Support thread for anyone trying to lead an Alcohol free life - Winter 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!
This thread is for anyone who is trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation or a break, there are a couple of really good threads on this board that will be a better fit. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

Morning all.

I've come over all Tigger. I'm bouncing.

We've got the skincare guy bang to rights and we're planning our attack. It would be funny if it didn't involve money. These crooks are everywhere.

I'm trying to do Christmas shopping and it's bloody frustrating. I need to decide on the DH's jumper. The last one I bought the moth got.

I've not been out so haven't looked at the new AF offerings.

Sorry I’d posted on the old thread too as it came up with missed posts so I just joined on

Thanks for posting the new link on the old thread @FiloPasty. I should have thought of that!

Pleased for you @WendyWagon. You've got the drama to watch and the good times ahead.

Welcome @ridingfreely. Ready to support you.

@Whenindoubthugitoutwhat you said about one is too many and 6 not enough reminded me of a scene from west wing which I often think about. I'm a big West Wing fan and the character, Leo, is an alcoholic - so whilst they big this up and the scene is about his feelings 'as an alcoholic' I think most people have the same attitude to alcohol as he does - he says he doesn't understand the people that just has one drink - why would you?

Anyway the scene is here if anyone is interested (and if you haven't watched west wing you must! It's from back in the day where we didn't think all politicians were crooks..!)

Now I want to sit and binge watch The West Wing!

I love love love love west wing.

Ah am so glad we've got some West Wing fans 😀

Hello shipmates old and new. Late up today as I've been to get my hair cut 'n' coloured. Goodness me, but it does make me feel so much better.

Sounds very positive @WendyWagon - all power to your fabulous elbow.

Lost my WiFi connection overnight, so no background sounds to sleep to. I eventually drifted off to the soporific steady rhythm of Sid's snoring. It was actually quite restful. I woke up and achieved three things whilst still in my PJs - I found my favourite corduroy cap which I wanted to wear to London next week, by accident while looking for the other half of a pair Dobby socks; I found my brooch which holds up the zip on the top I wanted to wear today; I found a pack of big safety pins in the bathroom drawers to effect temporary repairs on my favourite bag, meaning I didn't have to go into the chemists (with whom I am currently annoyed for b~gg~ring about with my recent antibiotics) to buy some nappy pins. Little big victories for me - none of which would have been possible if I'd been hungover or in a drunk fug.

I have to take my non-driving next door neighbour out in a bit as a favour. This will bring me into the orbit of wrong 'un ex-boyfriend (grrr). But I've got my favourite top + brooch, my new plate with two replacement teeth in (best £855.56 I've ever spent) and my new haircut. And I'm sober-clear. I fear not the Valley of the Shadow of MediocreMan. Happy days.

Strength and courage as we head into the weekend. You can do it. It's going to be alright, honest. xx

Just back from taking neighbour out. Saw wrong 'un ex-boyf from afar (he didn't see me). I've aged better than he has. Plus I spoke to lovely colleague of his who will no doubt tell him that I was there, that I was looking good (god bless you Lara at the hair salon) and that I didn't ask after him. First Christmas miracle of the season lads. Ho ho, and thrice ho. I wanted to post a pic of Sid laughing uproariously but the site isn't having it at the moment.

Strength and courage for the weekend lovely shipmates.

I'm back from lunch. Many of us got the wrong food (expected organiser error😀) and of course the money for the bill was wrong. I paid for three courses plus service charge, then there was a collection for a tip (that had to be cash, which naturally many people didn't have, so those who did paid twice), and got two courses (one of which I didn't order) then we all - well, those of us daft enough to bring folding money - put in an extra fiver to cover the shortfall. Glad tidings of comfort and joy, and all that. I'll be in the workhouse at this rate. Still, I got a candle from Secret Santa, so am counting my festive blessings😂.

Crikey @ShyMaryEllen that sounds like something from a sitcom episode! I’ve envisioned it with all the supporting characters. And @WendyWagon this skincare skulduggery sounds like there’s a Netflix series in the making! Look how interesting we are without alcohol!
im just heading out to the Christmas meal and hoping I won’t have Eastenders style drama of my own to report later. My friend who was critical of my thoughtless decision to not drink anymore will be there and I’ve not heard a peep from her since.
i will post for accountability when I get home! Wish me luck shipmates. I’m hoping for calm seas!

Have fun, @Carpetburn. I have done numerous Christmas 'do's sober, and they are good if you see yourself as an observer. It can be fun to watch people make eejits of themselves, safe in the knowledge that you won't be talk of the office on Monday.

