Dry January and beyond

[BulldogMumma]

I couldn't find a dry January thread so thought I'd make one.
I've posted on the alcohol threads before but never see it through. This year I'm determined to do dry January and even beyond.
My drinking has really crept up lately and I know I need to address it. I lost my mum this year due to alcohol and I don't want to go the same way. I've been using alcohol as a crutch since losing my mum but now's the time I stop relying on the wine and take back control.
Anyone else who wants to join me are more than welcome, would be good to have some buddies along the way x

Is it only me who hasn't told anyone in RL they're doing DJ? Funnily enough, DS1 (25), twigged, so I said yeah, I'm easing off for the month! The CBD drinks alerted him. But he's not made a big deal about it.

No idea if DH has, it's not something we talk about, really. He doesn't drink much, 2-3 bottled beers of a weekend, then maybe 2-3 pints of real ale once every couple of months at a RA pub.

Though I know he'd be supportive, I don't need him to quit either (I only drink white wine); and due to a thing 20 (!) years ago when I asked him to point out when I was biting my nails- (before I realised my nails grow a bit, then instantly rip- I bit the torn bits off, not the other way round; even my rather judgemental mother remarked that I just can't grow nails without them instantly peeling from one end)- but he was quietly admonishing me like 10 years later. Stop with it, mate! Enough!

So I know that I'd get 'the look' at every single glass of wine I drink for now til eternity, looong after DJ is over, so, no. He'd think he was being helpful, I'd find it really annoying.

Anyway, Day 9 dusted for me.

Day 8 completed for me. Just home after lovely dinner with two friends. Restaurant offered a two-course menu with complimentary glass of prosecco or AF sparking wine. One of my friends also doing DJ and we happily drank the AF sparkling which was really good. Feel very determined to stay dry for at least Jan - love ticking my days on try dry app!

Just looked up the AF sparking wine - it was called Wild Idol. Sadly seems to sell for about £30 a bottle so a bit out of my usual supermarket price range 😂

Day ten done. I'm hopeful and determined to stay dry for the whole month. I need to start thinking about what next as I definitely don't want to lapse into the sane old bad habits.

Morning all day 10!! Double digits 🤩
wishing everyone good luck as the weekend arrives.
Remember we’ve already got one in the bag! We can do this 🙌🏻
Keep focused and just enjoy waking up fresh and ready for the day it’s been a long week and it’s been freezing so perfect excuse to stay cozy and warm at home, or go for a lovely winter walk that always blows the cobwebs away!
Me and DP have planned our Saturday so this evening we will be treating ourselves to a take away some corona AF beers and find a good series/film I’m really looking forward to just chilling in my pjs the first week back after Christmas is always a struggle!.
wishing you all the best of luck on this Friday! If anyone is struggling don’t forget to check in talking about it could stop you in your tracks and just remind you why we our here 🙌🏻

Morning all. Day 10, double digits!!!
@Fordian I've told my partner and my daughters and my sister. My sisters also doing DJ.
I felt a bit headachey again this morning when I woke up but I've had a coffee and it seems to be going.
Tonight will be ok for me as I'm up early for work tomorrow, tomorrow night is the tricky one but I managed last Saturday night so I know I can do it.
My record for previous DJ attempts is 13 days but this year feels different I feel like I have more determination.
We still have a lot of ice here, schools are opening late, roll on summer.
Hope everyone has a great Friday

Day 10 feels like an achievement! I might get this try dry app people have mentioned so I can see some ticks 😆

I'm getting more reward from the sense of accomplishment as the days add up so that would be gone if I stopped. Hopefully though this feeling it serving it's purpose for the short term psychological adjustment but as I go on I hope it just fades into the background and I become indifferent or it doesn't even cross my mind.

At the moment this sense of achievement makes the wine witch chime up so I must've clearly related wine= reward..like Pavlovs dogs someone mentioned above (ding ding). This is annoying and she (wine witch) needs to bog off but one good thing is that I'm fully aware of what's going on - the self determination to rise above this is winning by far currently

Hope everyone has a brilliant day..it's gonna be tough this weekend, but we are here for support we've got this. Making plans and buying the shopping in advance is a good idea..awesome to those finding decent alternative AF drinks whilst out too

I have the Dry days app and it's incredibly satisfying ticking of a day and making a comment if a want in the box. It definitely helps me control the wine witch calls.

Day 13 here and I genuinely do feel better without booze. I haven't decided if I will stay sober in Feb or just cut right down but now I can see the benefits of no alcohol it might make it easier.

