The support thread for anyone trying to live an alcohol free life. Spring 2025.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome.
These threads were started by drybird in 2020 and have gone on to support many people to give up alcohol and live a sober life.
We are not a moderarion thread and only encourage sobriety. There is another long running thread if that's what you feel is right for you. Lots of support there.
We have newbies and veterans, some who have 5+ years under their belts.
We share life's up and downs (often why we drank) and no question is too silly.
Personally I gave up drinking three years ago. It's the hardest thing I've done and the best thing.
We call our selves sober sisters and even have a mascot, Sid the ship's dog.
He poses often for a cheer up picture.
We're not here to judge, just offer support and friendship.
It gets better I promise.

3 days in and I’m really low and emotional. Don’t remember this from before…
DH isn’t on great form (work related) and I’m not loving my job atm either, but I keep feeling tearful and sad. If it’s not to do with not drinking, I’m glad I’m not drinking iykwim (possibly the worst sentence I’ve ever written - kudos to anyone who can understand my point!). I don’t even fancy a drink strangely.

Morning all.
Sorry you’re finding life hard at the moment @MagsMagnolia - I hope you got back to sleep. It’s probably a bit of both, isn’t it? The first 4-5 days are the hardest from an alcohol point of view, particularly if it’s messing with your sleep. And sometimes life is just crappy and it’s hard to face that head on. Hope you have a nice day planned

Morning all.

We are conditioned to associate bank holidays with entertaining and booze. The offers come on at the supermarket and we tear ourselves away.
We do need to acknowledge this is hard. Unless you are dependant you really don't understand. 'Just the one' is very tempting but I can tell you by day three of drinking you are starting to build dependancy again. The poison will taste lovely and isn't it fun? Until it isn't.
I had six months of therapy and it worked for me. I'd recommend it. It's an hour to moan and cry and get it out of your system. Cheaper than wine too.
I was in a very dark place when I gave up drinking. I had embarrassed myself in the workplace and I was horrendously bloated. I think another year and I would have developed serious health issues. I could have died. Don't do that to yourself.

Yes it's hard, yes it can be addictive but we're strong women and here to hold each other up. You can have everything but not the booze. That's got to be a good trade off.

@MagsMagnolia I think I felt sad and emotional around Day 3 as well. I suppose part of it is a sort of grieving that you're leaving a part of your life behind. I did wonder how I'd fill that gap. Now (Day 25) I still wonder but I'm happier and sometimes quite excited about what's to come. Getting through the difficult times without alcohol is a test and it feels great when you pass that test. Hang on in there.

Morning All! Best night's sleep ever last night! Asleep at 11, awake at 7. For years I had a spell awake in the middle of the night, often for 2 hours or more, hot and sweating, anxious, heart pounding, restless etc. I thought I'd always be like that.
Thanks for the encouragement @WendyWagon We've had a glut of Bank Holidays this month. Fortunately, this one has passed me by as I was returning from holiday on Saturday, busy washing, shopping etc on Sunday, and have my usual yoga class today then catching up on gardening. I see the wine in the fridge but remind myself that 'just one' is a very bad idea. I want to be stronger than the lure of the bottle.

Morning fabulous fellow crew on HMS Sobriety.
I will not drink today.

How people act towards me is a reflection of their personality, not mine.

Sending lifeboats and Yorkshire tea,to all that are in need.
Stay safe and sober

Angry weeding. That's what's needed.

I had a drive into the yard at the farmhouse yesterday. It had me at wisteria!
The poor DH was sweating. Probably needs a new roof and windows at the back. Tis a beauty.

Ooh @WendyWagon I do love wisteria!

@MagsMagnolia sending a hug, hope you're doing okay this am, I think I was quite emotional day 3 and very very anxious, it definitely eases.

I so agree with the sleep- I just thought the waking was ageing and night sweats were the heat but no 🤣😉 it's fabulous to have a full night's sleep again.

Thank you for sharing @WendyWagon it's so true and such a good reminder. It's good to be free ❤️

Hope all have a good day
IWNDWYT

Hi @MagsMagnolia, I recognise your name from Mumsnet more widely. You're a great poster! I love your username and always enjoy your contributions. I'm really happy you're here too ❤

I've been on nights @Onewildandpreciouslife hence the stupid posting hour!

Thanks @taylorean, I think I've seen you around too!
Self indulgent post incoming...feel free to scroll on by.

I think everything has collided at once to be honest. Kids have left home, parents died last year, work is frustrating (I'm in an NHS role where burnout after 7-10 years is common - I've just done 12), husband is struggling with mental health issues (not a new thing but gets on top of us both sometimes) and I'm fat, menopausal and a bit sad! I'm on a waiting list for counselling which I'm oddly looking forward to, but in the meantime, I'm just a bit all over the place.