As for 'friends' who take it personally when you don't drink - let them get on with it. People without drink problems really don't care whether others drink or not. It only bothers those who want or need a benchmark, and you are worth more than that. I hope you have a great time, and am looking forward to hearing how it went. 🥳

@ShyMaryEllenthankyou for the welcome. I’m 12 weeks in and looking for the support to get though my first Christmas season. DH has been AF for 3 years so I also have good support at home

@Whenindoubthugitoutsimialr to you - once I started there was never enough. It was time to stop for my long term health

That sounds like a right palaver @ShyMaryEllen - at least it's something to smile about. I've been to numerous festive dos like that - I think some people "forget their wallets" or mis-order deliberately in order to benefit from others' goodwill. Gits. I'm sure that wasn't the case for you - they were all innocents... 😉 My works do has had to be booked in a new place as the usual one was booked - it was £19 for two courses or 3 for £29 - this new place is £37 for three courses. I'm a vegetarian who is allergic to nuts, there was literally one dish in one course that I could eat (steamed fish and veg. Merry bl~~dy Xmas). Livid. Chestnuts seem to be the plat du jour this season, in sweet and savoury courses. Little round b~st~rds are everywhere. But the organiser likes me so she's sourced some nut-free Chrimble pud for me, so all will end well.

The Secret Santa candle sounds like a prize worth the having, right result there. I once got a cucumber and a box of Sugar Puffs in the work Secret Santa. Why? Just... why?!? At the last one before Covid, Office Secret Santa got me this: They Knew Me Too Well. I can't imagine why. It comes out every Christmas with my (teenage) DN's and my pooled gel-pens and felt-tips; she does her Mandala colouring book and I do mine. I'm two thirds of the way through it. 😁

You are so right @Carpetburn - the sober party is definitely the more fun and infinitely more interesting. The inadvertent laughs and utter tittery of others to be observed, which we'd miss if we were p~ss~d, are rich rewards to be had indeed, not to mention not having The Fear and Morning Mortification to contend with the next day, or the next time you see your colleagues again. And @ShyMaryEllen is absolutely right about not drinking and the people it bothers. People who care truly don't care about that. People who know they've got a problem and are into dangerous-drinking territories are the only ones who don't like having the candle of good sense, responsibility and right-thinking held up in their faces. The brave little flame lights up the guilt and shame they're trying to kid themselves they don't feel. I can't express it any better than @ShyMaryEllen has done - "I have done numerous Christmas 'do's sober, and they are good if you see yourself as an observer. It can be fun to watch people make eejits of themselves, safe in the knowledge that you won't be talk of the office on Monday." 100% true. Add in the voice of Attenborough internally commentating on the cavorting mayhem unfolding before you and it can be very entertaining indeed. And always remember that "No, thank you." and "Not for me, thanks." are complete sentences and you owe absolutely no-one an explanation or justification.

One of my favourite sober-writers, Catherine Gray, describes in one of her books how she was screamed at by a 'friend' for RUINING a birthday party by turning down the copious wine on offer by her hosts. It was a child's birthday party. For a three year-old. 😬

Welcome @Whenindoubthugitout and @ridingfreely - I'm glad you've found us. I came here in 2023 for the accountability and my long-term health, and stayed for the solidarity, friendship and love on here. One of my favourite online spaces. No judgement here - only kindness and support.

Sid is watching the snooker. He can't fathom why they don't just pick up the balls and shove them in the pockets if they're that keen, rather than twatting around with their long twigs. He's still laughing from my earlier post (my M gave him the sausages from a tin of baked beans with sausages earlier 🤔😠 I think he's on a sugar high). Picture included (hopefully) this time.

Not confident that the WiFi will be working when I get home tonight, so have downloaded S2 of Sex and the City (despite the fact that the Orange Dictator Baby has his cameo role in that series) to my phone in readiness for distraction techniques, lest they be needed.

Strength and courage. xx

P.S. @Becky3825 - how are you doing? OK I hope. x

Checking in! Home in bed and not a drop of alcohol nor was I tempted. Not one person asked me why I wasn’t drinking and about 50% also stuck to AF drinks. It was a merry and civilised affair. We did agree to a post meal drink (AF for me) but again I knew I’d be tucked up in bed before long and was enjoying the company so happy to stay a little later than I’d planned. I had a good laugh as well which surprised me as I thought it would be more of an ordeal. I suspect a Xmas do with me being the only one AF would be tougher so was nice to have a gentle introduction into festive socialising AF. @ShyMaryEllen and @REP22 thanks for the wise words! I was very aware of the change of tempo post dinner and the obvious effects of booze on some of the party folk. Sort of shouty and swaying and repetitive!
And my friend apologised for being a dick. And told me that her hormones have been all over the place as her HRT isn’t doing what she needs it to. And she knows how awful it is not to sleep and if not drinking helps me then she gets it. And that she cut down drinking recently but is finding it hard and me just stopping made her feel worried about her own use because I just seem to be able to do it.I put her straight on that misinformation and said I had found it hard too many many times! Anyway it seems to be ok now -although she was drinking tonight but that’s up to her.
Heres to waking up regret free tomorrow morning!!!