Much better start here this morning and actually thinking what I can achieve this weekend instead of which ship to stop at on way home to get wine!!

hope everyone e has a good day!

Slept well last night. Belly is reduced and face less puffy. Day 10 bring it on.

10 days Complete feeling accomplished I realised I drink to numb feelings and to slow down my ruminating brain difficult week with both kids feeling tearful and lack of sleep not helping 🥲 have to get through weekend good luck to everyone 😘

Day 10 check in. Starting to feel the benefits. I feel “lighter” in both mood and body. I feel less bloated and trousers are feeling loose which feels good. Been feeling fat and frumpy for years. I avoid the camera but had a pic taken recently and I looked pregnant 🙈

Thanks all for being such a lovely supportive group. Let’s keep strong and do this!

Morning everyone, well unfortunately I cracked last night. I wasn't going to admit it but then decided to be honest about it as I think it'll help steer me in the right direction a bit better?!

DH picked up a bottle of wine on his way home after a stressful day at work. Weirdly I knew he was going to do this yesterday - I don't know why! Anyway, we had the bottle between us and then just under half of another bottle we had left from Christmas. So probably 3 medium glasses each.

I feel fine today, just gutted. DH said the same. So we're getting back on it again today. Hopefully. Argh!

What I have realised though, is that for me and DH, drinking doesn't actually seem to be an issue?! Apart from the obvious of what is going on inside your body / the effects on your liver and long term health.

But I have read other posts on here with interest which people admit to behaving in a bad way when they've had a few drinks, embarrassing themselves, texting people you shouldn't, going to bed fully clothed etc.

We genuinely just enjoy having a drink together. On the nights we do drink (normally 3-4 a week) we enjoy a few glasses of wine over the course of the evening (4ish hours), have a nice chat over dinner, watch a bit of TV or a film then go to bed around 10pm. It relaxes us both, we never get drunk and we don't suffer with hangovers. We both sleep well and are up at 6.30am, DH heads to work and I take the dogs out for a big walk before starting work at 8.30am.

But is that part of our problem? That drinking isn't a noticeable problem for us?!

I know people will say if you carry this on for years then you will start to see the effects. Or that it gradually can escalate to drinking every night / more nights a week. But we've been like this since we got together.

Genuinely interested to know peoples thoughts?

Hello - just delurking to say well done to everyone. I'm only on Day 6. I love wine, and have spent years drinking way too much of it, including a couple of years of a bottle a night. I broke the habit with a DJ several years ago and honestly thought 31 days would kill me. But I agree with other posters who said that the first time you do a streak of not drinking is the hardest. Since then, I've done a couple more DJs and some Sober Octobers - one of which I extended to a year. Each time, I restart with good intentions but slowly slide back into drinking too much (though the good news is that the slide takes longer every time). So I'm back again for another reset.

Does anyone use a Fitbit that monitors health metrics? On mine, I've noticed that my heart rate variability is depressed on nights when I have more than a glass of wine, but last night - after six nights off the vino - my score tripled to the highest rate I've ever had. My resting heart rate is also dropping. I find it very motivating to know that my body loves being alcohol-free even if I don't. 😃

@Starlight1984 it sounds like you are well disciplined in the moderate drinking but the fact you're doing it multiple times a week could be the flag. If you did that 1-2 times a week, you're under the recommended guidelines of units per week but 3-4 times a week, it's creeping over and it might end up being daily.

No judgement here at all because I would LOVE to be able to moderate like you.
I will not drink at all during the week but get to the weekend and reward myself by smashing the wine to the point of not remembering going to bed. Not every weekend will I drink to excess but quite often.... 😞

@Starlight1984 that's interesting. I'm a bit the same. I KNOW alcohol is bad for me etc, but like you, it's been years since I embarrassed myself in public, I am aware my memory of actually going to bed can be hazy but never fully dressed or in the wrong bed, I don't drunk text, get argumentative etc; and while I'd wake up heavy and headachey, a bit disappointingy, Day 10, I still am!

I tried to read 'The Naked Mind' but I didn't get very far because the premise was that, given time, your elderly aunt spinster aunt with her glass of sherry at Christmas was on the same slippery slope as the homeless tramp swilling antifreeze in a gutter. I don't agree. I have many friends who, like me, drank way too much in their 20s/ early 30s, but who have now moderated significantly.

But I'm on DJ because the science tells me I should, that I'm drinking too much, too often, too consistently, and that I need to break it up. I don't actually want to stop altogether, tho I appreciate I might discover I have to- I've never really challenged myself like this! But I do want to limit wine to maybe weekends and catching up with specific friends at the pub which I do maybe 8-10 times a year.

