The support thread for anyone trying to live an alcohol free life. Spring 2025.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome.
These threads were started by drybird in 2020 and have gone on to support many people to give up alcohol and live a sober life.
We are not a moderarion thread and only encourage sobriety. There is another long running thread if that's what you feel is right for you. Lots of support there.
We have newbies and veterans, some who have 5+ years under their belts.
We share life's up and downs (often why we drank) and no question is too silly.
Personally I gave up drinking three years ago. It's the hardest thing I've done and the best thing.
We call our selves sober sisters and even have a mascot, Sid the ship's dog.
He poses often for a cheer up picture.
We're not here to judge, just offer support and friendship.
It gets better I promise.

I'm reading Let Them. It's interesting, although so far everything in it is available free on YouTube, so it's worth looking on there to see if it's your thing. Mel Robbins.

The gist is that if people are doing things you don't like (the examples in the book are when your teen wants to go to their prom in a rainstorm without having booked a place to eat, and when you see on SM that your friends have gone on holiday and not invited you), you reframe it from 'how can I make them see sense?/what did I do wrong?' to 'let them - it is their choice, and nothing to do with me.'

I'm not very far through, but can see how it must be freeing not to overthink all the time. The next step (AFAI can tell so far) is to move to what letting them allows you to let yourself do. So 'I'll go home and wait for teen to come home and tell me all about the prom.' or 'I'll make more/less of an effort to keep in touch with those friends/I'll invite someone else to go on holiday' depending on what you want to do. Basically, it's based on the idea that you can't control other people, but you can control your reactions to them. Has anyone else read it?

Fingers crossed for the London meeting @WendyWagon.

@ShyMaryEllen I've not read that but it sounds like good advice to me. I'll try to follow it!

Morning all.
Up early to glam up for the London trip.
As usual I can't find anything.

Ahoy inspirational crew on the top-notch ship Sobriety.
I will not drink today.

Self care includes contentment and fulfillment, without these we seek self mediation elsewhere.

Sending suncream and ice cream 99flakes all round.

Good morning shipmates. Think it is going to be too hot for me today. I am mindful of how much worse it is in the heat when hungover. Not today. 🙂

Hope all goes well in London @WendyWagon.

Strength and courage. xx

Hello all,

Long time (I lurk but don't post).

It's lovely to see the strength and determination on these threads that helped me all those years ago is still alive and well.... and yep I am well into the years now!!

This week I am having my 4th sober Birthday. Even 4 years ago when I was having my 1st sober birthday - and I was very miserable about it - I didn't really understand what a gift I was giving myself by becoming AF.

My life is so different now and I'll never, ever go back!

I am so happy to see so many courageous and lionhearted people in one place. Long may all our journey's of sobriety continue.

Congratulations on 4 years, @Crunchymum!

I'm not quite there yet 😂 it's just when my birthday falls that means it's my 4th sober birthday.

I have absolutely no doubt that next February I'll be officially 4 years sober though.

Happy birthday @Crunchymum 🎉🎉 So glad to hear that you're sober and thriving, a true inspiration to us. 🙂

Every blessing to you from me and PartySid. xx

Party Sid is just adorable. Thank you ❤️

Morning all.
Hope your meeting went well yesterday @WendyWagon .

Good to see you @Crunchymum ! And happy birthday 🥳

My mental health has taken a real tumble over the last few days, to the point where I’ve called my work’s assistance program to set up some counselling. It’s a short term solution (I think I get 6 sessions) but hopefully it will be a start. I was in a very bad place 3 years ago, but sobriety and exercise seemed to pull me out of it, so it’s frustrating to feel myself slipping back when I’m still doing the right things (which is probably quite a telling sentence in itself!)

I’m not tempted to try drink my way out of it though, so that’s an improvement !

Hope everyone is ok and not melting!

Morning all, morning party Sid.

Great to see you @Crunchymum i ment to say hi on another thread the other day but work bits got in the way.

The big meeting went well. Think dragons den, then we went for a Leon lunch. Too hot for fancy. I did have a fleeting urge for champagne but as the taxis had cost a fortune I didn't. Lights out just after nine! Saved by being old and knackered.

I was watching a programme and they posed the question 'what makes you happy?' Personally I love restoring things. The repair shop was my go to when it was still on BBC 2. The DH and I are pondering this as we head towards retirement.
So how does it relate to former drinkers? Do we ever really get to do what makes us happy?
However I hope you don't mind me telling you the DD passed her exams, go Dr (to be) DDWendy.

Ahoy magnificent sober sisters.
I will not drink today.

Achieving enough contentment and fulfilment to avoid self medication is easier said than done (yesterday's post). That's why we feel such an empty void when we go af. I am grateful I understand this, and think how lucky am I to have this challenge to achieve.

