So firstly, I'll start by saying that he is not her father. He father is not in her life and never has been, so the only male in her life is my partner.
We started a relationship nearly 4 years ago. At the time, I was unaware of his drug and alcohol issues. I ended it with him some time after due to his lying about the issues, but we stayed in contact and developed what I can only describe as a trauma bond. My daughter had very little to do with him during this time and the whole thing was a mess.
I then fell pregnant by him, and consequently we now have a child together (8 months old). Since the birth of our child, the relationship itself has improved and he has managed to stay in consistent work, so I have given it a proper chance and allowed him into our lives at an attempt to build a proper family. We do not live together though as I won't allow it in my home, and he has quite a temper (although never violent). His family have a history of drug and alcohol problems, his parents were both drug addicts while he was growing up, his father died of it, his mum got clean, but he and his brother now both suffer with the same issues.
He doesn't drink every day, it's roughly every 3 days or when he's having a bad day, sometimes when he's having a good day such as payday. When he drinks, he also takes drugs and gambles. All of his friends have severe drug issues, so it's rife within his environment. I do understand this makes it harder for him to get away from, however, my empathy can only go so far now that I'm seeing the impact on my children.
Since the birth of our child and him spending much more time around us, he consistently talks about drink and drugs around my 8 year old. The amount of times I've had to pull him up on it is a joke now, to be honest. It's now at the stage where it's become normalised to my child and she talks and jokes about drink and drugs. It makes me absolutely sick.
I want to end it with him, but I don't know how to stand my ground and stick with it. I've tried so many times, hence why I believe there is a trauma bond here for me. I was in a bad place when I met him, he made it worse for me. I'm in a better place now but I am quite lonely. Since the relationship with him, I have gradually lost all of my friends. I have raised our child completely alone, with only some financial support from him.
For the record, I do not drink or do drugs, and I'm so worried and angry that it's managed to become so normalised to my child through someone who she isn't even biologically related to, and I want to break his family's cycle for my son before he follows the same fate.
How do I do it? How do I stay strong enough to walk away from him completely.