I think it's quite hard to stop when you really aren't feeling that it's so out of control that you have no option. 'TNM' book notes that in her culture, US, doing DJ is synonymous with having reached rock bottom; people look on sympathetically, noting how stunning and brave you are for trying to pick yourself up!

@lespameo I am wondering if I'm at risk if, post DJ, becoming a weekend only drunk. To me, that will be the challenge. Will I be able to restrict my drinking to say 2 evenings, and maybe drink only half a bottle per evening? I'd be okay if that's where I could end up.

I know it can be done because others do, but I'm not sure if going from a nightly habit to that is feasible for me. My advantage is that I work erratic bank shifts, so Friday evening doesn't hold the same resonance as it might for others.

@Starlight1984 it's a minefield isn't it and I can actually see why people choose to stop purely to get rid of the constant internal debate - am I drinking too much, shall I have one tonight but not tomorrow, how many units has it been this week and so on - it's exhausting. Simply removing it from the table altogether frees up a lot of headspace.

I'm like you. I did my fair share of binge drinking in my youth, complete with dangerous and mortifying behaviour. Since being in my thirties and having dc I don't go out much and don't get into those situations anymore. However since Covid my weeknight drinking has definitely crept up and that's what I want to address. Mainly because I know going so much over my units per week is bad for my health, not because I get hungover or do silly things.

But I worked out that even if I had two gins and a bottle of wine over the weekend (would usually have the gin on a Friday, a couple of glasses of wine on Saturday and finish the bottle with Sunday lunch) it's still pretty much half the week I'm drinking! Although it is within my units (gin = 4 units and wine = 9/10 units) see what I mean about the mental gymnastics!!!!!

I won't give up altogether and I may well crack this weekend. But providing I can get my overall drinking down from what it was I see that as a win.

Really interesting comments about moderation, and so much resonates with me. I think one of the benefits of DJ for those who don't want to give up completely is that it resets your tolerance. If you drink regularly, your tolerance builds up, and unless you're careful and disciplined, there is the risk of drinking more to get the same effect. A few weeks off gets you back to the point where a single standard glass can feel highly intoxicating - which I'm quite looking forward to 😉.

I completely understand those who find it easier to give up totally and free up the headspace, but in my case I'm quite happy to carry on with the mental gymnastics of calculating units, amounts / ABV's. One thing that really helped last year was buying a set of wine measures, like they use in bars. It's much easier to keep track in my experience.

I think you need to be very wary of the internal damage you are doing. It say you are drinking 3 bottles of wine a week in your own that's 34 units of alcohol and may destroy your liver. Personally I would cut it down to max 2 nights a week just for my body. Watch panorama binge drinking it's a huge eye opener.

I also drink the sand amount normally per week often with DH. Neither of us are unfit to do anything the next day or unable to look after the kids but it's still a lot of booze over a week.

Of course. And that was what I meant really. That I think unless you see physical symptoms it can be very easy to carry on as "normal" and not think you're doing anything wrong which makes it harder to break the habit.

I totally agree but liver disease is known as the silent killer for a reason. The symptoms generally only appear once the person's liver has been damaged beyond repair. It's one of the reasons I did DJ. I was worried what was going on inside body that I can't see.

I find all your comments about moderation so interesting to read. for people who don’t have too many physical effects from the booze can I ask how old you are? Obviously feel free to ignore me! I find with every passing year my physical reaction to drink gets worse and worse. I’m curious if that’s a me thing or maybe you’re just younger than me?

I find a blanket no like dry jan much easier to manage than trying to moderate - to the point that I personally find alcohol free alternatives actively unhelpful as it’s too similar to having a gin and tonic so I might as well have a real one.

It’ll be after January I find much harder when there’s no DJ to hide behind - just an actual choice to carry on being sober.

@Lemonyyy , I'm 62 and have been drinking for most of my adult life (and a bit before that, as giving alcohol to children wasn't as frowned upon in the 60's and 70's). I really went for it at university and used to suffer the most awful 3 day hangovers. But when I started working I couldn't go on like that and took a year off alcohol. After that I still used to get bad hangovers and feel / look awful if I overdid it, but regular moderate drinking was fine. I've not had enough to get a hangover for at least 10 years, but I haven't noticed any age-related changes.
My normal consumption these days is a maximum of 1 x 250ml glass of wine per day, and I don't get any ill effects from that.

As regards hidden effects, I had a liver function check last year and all was well, along with blood sugar, blood pressure etc.