The support thread for anyone trying to live an alcohol free life. Spring 2025.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome.
These threads were started by drybird in 2020 and have gone on to support many people to give up alcohol and live a sober life.
We are not a moderarion thread and only encourage sobriety. There is another long running thread if that's what you feel is right for you. Lots of support there.
We have newbies and veterans, some who have 5+ years under their belts.
We share life's up and downs (often why we drank) and no question is too silly.
Personally I gave up drinking three years ago. It's the hardest thing I've done and the best thing.
We call our selves sober sisters and even have a mascot, Sid the ship's dog.
He poses often for a cheer up picture.
We're not here to judge, just offer support and friendship.
It gets better I promise.

@Kindtomyself - everything you say resonates with me. I frequently drink to blackout and it takes days to recover. My family are great but I’ve upset them and made them so scared. It’s abusive, if I’m honest. “Everyone loves me” when I’m sober, I’m genuinely a good person and I’ve achieved so much and I don’t want to be remembered as an abusive arsehole - which I will be if I don’t get a grip.

I’m planning on going to online SMART meetings as AA is not for me. First meeting is tomorrow so hopefully that will be a better fit for me.

@Moveanymountain good on you for making that first step - it’s empowering to do it. I see it as an act of self-love, I think that we are amazing people to make this change.
Alcohol is making you act in that way and underneath it you will find the real you. Everything will be ok. You are safe and sober. Let us know how your SMART meeting goes. I really like Hola sober which is really supportive. People say that the opposite of addiction is connection and I can see that. Connecting with people who are experiencing the same - look for the similarities not the differences. You have got this.

@Moveanymountain welcome.

I've never said I won't ever have a drink I just choose not to. I didn't get there for a long time. I'm three years in.

I nearly lost my family. I have a long standing DH and two adult children. I wouldn't want to let them down again.
I know how difficult I could be.
I held down a big career but the toxic workplace made me drink more.
I've found a peace I never had.

'Alcohol is the mask we wear until we know who we are or want to be.'

Good evening shipmates,

Peeping in with a hearty wave to all. Sending you much love. Sorry I've been AWOL for a bit. I haven't jumped ship, just been pumping out the bilges off-radar, Sid standing by with the buckets and Savlon. Work is a portal of nightmares on the lip of a hellmouth at the moment. But I am coping with it, managing it. Only with sobriety is this possible.

Plus I've got a friend from the US who is over here at the moment and needling me to meet up, even during work hours. The last time I did, it became quickly apparent that she is so far down the Donald Trump rabbit-hole that you can almost see the streaks of Tanfastic on her chin. Conversation was racist, conspiracy-laden and vile. Going to have to get back and shut it down methinks, or 'twill continue to haunt me. Sad really, she and I went through some tough things together. Perhaps she's changed her views. We shall see.

Nice to see you @Moveanymountain - AA wasn't for me either, nice though they were. I did SMART recovery and found it very helpful.

@WendyWagon top stuff on holding firm with the friend who'd cause you business woes, you don't need that. I was really struck by something you posted the other day - that alcohol shouldn't be sold as a foodstuff. That hadn't occurred to me before. You're so right. It's a good way of looking at it.

I have been sorely very tempted of late, I'll admit. But still here, with Sid beside me. I was thinking the other day about the film "Elizabeth: The Golden Age" with Cate Blanchett - about Elizabeth I and the defeat of the Spanish Armada. A film I very much like. When the beacons have been lit and reached London, signalling that the Spanish fleet has been sighted in the English Channel, Queen Elizabeth says to her council "My Lords, I can offer you no words of comfort. This Armada that sails against us, carries in its bowels the Inquisition. God forbid it succeeds! For then there will be no more liberty in England - of conscience or of thought. We cannot be defeated."
"My Lords, I can offer you no words of comfort. This Armada that sails against us, carries..." - Elizabeth: The Golden Age quote

I have paraphrased that in my mind to bolster my resolve: "This alcohol that sails against us, carries in its bowels addiction, humiliation and a long, painful, drawn-out death from inevitable organ failure. We cannot be defeated."

