Support thread for anyone trying to lead an Alcohol free life - Winter 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!
This thread is for anyone who is trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation or a break, there are a couple of really good threads on this board that will be a better fit. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

Thanks for the welcome.

My husband has been sober for over 4 years now so I have his full support. He's said my choice to join him has made it much easier for him. He quit for health reasons related to the ingredients in drinks other than the actual alcohol so I'd (selfishly) never considered how my drinking affected him.

The most difficult thing over Christmas will be the work Christmas do, but I think I'm going to offer to be the designated driver.

I want to find a really good champagne equivalent as I love it (albeit it wasn't a regular tipple, I'm too poor for that, lol).

Try the Thomson & Scott 0% sparkling Chardonnay @NotTonightDeidre

@Carpetburn what your friend said is shocking. People can be very selfish sometimes. And ignorant too (they don't understand how dreadful alcohol addiction can be). I would definitely steer clear of her for awhile.

My friends have all been brilliant about my not drinking, but I've had pressure in the past from the odd senior colleague at work events (which makes me very cross). As in someone telling me I must try an amazing wine and not taking no for an answer, even when I've told them I don't drink. 'This wine is so amazing, you have to make an exception for it,' that kind of thing. Sometimes I've been tempted to say, 'I'm a fucking alcoholic, OK?' just to try to shock them out of their complacency. But in some ways, getting flack from a friend must be even more upsetting.

By the way, you said the other day: I’ve written some notes to myself about how I feel the day after alcohol so decided that I would read those and then post on here whenever I had a potential wobble. I really like the idea of writing down how I feel when hungover and then returning to the notes when I fancy a drink.

I've had a lovely lazy day today. We had a bit of good news yesterday in that DS1 (who's at uni) applied for a part-time and got it! It's maths tutoring in a school. I'm a little worried that the hours are going to be too much for him (given that he's full-time at uni), but hopefully he can negotiate the proposed timetable down a bit. This is a huge confidence boost for him as he has literally nothing on his CV so far! He's an introvert, so just the fact that he made it through the application and interview process and was offered the job is great.

I have soooo much work to do. Dozens of teaching reports to write. At least the end is in sight.

Strength and joy to everyone this weekend!

@Carpetburn It's strange how other people can take our not drinking so personally. When I told a friend I wasn't drinking, she said she hoped I'd drink when I went out with her because she didn't like being the only one drinking. I still can't quite understand why it would matter to her what I was drinking or why I should be the one to have to change to fit in with her.

Hello all…. I think the time has come to join you! I’m hungover and concerned about my drinking.
Quick history. I’ve been binge drinking since I was a teenager and I’m now a 46 year old mother of two teens with a professional job. I’ve been trying to stop drinking for years. I can remember writing about my fears around alcoholism and drinking back when I was in my 20s. I’ve had a couple of sober stints in recent years but never got beyond two months. I’ve created so many rules around alcohol which don’t stop me overindulging. The current set is no drinking at home and only drink at weekends. But then last night we went to a friend’s for a Christmas meal and I got really drunk. I’m so embarrassed. I drank her whole bottle of Baileys after she offered everyone a glass. All the normal people enjoyed their one glass but I kept the bottle near me and I kept topping myself up until it was all gone. I remember she was quite annoyed about that when she discovered it was all gone. There was no more alcohol available and I couldn’t stop myself.
reading that back sounds dreadful. If someone else told me that story I’d think they had a problem for sure.
Anyway I’m joining here and I’m committing to not drinking. Reading all of your posts has inspired me and made me think I can do this 👍

Hello Blackberry! Yes of course you can do this!

I recognise your description of the complicated rules. Just not drinking is nice and simple - you don't have to bargain with yourself. You don't ever have to think about who-will-be-driving-when-can-I-have-my-first - all that 'drink noise' gradually disappears.

Is it morning right now where you are? Just think - this is the worst you will feel.

Onward. Each day will be a better day. And thank you for joining us!

Hi All, i have decided to stop after drinking heavily for 30 years, I am now 45. I have a professional job, exercise and in the last year lost lots of weight with help in the injections- sounds good right. The final trigger was waking up in Afib on Saturday morning- it really freaked me out. Friday night was fairly typical for me, drank 2 bottles red wine, fall asleep.on sofa. I have been following this patter every other night for the last month. I was drinking white before so tended to be able to get myself to bed at least. I have know how bad the drink is for me, health wise, weight maintenance, performance at work and being there for my daughter. But the heart thing hit me hard and I decided I don't want to keep driving myself to an early grave. I took a year off a few year ago so know I can do it- this time i want to never have to feel crappy or scared because of alcohol again! Wish me luck, my husband is a daiky drinker so I need to separate my behaviours from his quiet firmly.

