Support thread for anyone trying to lead an Alcohol free life - Winter 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!
This thread is for anyone who is trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation or a break, there are a couple of really good threads on this board that will be a better fit. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

Really pleased you are home @WendyWagon. Warm welcome to the new posters. Very much relate to your posts. Another weekend sober. I am keeping busy to avoid a few things including drinking. Downside is I feel exhausted. Going to change the sheets and look forward to getting into bed later xxxx

Welcome aboard @Blackberry1979. What you write feels very familiar. I think the difference for me this time vs all the last times is my brain never believed it was for good and very quickly forgot the reasons I stopped in the first place. You'll get a daily reminder here.
@Losingit25I was you a few months back - outwardly 'healthy' and had it together but I just felt crap. I'm actually feeling what I'm putting out there now - not feeling such a fraud. You can do this.

Glad to read everyone's updates. Some good news in there.

@WendyWagon how are you feeling?

@Becky3825 how did the job interview go? Did I miss that? X

Hi All, I made it through Saturday and Sunday alcohol free which is an achievement. I am not feeling great yet but my body is probably still processing the red wine from last week. I sat down and spoke to my husband honestly last night about the amount I (and we) drink/drank. I would normally have had about 30-35 units a week, for last 10 years or more. This has crept up recently to peak last week when I managed 130 units in 8 days. I was absolutely floored that I did this and still worked, got up every morning, exercised etc. No wonder my poor body said STOP on Saturday morning. My husband is supportive of me not drinking, however he does drink most days, he averages about 50 units a week I think- I have shared this with him factually with no judgement in the hope he will mull it over and decide to reduce or maybe even abstain with me. I must focus on me though not anyone else. This is my journey and I need to navigate it for myself so I can become a happier person in body and mind (sorry for the cliché). I am looking forward to that feeling of waking up refreshed :-).
Hope everyone else is going well and thank you for this space to share- with no expectation of response, its just good to get it all out there.

Well done @Losingit25 - it all starts with that first weekend and you are doing great

I was absolutely shocked when I calculated how many units I was drinking - it shows how high our tolerance must be as that amount would probably floor 'normal' drinkers. My husband used to drink a similar amount to me but decided to join me in abstinence a few months in which has been great. Even if he hadn't tho i would have carried on. I feel SO much happier now. You lose NOTHING by not drinking, its all gains 💪

@Losingit25 i was probably on a similar number of units, the weight is coming off so easily now I’ve stopped drinking it’s brilliant, I feel like my body is very thankful.

I do feel quite addicted to caffeine though, when I go to bed I always get a fleeting thought of how much I’m looking forward to my morning coffee. Provably need to cut that down too.

Honestly, I would take it slowly. If you've been drinking for a long time, your body needs to adjust. I believe the liver has about 550 functions, and alcohol impacts on all of them. Cutting it out is a big deal, and if you also stop sugar, caffeine and so on, your body is going to complain, and you are more likely to relent. The important thing is ridding yourself of the desire to drink, and the rest can follow. Getting past Christmas, or even January, without drinking is a big ask. Make it easier on yourself, and indulge in whatever takes your fancy. It won't be as bad for you as drinking, and you can slowly cut out other things when you feel more up to it.

Obviously it's your call, but there are no prizes for extreme self-denial😀

(but don't forget the Thiamine - that is very important. 3-500mg a day for 6-8 weeks after stopping is optimum, I believe. You can't overdose on B1, but too much of other B fits can be bad for you, so it's worth taking it separately and sticking to a single dose of B complex if you are taking that.)

Evening all.

Mad busy day. I'm supposed to be resting but I had a voice test for a business podcast. Very exciting. I feel all modern and flattered tbh.

I have been quite well until this afternoon and then I needed to slow down so I watched a bit of Downton.
My neighbour opposite has got her hedge lit up so I think I'll get some lights for my bay trees. I've looked a right humbug the last two years due to being poorly.

Thank you for all the good wishes. I had excellent care.

Regarding units I was about 45 per week but many more if entertainment was required. I did this for 18 years after my mum died. She had two alcoholic brothers (former POW) and they did it to cope. She didn't want us to go the same way. She kept a very watchful eye.
My DH doesn't really drink and neither do my two DC. It does help.

We are at a difficult time of year but it can be done.
Pearl Bailey said 'you never find yourself until you face the truth'.

Evening all. Checking in on day 7. So that’s a week under my belt which is nice. There have definitely been moments where despite how rough I felt after every drink my brain still reminds me “this is when you have a little relax”. Finishing the working day is my biggest trigger -not my only one though.
I think as well because 90% of my drinking was solo it’s not been as obvious to others. Although of course my family see it.
But I’m resolute and keeping to my rules. Reading my notes to myself and posting here. I went through some old ones from last year and they were really sad I was so self critical and mean about myself. My notes are nicer these days. More kind reminders which seems to help more than the previous “you’re a failure and everyone hates you” ones did.
I don’t need more reasons to feel bad! I’m also trying to note when I feel good to reinforce the positive changes.
@WendyWagon the podcast sounds exciting! Glad you’re recovering well and taking it a little easier when you need to.
Hows everyone doing this evening.

