can an alcoholic ever change?

[Freddie15VES]

my partner is a functioning alcoholic - he drinks everyday 4-6 beers. he smokes weed also. he’s promised me numerous times that he’ll change but i’ve yet to see any change.

i feel stupid for giving chance after chance but it’s so hard to leave when there’s love and 2 children

he’s done things in the past that have really hurt me, i’d say he’s done these things when sober but when is an alcoholic really sober?!

bit of a background - he was looking elsewhere for sex/sexual acts through brothels when i was 7 months pregnant, he then started looking again when i was 4 months post partum. he said he didn’t go, heads a mess etc etc made me feel sorry for him. agreed to give it another go

jump to this weekend, works xmas party went out at 6pm came in at 5am offf his face missed our sons football the next morning and also told me to fuck off (infront of son)

now he’s feeling sorry for himself and is going to change…

You and your kid/s lives and wellbeing will never be as high up the pecking order as alcohol, weed and apparently on demand sex to him. Can your mental health cope with that fact? Mine couldn’t.

My MIL was an alcoholic before I knew her. She was in a bad way with 2 teenage children. She eventually went into residential rehab and left her marriage. She's been dry for 20 years now and still attends AA meetings.

So they can change but there's likely to be lasting damage.

Yes they can change, but the damage they do to those around them lasts a lifetime or more. Part of AA is accepting that you've caused that harm.

OP the alcohol dependency is only one reason why you need to end this.

He uses brothels and has no qualms about doing so while you're pregnant.

That in itself is a fine reason to chuck him out.

You say you’re struggling with your mental health, I’m not surprised living with him! He disrespects you, paid for sex when you were at your most vulnerable and swears at you in front of your child.
Without him you won’t feel so wore down, you will have a home where your child is not witnessing addiction and verbal abuse. Your child will feel safe from the chaos that your partner brings to your lives and home. Your mental health is bad because of him so leaving will be the making of you.

If your house was on fire he would check first to make sure every alcohol bottle was saved in the house before giving you a thought. He would sell his granny for a few alcohol bottles and weed, he loves his addictions and they come first in his life, not you and certainly not your innocent child. He won’t change no matter how much you love him, so love yourself and child more and leave him.

The alcohol misuse is a red herring, although it is a substantial issue.

The real problem is that he treats you like utter shit in front of your kids, used brothels when you were pregnant and fobs you off with insincere promises of changing his ways.

You are a victim of emotional abuse.

Contact Women's Aid and ask for a referral to the Freedom Programme so you can deal with the reasons you continue to stay with this vile person.