Dry January and beyond

[BulldogMumma]

I couldn't find a dry January thread so thought I'd make one.
I've posted on the alcohol threads before but never see it through. This year I'm determined to do dry January and even beyond.
My drinking has really crept up lately and I know I need to address it. I lost my mum this year due to alcohol and I don't want to go the same way. I've been using alcohol as a crutch since losing my mum but now's the time I stop relying on the wine and take back control.
Anyone else who wants to join me are more than welcome, would be good to have some buddies along the way x

Good for you..my goal at the moment is to try and manage 6 months AF and then get some health checks and take it from there..so I've got my head down and feeling really driven and motivated and have somewhat turned not drinking into a new obsession to occupy my brain

Well done @BulldogMumma - bet it feels good!
Day 13 and off to bed , wishing everyone a deep, peaceful sleep.

Day 13 done! Haven't thought about alcohol at all until I saw this thread again! Well done everyone ❤️

Day 13 for me. I'm feeling quite good. I feel more tired not in a bad way, more in a ready for bed way. My sleep is the best it's been in months, I'm definitely practicing more self care, nails, skin care, baths and lots of reading. I think I feel less frantic even though nothing else in my life has changed!

Checking in day 14. I had something sad and disappointing happen to me this morning. Do you know what? I just chalked it up. Just decided I’m not going to get angry or upset. I just accepted it.

I like this feeling of being in control of my emotions. Of deciding how something is going to impact me. Of choosing not to let it ruin my day or week. It’s left me feeling quite strong.

I continued to have a productive day and for the first time in absolutely ages, I cooked with the kids tonight. I never normally feel like I have the energy for the time it takes or the mess it creates (!) actually, it was a surprising success. I promised them we/they can make this meal every Monday from now on. It feels great, a bit like I’m turning a corner.

@Sammy900

I have quite conflicted feelings about AA. I could write an essay about it but I'll try to summarise:

Pros (in my opinion/experience):

1. Massive community of sober people (both in your local community and online). There really are people from every walk of life and there is a lot of support and love to be found.

2. I think their focus on 'service' to others/to the group is really positive and can give people a new sense of purpose/focus.

3. It is generally accepted that your Higher Power can be anything you choose. Whilst the 12 steps are based on God, it is common to hear people refer to their Higher power as being G.O.D. (Group Of Drunks) rather than a religious God, by which they mean that it's the 12 step group itself that functions as their Higher Power.

Cons:

1. I feel some parts of AA too closely resemble a cult. There are many articles about this if you want more viewpoints on why it is/isn't a cult. What makes me uncomfortable is how the love/support is in some sense conditional. I think most people with addictions will have 'slip ups' but you can quickly find yourself left out in the cold if you're judged not to be working the programme properly. My sponsor (of two years) who I'd shared almost everything with on a near daily basis suddenly decided I wasn't 'working the steps properly' and cut me off. I still feel hurt by this. This woman now knows more about my life and history than anyone else on this Earth and yet she considers me not even worthy of saying hello to if I pass her in the street.

2. Sponsors are all people with lived experience who have worked the 12 steps with their own sponsor. There is no training to be a sponsor. Sponsors can intentionally or inadvertently cause you harm.

3. In AA you must admit to being 'powerless' over alcohol. There is again much debate as to whether this is a helpful way to view addiction. I'm really not sure but I like to think there are other, more empowering ways to reduce or stop drinking alcohol.

This x 100. Every time I stop drinking for a few nights my Hrv springs up high. Every time I drink it plummets. Its s really good indicator and very motivating!!!

@CheeryPenisBeaker - that's really interesting that you have seen this too. Fascinating but terrifying at the same time!

@FollowFollowTheFold Thankyou for this ...Higher power, 12 steps, conditional love, powerless to alcohol ?? I think I'd just find flaws everywhere, I think my critical reasoning would kick in. If I thought there were any sort of cultish, manipulative psychological tactics at play I'd spot them a mile off and it would put me off..I'd probably end up rebelling haha I don't need trickery or control I already know my drinking is bad. I'm self aware.

I'll take your advice and stay clear then as it sounds like it's not for me. Rather I am just seeking a safe place to chat and be honest, be myself with others going through the same thing...I'll see if there are any other support groups but if not this is great anyway :)

@Sammy900 take a look at One Year No Beer OYNB. Its not free but it is a structured programme and once you sign up you get access to the private community. They promote ‘sober buddies’ as opposed to sponsors and the whole ethos is about choosing not to drink and replacing ‘bad’ habits with more positive ones.

My impressions of AA sound like what @FollowFollowTheFold describes. Rather cultish, with shunning for allegedly not adhering strongly enough. I'm angry for you about your 'sponsor'.