Well done! It feels good, doesn’t it? Maybe print off your post or copy it to your phone and read it back if you ever feel tempted.

Morning! I’m awake. Was hoping for a longer sleep but my brain decided otherwise. I can confirm that there is nothing as nice as waking up without an ounce of anxiety or regret!

Morning!
Brilliant @Carpetburn. I'm firmly of the belief that if you get through it then experiencing some AF socials is a sure fire way to help this stick. Helps you get over the FOMO. Now you have the whole day ahead of you.
Isn't steamed fish and veg what Victoria Beckham has for dinner since 1998 @REP22? Joyless indeed. You're going to need a couple of portions of that Christmas pudding.
That did make me laugh picturing your meal @ShyMaryEllen. I would imagine the organiser takes it all very seriously and sometimes you've just got to let them have their little sense of responsibility.
I don't tend to do secret santas anymore. Not that I'm bar humbug but I'm one of those that just freezes at the thought of any ideas so I would invariably be the one buying the cucumber and sugar puffs. Best to just stay out of it to save the disappointment in the receiver.

Off out for a very muddy walk with dog. He'll love it so will lift my spirits even with the awful weather. Then I'm having to stay up late tonight as I agreed to pick up husband from a party - a taxi would have been silly money and it would have been three trains as the wrong side of town. 11pm though. Now if it was me I'd be driving myself. Another wonderful advantage of not drinking ever. I wouldn't even have to think about it.

Morning all.
What a brilliant post @Carpetburn - that bit about your friend made me a bit teary. And you’re making it look easy, eh? If only they knew! I remember DH saying to a friend “oh yes, onewild read a book and just stopped” 🤣

On the subject of DH, he went out with his mates in the week and told me the next day he was thinking of giving up alcohol altogether because he slept so badly. We’ll see.

I am away on my own this weekend. I still do get a bit triggered by flying - for some reason my brain told me I needed a drink to celebrate getting through security. Really? Probably just because I don’t do it very often, I’m less practised at doing it sober.

Have a good day everyone

Thanks @Onewildandpreciouslife it’s funny isn’t it? I’ve read ALL the books and am still working on staying stopped. And if I wasn’t confident about a social occasion I wouldn’t dare risk it yet. But the best thing last night was definitely that nobody cared who was drinking or not. That just made it all so much easier.
It’s mad how hard wired we are to trigger in certain situations like the airport. Good on you for sailing through!
Thank you @Lavrander can confirm I walked the dog, went to the gym and did the food shop this morning. Ordinarily the dog would still get walked but with a distinct lack of enthusiasm, gym no chance and food shop would have been a takeaway at 5pm!

Ahoy shipmates.

I've been drinking tea and eating my first brie French stick without my gallbladder. I can report it's gone down well.
Everyone was nagging me but they've gone out and the BFF popped around with the bread.
I love cranberry sauce on brie but there hasn't been any fresh berries yet. I like my own sauce ditto bread sauce which only I eat.
I'm counting up the numbers for my birthday lunch party and most people are driving. They won't be drinking and tbh a night time affair would be different. That ended in arguments historically.

The plot thickens with the beauty company founders, sadly not all they seemed.

Cracking update @Carpetburn - I'm glad it went OK. Your friend is lucky to have you in her corner.

I've started having a bit of a sort out at home. Downstairs was beginning to look a bit like a hoarders hovel and it was getting me down. I've cleared an entire box of unnecessary sh~te and it's already looking better. Sid was a bit bemused - the sight of me tidying is somewhat alien to him. I found all sorts of treasures, which were decanted into a smaller box. Cards and gifts from relatives no longer here. Books I'd forgotten I had. Show rosette prizes from Sid's predecessor, some scented candles bought from a beekeeper's stall at the local show, a card and employee award from work - and a paper from my Inclusion support worker after a catch-up visit during lockdown "On xx/xx/2020, Miss REP22 was breathalysed and her result was 0.00." Treasures all.

I'm terrified of flying @Onewildandpreciouslife. Once had an incident when flying back from Naples which I won't describe, but I've not been in the air since. A friend in the USA is desperate for me to go and visit him (not sure I'd want to go there at the moment anyway), but I was seriously investigating sailing over rather than flying. If a boat sinks, I can at least swim for a bit. But if in a plane, then no matter how hard I flap my flabby little arms, I'm pretty sure I'm not able to fly. Flying back from Germany once I was in such a state that they let me sit in the cockpit with the pilots until it was time to land in London. Pre-9/11 of course. And there's another reason. I had a couple of friends who worked in the World Trade Centre in NY. But I know my fears are nonsense. It really is very, VERY safe these days. It will be alright. Safer than the roads for certain.

