The support thread for anyone trying to live an alcohol free life. Spring 2025.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome.
These threads were started by drybird in 2020 and have gone on to support many people to give up alcohol and live a sober life.
We are not a moderarion thread and only encourage sobriety. There is another long running thread if that's what you feel is right for you. Lots of support there.
We have newbies and veterans, some who have 5+ years under their belts.
We share life's up and downs (often why we drank) and no question is too silly.
Personally I gave up drinking three years ago. It's the hardest thing I've done and the best thing.
We call our selves sober sisters and even have a mascot, Sid the ship's dog.
He poses often for a cheer up picture.
We're not here to judge, just offer support and friendship.
It gets better I promise.

Hi all, I haven't posted much recently, just posting to keep accountable. My dh has said he has a problem with booze. I'm really pleased he has said it, but we all know how hard the next part is. It would be amazing if he wanted a sober life too.

@Woollygreymittens oh definitely dysfunctional! The posts on Mother’s Day pretty much confirmed that! @REP22 Im sure said there are no cards that say ‘thank you for hosting me in your womb for 9 months’ - that’s as far as it goes for some.

hello ladies. popping on to say hi and hang on in there. still sober here after nearly a year - ups and downs but mental health in particular has really benefitted. still listening to sober podcasts when i need a boost ( i like annie grace) and still drinking lots of kombucha and AF beer! also mum of an autistic late teen. she’s delightful and challenging like all of us. sometimes her brain fits so well with tasks and situations, other times not so much. as i say to her, it’s not you it’s the world and how it’s set up! being sober has really enhanced my relationship with her and well, with everyone really! some people i’ve decided to swerve as in my new sober and clear thinking state i can see that they are narcissists and i refuse to play that game. my mum is also a pretty abusive narcissist ( as well as probs being autistic) but i have kept dutiful contact with her. much better at putting down boundaries tho in every aspect of my life since giving up drinking. it really is the gift that keeps on giving despite the craves i still occasionally get. you’re all wonderful ladies. special hello to @WendyWagon . how interesting about your DH ….

@ShyMaryEllen just read back a bit and spotted your post about your friend. am so sorry. sending much love your way.

Ah ha me hearties.
I will not drink today.

The sun isn't out, but the cherry blossom is,and I don't have a hangover ( I'm singing the last bit).

Love and kind thoughts to all.
Stay safe and sober.

You're all a sensible and compassion crew, I'd say follow your instincts regarding teens/parents, that's all you can really do, and don't be hard on yourselves 💕

Morning all.
Had a very, very low day yesterday. I’m very aware that I use exercise and busyness to escape from difficult feelings, and yesterday I couldn’t. Things feel in bit better perspective this morning.

Good to see you @ponzusoup

Popped on here after doing a really good job of months of denying and hiding.
Woke up after an alcohol free night, yay! But am sick with anxiety so was really pleased to read bekindtoyourseldfs idea to throw love at stuff.
Am throwing love at anxiety and talking to it like it’s a child that wants attention. It seems to be working , a bit anyway!
keep throwing love around, it’s such a nice thing to read!

Morning all.

It's rained here on the downs. I've had one Yorkshire tea.

I got offered a surprise consultancy contract yesterday. Perfume.
I said no at first but full wfh. As a part time gig I think I'll do it.

I'm hoping the DS gets a house under offer so I can plan my office. I'm turfed out due to confidentiality.

The DH and I had the Seville orange faux gin at the weekend but it wasn't as nice with plain tonic. I liked the elderflower.
The DD has an exam tomorrow. Hopefully all is well.

Morning 65 Days completed. I’m currently reading May Cause Miracles by Gabrielle Bernstein (forgive me if I’m repeating myself..), it’s about choosing love over fear and that miracles are just a shift in perception. My anxiety is through the roof! I think Gabby (Bernstein) would say ‘that’s your ego fighting the love’. My ego is saying ‘you’re crazy to think you can shift your perception, stay here and be hyper vigilant and critical of yourself’. I’m bouncing backwards and forwards.

Anyway, I’m still throwing love at the niggles in my body. Still talking to it. I will keep you posted.

Oh I ‘had to’ do an exercise the other day where I looked in a mirror and told myself I loved myself. Whilst weird, I was fine doing it so that’s an interesting shift. I remember trying to do it a couple of years ago and just couldn’t stand it

Hello @Healthynow, so lovely to meet you. Well done on your alcohol free night, such a great feeling. This is a lovely space for support. Let us know how you get on with throwing love at your feelings. It’s interesting, aside from fighting my ego, when I speak to my feelings it does seem to calm it down.

morning all. wanted to send love to @Onewildandpreciouslifehope today is easier for you. i know you know this and easier said than done but sometimes sitting and being curious about low and anxious feelings can be strangely calming instead of the usual trying to distract. what is it about? how does it feel in your body? this will help you process the difficult feelings instead of pushing them down again. like this idea of throwing love!!! where does it come from? strength to all on here for trying to make things better - better isn’t always easier at first but it is truer and will become clearer. let’s keep on lifting each other up.

Hello 👋

I am jumping aboard if you please. I was here a while ago and shuffled slowly off the wagon! I am getting back to my old ways annoyingly and am in need of some accountability and also in need of talking to others in the same boat. Dh drinks and I don't have any RL sober friends, so here I am!

Hope everyone is doing OK today. We are in a holiday cottage and it is raining outside, which I actually don't mind as it is cosy in here and it's been a dry spring so far.

