Dry January and beyond

[BulldogMumma]

I couldn't find a dry January thread so thought I'd make one.
I've posted on the alcohol threads before but never see it through. This year I'm determined to do dry January and even beyond.
My drinking has really crept up lately and I know I need to address it. I lost my mum this year due to alcohol and I don't want to go the same way. I've been using alcohol as a crutch since losing my mum but now's the time I stop relying on the wine and take back control.
Anyone else who wants to join me are more than welcome, would be good to have some buddies along the way x

Well done everyone, especially those who have mentioned drinking heavily up to now. Acknowledging that you want / need to make a change and getting this far is a brilliant achievement. Whether you decide to moderate after January or give up altogether, your lives will improve dramatically, which is something to look forward to in the coming weeks / months 😊. If you're struggling with sleep or mood, that will soon pass, I'm sure.

@Jaderz , I am also a fan of the CBD drinks, although I wish they did non-fizzy and less sweet options. They make great mixers too, if you have some AF gin or other spirit. Have you tried Sentia? Last night I had some neat with ice after dinner and it felt similar to having a glass of wine - very relaxing.

Was a bit fed up yesterday and felt deprived for the first time. But I think that's because of the snow, which appeared suddenly in the afternoon meaning I cancelled my run, and I realised that was what I was missing - that glowy feeling you get after exercising outdoors.

Stop here and still dry and reading along as you post. I absolutely feel the "will struggle tonight AS IT WAS A DRINKING NIGHT" (my caps) - and realised how much my week was split into drink/not drinking nights, and all the mental chatter involved in justifying a non drinking night which became a drinking night. And counting the NdNs and justifying two NDN MUST mean this can be a DN and on and on.

I did my first DJ last year (for context, I'm 60 - had tried and failed a few times before) and found last year's equivalent thread really helpful. I then used the Try Dry app for the rest of the year (other than most of August and December) to try and get keep below 14 units/ week and record 200 dry days in the year, which I very nearly managed - got to 193. Doing DJ again this year I realise that an unexpected benefit of having done it last year is the confidence to know that having done it once I can definitely do it again. It makes it SO much easier second time around. So to anyone doing it for the first time I'd say - if you can do it- it should never be as hard to do it again. So that's another reason to keep on keeping on. Best wishes to all, especially those wrestling the cravings.

Can I join you all? I will go back and read the thread more thoroughly after posting but I just want to share a few thoughts that are pressing on me today!

I have done dry January a couple of times before, and I started last year with the intent of carrying on for as long as I could, but my daughter had quite a serious accident and I fell back into drinking as a bit of a prop in this time. I’m trying again this year once again with genuine intent to stop drinking permanently.

last night my daughter went back to scouts, I always pick her up at 9 and am so antsy to get back and have a glass of wine. I actually really enjoyed the evening with my other kids because I wasn’t waiting to have a drink later and that has made me reflect on how alcohol isn’t just making me not present for my kids when drunk, but also at other times. This is the sort of thing I want to be rid of in the future!

my main anxiety at the moment is telling people I’m not drinking and then that I don’t want to drink again. I went to a friend’s on New Year’s Day and when I told them I didn’t want a drink they announced to the room that I was “being boring” and a different friend has had a right moan at me when I visited them a few days later and didn’t want a drink. I’m a bit scared of how people see me if they only want to hang out and drink, but also what is left of these relationships if I stop?

I haven’t managed many dry days yet but I’ve massively reduced the amount I was drinking and I’m reminding myself of how to keep busy instead of opening a bottle.
I feel better,I think I look better and I’m not dehydrated anymore. I’ve booked some exercise classes & made sure that I’m getting out for walks- beautiful sunsets & rises.
My intention is to keep on slowly & steadily reducing until I’m only drinking occasionally. For me, it’s a workable idea because I’m proving (slowly) that nothing bad / world doesn’t stop if I hang on an extra 15 mins.
when I’ve quit outright, I last about 2 very sulky days, where I obsess about booze. Drama free works better for me.

@Neptunium93 i am not a fan of spirits really, I have an unopened bottle of vodka in the house and I don’t care about it at all! I’ve never opened it even when I was drinking a lot more. I just like wine really. I worry the CBD drinks are just starting a new habit to continue to find something to cling onto. They do stop me drinking wine though

firstly well done to you for being here and doing DJ, I’m sorry to hear about your daughters accident and hope all is well now.
I think a lot of us have used alcohol as prop to get through things I certainly did when my dad passed and also during a tough relationship break up.
It’s great your here trying again I would love to kick the wine witch for good also but I’ve committed to DJ then hopefully 100 days to continue see how I get on.
My biggest regret is the amount of years I wasted drunk/ hungover when my children were younger they are now 22, 17.
luckily they don’t hold it against me and make light with a lot of it which I’m lucky but I do beat myself up a lot about it.
what I’m trying to say is if I had my time again I would definitely not have drunk as much I definitely missed out and should have been more present.
with regards to your friends I know exactly how you feel I’ve been in the same situation last year I managed 75 days sober and I had a lot of digs and comments I felt very alone in my sobriety.
i have come to realise that this is because they drunk just as much as me and it’s like holding a mirror up they didn’t like the reflection it put on them and they do say if you defend your drinking you most probably have a problem.
so your not alone and tbh I think at 42 I would quite like to be boring and find I don’t really like socialising with certain friends I think I tolerated them when I was drinking.
well done again let the haters hate and good luck you you

Thanks for you reply, @TimeForNosecco, I appreciate it 😊my daughter is doing great now thankfully, but I’m sorry about your dad and that you’ve had other tough times where you’ve felt the need to drink as a prop too.

What you said about regretting time you could’ve enjoyed with your children really resonated with me - my younger two are in primary school and I feel like I still have time to meaningfully impact the memories they have of me and their childhood now.