This afternoon I've been looking at whether we can afford to move closer to DS2 who's at uni. DS1 is working abroad atm. Right now I really want to just up-sticks and start again somewhere, but in reality the whole process would probably make me so anxious that I'd back out. Also, in reality I know that neither of them are rooted or settled and it would be wiser to wait until they are - otherwise chances are they'll just move to the Hebrides and leave us on the south coast!

I just want someone to come charging in and sort my life out for me.

Drinking definitely DOES NOT help all this. I find the 3am anxiety and palpitations are the first thing, but then I have 48 hours or so of really low mood. I can't keep kidding myself that it makes me feel better!

Day 3 today 💪

Sending hugs and solidarity @NorthernDancer.

Hi magsmagnolia thank you for the self indulgent post- it’s really helpful to know someone else in a similar position. Husband depressed, kids etc.
sometimes I feel I can’t cope, and what you say about sleeping and anxiety rings true- I never really realised I felt anxious -for three whole days! -after booze, I just thought I was anxious. I’d give up for 3-5 days so just long enough to get anxious all over again. It’s that obstacle course in the field that was mentioned in that very good blog link earlier.
thanks to everyone else as well, it’s wonderful to be part of such a thoughtful kind thread.
im tentatively hopeful I can do this,( especially now knowing things like the above. ) which in itself is immense. I succumbed yesterday - such was DH s stress, I just can’t live through anll his stress again. Luckily he is having counseling which is helping. But thanks to you all I realize if I cope with booze again, we’ll, it’s not rebelling or living is it.and the anxiety is beyond a joke.
Im pleased thiugh, to visit pub tonight with af beer. It fills you up - so no need to order snacks, £16 for a baked Camembert and some toast! And af beer is cheaper too, win win!.
massive hugs nirtherndancer I’ve been there, waiting for cancer tests, it’s not easy ( understatement) meditation tapes can help, and if there’s a Maggie’s center they are amazingly brilliant.
hugs to everyone, you are all amazing strong women.
IWNDWYT. 🩷

Morning marvellous shipmates .
I will not drink today .

I take my mental health seriously now because I have the time and understanding to prioritise it.

Sending grace and peace, and umbrellas .

Morning mermaid
I love your posts of wisdom.
im looking for a handhold today - that isn’t alcohol. My daughter ran away to be with a partner when she was 17 1/2 . she stopped texting on her 18th . It went from really happy texts to nothing. She’s 20 today.
id been relying on seeing my counselor today but she’s cancelled. Im a bit all over the place tbh.
handholds very welcome!

Morning shipmates and Sid.

I'm sorry to all those struggling. I don't have all the answers but I know life is much better without the drink. It does take a while to feel whole again.

I thought people didn't like me but you know I'm a good person and our number here are the same.

Alcohol is a mask we wear until we find out who we are. It doesn't and shouldn't define us.

I’m so sorry @Healthynow - that must be so painful. Is there someone else in real life you can have a chat with?

Thanks onewild not really - there’s only so much you can bore your friends with.
It’s sunny, hurrah! so I will get organised for the plumber who is going to charge me a RIDICULOUS £90 an hour inc vat. Maybe I can get angry instead of sad!

Reaching out a hand to @Healthynow, no wonder you’re feeling raw. Can you do something nice for yourself - even just going outside and looking at a flower; really absorbing the beauty and wonder for as long as you can concentrate. Perhaps a guided meditation (Insight Timer is good) may help. I realise I’m now sounding like an old hippy - I’m really not; I’m mean and prickly! But I’ve had to change now I don’t have alcohol to shape me.

In the words of the very great John Lydon - anger is an energy!

Sending hugs and hand holds to all. I'm sorry do many are having a rough time of it, life can be beautiful but also utterly shite. I'm always happy to listen @Healthynow xxx
Sending love to all, may today bring some rainbows xxx

@Healthynow strength in numbers! We can get through this, alcohol is such a liar; dresses itself up as a 'treat' and a short term way escape the stressors, but in reality it just makes it harder to cope and work things through with clarity.

I've been trying to 'sit with my feelings' more recently, instead of numbing them with wine or copious amounts of crisps and biscuits who am I kidding, it's usually both. After an early night and decent sleep for once, I've actually woken up this morning feeling like the clouds are parting a little and have resolved to get my head up and have a productive day. All this without wine or stuffing my face with crap. And I've lost 2lb! Result.

Looking good, feeling strong.

Those who did / do therapy- how frequent were your sessions? I’ve found someone local I like the look of, but she’s quite pricey and I’m wondering if once a month would be enough?

@Onewildandpreciouslife The lady I'm on a waiting list for charges £60 a session. I'm envisaging seeing her weekly initially, but hopefully will drop to fortnightly or monthly after a while.

@Healthynow I'm sorry to hear that - it must be very difficult. I think sharing - even if it's on here with strangers - really does help. I don't know why, but it just does. I definitely know that alcohol doesn't help anything! In the past when times have been tough, I've done a gratitude diary, listing ten good things about the day. Even if it's something tiny like a perfect slice of toast or watching a bird soaring overhead, it does help you to focus on the good things in life which often go unnoticed.