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Alcohol support

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Original poster

Support group for those affected by someone else's drinking - thread 3

997 replies

pointythings · 28/09/2025 14:04

Link to previous thread here: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcoholsupport/5177307-continuing-support-group-for-those-affected-by-someone-elses-drinking?page=40&reply=147449407

Continuing our series of threads for people who have an alcoholic in their lives. This is a safe space to vent, look for advice and support and maybe find some strength.

And we are now stuck with 1000 posts of a thread with a spelling error in the title - I'll chase up HQ to see if they can help.

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Penguinsandspaniels · 14/12/2025 20:42

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Penguinsandspaniels · 14/12/2025 20:42

wouldratgerbeunknown · 14/12/2025 11:54

I just can imagine HOW to change our living situation??
I can't imagine after 40 really good happy years together that I destroy everything after 6 months?
Even my daughter agrees with this she's hoping that things like this will make him re evaluate what he's doing.

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Hold it there

YOU haven’t destroyed anything. It’s dh. Not you

you know deep down that your daughter is right to stop grandson on staying and she is doing it to protect her child - as any good loving parent would do

are you happy to lose seeing and spending time with grandson over dh staying and drinking and lying

it’s your choice how this can now go on

yes its a hard one not choosing the man we love /loved but they choose to drink

Penguinsandspaniels · 14/12/2025 20:54

pointythings · 14/12/2025 12:56

You're only 6 months in. It took me 6.5 years of steadily worsening things before I decided I had hit my rock bottom so you are still doing better than I did.

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Ditto took me over 2yrs after the first kick out to actually say no more x

omg. Not sure what happened there 🙀🙀🙀😳😳😳

Original poster
pointythings · 14/12/2025 20:57

Penguinsandspaniels · 14/12/2025 20:54

Ditto took me over 2yrs after the first kick out to actually say no more x

omg. Not sure what happened there 🙀🙀🙀😳😳😳

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It's OK, I think you and I both reported it and MN sorted it.

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MNHQ
KimMumsnet · 14/12/2025 20:58

Hello @Penguinsandspaniels - looks like somehow your post managed to replicate itself quite a few times there, so we've gone in and removed all the extra ones for you.
As you were!

Penguinsandspaniels · 14/12/2025 21:21

KimMumsnet · 14/12/2025 20:58

Hello @Penguinsandspaniels - looks like somehow your post managed to replicate itself quite a few times there, so we've gone in and removed all the extra ones for you.
As you were!

Thank you. Not sure what happened there 🙀🙀

wouldratgerbeunknown · 15/12/2025 07:43

Zebracat · 14/12/2025 18:02

@wouldratgerbeunknown A lot of posters who come here are very apologetic about their own needs, because they are so used to putting their alcoholic loved ones first. You, more than anyone else seem to apologise even for posting, even for existing Even if his drinking has only been an issue for 6 months, rather than has only come to light in the last 6 months, his views and needs seem to have priority. I wonder if that’s why he’s making false accusations now. Is he feeling his control slip?
The kind of drinking you describe is hugely problematic, and it seems most unlikely that he will just be able to stop one day so you can all get back to whatever your normal was. All I want to do is remind you that you matter. Your right to a peaceful family life matters. Of course you want to help your beloved husband, but you won’t do that by covering for him or by destroying yourself. Please don’t feel scolded, please keep posting. You have a lot going on, and we just want to support you.

Thankyou so much.
We went to the event and he amazingly kept it together for the whole day!
Although I did catch him frantically looking in my mums kitchen for booze !And lying about it of course. That's a given now.
After a very bad couple of days this was a relief but I'm beginning to see the traps more clearly . So these "good " days give you false hope in a way.
I intend to try a SMART meeting to see if that can help me.
I need to go out today so I'm sure he'll take that opportunity to rush out and stock up on booze.
Yesterday people were drinking G and Ts and i honestly had to go outside to get some air because that smell is now so revolting to me. I still can't see how I missed it- so dumb.
Dreading Christmas TBH

Hereagain334 · 15/12/2025 14:23

Dreading Christmas too - thankfully no family functions to perform at but will be stuck with him 24/7. And you mentioned the smell of gin - everyone says vodka doesn't smell but it does! Mixed with sickly sweet squash the smell of it turns my stomach ...

Original poster
pointythings · 15/12/2025 14:25

Hereagain334 · 15/12/2025 14:23

Dreading Christmas too - thankfully no family functions to perform at but will be stuck with him 24/7. And you mentioned the smell of gin - everyone says vodka doesn't smell but it does! Mixed with sickly sweet squash the smell of it turns my stomach ...

My kids still can't stand the smell of whisky because cheap shit Scotch was my late husband's poison of choice.

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Hereagain334 · 15/12/2025 14:28

And smells are a really strong trigger! Never thought I'd hate the innocent smell of Robinsons and Vimto almost pathologically! I'll never willingly buy them when I finally exit this shitshow!