The support thread for anyone trying to live an alcohol free life. Spring 2025.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome.
These threads were started by drybird in 2020 and have gone on to support many people to give up alcohol and live a sober life.
We are not a moderarion thread and only encourage sobriety. There is another long running thread if that's what you feel is right for you. Lots of support there.
We have newbies and veterans, some who have 5+ years under their belts.
We share life's up and downs (often why we drank) and no question is too silly.
Personally I gave up drinking three years ago. It's the hardest thing I've done and the best thing.
We call our selves sober sisters and even have a mascot, Sid the ship's dog.
He poses often for a cheer up picture.
We're not here to judge, just offer support and friendship.
It gets better I promise.

Morning, shipmates! Well, afternoon, to be precise.

I had another disturbed night, which is so annoying, as I'm very tired. I have a lot to do today, but it's all 'bitty' things, and I'm very bad at that, as I have (undiagnosed) ADD, which makes getting through a list difficult. I'm fine if I can focus on something - in fact I hyperfocus, which is great sometimes - but give me a To Do list and I get overwhelmed.

We're planning to go away tomorrow, so I need to wash and pack, and there is a big family party on the horizon when we get back, which will involve all the bedrooms being in use, so I need to muck them out and get them guest-ready. I also have life admin chores to sort out before going away, and homework for a couple of courses I'm doing. Meanwhile, I'm knitting a fair isle jumper, and can really focus on that, which has the pull of a million magnets. I'll be sitting here at midnight promising that I'll put the washing on in a minute, but will just finish this pattern band before I start🙄.

I feeling really fed up lads.
Both contracts remain outstanding yet both companies pushed me to start work next week. Now I have nothing concrete.

I was going out but I came back in because it was too warm for me. I didn't want to faint.

I feel your pain, @WendyWagon. I hate being messed about like that - it's so disrespectful. My summer stretches ahead now that I don't have a job. I'm not looking for one, as I know I won't find anything that's as flexible as I want, but the one I had has been part of my summer routine for so long, and it really suited me. I could do most of it at any hour of the day or night, so if I wasn't sleeping I could clear any backlog and get ahead by working through the night, and then have a lie in or whatever. I'm also going to have to jiggle finances, as I've booked some work in the house, and the balance of that will have to be paid on completion. He hasn't started yet, but the timing was arranged on the expectation that I would be earning over the summer. Hey ho.

Hello, lovely to hear what you are all up to. Totally get the to do list overwhelm!
just checking in for support, it’s good to know you are all there.
on Saturday it will be a week! But on Saturday going out to dinner with drinkers. Oh oh. MUST a start remembering how hard it is to get through the first 3 days if I have a glass of ethanol, the Neuro toxin in a pretty glass. Thanks for being there everyone
IWNDWYT.

Are you going to a restaurant or to someone's house, @Healthynow? It's good to prepare psychologically in the early days. It's easier if you're going to a house, as you can take your drinks with you. AF wine, or one of those picnic drinks from M&S can be good. If you're eating out it's more difficult, but if you rehearse what you might order (soda water with a wedge of lime?) it saves you freezing when you're asked what you'd like. Not enough places sell AF wine, IMO, but you could always ring up and ask. AF beer is more commonplace, but not everyone likes it, as beer doesn't 'go' with as many foods as wine, I think.

If you're going out @Healthynow ask for seedlip. It's an AF botanical and expensive. I have tonic with mine. I never feel I miss out.

Thank you for the tips - it’s Saturday at a restaurant.
I’m now typing for help I’m so tempted to open something - DH has come in looking like death. His previous boss bullied him relentlessly- eventually DH had an aneurysm, I blame the stress it put us all under.
as soon as he legally could, the boss made DH redundant. DH found a new job and has worked really hard - Today DH found out that bullying boss is moving to the same company, and of course he is two bosses or so directly above DH who will be expected to present to him.
not sure I can go through all this again. Help me drink tea!

Hi @Healthynow - hope you got past your craving and have had your tea now!

There’s two things to think about - how do you live with that discomfort without drinking? There are lots of different ways you might go that - some people find AF alternatives help, or go for a walk, or put on music.

The other thing that I am working on is : can I control this situation? And if not, what can I control? So you can’t control your husband’s work, or how he reacts to it. You can control how you try to support him, but you can’t fix it for him.

Morning beautiful sober sisters.
I will not drink today.

I not only set the bar high for how others treat me, but also how I treat myself.

Sending peaceful and calm waters to all.

Good morning shipmates.

@Healthynow sorry to learn of DHs situation.
I've been bullied in the workplace so I understand. I walked away when it happened in a second company but I get that might not be an option. I do agree with standing back and letting it wash over you. I suspect the guy is moving after leaving a trail of bad practices. My last boss ended up in jail! He'd been using a false name too.

It's bright here already.

