The support thread for anyone trying to live an alcohol free life. Spring 2025.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome.
These threads were started by drybird in 2020 and have gone on to support many people to give up alcohol and live a sober life.
We are not a moderarion thread and only encourage sobriety. There is another long running thread if that's what you feel is right for you. Lots of support there.
We have newbies and veterans, some who have 5+ years under their belts.
We share life's up and downs (often why we drank) and no question is too silly.
Personally I gave up drinking three years ago. It's the hardest thing I've done and the best thing.
We call our selves sober sisters and even have a mascot, Sid the ship's dog.
He poses often for a cheer up picture.
We're not here to judge, just offer support and friendship.
It gets better I promise.

@REP22 and @EastCoastDamsel thankyou for the support re, wobble : ) It was not easy having the internal conversation with my stupid side (who just thinks f**k it, drink it 🙄)

@MagsMagnolia I agree. I've been noticing how often jokes about how someone must be an alcoholic, needing a drink, wine o'clock etc crop up. All those birthday cards making similar jokes about how much someone drinks too. It's all portrayed as a bit of a laugh or something silly but not serious. And I'm sure I was as guilty as anyone else. My mum was very much against alcohol and never drank, having had bad experiences of an alcoholic in her family. It wasn't until she was almost 70 that she finally succumbed to drink a Bailey's at Christmas. I wonder why people felt the need to pressure her into it.

@EastCoastDamsel I never considered giving plants as gifts..I am stealing your idea : ) it's a much nicer gift and one that I would love now. Why my go to is always wine I just don't get.

I hope you’ve survived this evening @Healthynow . You have my sympathies- I’ve come home to find DH swearing at his computer in a foul mood.

But it is not our job to fix the situation for them. We can be supportive and sympathetic, but we should not feel it is our responsibility to make it better.

I am coming to realise I have an ingrained belief that I am supposed to protect everyone from pain, but of course that’s impossible

Ahoy shipmates.
I'm up early with the sparrows.
My stitches have popped and I need to go to the urgent care centre. The local quacks won't touch it.

@Healthynow im not very good with advice re bullies. I had two in the workplace recently and the second time I walked away from the job. The culprit is on bail at the moment for financial crimes. A scary guy.
The first toxic colleague forced a sham redundancy. I loved that job. He lied about his qualifications and he knew I knew, he'd also bullied a pregnant woman before I joined. He got his comeuppance in the end. He's still looking for a job a year later. A greedy git too. Tbh I wish I had ignored him. I always think I can reason with people. I would have done better to have agreed with him but I felt he was a huge lying slimball. The owner of the company couldn't / wouldn't see it. She is much younger.
I hope your DH finds a way of dealing with this man. I read a great retort this week on mumsnet-
'after you, you look very important'.
I think I'd advise your husband to adapt this to 'of course you know best'. A bit like Yes Minister!

Morning all.
another beautiful day
it won’t be wasted

Morning, hope all goes well with stiches @WendyWagon Hopefully urgent care will be quiet at this time x

Crikey, that must be some wound @WendyWagon ! Hope you get fixed up soon. It took weeks and weeks for one of my caesarean wounds to heal. In the end they used a honey paste and it worked wonders.

Ahoy marvellous shipmates.
I will not drink today.

Deborah James talked about how you cannot bank time,or rewind it. When today is finished we can never get it back, or redo it. And,we only have a certain amount of days in our lives. Today I am grateful to be able to be here and appreciate all that's good.

Sending serenity and kindness.
Throw love everywhere.

I am coming to realise I have an ingrained belief that I am supposed to protect everyone from pain, but of course that’s impossible
Many women have that belief, and as you say, it’s a guarantee of failure. I came across’Let Them Theory’ recently. Put it into search on YouTube and watch one of the longer videos. I can’t remember the woman’s name, but she talks about how much time we waste second guessing others in what amounts to a desire to control them for their own protection. We do it to protect ourselves, too. She likens it to rowing a small boat against the current.