@Carpetburn a week done! Well done 👍

I went out with friends in London yesterday, saw some of the Xmas lights. I had a couple of half pints of Lucky Saint. One of my friends had Coke. So it wasn’t weird and I didn’t feel any pressure to join in with the guys.

@FiloPasty in one of the episodes of the liver podcast I linked to upthread the drs were saying coffee is good for the liver. I can’t remember the details, but they were quite categorical about it. Even decaf coffee, so it’s not the caffeine part of it. Obvs might not be suitable for other reasons, however. Also the artificial caffeine in caffeinated drinks isn’t good. I should probably listen to this episode again, they aren’t too long.

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2QL5WFLptlpwARJMM5WkDy?si=0oEHA7W9TZ2olDfMHDj0bg

Evening all. Well done on a week done @Carpetburn. Positivity sounds good. As @HorrorFan81says - focusing on what you gain rather than lose and be nice to yourself. Whilst people respond to a kick up the arse occasionally, small changes happen with kind encouragement. You only have to make a small change every day.

Had a rather uneventful Monday which was lovely actually after a trying few weeks. Made a healthy meal and then had some chocolate biscuits whilst watching Police Interceptors! Note that the new gingerbread digestives taste like regular chocolate digestives. Disappointing.

How did the night out go @Whenindoubthugitout

Very exciting on the podcast. Also appreciating the recommendations. Keep them coming.

Hope everyone is doing okay. Sail on m' hearties x

The Belvoir 'mulled wine' is disappointing 😢. Very weak in flavour, and not spiced at all, really. I think a small child would happily drink it. A friend called round earlier and I poured us each a warm glass to have with stollen, and it was embarrassingly 'nothingy'. Sainsbury's Merry Berry is much better, and cheaper.

I am feeling quite grim. I don't know how much is psychological, as it feels worse when I'm on my own, but either way, I do. My next appointment won't be for months, unless things decline a lot, so it's just a case of getting on with it, really. There's nothing to be done anyway - I never got any treatment the last time, just told not to drink, and to come back for regular scans and blood tests. It's about management, rather than treatment. It's scary though. I'm telling myself that if I don't drink at all, and aim for a healthy lifestyle I might be able to stabilise , or even reverse things, but I'm not sure how much I believe it. Maybe in time.

Tomorrow I am out for a Christmas lunch. I have very little appetite, and I ordered 3 courses when it was booked and I felt better. I hope I manage to eat enough to fend off questions - I really couldn't face that.

Hi everyone, it’s so helpful to read your posts. I’m also reading lots of sobriety blogs to keep me focused.
@ShyMaryEllen I hope you start to feel a bit better soon. I read about your results and wish you well with not drinking.

I was supposed to meet a friend this Friday for a pre Christmas get together but I’ve cancelled. She’s an old friend but one of my boozing buddies and I’m too fragile right now to explain to her why I’m not drinking. Sounds stupid but I almost feel like I’m letting her down.

Morning all.
I'm up having been frozen out of the bed by the DH pinching the bedspread.

I shall try to slow down a bit today. I made seafood pasta last night for the DS and me. It needed champagne in it really but I swerved that one.

I'm really looking forward to Christmas as the last two years were hard with my poor health. I've even got a Christmas jumper!

Some of you might remember my cousin who is trying to lose weight and is a heavy drinker. Well she's cracked it and has lost nearly three stone and tells me that wine tastes like old socks (you don't say).
Keep going my chums. It's worth it for the freedom.

Three stone is excellent! Good to hear you're feeling better, @WendyWagon, but do try to take it easy, so you don't sabotage your recovery.

I've been awake since 5.45. I could sleep now, but of course that's not an option. I need to start to get ready for my lunch date, but I CBA. I will go though - I very rarely pull out of commitments, and I'll enjoy it when I get there.

I've got bedding in the machine, and have promised myself that I'll sort out Son's room when I get back. He's staying over one night next week, and his room is something of a dumping ground for junk 'miscellaneous items', so it needs 'a good going over', as my mum would say.

That's encouraging @WendyWagon - hope you're continuing to mend well.

Strength and courage lovely shipmates. xx

I’m still booze free 80 ish days but I’ve had a gluttonous week, don’t think I’m going to do well on the scales, but sobriety is more important to me. Just need to plan my meals better, I’ve not even really enjoyed my indulgences.