Welcome @Blackberry1979 amd @Losingit25 I think a lot of us will recognise so much from your posts. Blackberry my last Alcohol in my system was me sticking baileys in my coffee as I’d runout of milk.
My tips sign up for the free app - Try dry it sends a notification each night to ask if you’ve stayed dry and I get a huge amount if satisfaction ticking yes. I haven’t filled in all the bits about sleep/mood etc but I do think that would be especially helpful in the early days.
Try all the alcohol free options to drink I drank a whole bottle of the white M&S wine the other night with a pizza and it totally itched the spot. I particularly like the beers despite not being much of a beer drinker previously.
You can do this.
@Losingit25 that must have been scary my mum has terrible AFib and I’m sure is linked to her heavy wine habit. 2 of my main motivations were my own health as seeing hers and not wanting to be so ill in my 70’s unfit, AFib, and fairly unhappy at her failing body. The other is my children and just wanting to be a better mum.
This thread has really kept me accountable and I’m so glad I found it.

Good morning everyone!

@Blackberry1979 and @Losingit25 You’ll be having a few difficult days ahead but we’re here with you. The bottle of Baileys, I can see how that might have happened. The AFib sounds worrying, especially at a young age, I imagine. Another good reason to stop. Welcome aboard.

@elusivehope well done to your DS for getting that job. My DD works at a bar at a music venue near her Uni. She gets verbally abused by not-yet-drunk or drunk people about the price of drinks or water.

@WendyWagon I hope all went well and you’ve started your recovery.

We’re meeting a couple of friends early evening today. I think that will be a pub, details still vague at the moment. I’ll be having the AF beer. I might say I’m saving myself for Xmas, rather than that I’ve given up. I’ll see how the conversation goes. We saw them a few weeks ago, but it was a deli type place where there was no alcohol.

Have a good Sunday, everyone!

NA wine is awful IMO. I was a red drinker and to be honest I’d rather have grape juice than the stuff they produce at outrageous prices. As for champagne it’s a lovely crisp dry taste. The NA versions are closer to Prosecco and sickly sweet instead of dry. Why they can’t master wine in the same way they’ve mastered beer (which is brilliant) is beyond me.

@Slackfoxy agree I’ve seen some more expensive reds advertised- Wednesday sonething maybe, that I tempted to try for Christmas.
The M&S white was fairly bland but drinkable, the rise was so sweet but maybe with soda might be ok in the summer. the red gave me awful joint pain and tasted awful so maybe something in the tannins rather than the alcohol still not agreeing with me. I can definitely see that market booming in the future. The way vegan meals did.

Can I suggest again (for those who haven’t yet read it) a thread called ‘I found an old note to myself’

The thread for people supporting alcoholics in their family too is also sad but helpful reading.
I do kind of wish I’d kept a diary of the early days, how I felt, the weird dreams etc. Although I won’t ever forget when my blood pressure started going crazy and I was having dizzy spells all linked to my drinking I think.

I’ve written this before but I found when tidying a birthday card to my youngest. I’d obviously wrapped the present and written the card after copious amounts of wine and it’s just a scrawl, legible but a mess and it really rings home what a shitty mum I was. There was also an incident where there was a freak accident at home and my daughter needed stitches, it was late at night, I was already pissed in bed and she couldn’t wake me up, and obviously there’s no way I could have driven to hospital. Luckily my husband took her but I could cry now just thinking of it, that I wasn’t there with her when she needed me, just drunk in bed at home not even knowing what had happened. She’s old enough that she’ll always remember that and I’ll never get over how much I let her down.

Strength and courage Shipmates x

Thanks for the warm welcome! I’ve felt ok today and I know I’ll be fine this week as I don’t drink Mon-Fri anyway.
That might make it sound like less of an issue but I’m so fed up with alcohol occupying this huge part of my brain. Should I drink? How much? Is there enough? I can’t stop. I’m hungover. I’ve got hangxiety. I’ve wasted a day. Should I drink? How much and on and on and on.

I should also say I live on the other side of the world in Asia so my posts will always be at different times to the majority!

@FiloPasty I’m new so have never read that before but it made my hair stand on end. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you all for replies. This thread is kusy what i need and i hope me posting helps others realte too. I didn't drink last night and managed to go for a run this morning which felt good. The irregular heart was almost definatly due to how much wine I drank on Friday (holiday heart syndrome_ except I am not on holiday)! Its hard to hear others acknowledge how bad this is as I think it's so easy to overlook these very obvious and strong warning signs our bodies give us. I was think Friday morning when driving with a hangover headache that I must have spent a 1/3 or my life hungover and another 1/3 drunk...that really is shite. Still looking to the future and I am going to celebrate every morning that I feel alive, awake and refreshed by night of real sleep.