Sending Yorkshire tea and an appreciation of sunny blue skies. 🧜‍♀️

I've also been reading 'Let It' @ShyMaryEllen . One of my go to phrases is " have your say, then walk away " and do my utmost not to get emotionally involved after that. I'm hoping there's going to be a chapter on what to do when something nasty and toxic is directed straight at ourselves, how to let that be .

Loved hearing from you @Crunchymum, it's so encouraging hearing how you're doing further down the road of af living .

Congratulations @WendyWagon on becoming mother of a Dr ,you must be so proud.

Hope you're ok
@Onewildandpreciouslife, we're here for you, 💕

I came across this barn whilst out at a museum @WendyWagon, but no filming unfortunately.

@mermadeincornwall that does look like The Repair Shop.

DD has a long way to go with her exams still before I can puff up like a prize turkey but she had tied herself in knots thinking she had failed. I had left the house before the results came in.
I can tell a few people but I shall not get any acknowledgement from the 'toxic two'. Very silent on that front.

Good morning shipmates.

Another hot one today methinks. I'm not a fan. Hoping it will be cooler and I when Sid and I head to the West Country next month.

Brilliant for your DD's exams @WendyWagon - that's fabulous news.

@Onewildandpreciouslife - I'm sorry you're going through the wringer at the minute. It's not fair, when things hit us like this. It won't always be this way. Better times will come. You're doing so well, and it's a sign of real strength, not weakness, to reach out and ask for help. That takes courage. I hope the support program team will be helpful. We've got similar at my work - I have found them very useful and supportive in the past myself. We are standing with you, even though you can't see us. You're not alone.

Strength and courage. It's going to be alright. xx

Morning All! @WendyWagon talked about what makes us happy. Yesterday I was out on a walk and came across a field of carthorses and their foals. We stopped to look, stroked their noses, marvelled at their magnificent beauty... I'm not particularly a horse fan, but they seemed so calm and peaceful and quiet that I found it hard to tear myself away. N that moment, I felt that I was happy and I felt happier for the rest of the day. Are horses the answer to anxiety?! Gardening usually makes me happy but some horrid critter is eating everything in sight when my back is turned, so that's not making me happy at the moment.

@LillyPJ i love horses but I admit to being a poor rider. It's only me and one other friend who don't ride in our group. However I do attract horses and
can always get them in. Useful around these parts!

@LillyPJ - I love a carthorse too. There is a gentle majesty about them. IN my line of work, some colleagues recently needed to manage some tree-felling. The terrain was steep and uneven, with river channels and challenging extraction routes. We used a professional and his two carthorses to extract the timber. It was beautiful to behold. I believe the National Trust use similar on some of their sites as well.

Sid loves horses, he's always happy to see them. Interestingly, however, he finds horses being ridden by people utterly unacceptable and is livid if he spots it. No negative experiences that I know of. I can only imagine that he thinks they are "big dogs" and is enraged by the idea of people sitting on dogs.

Like @WendyWagon I am not a rider. I used to be, but a nasty accident when I was 11 rather put me off. Perhaps I will try again when I have reached my target weight. At the moment it would be nothing short of cruel to try and clamber onto an unsuspecting horse.

The sound of birdsong brings joy to my soul. At this time of year the house-martins and swifts darting about. The sounds of bees buzzing on moorland heather. The sound of a gentle river tumbling over pebbles. Those things restore my spirits. Plus the tinkle of the ice-cream van of course, hehe.

Ahoy beautiful ladies sailing on this voyage of discovery.
I will not drink today.

When do we something good for ourselves we feel good,it's win win. The more we do the more we want to do.

Stay safe and sober.
Throw love everywhere, with an extra burst to those in the way of Trump's missiles.

Good morning shipmates.
Ahoy and all that.

I'm off out with the DD this afternoon. She's going to a afternoon party. I shall go mooching in the local market town.
Another warm day I think.

Has anyone tried the campari AF? I have some stonking mint in the garden and I fancy making a long summer drink.

Afternoon shipmates,

Late on today as work hectic. Not tried AF Campari @WendyWagon (although never tried full-fat Campari either, dullard that I am). Did have the first new potatoes from the garden yesterday though, and the stonking mint was good for that.

Too hot here today. I don't like it. Neither does Sid. I have to make the nightly choice - early evening walk when 'tis more heated; or later, cooler, evening walk with very real possibility of encounter with the Kanine Krays (heat of a different kind). Earlier, methinks. At least there is a handy AF bar at which Sid can (just about, on tipclaws) sup...

Stay safe in the heat. Strength and courage. xx

Late sunsets and early sunrises. I’m finding it difficult to get to sleep and stay asleep without the vino collapso! I’ve tried valerian and ashwaganda and cod oil, but no real joy from either. So. What do you take? I need something more than herbal tea!

@Slackfoxy I haven't found anything that helps me sleep. I'm not dozing off halfway through a film after having a couple of glasses of wine, and the sun's waking me up at 5 every morning. I used to get annoyed and tried various remedies (nothing worked) but now I don't worry about it. I don't feel tired in the day so I must be getting enough sleep.