I can't do this anymore

[Muppet11]

I've had enough. My wine consumption has gone to 2 bottles a night. I'm so sad and lonely but I need to stop. I've tried AA and hated it. It's the only thing that stops my mind but I know it will kill me.

Just need some support really, I have to do this or I know I will die :(

Well done you, onwards and upwards, great first step 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Well done! I look at clothes and think I can't afford them. But the amount I spent on wine was crazy. It's important to reward yourself

Well done Muppet!

Hope you've had a good day @Muppet11How are feeling about the upcoming weekend? Any plans to get you through?

How are you doing muppet xx

So it turns out my DH wasn't faking. For the last year he has been having treatment for cancer.
He was admitted to hospital today with an infection. He looks so ill and I'm very frightened. We don't have a great relationship but he is the father to my DC and he was once the love of my life.

In so ashamed on the way home I bought some wine. This is the story of my life, a great up followed my a massive dip.

I don't know why I do it?? I was feeling so good and positive.....
Fuck fuck fuck ....

Sooooooo many people rooting for you, including me.
Could you maybe not drink it?
(I KNOW how impossible that sounds, believe me, but you're doing so, so well).
I'm thinking of you.

You can't just stop drinking, it could literally kill you and this is coming from me who used to work with alcoholics. Seek help to cut down from GP

@Muppet11 that must be a massive shock! Shame and fear are strong emotions. I'm not sure if you've drank your bottle of wine or not if you have it's done brush the shame off the only place that will get you is another bottle and another. I'm still here listening ❤️

Aw muppet that’s bad news sorry to hear. And the answer is, that I realised eventually that life is up and down forever. It’s not just you it’s everyone and it never changes. The day we all wait for or the good year, a fantasy. The difference between people who drink to cope and those who don’t is simply that those who don’t have other coping strategies. You don’t have that yet so it’s natural you’ll revert to what you know.

write this off to a blip and think about how you go forward building your resilience without alcohol. Hope your dh picks up soon!

People talk about the cost of weight loss injections being an expensive way to lose but very often the cost doesn’t matter because the food bill goes down and covers the cost of the injections.

You’ll be surprised by what you can afford going going forward.

@Muppet11so sorry to hear about your husband. What a shock. Do you know when this started and what treatment he's been having? When you say he wasn't faking, had he told you or was it a secret?
If you drank the wine, this doesn't mean youre back to drinking, you just drank yesterday. Today can be another alcohol free day. You'll handle this revelation better sober. How's your dd? Does she know about her Dad's condition?

Sorry if I wasn't clear. Yes I know about the cancer, he has been having treatment over the last year. He has finished his chemo and now needs an operation.
He coped really well during treatment, wasn't ill at all. Which is why when he said he didn't feel well the other night I thought he was making it up because of the interview.
I feel really bad now because he has some kind of infection.

This is why I was reluctant to look for a job, I need to look after him. But I had a chat with my DD tonight. She said I need to take the job, it will do me good to get out of the house and it's only part time. I've become a bit of a hermit over the last year.

Im sorry everyone but I did drink the wine :(
Even when I was drinking it I was thinking "why are you doing this? It isn't going to help."

I need to be strong at the moment but I've been blocking everything out with wine.

Anyway, today is a new day, back to Day 1 for me. Going to the hospital in a bit.

Thank you for all your support

I found that once I had categorised my drinking as a compulsion (I have a form of OCD) rather than an addiction it was easier to.stop because I stopped judging myself and felt I had more control. I know that sounds like kidology, but mindset is everything.

Congratulations on your job. I am really sorry about your husband. I hope that he is going to recover and soon. Don't beat yourself up about the wine. Just start the clock and start putting the money away somewhere to make a clothes fund of something so that you have something else to look forward to.

