, we’ve got this!

Anyone who is lurking and thinking of joining in January just do it now, you will start the new year in a much better, happier, healthier mindset x

I have set up an anonymous instagram for accountability. I’m not confident enough to share as myself but if anyone is on there and would like to add me for some mutual support it would be great. I’m hoping documenting will keep accountable. Day 2 ✅ instagram: @secretlyquittingthesavvyb

Welcome @WhatMaggieDid. The trydry app is great. I actually look forward to checking the days off. Adding notes is helpful and I do wish I'd done that also every day. I did track the cravings though and I look back and it absolutely shows that it gets easier.
In the beginning it consumed most of my thinking. I'll be at six months on New Year's Eve and now the only time it's really on my mind is big occasions like Christmas - just anything I haven't yet experienced really. I don't have the daily/ hourly battle any more.

@hereshegoesagain36I didn't tell my husband either - in fact I still haven't! I just started ordering differently at the bar and buying AF drinks for home. Just over time it's become that I don't drink. I think a conversation early on would have been too hard. It's easier now to say I feel better so I don't want to start up again than it would have been to get into why I wanted to stop - I didn't want him to problem solve it for me.

I've seen a lovely dog jumper in Marks that says 'Best Friend' on the back of it. I'd like to get it for my lovely Spaniel but he just wouldn't appreciate the sentiment or the dressing up. Spoil sport.

@Lavranderthank you that’s exactly how I feel. I’ve started back at an exercise class tonight too so will book some early mornings in to keep me away from the wine on the evenings!

I declined the work Christmas party invite for next week as think that will be far too soon and I’ll be setting myself up for failure.

Evening all! Lovely to check in and catch up. I had a work related Xmas meal tonight which was driving for so a stress free test of resolve. Plus work tomorrow so need to be fresh and enthusiastic 🙄. About to hop into bed and am at the gym first thing so ready for my beauty sleep.
@REP22 glad to hear your pricey dentistry was located without incident even if Sid was less than helpful in terms of locating them 🤣 my dog would have chewed them guaranteed.

@hereshegoesagain36 im only doing events where I know it will be easy not to drink. So if I know others are AF or I can drive. I wouldn’t risk a boozy do at the moment either. I’ve been down that road too many times!

I've downloaded the Try Dry app and followed you @hereshegoesagain36.

Gosh I've been up and down today! One minute really positive, the next really low and fed up with myself and life in general. I don't think it helps that I had surgery 2 weeks ago (nothing serious, just laparoscopic) and so I'm off work for a bit and have a lot of time on my own. Too much time to ponder and be in my own head I think!
I'm in bed now with a hot water bottle and determined to have a busy and productive day tomorrow.
I find that a lot of things go hand in hand with drinking for me; mindless scrolling on social media, poor eating habits (constant grazing of carbs/snacks/toast/biscuits), low mood, lethargy. All the things I want to change. It's not hard to see that alcohol is the catalyst for all of this. When I cut out the alcohol within a couple of days my mood is lighter, I'm more energetic, more productive. All the things I want to be!