Support group for those affected by someone else's drinking - thread 3

[pointythings]

Link to previous thread here: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcoholsupport/5177307-continuing-support-group-for-those-affected-by-someone-elses-drinking?page=40&reply=147449407

Continuing our series of threads for people who have an alcoholic in their lives. This is a safe space to vent, look for advice and support and maybe find some strength.

And we are now stuck with 1000 posts of a thread with a spelling error in the title - I'll chase up HQ to see if they can help.

Sending support to anyone who is dealing with a Christmas relapse.
It's calm here, but that's only because he's settled on the sofa with a box of beer & nothing else to do, so he's happy.
I'm grateful that Christmas won't be us trapped in the house with an awful atmosphere if it stays like this, but I'm also daydreaming about what it could look like next year if it no longer has to revolve around alcohol & it looks good.

This is a dreadful time of year for families of alcoholics, drink everywhere! DH parents offered him a sherry earlier today - he didn’t accept because he is tapering and waits until 5pm. But as far as they know DH had a drinking problem a few years ago but has been sober since - they haven’t a clue that he’s been secretly drinking for the last few years.

Why offer a bloody drink?!

Sorry to hear others are also struggling, it really is terrible.

All our worst memories are wrapped around this time of year - the 28th of December 2017 was when my late husband detonated everything with his threats to kill me, the police involvement, the social services contacts, the stress.

So there is no alcoholic excess in my house. DD doesn't drink, DS and I are very very moderate because we know the beast.

Much love to everyone who is still dealing with an alcoholic this Christmas.

Wishing us all courage and hugs for the next few days, some of us are going to need it, unfortunately.
STBEXH has continued his tapering and it seemed to be going well…, until he delightedly announced how happy he is that he’s now ‘fixed’ all our problems and we can move onto a better marriage- WTAF?
yes ladies apparently I have changed my mind about leaving now he’s put in all this effort 😵‍💫
I gently but firmly told him that while I am grateful and proud of him for the reduced intake, I am still leaving.

Tears before work this morning, came home all forlorn and asked me to go to the local for our traditional Christmas Eve drink together, I agreed (guilt ridden) 2 low alcohol beers later I headed home… and he stayed with his cronies for a ‘proper drink’ ….. wish me luck please because I’m 99% sure I’m going to need it 😢

Christmas’s past had bad memories, in fact I think one of my first posts here was on Christmas Day when my late husband drank for the first time in 15 months in front of me. It took another year or so for me to hit the rock bottom and call the police.
Now although life is complicated with my parents, it is calm.

Wishing peace for you all. There is another side xxx

Having no money is such a protective factor, but makes meaningful recovery so difficult. To recover someone has to develop into a fully functioning adult - and be able to cope with having money. Having money has definitely been involved in relapses here.

So sorry to read this. Esp if sober a year

does it happen every Xmas. So drinks. Then stops for a year ?

You need to tell them @hoodiemassive

Stop hiding and enabling

Oh dear. ((Hugs)?

So sorry so many struggling and having drunk dh again

im not sure how tomorrow will pan out. Pretty sure he’s drunk today /tonight but hadn’t seen or heard from him as blocked so …..

tomorrow we spend with his family so hoping all will be ok as in public so won’t be drinking daytime

tho will be in the car alone so not sure how that will go

im not going to rock the boat or mention anything as dd will be with me

@Penguinsandspaniels I have given him till the NY to tell his parents or I will. It’s ridiculous for me to have allowed it to go on this long…

@Penguinsandspaniels that's on a good year! 2024 he was drinking from around August until the New Year on and off (mainly on). I was naively hoping this year might be different as he's become a fitness/health freak and all of that will be completely undone now. Tomorrow will be interesting as all his presents are fitness related

That’s another week. Too long

Silly man

tho I say that about dh. When he drinks

you obv Haven’t had enough yet so good luck tomorrow

@Penguinsandspaniels I'm only here for the kids. They are all teens now and think he would just die if we left. At least he got all the Xmas food in and wrapped the presents before he started!

Wishing everyone as peaceful a Christmas as you can manage. Leave the alcoholic on their own to drink if that's what they want to do. You can't stop them, so don't try. @Anjelika and he might die if you stay. Either way, it's not in you or your kids' power to change the outcome. His decisions, his responsibility.

That’s hard with teens. In some ways having a younger child is easier as she sees things every black and white

she doesn’t like people being drunk. She remembers his behaviour from the other month and isn’t keen on seeing him

tho if you and kids left and he died , would they feel guilt

you/they can’t say for the kids

Second Christmas since Mum died, which feels pretty weird.

I'm also not used to enjoying Christmas. Always found it depressing as fuck. Some years I spent it alone, because I didn't want to be at home. I never even decorated before.

It's a novelty, for it to be a nice day. Going to spend it with my Dad. I won't drink, he and my partner will drink a little. I haven't decorated but I think I might next year.

Love to all. Hope it's as peaceful as can be.

@Penguinsandspaniels I find it easier with teens tbh as you can talk to them properly about it plus mine really step up when DH is drinking. Cooking is DH's domain but DS15 is a great cook and will cook the entire dinner if needed.

Let’s hope we all have a lovely day an no arguments or drunken spells

All quiet here-tapering happened as agreed and we have had a good day. Hoping your day has been peaceful xx

Pretty quiet here too. DH stuck to beer and a bit of wine rather than knocking himself out with vodka sneaked behind our backs and has been present and functioning.

was a good day. With family so meant sober as remember he isn’t drinking so he won’t ever drink in public

My DH fell backwards down the back steps and somehow managed not to hurt himself - think drunk people just bounce or roll! Xmas didn't put a dent in his drinking though and passed out by 7pm.

Was ok here actually. It took a lot of work to bite my tongue & not ask him to go steady & not ruin Christmas, but I did it, & actually he did better than I expected at regulating himself a little bit.
He stuck to wine & beer rather than spirits, so there was no carrying on & no name calling which was such a relief. There were also no presents for me & no help with dinner at all, but I was expecting that to be the case.
I realise how low my bar is set that i'm calling this not a bad Christmas at all.