I also think it is wrong to think we are powerless against alcohol. I mentioned upthread about how I couldn't get into This Naked Mind because it assumes everyone who has ever let alcohol slip through their lips is utterly susceptible to becoming a hopeless drunk. My many friends of 40 years who drank like fish alongside me from 18-30 but who now can stop at one, twice a week, now in their 60s are testament to this being plain wrong.

I bought that book and The Unexpected Joy, but I quit the first lit after 3 chapters and haven't opened Joy yet. I'm finding the MN threads encouragement enough.

I don't need stats about livers (and also, I'm not convinced about some of them), we all KNOW them. We just need to plod through one day at a time, battling off the wine-witch.

End of Day 13 tonight!

Thankyou I shall look this up :)

Day 4 of AF for me. I was going to do dry January but suffered the loss of a loved one in between Christmas and new year which has been hard. Drank Friday, felt ill Saturday and just decided I need to cut down. How long does it take sleep to settle? I fall asleep easy but wake up at 3am and can never get back to sleep. I honestly could’ve drank yesterday. Grief hit me and I wanted to block out the emotions but I didn’t. I saw and advert last night for that documentary about binge drinking which terrified me and then I’ve just downloaded the nhs app to track your drinking and I drink more than 90% other women 🙈. I keep getting invited for a health check at gp but I’m absolutely terrified what I will find out. I don’t even know what my goal is at this point.

I am on a few of these threads and can’t believe how much I relate and find my self nodding in agreement as I read. One thing a fee people have mentioned is not worrying that you smell of booze the next day. My weekends are full of kids activities and I feel so ashamed thinking do I still smell of last nights booze?

I joined. A thread like this last year and left it the day I’d had a drink but those who have had a drink thanks for staying and posting as that helps people to see it wasn’t worth it. You’re all doing amazing and so supportive.

Morning all, day 14!!
I think I'm sleeping so deeply that's what's making me feel slightly groggy when I wake up, I've not had 'proper' sleep for years so I think it's my body getting used to it. I'm fine once I've had a coffee.
AA doesn't sound like it would be for me, I think I'm doing okay on my own for now.
Have a great day all, I'll check in again later

Morning. I'm definitely sleeping better and liking the no hangover grogginess feeling. Might get use to this and decide to continue. I've been thinking about how easy and normal it is to drink. A friend, also doing DJ, was telling me, she was at a funeral wake last week. She automatically took a glass of wine when it was offered to her. She took the first sip before remembering she was on DJ. Odd that it seems to need more of a thought process not to drink alcohol than it does to drink it.

For those looking for a support group, there is a charity called Smart Recovery. They offer group sessions in person and online. I've not used them myself but found them when I was having an explore.

Morning All, day 14 for me too.

Been reading, but not posting for a few days because I had nothing to say - still AF, not really struggling at all.
But.
I KNOW I must still have 'issues' because I'm having a silent panic about going on holiday in February. How do you go on holiday and not have booze? How could I enjoy going out for meals without wine???
I know this is just Dry January, but I can't be trusted to just have a glass when the month is up.
I'd love to be able to have a good relationship with alcohol, but really, I need to divorce it😆

I'm now eating better, not compensating by eating crap, and exercising (slightly) more, so feeling incredibly good at the moment.

Have a great day everyone😁

Poor you that must be difficult. It's good you know what your trigger is for drinking though. I am learning mine it definitely helps to know.

Welcome @idontknow1001 Sorry to hear about your loss. My sleep was worse the first few days but for the last week or so has been better than I have slept for years. I have really struggled with the 3am wide awake and anxious club and have tried ‘everything’ (except, apparently, giving up drinking for more than a few days)

Alcohol free ‘wine’. Yak. That is all.

First time in a long time I really don’t miss alcohol. I think it helps I had already started to cut right down so it wasn’t as much of a presence in my life. The weekend was fine I didn’t feel any cravings, I did think about it in that ‘usually I would drink now’ but I didn’t have an urge to drink.

The way I go about doing anything sober is to think about how good it will be the next day to be hangover free

Morning 🙂 Day 14 ☀️ Never thought I could do a day without wine let alone 14!

A little disappointed that my sleep hasn’t improved and not feeling bright eyed and glowing like some of you. Positives are I’m less bloated and my tummy issues are much improved which is so good.

Can anyone recommend a non drowsy sleep aid please? I would love a nights sleep 💤

Day 14. Two weeks AF and a happy birthday to me. Let's hope that doesn't derail it. Going out for a walk with DS to a local beauty spot so that will be nice. It's fun to spend time with him when he's home. I definitely prefer my DCs as adults!

Happy Birthday @Hedjwitch hope you enjoy your day. Can you have all your favourite things apart from alcohol?



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