I'm not really a fan of Secret Santa either @Lavrander - I abhor wasting money on pointless tat that people don't really want, and the obligations conferred on the givers and recipients. I do love a dog walk, even in the rain too. I like walking in the rain. But Sid is very, VERY much against it. I suppose I would be too, if I had to clean myself with my tongue.

I LOVE brie (or camembert) and cranberry sandwiches @WendyWagon - it's the only thing that inspires me to get my Breville Toasted Sandwich Maker dirty. Another thing that is very nice is a hot mince pie - flip the pastry lid up, put a slice of Stilton on top of the mincemeat and the lid back on. Lush.

Strength and courage mes braves. xx

Ooh, I like the sound of cheesy mince pies. I will try that out for sure.

I have another Christmas lunch tomorrow. Wish me luck. I really CBA, and it is at the same time venue as the last one - the joys of small town life. Luckily, it is a different organiser, and this one knows how to organise. Sadly, she also loves self-publicity, and there will be 659 'photo opportunities' over the course of what should be a relaxing afternoon. I have no idea what (or even if) I have ordered for this one, so it will be a surprise.

Today I have wrapped presents and sorted the ones I have into piles for the various recipients. It turns out I need to get more stocking fillers for SIL, and would like to get something else for Husband, but I think I'm otherwise sorted, which is a huge relief. I do find men difficult to buy for. I have plenty for the 'girls' (Daughter and DIL) but I could buy for them all the time, as women are so much easier.

I had planned to muck out Son's room today as he is staying over one night next week, but I have failed to stir my stumps. I'll try to fit it around the lunch tomorrow. That will doubtless be a boozy affair, so I'm please I no longer drink. It's harder to regulate drinking when you're hemmed in at a table, rather than wandering round mingling at a party, and waiters persist in topping up wine glasses. Funnily enough they don't bother topping up water, as it's not £30 a bottle 😉.

Hello shipmates, I'm enjoying reading everyone's posts. @Carpetburn that's great about your friend apologising! @WendyWagon your beauty enterprises sound very exciting.

I'm also a big fan of brie and cranberry. I'm happy every year when that sandwich turns up in the supermarkets again (I tend to grab far too many takeaway sandwiches lunches). I've never seen that combo in the US; Americans don't know what they're missing.

On a darker note, I've had a hellish week and made it worse by drinking all the way through it. I felt really scared at a couple of points that I had crossed a line and wasn't going to be able to stop and get sober again. I do feel ashamed of constantly posting on these threads about my day ones (today is day one). Sometimes I think my addiction is too strong for me to shake without some kind of professional help (rehab or some kind of local services). I don't know. Yesterday was the last day of my teaching term, so an enormous amount of stress has been lifted. I've been working so hard, but the alcohol has made it a lot harder I know. I haven't done any washing or cooking for a week because I've been constantly drinking or hungover. I've spent a load of money on takeaways. My DH thinks that I'm just very tired from work 😥If he suspects I've been drinking, he hasn't said anything.

Anyway I've felt quite depressed today (hangxiety). Could not sleep last night because I felt so awful physically and mentally. Am starting to feel a bit better this evening. I really hope I haven't already wrecked my health. I'm scared to have my liver tested to be honest.

The crazy thing is that on one level I'm still a 'functioning' alcoholic, because I got through the week. I wrote dozens of end-of-term teaching reports and marked tons of essays and taught loads of hours. My boss sent me a lovely message yesterday saying that my students had told her how much they enjoyed my teaching (that gave me a huge boost). But I can't keep living like this. I feel so stressed and unhappy and I'm carrying around this huge burden of secrecy. All the Tesco staff must know I'm an alcoholic because they see me buying wine every morning and sometimes again at lunch.

I'm sorry this message sounds so negative. I'm posting on here because I want to keep trying. Now that term is finished, my main excuse to drink is gone, and I have lots of lovely things to look forward to over the holidays, like DS1 coming home from uni. I'm going to go to AA meetings regularly.

I still have about a week and a half of work left before I'm properly finished; it's admissions-related stuff (which my uni does in a very intensive and time-consuming way, sigh). In fact I have to go into my office tomorrow morning to prep for Monday - woe. But the admissions stuff is less stressful than the teaching. And my workload for the rest of the academic year will be a lot lighter. I've already said no to one request to teach extra hours next term. I'm starting to realise that it's a matter of life or death for me. If I can't do my job without day drinking, I need to give up the job.

Right now I honestly sincerely feel that I never want to touch a drop of alcohol again. When the cravings come back (because I know they will), I will post here, or ring someone in AA. So many of you on these threads have managed to stop and you are an inspiration.

It's always a relief to make it to the end of 8th Week in one piece.

Some universities are more alcohol-centred than others, particularly the more traditional. I found it a little much, though left that world a very long time ago. It looks so idyllic on the outside, but really isn't!