The idea is that you learn to recognise that and ‘drop the oars’. Let them do whatever it is (unless it is genuinely dangerous or harmful) and shrug it off. Your friends go away and don’t invite you? Let them. Your child turns down a place at medical school? Let them. Don’t waste your energy on trying to change their minds. Then you can act to change how you behave- make new friends. Go away on your own, or with someone else. Support your child in their new career choice, or whatever suits you - the difference is that your decisions are based on you, and what you can do for yourself- not on how you want others to behave. It’s very interesting and worth a look.

Good morning Shipmates. 🙂

That sounds grim @WendyWagon - hope you can get it restitched quickly and without too much hassle. Look after your lovely self. x

@Healthynow I'm sorry about your DH, bullying is awful, in any form, and to think that it has followed him to his new job. How is he with his current boss? If they get on OK, would he be able to have a word before the bully starts? Something along the lines of "I don't anticipate this being an issue, but I just wanted to give you a heads up that Bob worked in my previous company and there were one or two issues." and then name them in a general tone without and drama and keeping a neutral tone, and just finish along the lines of "as I say, I'm sure it won't be an issue, but I thought it was only fair to make you aware." He may not need to say anything, of course. Bully might have learned his lesson (hmm). But if your DH has already been employed there for a while and is in good standing with his colleagues, they are likely to understand and appreciate that any problems that might arise are not coming from him. And Bully would be foolish to start sh~t in a new job during his probationary period. I really hope all goes well and that they don't have to deal with each other that much.

That's a lovely sentiment @mermadeincornwall .

Strength and courage to you all. Keep at it. We can do it, it will be alright. xx

Well, I think I’ve had my greatest test so far and come out the other side. Actually, I didn’t find it that hard, I just found it really weird!!

I bought a house today.

in the past, this would have meant popping the champagne corks and following it with 2 bottles of wine at dinner with the DH. Hunting for the port or a late G&T if all that wasn’t enough. Morning after horror. Hangover. Shouting at children. Going to work and wondering if I was under the limit to drive.

None of that. Just happy. Tidy house. Lots of yummy food cooked for a picnic with some friends coming over tomorrow. 😁

[138 days]

@SmellyMe Congratulations on your new house! I'm waking up clear-headed on Day 22 and feel like I've taken blinkers off. Everything seems clearer now. I can enjoy whatever I'm doing without wondering where the next drink is coming from or whether it's nearly 6 o'clock or if I need to go to the shops for wine. I've suddenly got a big chunk of the day free to do other things.

Good morning my lovely sober sisters.

I had a bit of an incident yesterday due to the gallbladder. Very poorly. Better this morning after tea and shortbread biscuits.

Big congratulations @SmellyMe i do love a house purchase. I've heard nothing on mine.

The BFF is due round. Let's see if she turns up!

Congratulations on the new house @SmellyMe and doing it sober!

It’s magic, isn’t it @LillyPJ ? 😁

Congratulations @SmellyMe I'm finding I have more time too! An added bonus 😀
Glad you're okay @WendyWagon sound painful.

Day 5 here, I've been sleeping loads and am feeling a bit groggy today but doing okay. Ginger beer is helping the 5 pm trigger and I'm proud I ended my working week with a ginger beer instead of a huge glass of wine.

Have a good Friday all!

Morning ships crew on the top-notch ship Sobriety.
I will not drink today.

Self care isn't just the joys of warm baths, exercise and reading, it's continually practising good mental health exercises . Catching ourselves with negative thoughts, being emotionally evolved in situations we cannot change, forgetting to count our blessings. Changing these thought patterns take time and commitment, but they can be kept in check.

Sending solidarity in the pursuit of improving our lives

@WendyWagon I feel your pain re Gallbladder. Suffered for years before it was removed as an emergency. It was exacerbated by drinking but it still didn't make me stop : /
Congratulations @SmellyMe I just moved into my first house that is just mine..it's great!! I won't be drinking today.