Welcome back @AnraithAgusCeapaireLeDoThoil

@Kindtomyself i can't say I love myself but I do like myself and I didn't. I also thought few people really liked me so I drank rather than sticking up for myself when they were rude to me.
Low level bullying really, personal comments, nosy questions and competitive mothering.
I now change the subject but I am looking forward to the next big event because I'm going to bite back if I get anymore nonsense. They can't blame it on the booze either.

I was on the 'gatecrashing the wedding' thread yesterday and jesus there's some nasty people about. I like the quote about holding other women up but it was a bun fight about a sausage and a piece of melon! Looking forward to having less time on my hands 😁

Thanks @WendyWagon

I didn't see that thread you mentioned, but this is such a toxic website at times. It is a small minority of people, but they always shout the loudest. It's also school holidays atm, so that never helps

@Onewildandpreciouslife I'm so sorry to hear about your horrid day. I hope today feels easier.

I called the GP and have booked blood tests. Eugh... it's to check for any other reason for perimenopause symptoms. I hope i haven't caused any x

The wedding brunch one - the enjoyment of those sticking the boot in...

My energy levels are slipping after days of working late & am looking sadly at a cup of Yorkshire tea. Oh well. It's better this way! And a long weekend to look forward to...

Ahoy 👋🏻

Nice to "see" everyone. Busy here. Still AF and realised today driving home that I don't even feel like it is a hardship anymore and that don't miss it.

@Womanshour nice to see you. Sending much strength your way. For you and your DH.

Hope everything is OK @Womanshour with both tests and the DH.

I might have a read of your book @Kindtomyself. I look myself eye to eye in the mirror at lot- not in a vain way - thinking deeply but not speaking. The speaking aloud thing could make a difference. I have found many times that I have held an opinion my entire life and, at the moment of saying it out loud, realised that it has been utter rubbish!!!

Morning 66 days completed. We are all performing a great act of self compassion on this journey despite the ups and downs.

Today’s mantra - I am not my thoughts, I am
free.

@Onewildandpreciouslife hope your day was/is better
@Womanshour hope tests are ok, I need to book a GP appointment for an increase in oestrogen I think. I have terrible brain fog but I sometimes wonder if it’s because I’m so introspective at the moment that I don’t have head space for anything else!
@WendyWagon fabulous to like yourself, so many are mean to themselves. It can be spotted when people are unpleasant to us can’t it?
@SmellyMe I have started to speak aloud recently, such power I find. Let me know how you get on

Ahoy and good morning me hearties.
It's starting to brighten up within the last few minutes.

One of the things that has come out of being sober is the ability to say no. I still suffer from 'have I been mean?' syndrome but practice makes perfect.

I've got a friend badgering me for a job and I absolutely know she won't do her appointments. I've said no and had the colder shoulder.

Morning my beautiful sober sisters on the good ship Sobriety.
I will not drink today.

I'm so grateful my past self kept going trying to stop drinking. I'll keep going not drinking for my future self.

Love and kind thoughts to all.
Stay safe and sober.

Morning all. Thanks for everyone checking in on me - am feeling a bit better. Going to do A Hard Thing today, and hoping I’ll feel better once it’s done.

Morning all. Another newbie needing support after a horrendous bender at the weekend - tried the “I can moderate” thing after having a few drinks on holiday with DH. I think I have worked out that other people drinking makes me nervous so I overdo it - if I’m as drunk as them, it doesn’t bother me, if that makes sense?

But my (adult) DC and DH are just despairing of me - I’ve done this way too many times and I feel my friends slipping away as well. We socialise a lot as a couple with DH’s friends who are huge drinkers so I think I’ll have to take a bit of a step back from those nights.

My big challenge is that I just cannot get my head round never drinking again. I wish I could positively look to an AF future but it just feels frankly a bit shit. Despite massive evidence to the contrary- it’s the drinking that’s making my life shit!

My DD said to me yesterday - all your problems are caused by your drinking mum - I literally have a charmed life otherwise. But clearly there’s something triggering me as happy people don’t drink themselves to oblivion. My mother was an alcoholic and my dad turned to alcohol after she died so I suspect drinking feels “normal” to me.

So it’s day 2 today - I know I won’t drink for a couple of weeks (I’ve done it many times) then the joy of sobriety will wear off and I’ll be in trouble. But I just need to get into my head that I can’t drink normally- just like I can’t grow and extra couple of inches. It’s simply not good for me so it has to go. I’d love to hear people’s stories of how and when their mindset changed.

Thanks for reading and apologies for not name checking - I have read the thread but too many to check since I’m new.

Have a good, AF day everyone.

Hi @Moveanymountain welcome. I hear you, yes I get what you mean about other people and drinking- I hate drunk people ironically. There’s several reasons I have stayed away from the drink for 66 days (so relatively early days). Firstly I stay in the day - today I am not drinking. I am not thinking about the future, it causes me to panic and we cannot predict the future. Secondly, I have heard that sobriety is so much better than drinking so I want to experience this. Apparently it gets better and better so I want that.
Thirdly, I have realised that the pleasant effects of that first glass of alcohol lasts for a very short time and then I feel really antsy and want another, it just goes on and on until I blackout or go to bed. So what I thought was helping me to relax was actually only doing that for an hour tops and then I spent the rest of the time dealing with the effects of the alcohol leaving my body.

Ultimately I want to be authentically me and that’s not happening whilst I’m trying to numb myself