@Muppet11 don't even think of today as day 1, you have been sober for 6 days before last night, so today is day 7. Come on be positive. Last night was just a hiccup

Hi @Muppet11 I've had to reset my sober count so many times. I really like @Kingsleadhat post about it being a compulsion. I feel that completely. If I've had a bad day, good day etc I'm either comiserating of celebrating with a glass of something. This is so ingrained in TV, films and media. The brainwashing is real. What makes it really frustrating is looking around and assuming that others can take it or leave it so we must be the problem not the substance. Then the shame and guilt kicks in then I think fuck it. Well that's how it feels for me. I need to find a compulsion for walking, knitting, gardening anything that isn't a glass of wine. You had a drink yesterday but that hasn't changed where you want to be tomorrow ❤️

Keep reminding yourself that your child needs you. Your child loves you and id like to believe that they are worth fighting for. Put it this way, if their own mom doesn't think they're worth it, your kid will believe you and the rest of the world won't think they're worth much either... Even if you don't have it in yourself to fight for yourself yet, do it for them first. Then remind yourself that you need to fight for yourself too for them, because it will be hard for them not to have you around or sick for milestones, their graduation wedding, their own children being born etc. People are worth fighting for, right?

Morning @Muppet11. If you come back to this but don't want to post can I suggest you lurk on this other support thread for a bit until you feel ready to chat again, we're a welcoming bunch:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5414227-on-a-mission-to-moderate-or-absolutely-abstain-judgement-free-zone-new-thread-autumn-2025?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

Hi @Muppet11 massive congratulations on your job. I’m so sorry about your DH.

So you drank the wine. But you had those sober days before when you didn’t drink wine. That’s brilliant. Don’t be ashamed of yourself. Life is always one day at a time.

Is there anyone in real life you could reach out to when you are tempted to buy the wine or drink the wine? Or maybe try posting on this thread? It helps a lot to have someone who wants the best for you to kindly talk you down from it.

Thinking of you today, it’s sunny where I am and I hope the sun shines on you too.

Morning everyone.

Its been an awful weekend, spent the day in
A &E yesterday. I am utterly exhausted, drained and ashamed.
Had a couple of beers last night 😢.
I have to stop using alcohol to cope.

They wanted to keep DH in but he refused, he isn't the most patient man and he is understandably very angry and grumpy at the moment.

Think we need to go back to the hospital later but I'm letting him sleep at the moment.

So back to Day 1 today, I have to stop this as things are getting serious with DH and I have to be on the ball.

Sorry for the ramble @Hohofortherobbers thank you will look at that thread.
@SisterTeatime thank you, I felt so much better on those sober days I don't know why I choose to drink? I have nobody in real life I can speak to. But will keep posting as this thread is really helping.

Hope your dh gets the help he needs, and please stop beating yourself up.

Drink has been your "companion" for a long time, and you're not going to be able to switch that off in an instant. When your defences are low and your stress levels are high and you're exhausted, it's almost impossible to remember the bigger picture and find the willpower to resist something that will give you temporary relief.

You're aware that it's a problem, you've acknowledged it to us, and that's a huge step. We're all here with you, no judgement, and we're on your side xxx

I second that. We are all on your side and there really is no need for beating yourself up. It is what it is. You are going through a rough patch at the moment. Be kind to yourself

@Muppet11 Just got home from work I feel better when I'm at work to be honest it gives me a break from home stress. My son is having a mental health crisis he's not engaging with the GP's and just spends all day in bed. Then feels guilty for not doing anything with his day. It makes me feel really helpless. I'm trying my best not to drink but I did have two glasses of wine on Saturday night. I felt so disappointed with myself but on reflection it could have been worse and I've not had a drink since.
Like others have said it's hard when it's your go to, to relax.
I've opened up to my Manager today about my issues at home and it felt good to just share. We are all here to support each other on this journey and really believe we can get there.

@Icecreamhelps

Im so sorry to hear that about your son. How old is he?

I had a mental health crisis a few years ago, ended up in hospital.

As you said don't beat yourself up, 2 glasses is better than 2 bottles! Really good that you have opened up to your manager, I hope they can support you?

@TeaBiscuitsNaptime & @Trabbling thank you for your kind words. It's been a long road with delays in treatment for various reasons. He needs an operation, not sure when that will be.

I feel awful because he coped with chemo so well, he still having iv antibiotics. I was terrified that the cancer had spread.