Ahoy shipmates and happy Friday! Have spent yesterday and today catching up here - so many happy achievements and milestones. Too many to single out but well done everyone. Everyday is a milestone and should be celebrated. I’m approaching nine months sober and will echo what has been said - it really does get easier. It’s unrealistic to expect never to have thoughts of drinking and what a great idea it would be, right there and then. It really is never a great idea. But I can now go round a supermarket without performatively walking past the booze aisle whilst silently shrieking “look at me, I’m WALKING PAST THE WINE AISLE, nothing there for me, etc”.
I struggled for years with stopping for a few days/weeks then falling at the first hurdle and having to go through the whole misery all over again. I think because I mainly stopped drinking because I thought I should, rather than because I wanted to, and because many attempts at stopping were to assuage the physical effects of drinking. I’d go through proper withdrawal and it would take up to 10 days to feel anything like normal. So once I physically felt better, my reasons for continuing to stop, in my demented mind, had gone and off I would go again. Rinse and repeat. It really did fit the definition of insanity.
I hope Sid is now completely over the watercress trauma; his poor little face!

@FaithHopeCarnage I'm on Day 22 and generally feeling proud, positive and happy to be dry. But I keep having the odd thought about having the odd glass of wine. Would it still taste nice? Would I be able to just have one? Could it hurt to just have one 'to be sociable'? etc. I wonder if I could be one of those people who can happily just have a glass now and then, but the only way to find out would be to try it and that might be disastrous. It's a thought that's bugging me and I wish it would go away.

@LillyPJ, if it helps, I did a year alcohol free and now I'm back here. I did really well at first but the limit crept up and up and up and that wanting to have more and more and more means that one or even two glasses are never very satisfying. I wish I'd just stick to not drinking as I'd got to a very good place of acceptance and now I'm back at zero. I also have done quite a few attempts to stop again. Hope that helps. But I get it, I know I had those feelings before too x

@LillyPJ I have been reading your journey, and you’re amazing! A real trial by fire. From my own experience - and before I had a real problem with alcohol, but would stop drinking for a little while - I would ‘treat’ myself with a favourite bottle, and it never tasted as good as I’d been building it up to be. Disappointed every time! Obviously I kept going and after a couple of days I was back to enjoying it. But it’s interesting that in isolation I really didn’t like the taste. I don’t know if you could have ‘just one to be sociable’ but I have finally accepted that I can’t. It might be just the one - but when is it ever ‘just the one drink’? I have proven to myself time after time that following a period of abstinence, within a very few days I’m back to previous consumption levels. I pick up where I left off and it gets worse. It never gets better, or levels out, for me. Obviously I can only speak from my own experience. Drinking will never be ‘fun’ for me, and thinking it would be fun, and I could set various parameters such as not drinking alone; not drinking before 6pm; not drinking during the week, etc etc bloody etc are delusional. My life isn’t perfect, but I have a lot that I cherish and am grateful for. If I were to have ‘just one’ I can say with certainty that I risk losing everything. I’ve had a lucky escape health wise - not unscathed, but not as bad as it could have been. So I will not drink with you all today. And Lilly, I hope you carry on your journey - day 22 is amazing so sending you strength and hope to keep going - it only gets better.

Thanks @Thepressuretofindaname .- really helpful. And thanks @FaithHopeCarnage Your story reminds me of when I 'finally' gave up smoking after years of trying. About 6 months after, I had one just out of curiosity. It tasted revolting and made me feel sick and dizzy, so you'd think I'd just stub it out and never try again, wouldn't you? But no! I kept trying until I could smoke 20 a day again without feeling sick and dizzy... I ought to remind myself of that if I'm ever tempted to just have one 'harmless' glass of wine. Final holiday test tonight - last night gathering with free wine (but probably no free soft drinks ...) to thank our guide. I feel I have to go but I'll make a quick escape asap. I can say I've got to pack my case ready for our early start tomorrow. Thanks again to everybody here for support and encouragement - I doubt if I'd have managed without you!

You can do it @LillyPJ , just imagine how much nicer travelling home will be without a hangover.

I'm proud I've just navigated a toddler tantrum and have not resorted to wine as a reward!

(prob should state the wine is drank at the end of the day as a reward not after every tantrum 🤣 that would be very messy ATM!)