I’m sorry you’ve experienced other people being down on you about not drinking as well - it’s a bit rubbish but I agree there’s definitely a degree of people needing me to mirror their choices back at them and maybe that’s the only reason we’re friends! I am so with you in terms of wanting to be boring 😂 i have been spending my January evenings drinking decaf tea doing crosswords and listening to the radio like a little old lady to keep myself busy!

Good luck to you and everyone else on this thread for your dry Jan and beyond!

I can resonate with that @Lemonyyy

Far too many times I have wanted to rush back from somewhere so I could have a drink at home. That's the sort of thing I want to move away from. It doesn't matter id you have to go one night without a drink when there are more important things to be doing.

My problem is the boredom. Once the dc are in bed I'm in for the evening and although I've been trying to keep busy with reading and box sets and nice baths, the urge to just sit down and have a drink is still very much there.

I still have a lot of alcohol in the house because I don't plan on wasting something I will eventually drink again! But I'm managing to hold on for now. This weekend will be a test. However I'm quite confident that my mindset and habits will change going forward. Definitely no rushing back to open a bottle of wine and no more weeknight drinking either.

@AuraBora @Buntyforgirls Thanks for your replies this morning! Managed to read them but not reply as work got busy but they helped and I survived the day!

Feeling bit calmer this evening but still glad I’ve got an activity planned think the wine witch (this makes me smile it’s very apt!!) would have been shouting loudly tonight otherwise!!!

Welcome to the new people glad you could join us!

I'm like a broken record now...still ill

Just looking and we have 4 more dry Fridays in January, we'll be experts at handling a dry Friday come February

it's great logging in at the end of the day and reading everyone's posts. I do find myself nodding along, for example with those who can't do moderation, those suffering boredom of an evening, those with unhelpful friends and those who've had other Stuff going on. So none of us are alone, which is a thought to hang on to. Just adding to the sober lit list 'Drinking: A Love Story', by Caroline Knapp. She describes looking incredulously at her sister and mother who could quite easily leave a half full glass of wine on the dinner table - that rang such bells with me!

Anyway, Day 9 done. And anyone who's twitchy about tomorrow being Friday and the weekend looming - we've done a weekend already this month, so we've got this! Snow permitting I'm planning to go to a social group in our village hall where there's only tea & coffee offered, and then hopefully by the time I'm back any craving will have passed.

And sympathies to those struck down by bugs. There have been some absolute shockers of viruses around this winter, so take care and hope things take a turn for the better v v soon.

Day 9 for me. From having trouble sleeping, now sleeping like a log. Had a good 8 hrs last night and still fell asleep in the chair this afternoon.

I had to drop a friendship that was all about booze. They only want to drink heavily with company

I don’t mind about it being the weekend I feel ok I am more a bit down I haven’t lost much weight yet

Day 9 done. Am in bed with cup of tea and hot water bottle.
We had pizza for tea and I did briefly fancy a glass of red to go with it,but resisted. I'm finding DJ easier this year than other years - tried and failed often. Wonder if it's because I have been making a real effort to cut down since summer and having 3 AF days a week? I use the NHS app to record my days and it's interesting to look back over the last few months and try and see if there is a pattern. This thread is a huge help too.

Day 9 done! Congratulations to everyone who made it so far! I’m loving the try dry app. Really helps in feeling good about this challenge. I have saved 70 units and 4860 calories (so scary when I think about it)

Day 9 completed and feeling motivated to carry on.

I can relate to people above saying that they had wanted activities to hurry up so they could get home and have a drink. I did that or I'd make plans and then cancel because I overslept or woke up feeling rough and have missed out on days out just sleeping off a hangover. So sad isn't it. I don't want my kids memories to be of me drunk or not there, tired and exhausted or flat on days out. I want to be present and enjoying the moment with them and arrange loads more stuff together. It's a real eye opener listening to others stories and reflections, achievements and regrets.

Glad we can support each other there's lots of common ground. Onwards to day 10 tomorrow!

Well done. If I am being honest then are not great friends to begin with. No real friend would pressure a friend into drinking or laugh at them for not. Maybe step back from those "friends" and focus on spending time with other friends who do support you.

End of day 12 for me. We have plans to go for a meal and the cinema tomorrow night but I will be driving so won't be drinking (i wouldn't anyway going tonight cinema). DC3 has a birthday party on sat morning but it's quite a drive to get there so I will be setting of early. Sat night might be more tricky for me but I have AF kopperberg, AF gin and AF wine if need be.

I thought I would really struggle tonight with it being my 'Friday' just realised i haven't even thought about my usual glass of Thursday wine. Pretty pleased with that.

Day 9 done. I’m away exhibiting at a conference which is actually quite lonely - evenings stuck in a grotty hotel room watching The Traitors. I would normally have bought myself a mini bottle of wine but have stuck to the chocolate.

Traitors was good tonight! They’re all going a bit mad! Sending themselves in a spin over the wrong people

Well done everyone who has got through this evening! I am so heartened to talk to other people doing DJ and also so impressed reading everyone’s posts and struggles. We’ve got this!

@Fundays12 i think you are right that I should step back from these friends. I also probably need to acknowledge that I have been that person in the past!

I have been prepping for dds birthday this weekend and I phoned my sister for a chat to stave off any boredom. One more tea for me before bed!

End of day 13 for me. Feeling so tired but have been getting better sleeps. Feel like I'm still eating too much so need to keep an eye on that. I've gained 4lbs in weight since mid December and would like this not to continue 😅

Well done to everyone who have either reduced their intake or doing DJ 👏

Day 10 done here. Thought that some of my social situations may have been difficult with potential peer pressure and familiar routines, but so far so good... everyone's encouraging so fingers crossed.

Well done everyone!