I will try some of those C.B.D drinks @ShyMaryEllen, I've been thinking of cutting down the herbal calm tabets as I take so many. I've been thinking that I'm ready start trying something new on my self improvement journey. I had some vouchers and treated myself to a Neom scented oil atomiser ,I had an amazing night's sleep using the night oil.
Thank you @EastCoastDamsel for your reaction to my daily posts. I noticed reading some of them back that they sound like I've copied them, but I haven't. I write each one as it comes into my head. I wonder what a physiatrist would think of me. 🤔
I agree with @ShyMaryEllen about being prepared psychology @Healthynow regarding going out. Please don't think I'm mad but this worked for me.... I wrote Rep22 on my wrist, under my watch and bracelets, and put my hand on it when I needed reminding of why I didn't want to drink. I felt like you were all with me.
As for your husbands work, can he speak to HR,or someone? Knowing that the company is looking out for bullying behaviour should help. Especially as they have a duty of care to all employees. I suggest you husband keeps a diary and finds a way to record any conversations. If your husband is being proactive then he's taken back some control.

I struggle being in limbo @WendyWagon, so hope the contracts are sorted out for you.

Morning all <checks it’s still morning>! I still get quite a giddy feeling on Fridays, even though I haven’t had a drink for 8 months now. It’s a long weekend - even though I don’t work - so feel even more happy. Funny, those learned reactions stay with us. It used to feel a bit of a letdown when I realised my usual weekend ‘reward’ was not going to materialise, even at the stage in my drinking when all the days blurred into each other so weekends were no different to weekdays. Hey ho, I’m going through a good patch at the moment - all days are good, which is refreshing although I think this is sunshine related.
I’m another who loves your morning reflections @mermadeincornwall - you sound so profound; always food for thought. I also loved @REP22’s story about the Carpathia - for some reason I am strongly drawn to the words Carpathia/Carpathian. I didn’t know of the Titanic link, and since reading this I have been muttering “the Carpathia will come” in the face of any small annoyance - currently directed at whatever small creature is eating my mint plants. Elusive little bugger. I fear the Carpathia may arrive in the form of slug pellets.
Sending strength @Healthynow for tomorrow - hope you have a great evening. Have you an escape plan?
Anyway, it is now afternoon, so my opening greeting is redundant. Have a fabulous bank holiday weekend, shipmates!

Aftternoon all

@Healthynow that’s really crap for you and your husband. Although alcohol would temporarily numb feelings, it would make the situation worse because of the anxiety that it brings on (I’m sure you know this).

You are stronger than you think, we are all stronger than we think

Hi everyone I've been AWOL for months so checking in to see how everyone is doing?
I'm at 505 days which is something I never thought I'd say and honestly it hasn't really been on my mind that much recently. In fact that's why I hadn't realised that I was at 500 days. I knew it was coming up, checked and I was passed it. So that was bloody amazing.
Anyway hope everyone is doing ok and enjoying the hot weather, for those that as aren't - not much longer apparently!
I will start having a read through to see how you all are x

Thank you so much everyone, I really appreciate your responses. We are now popping to the pub so I’m driving 😁 and writing IWNDWYT on my hand . Thank you for the reminder re anxiety too , .better response later! Thank you xxxxx

Morning my wonderful shipmates on the good ship Sobriety.
I will not drink today.

I put so much time and thought into my mental health. Protecting it,and nurturing it. I've come to realise it's the most important ancor in my life. Alcohol Sabotages and undermines all my work.

Sending serenity and love.
Stay safe and sober.

Morning all.
Good to see you @FaithHopeCarnage and @Itsrainingten - you are doing amazing work.

Good luck tonight @Healthynow . It may be worth having a look on their website to see if they have a drinks list so you can plan ahead. I used to find it very stressful in the early days scanning the drinks list trying to find something I could drink, but one day my DH just walked up to the bar and said “what alcohol free alternatives do you have?”. And I thought “oh yes, why don’t I just do that?!”

Times are hard for restaurants, sober curiosity is on the rise, so if they’re not thinking about catering for non-drinkers they should be. Sorry, I’ll stop ranting now ….

Morning all.

Ahoy. It's cool here at the moment but I'm going to need to iron linen trousers today.
I can't bare being hot. I've lived in marks pull on trousers and T shirts or cashmere jumpers. I don't think I've ironed anything this year.
I'm to a lunch. The intention is to look reasonably smart.

The dog is feeling the heat. He's a bit dibby so he doesn't get in the shade but loves to try to bite the water spray.
Good luck tonight @Healthynow

@healthy

Hello all! I am about to hit 4 months now and I might, just might, be turning a corner. I have been feeling eerily happy the last few days. As predicted, I thought it would take me longer than 90-100 days as I never seem to conform to averages.

