I can't do this anymore

[Muppet11]

I've had enough. My wine consumption has gone to 2 bottles a night. I'm so sad and lonely but I need to stop. I've tried AA and hated it. It's the only thing that stops my mind but I know it will kill me.

Just need some support really, I have to do this or I know I will die :(

@Muppet11 He's 23 he's struggled since moving home from uni. He's gone to stay with friends for a few days so that's a positive they are good friends who have a good influence on him.

Is your DH back in hospital? It's hard caring for someone when you're struggling yourself.

As @TeaBiscuitsNaptime said be kind to yourself.

I'm snuggled up with the cat, watching a bit of TV before bed nearly bought wine on the way home but bought a big bar of fruit and nut instead.

Look up Rethink Drink

That's a good sign that he coped with chemo well. With any luck things will improve over time. You could take a rest when you can xx

It's so hard, when I had my breakdown my DS was suffering too. It hurts that I couldn't be there for him.

I really think youngsters today have it so hard, so much pressure on them. Have you looked at private therapy? The one that treats my son is very good and has helped him enormously.

No, DH is out of hospital but has to go back everyday for IV antibiotics. He is feeling alot better. It's been such a journey and still not over yet... Honestly the last 3 years have been horrific :(

How are you doing OP?

You will have a local drug & alcohol service who can help, and can prescribe. If you say where you are (nearest big town or local authority) I can find the details and post them. You don’t have to do this alone, there is help. You might also find these people helpful https://smartrecovery.org.uk/

A little update if anyone is interested? I've been drinking.... a lot :(

Had an appointment with the surgeon on Friday. They said that the hospital should have flagged DH infection and done a urgent MRI.
The surgeon said it is definitely connected to the cancer and he has to have a urgent MRI tomorrow.
The surgery is horrific and life changing. But the main worry is that the cancer has now spread.
Im so frightened, I've been drinking to cope. I know this has to stop. I have to be strong to deal with this and help my DC. But it's so bloody hard.....

You can do this. Honestly, we can do hard things. The drink only numbs it for a few hours, but the fear and sadness are still there when it wears off, and then you’ve got the hangover and guilt on top.

Your original and earlier posts on this thread resonated with me. I knew I had to stop or it would kill me. I couldn’t manage two days once upon a time. When I stopped I had the disturbed sleep and sweats you described too. I’m now over four years sober. It’s not easy, but it’s absolutely worth it. You’ll deal with everything so much better without the fog. One day at a time. You deserve to be sober, your DH and your kids deserve you being the best version of yourself that you can be. Xx

Thank you @DramaLlamacchiato I really feel like it will kill me. DH should not be drinking at all with his cancer.
My DC deserve so much more, they can't have 2 sick parents.

Four years is amazing, well done! Xx

Yeah I genuinely felt the same…you can do it, good luck x

I know you've had a set back, but you can do this.
Have a look at clear mind hypnotherapy app. I haven't used it for drinking myself, I have used it for weight loss and anxiety and it has really helped. It has lots of good reviews for drinking.
They do an aversion to alcohol and also ones for sleep and anxiety.
If nothing else, it really helps me get to sleep quickly and I get a full night of good quality sleep every time I listen to them. It might be worth a try as another tool.

Thank you @ThatGreenFawn

I will have a look x

Sorry to hear you're going through this. We're all rooting for you. I second hypnotherapy or meditation also. I find Linda Hall good. She has ones for difficult times and overwhelm amongst others

@Muppet11 thanks for starting this thread, and I hope you can keep on going, however bumpy the ride is. I'm 3 days sober and have been inspired by all the posts on here. I don't expect it to be an easy journey.

I don't want to derail your thread so I'm posting my situation on another thread. Needless to say big changes have to be made

Please don't feel like you are derailing, the more input the better and well done on 3 days!

So day 1 done (again) have an urgent scan tomorrow for my DH. Praying it hasn't spread.
This is why I have to stay sharp and focused, the journey ahead isn't going to be easy.