We will not be defeated. 🏋️‍♀️

Strength and courage to you my friends. It will be alright. Here is Sid, wishing you joy of your Wednesday. ❤️ xx

Hi all, hope you’re all ok. Still sober, but the last few weeks have been very rough. Will catch up properly, and check in tomorrow. Thread is awesome, but sometimes it can trigger me a bit, which is why I go quiet.
Love and strength to all xx

Good to hear from you and Sid, @REP22. Send me a lifeboat? I am struggling just now. I'll be fine, but it's tough.

I love Elizabeth, too. I'll think of that quote when I need to, thanks.

Oh, bless you, dear @shymaryellen I am so sorry you're struggling at the moment, @middlemarch123 too. It is very very hard. I'm just about bobbing along in my lifeboat too, clinging to Sid. Struggling.. But there's room in the boat for you too. Climb in and sit with us. It won't always be this cold and wretched. The Carpathia will come. We're going to make it.

*(I've been particularly interested in the RMS Titanic since the wreck was found in 1985 - The Carpathia was the liner that answered the distress calls and sped to help at great risk. Too late, alas, but she picked up all 705 survivors bobbing about in the lifeboats in the dawn light of 15 April 1912 and carried them safely into New York.)

Hold on for just a bit longer. It's going to be alright soon. Our souls are not lost. xx

I'm back on board, good to read the messages and sorry due those going through tough times. I've had a small blip but determined to crack this, so will continue to check in regularly.

Morning wonderful sober inspirational sisters.
I will not drink today.

Sitting with unwanted feelings is hard, but alcohol fuels them to be worse.

Love and kind thoughts to all
Stay safe and sober.

I haven't had a chance to catch up with this thread yet, but wanted to check in on @Onewildandpreciouslife ,anything we can help you with?
💕

Morning Day 67 completed
Very busy, losing temper, learning lots about myself.
Sorry to everyone who’s struggling. This too shall pass.

Hi @REP22 good to see you. Welcome back @Swanchaser. Hope you’re ok @Onewildandpreciouslife and that you are the other side of the hard thing

Morning all and thanks for the kind and insightful comments. Day 3 for me today - still didn’t sleep well last night - mind just swirling. DH still upset with me but that’s his right.

Supposed to be having a family meal tonight to celebrate DS getting a promotion. It was arranged before my bender but my behaviour will have taken the shine off it and I know he’s mad at me as he texted me to tell me so.

This is where I know I’m being unreasonable because my behaviour has been troubling to them all - but I get annoyed at them lecturing me and talking to me like a child and pointing out the obvious ie “when you gonna realise you can never drink again” etc. So I just try to suck it up and not tell them to F’off - and I know I’m not being fair. I can’t stand the feeling of being controlled even though I know I need to stop drinking. It’s very frustrating for everyone.

But onwards we go. The weather’s not great where we are and I’m still delicate from the bender but I’m going to go out a walk today, even just around the block so to speak. I’ll also be in the house myself all weekend so I’m going to have a weekend of self care.

Hope everyone is waking up sober today and has a good one x

Morning all.
Thanks @mermadeincornwall and @Kindtomyself - as is usually the case, the reality of getting the job done was much easier than thinking about it. It’s all tied up with dealing with my late mother’s possessions, and however much you tell yourself “they’re just things”, for me it raises huge issues of feeling inadequate, guilty and helpless that run deep. It also reminds me of my worst drinking days, because alcohol was the only way I could escape from those feelings at the time. Anyway, I’ve done the worst bit now, and everything feels more manageable now.

Sorry to hear you’re struggling too @REP22 and @ShyMaryEllen - hang in there.

Welcome back @Swanchaser

Morning all.
Today feels a bit like a Friday to me.

I am sorry that some of our number are struggling. It will be alright.
You know you can have everything but the booze. ❤️

If anyone is triggered by a post dm me and I'll see what I can do.
I find the big number confessions make me think I wasn't that bad and the wine witch pops up! (for clarity I was that bad !).
Have a peaceful day my lovelies.