I am not as fatigued as I was. I think I still have a bit of brain fog and PAWS is definitely a thing with me. I’ve had to accept that I can’t really sleep more than 7 hours in a row. I’m not sure I slept
more than that when I was drinking because it was usually broken around 3-4am by mega thirst and a pounding heart. I’ve never been a lark so I find it a bit weird. It’s not like I am sprinting into action. I can still laze around in my bed for an hour or two before actually getting up 🤭.

getting into the right headspace for stopping drinking is one thing (took me years!) but doing it for a diet is another. Ive really struggled to get into gear for a diet the last couple of years. I think that’s been drink taking over and being crushingly tired, anxious and otherwise occupied. I started the 5:2 diet a month ago because - back to that law of averages that I defy - the pounds were NOT falling off post abstention! I have lost 5lbs and I have stuck to my commitment of going to the gym once a week since giving up booze. I finally feel like I am making progress!! Woop Woop.

I am extra proud as I have had some stressful stuff to deal with and have been tempted to give in. I have sold my house and still have no where to go. Where I live is a popular place so there’s quite a lot of strategy involved with finding something needing a bit work (not too much) and being well located. Im also eyeing interest rates and my spending power. I’m not remotely patient or calm. My dentist is making me a bite guard as I am clenching my teeth so much I could do lasting damage!

@Healthynow i would encourage your husband to go to HR and confidentially tell them about the history he has with this other person, how it made him feel etc. I was bullied when I was in my 20s and I chose to put my head down and try get on with work and it really wasn’t successful. I recently had a total a-hole boss who I actually had shouting matches and I made a point of ranting at length to a woman from HR about him. It was a very small team which relied upon us working closely together so a grievance would have put an end to the working relationship rather than fixing it. As the minion, I felt I had to suck it up and make it work, but I had aired everything with HR so that if I did get to the point of a grievance, it was documented already how he was treating me. I truly wonder how much of this goes on and what the actual figures are on workplace bullying.

Good morning!
how nice is it to wake up without a hangover!
thank you smellyme I ll encourage him to do that. He has 4 weeks till this chap starts. Trouble is the chap is high up in and out of the organisation and has friends in high places. DH was treated appallingly by HR in his last place - when he called in after his aneurysm, the chap said, ‘ oh I thought you’d be slurring your speech’. Nice one.
you can see why we hit the bottle - or I did.
You sound as if you have a lot on, good luck with the house , and the diet. You’ve got this! - 90 -100 days is awesome- I’m so pleased you are turning a corner 👍
mermaid this is so well said -
‘put so much time and thought into my mental health. Protecting it,and nurturing it. I've come to realise it's the most important ancor in my life. Alcohol Sabotages and undermines all my work’
writing it on my wall!
thank you wendy and one wild. Enjoy the smart lunch, how lovely! I’m planning on af beer- it’s so filling there’s no room for anything else!
rant away - years of af drinks being sweet or awful will do that to a person, right with you!
thank you so much it’s so lovely to be able to join in with you all.
IWNDWYT
have a super day everyone.

Ahoy me hearties.
Capt Wendy here hoping to steer a steady ship.
This bank holiday feels a bit odd. The DS is away and I'm not cooking much.

I had words with my BFF yesterday. She left me waiting for her to turn up for our lunch. I got given a cock and ball story as an excuse. I took myself to waitrose. First time driving since my op.

I never really had boundaries when I was drinking. If someone upset me I'd go on the wine. Even big bold Wendy never challenged them. I blinking do now. I hate being lied to and I suspect my friend had been on the grog and just couldn't be arsed.

However today is another day and I have the new Woman and Home magazine. I've also ordered a new pair of linen trousers as last summer's hung off me yesterday and I nearly fell over the leg despite pulling the drawstring in. I'm a bit proud of me.
Have a lovely day all.

Good morning my beautiful friends on this inspirational thread.
I will not drink today.

Life isn't perfect, people aren't perfect, I'm not perfect. Trying to 'fix' every problem is stupid, I'm learning to step back, accepting not to get emotionally involved. If I'm unable to resolve it then it's not my problem anymore.

Sending gratitude for life and peace to all.

Morning! I am in the Lake District, and we arrived just as the weather turned. I have packed for summer🙄. I have one jumper, which looks as though it's going to get a lot of wear. We're here until next weekend.

I'm waiting for Husband to stir his stumps, then we're going for coffee and cake, whether he likes it or not. Onwards and upwards, shipmates (and Sid). x

Happy new linen trousers day Captain! Sorry to hear about the non-lunch; how annoying. I also need new linen trousers, but for the opposite reason.
I love the Lake District @ShyMaryEllen - happy memories of sailing on Windermere as a child, with ham sandwiches and tomato soup from a flask 😁
Ccongrats @SmellyMe on 4 months! I’m so glad to hear you are happy - even if eerily so! I hope you find somewhere to live fairly soon, it must be really unsettling.

@SmellyMe ooh I'm the queen of the move having done it 17 times!
If you want to send me some potentials on the DM I'm your women to play house with. I had a stint as an estate agent!

I'm just steaming asparagus. I've got the sauce. Rhubarb crumble later.
I'm feeling seasonal after doing all my pots and getting my tomatoes in. I thought I bought cherry plants, they're beefsteak. That will take some strong wigwams.