@Icecreamhelps hiw are you doing?

Back on day two 😭. I stupidly thought I could have a few glasses of wine that turned into a bottle of gin on my weekend off. Just coming out off the anxiety, dread and depression.

It happens.... please don't beat yourself up.

it's just so bloody hard, I drank 2 bottles of wine last night. Did the old thing of saying today is the last day so go for it!

Been so unproductive and do you know what I'm sat here thinking......?

I have to do this, I have to

@Muppet11 Thank you, I know it's really getting me down. I feel so much better when I don't drink but I crave that ability to just have a few then stop. I've been off work today so forced myself to the shopping centre to just get out of the house.
How was your husbands scan? Do you get the results straight away or do you have to wait?

Hi. Can I join please? I’m a typical binge drinker, can go for months without but once I start I will drink to blackout stage.

I’m currently sporting a broken nose after falling at the weekend drunk. I didn’t even realise what had happened until the next day. Embarrassingly it’s not the worst injury I’ve ended up with after a binge.

I know I need to stop or else I’ll end up dead.

I've done 6 days! If I can do it, @benny77 @Icecreamhelps @Muppet11 then we all can.

@benny77 I've had many an unexplained injury but I've not broken my nose. I've broken an antique glass vase and then walked on it..... I've done so much research online, read all the sober literature and still I can't stop. I drank only occasionally up until about 10 years ago and then I went through an extremely stressful and traumatic experience and had a few drinks to help me relax and sleep. I know chemically what's happening I just need to reverse the thought process and brainwashing.
@sobermother six days is good going. I'm sure your feeling the positives my anxiety has lifted and life seems lighter today. I just need to find another way to fill this void.
Tomorrow is another day five.

Welcome @benny77 the more the merrier. Thank you @sobermother 6 days is great!

@Icecreamhelps I think the waiting for the scan results is what has been making me drink. Maybe an excuse? I don't know? But the thought that this may have spread has been terrifying me.

They phoned today and said no spread, which is a huge relief. But, he does need radical surgery which will have life changing results. We are both in shock at the moment as we didn't expect the surgery to be so intense.

I drunk last night, 2 1/2 bottles of wine, I feel awful and disgusted with myself today.

Today is World Mental Health Day and my now Day 1. I know I have to do this to get my family through this difficult time. I'm supposed to start my job soon but think I still should go, will give me an outlet and only part time?

I feel embarrassed having to keep saying back to day 1. Story as old as time..... but today I know this needs to stop. Going to download the hypnotherapy app and really really try. I'm really so grateful for all your support, thank you x

You’re going through a lot @Muppet11 , so be kind to yourself.

Are you getting any support yourself for dealing with DH’s diagnosis and treatment plan? The MacMillan online community has a forum specifically for those looking after people with cancer, which it might be checking out. I think when you’re drinking to cope with difficult things it helps to tackle it from both angles.

(My background is that I started drinking very heavily to deal with my own cancer diagnosis and several other issues. My health and other issues got resolved and I was then “just” left with a drink problem. But I’m over 3 years sober now).

@Muppet11 oh gosh, what a challenging time you are going through. It is particularly hard when your go-to stress response is alcohol.

For what it's worth I think you should go ahead with the job - it is time away from all your current issues and I find that helpful distraction. Plus the hours you are working are ones when you can't be drinking.

@Onewildandpreciouslife well done for being sober and I'm sorry you had to go through this cancer journey.

I have got support, it's been hard as we have had so many delays for various reasons. I'm also so worried because we lost a good friend a few years ago, he had a major operation then a few weeks after it had spread to his bones. Trying very hard not to compare and we are very lucky that it hasn't spread.

@sobermother i agree, I think the job will be a good distraction. The only thing is that they want me to work over Christmas, if my DH is in hospital or home and incapacitated if it's going to be too much?