Morning lovely friends. Still here, still floating. Struggling seems to be a common theme, myself included. I find the news coming from the US "administration" and its impact on us all to be a factor. Genuine, needless despair to so many lives. I try not to watch.

There is still lots to be thankful for. Keep going. We've made it this far - it's only a little bit further now.

Thank you for your encouragement @WendyWagon ❤️❤️

Sid in bluebells. I am thankful for that today.

Lovely Sid ❤️

Thanks, @WendyWagon.

I have been made redundant. I wouldn't have known if I hadn't asked, but I would usually have a contract for the summer by now, so I queried it, and was told that there is no work this year (and probably never). It's not the end of the world, but I had planned to use this year's money to help my daughter with a deposit on a house. I won't get any redundancy money, as I was classed as a 'casual' member of staff, and am still officially on the books, even though there is no work for me.

I think we could all do with some good news.

@ShyMaryEllen I'm so sorry.

I've been fired more times than Billy Smart's canon so I feel your pain.
You're probably a better employee than me though! 😁

Would a different company be intetested in your CV?

I've just had a pop in visit from the BFF and she is leaving her partner of the last year. He's taking the piss so I'm relieved for her. Let's say he's a fan of Trump. He's also bleed her dry.

Not really. Without going into too much detail, what I've been doing is quite specialised. I only do it over the summer, and can be entirely home-based/wherever I am-based, and have complete flexibility over my hours. There have been deep budget cuts, and my role has basically been subsumed into those of permanent staff. Nobody is happy about it, but it is what it is, as they say.

A Trump fan. What gets into people?

I'm so sorry @ShyMaryEllen - I hope this will ultimately turn out to be a step along the path to finding something new that you enjoy doing even more. Sorry, I know that sounds trite. Please know that my thoughts are with you. I've been made redundant in the past, it's horrible. Sending much love. xxx

I'm also sorry @ShyMaryEllen. It can feel brutal. But you can do this - you can be okay.

Thanks, shipmates. It will be ok, I know. It wasn't unexpected, really, but it's still a shock. At last the weather's good, though, so I can enjoy being a wastrel in the sun😎.

@Moveanymountain one of the things that fuelled my drinking more was the fact that my DH tried to control everything and my approach was often f-you, I’ll do what I like. At same time, I managed to manipulate him into giving me more and more all the time.

Lots of us on this thread knew we had a problem for a long time but took many attempts and/or years to get to the point of quitting. You know you can’t moderate and the day where you stop it entirely will come.

i recommend reading ‘mummy was a secret drinker’ blog or book by Claire Pooley for insight into life as a successful person with a drink problem. it’s good for a blow by blow account. It’s quite a steep hill in the early days but you can get through it.

im on day 101. some times that feels like hardly anything at all and other days a million years. I’m glad I got over the hill of stopping.

good luck x

Ps. This is a very supportive group of great ladies who have faced some epic battles with drink and in life generally.

@SmellyMe - thanks for the recommendation

@ShyMaryEllen - sorry to hear about your “redundancy” and I hope something else comes along.

My DS was round tonight and I was dreading it, thinking he’d give me a bollocking - but he was actually really sweet.

I’ve got loads of social things including a 2 week all inclusive holiday coming up and I’m dreading doing them AF even though I know I can as I’ve done it before. Did a cruise AF once and it was absolutely fine - I had one “why me” cry one night but relished waking up in the morning well slept and fresh. I just really need to work on my mind set - what I’m gaining not what I’m giving up.

Hi all, just checking in.
Love to @ShyMaryEllen , and all of you. You’re so inspiring.
I love Sid in his bluebells!
Better day today. Walked various doggies, then tackled the garden. Bed early mainlining Maltesars and orange squash, very rock and roll.
Cooking for family on Monday, lots of curries, looking forward to it, they all like a drink, so I’ve put their booze in the shed, out of sight and all that, have got myself some nice AF alternatives.
No one said this would be easy, but it is worth it.
Love to each and every one of you. X

Bacatcha, @Middlemarch123 😎