@Losingit25 id also recommend a trip to your GP about the heart, my own didn’t ask many questions about my drinking more my symptoms, dizziness, feeling faint, fatigue etc my blood pressure was awful and I’ve had to go on medication but it was the final kick up the bum I needed after many, many failed Mondays saying never again and then opening the wine on a Tuesday. I’ve now got an ECG booked and more bloods 3 months on, but I’m on my way to being 2 stone down and that’s mostly from the zero alcohol calories and less snacking and hungover eating.

Morning from the old timer.
I'm home and have two tails!

I went down for my gallbladder op in the morning so I was home last night.
The steroids have allowed me to sleep and move today. If I didn't turn into a twenty stone monster I'd take them all the time!

Welcome to @Blackberry1979 and @Losingit25 .

@FiloPasty I could have written your post. I was in charge of my DC who were 3 & 7 at the time. I had got seriously drunk in the afternoon with my neighbour and we carried on when her husband came for her boys.
My husband announced he had a sports match and left. I used to be quite good at hiding how much I had drunk and lying about it!
Luckily we had my dad living next door and after collapsing in the hall my son got him. So embarrassing. My DS still reminds me of that nearly twenty years on.
I did actually give up drinking for a bit after that.

Regarding friends and pinching their supplies. I once went to one of those 'at home' selling gigs where the posh mums try to flog you stuff, candles, scarves.
It was hosted by a very close friend. My glass was empty so I helped myself to her open red on the side. We didn't really speak after that! It did me a favour really as she is a queen bee type and unless I was drinking she was very manipulative. No loss and she was really nasty about other people so I now wonder what she said about me. Old soak I expect.

I'm taking it easy, the boys are fed.

I shall definitely try the chardonnay AF sparkling.

That all sounds positive, @FiloPasty. I think it's important to remember that other complaints/illnesses are available, and we need to keep on top of those, as well as of things caused by drinking. When we first stop drinking it can be all-consuming, and too easy to assume every twinge and cough is somehow alcohol-related. They may be, but equally they may not.

Often there is a lot of realigning going on in the body, so things like vivid dreams (sometimes AKA nightmares) sugar cravings and insomnia can go on for quite a while. There is nothing you can do, except recognise that these are actually good things, as they show your body is getting back to normal. If you can find ways to accommodate them, great, and if not, you have to learn to live with them.

I found long scented baths and making the bedroom as pleasant as possible helped. I got a TV and sleep headphones, and made a routine of bath, bed, TV (something easy to watch without too much concentration) then headphones with a hypnosis track when I felt ready to sleep. If I didn't, no problem - I just put the TV back on. It took a while, but eventually the fear of being unable to sleep stopped keeping me awake, if that makes sense. That system only works if you don't have to get up at a regular time, though. After a while I started to set the alarm, so I wasn't staying asleep for too much of the day, and gradually that became normal, too.

Good to see you back, @WendyWagon! You are sounding very chipper, which is great to see.

@WendyWagon glad to see you’re home. Hope you have a restful recovery (house move pressures aside).
Definitely resonate with @FiloPasty and @WendyWagon in the regret in terms of not always being available for my children at times. One of the most jarring moments for me was the realisation that when mine were teenagers they would disappear in the evening if I was drinking. When I’ve had periods of sobriety I found they would appear again. It was a bit of an eye opener for me when I realised they were just happy to sit and watch tv with me when I was sober. But they didn’t like my company when drinking. I always thought I was so good at hiding it. Very much aware I’m back in early sobriety again but I did an AF Xmas last year and they asked if we could have the same Xmas as then this year. Nobody said “please don’t drink mum” but I know that’s why we had such a good day. And so that’s what I’m doing.
Day 6 today and feeling better every day. Aware I would be at nearly a month now if not for my blip but pleased it was a day of regret instead of weeks.

@FiloPasty thanks for sharing and @WendyWagon as well. It’s helpful to know that other people have regrets.
It’s evening here and I now have terrible anxiety. I messaged my friend this morning to thank her for last night but she hasn’t replied. Obviously I’m creating lots of wild scenarios about her no longer talking to me etc.
I don’t want to live like this. Im actually quite a sensible person when sober. Im fed up with regretting the night before.
I need to bottle this feeling and go back to it every time I think ‘one drink can’t hurt’
anyway I’m heading to bed shortly. I always sleep terrible the night after a big night…..

Oh @Carpetburn my adult dc did the same as teenagers. Would hide upstairs if they saw the wine glass.

I use to try very hard not to drink if they had friends over. I would like to know how many people they told I had a drink problem. Still too frightened to ask tbh!

We moved towns a year after I gave up drinking so I expect there's quite a few who still think I'm a soak. The BFF and I were legendary. 😅

off to my Xmas night out. Very tempted to drive.
which will kill any wine witchery - but equally sure I can do it without.

@Whenindoubthugitout you’ve got this! I prefer to drive now as it’s much easier to get myself home :)