I hope everyone else ok x

@ShyMaryEllen im sorry you’re having such a rough time of it at the moment. It’s very hard when you’re worried about your health not to have that niggling in the back of your mind especially when you have a while to wait. If you’re feeling really washed out would anyone look at you earlier? Apologies I don’t know if that would be something you could even do but February seems a way away.
@FiloPasty can definitely relate to the gluttony 😂. I’m not usually a sweet eater and my diet is good apart from the ton of booze I’ve poured down my neck historically. Keep reminding myself the tub of Christmas sweets I’ve demolished is better than the alternative but have managed a healthier day today. I went to the gym after work which I enjoyed. It’s so much nicer when you don’t feel like you’ve been dug up! Who knew!?!!
@WendyWagon glad youre looking forward to a Christmas to be enjoyed this year. I’m working until Xmas Eve so often hate through December without enjoying it properly. Last year I didn’t even decorate the tree although my DH did it and it was a grand job.
@Lavrander i am trying very hard to be kinder to myself. Even though I had a blip I was sober for most of November so remind myself of that rather than berating myself. Plus I hopped back on the ship the very next day which is new for me! I am ever hopeful. Today has been a good one!

Evening!
I bought the Merry Berry the other day. Will be my Christmas Eve treat with a mince pie.
Thinking of you @ShyMaryEllen. It IS amazing what the human body can do and you won't know unless you try.
@Blackberry1979do what you need to do right now to stay on the ship. You can see your friend another time. I think it's one of the hardest things to let go is that feeling of letting others down. I have it too - there are people that I still haven't been out with that I haven't mentioned that I don't drink anymore to (why would I I suppose?) but I still don't want the conversation. I sometimes feel like there are only two explanations (and I know these are stupid)

1. The one where the outcome is the topic of conversation is that Lav has a drinking problem and has had to quit. Chinese whispers becomes she's been drinking mouth wash to get through the day and had a stint in rehab
2. Lav is a now holier than thou health freak that judges us all and we don't want that type round these parts

Impressed by the 3 stone weight loss! I lost a stone but then the all inclusive holiday sent me back up a few pounds which haven't come off. Still sitting around 9 pounds lighter even with all the biscuits.

I'm pondering.. only pondering entering an ultra marathon for September next year! A friend of mine did one and said it was just a long run but with snacks.

@Blackberry1979 I think you are spot on to cancel. You are prioritising your health. 'Letting others down' is my biggest trigger.

Im here. Not drinking. Wine witch is lurking, whispering regularly but I am on the straight and narrow. I've got some stressful stuff coming up, so I've stocked up on CBT drinks.

My weight loss has totally stalled. Ive noticed that when I'm stressed it stops.

We are waiting to find out results of assessments for my DM and cancer prognosis so not feeling festive right now.

Someone mentioned a quit lit book about firsts in a year post stopping drinking. Anyone know what it was? I need lighter quit lit, keeps me focused without being too heavy at the moment. Im re-listening to the sober diary's at the moment which is just right.

@ShyMaryEllen hoping you're having a better week x

There was talk of units earlier. I was drinking on average 100 units. Im a parent and I work full time. It is so scary to think about the damage done. I also know if I started again id be straight back there and worse, as drinking (for me) only gets worse.

I am anxious about christmas. I wondered if we wanted to start to think about and share things we are looking forward to from a sober Christmas.

I am looking forward to not gaining loads of weight from even more wine. Not feeling as exhausted by christmas day. Going for a walk/run on christmas day. Feeling bubbly without the bubbles. My children (daughter especially) will prefer it.

I was spending about £400 a month on booze. My first mortgage a very long time ago wasnt far off that. Absolute insanity.

@Lavrander an ultramarathon? I did parkrun a few years ago so can’t imagine 10K, let alone the distance of an ultramarathon but it would give purpose and motivation to the training.

@ShyMaryEllen I Hope your lunch date went okay. I’m sorry you’re still so worried about your results and appointments. You’re doing the best you can at present by not drinking. But do get in touch with your professionals if you’re worried. They’ll know people are.

@Womanshour I’m looking forward being present for the children mentally and physically, having the energy to last the day and play whatever games and put on all the Xmas movies. I’d also like to get out for a walk, and just enjoy it and not be too stressed. I’m planning ahead with the alcohol free options, might do an online Ocado shop as I’ve got some vouchers to sign up and get the 0% Chardonnay and the amaretto.

The wine witch is there hiding in the background but I honestly feel freer (not sure if that’s the right spelling) and lighter. There’s a clarity that appeared now I’ve escaped out of the foggy cloud of continuous drinking. There’s still the general ups, downs and worries of life but there’s a shining internal light that’s happy that had been smothered a bit.

I think Covid and perimenopause really ramped up my drinking, I went on HRT in January and I think that has also just been a huge help in my general mood.

@Womanshour i was reading this morning about Millie Mackintosh’s podcast and sober journey this morning. I might have a listen on my drive to go to my annual Xmas party with friends on Sat night, first one sober in about 15 years of us doing it.

@Womanshour the cost in monetary terms is huge :(

Thats a great tip @FiloPasty . I want to hear a women (as much as I like some of the male podcasts I really want to hear women speak about this). And i bet she'll have a lighter edge. Don't get me wrong I know its serious, sometimes I need a scare, but right now I just need camaraderie with a sober focus.

Those all sound like brilliant things to look forward to. I think ill get lots of sober drinks in. I dont like AF options so will explore others!