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Alcohol support

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On a mission to moderate or absolutely abstaining, no judging, keep on being strong, new thread autumn 2024

1000 replies

Nowstrong · 09/10/2024 07:22

@Amdone123, @Freezingfeetwarmheart , @Bigbus,@Flumpywoo , @FiveShelties , @ForeverTipsy, @Hohofortherobbers,@Jbob1976,@walliedug,

Wanted to post and old thread wouldn't let me, so took the plunge...
Please tag everyone, don't want to leave anyone behind.

Still AF here and even starting to enjoy it. Nearly 2 months. Will write proper post later..
Hope you are all doing well. Stay strong. Wet vibes, 'cos it's raining.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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ForeverTipsy · 18/02/2025 11:32

@BezMills so sorry to hear about your mum passing, I lost mine 12 years ago. Things like smells can really trigger emotions and memories, they're so powerful. It must have been so hard for you to go through her jewellery on Sunday 😔

I've been feeling flat, too. Had a whole bottle of 0% pink prosecco last night in a proper wine glass, with the telly and some Crisps and dips. Just wanted to have that relaxed feeling I used to get from doing that. I like the heft of the bottle in my hand, the pop, the pour, the clutching of the wine glass. Sad, I know!

Day 48 here.

Keep going everyone, the pros of sobriety definitely outweigh the cons.

AlertCat · 18/02/2025 20:53

@ForeverTipsy i don’t think that’s sad, it’s taking care of yourself.

Seenoevil33 · 19/02/2025 14:55

@ForeverTipsy we are so used to the feelings of relief and relaxation when we finally pour that first drink - it’s such a hard feeling to give up - and why should we? I do want to relax in the evening - I just cannot use alcohol to do that! I also wonder if I’m cheating with the cbd drinks, but at this point I don’t really care - they are helping me enormously and they are not alcohol!

1 month today for me. I feel brilliant! Sleeping like a log - absolutely no weight loss but my anxiety (pretty low level bu fairly constant) has totally gone! Also saving a fortune!

BezMills · 19/02/2025 15:14

well done @Seenoevil33 ! Great work

I'm definitely feeling the benefits, and I'm going to keep going another few weeks.

I did have more to say but I kept self-editing so I'll just leave it brief!

Seenoevil33 · 19/02/2025 15:27

@BezMills thanks so much!

you’ve made it to more than 6 weeks so well done! How long are you planning? What’s the plan for after? For now, I know that if I have just 1 drink I’ll be back where I was - just cannot do that - so I guess I’m not planning to drink in the foreseeable future - I try not to think ahead though and am focused just on today….

ForeverTipsy · 19/02/2025 18:16

@Seenoevil33 - huge congratulations on the one month sober! And I'm not worrying too much about the CBD drinks either. Though have gained 1.5kgs in past few weeks so need to cut back on all the sugary snacks and luxury hot chocolates...boo. I was already slightly overweight before, so need to cut back.

@BezMills glad you're feeling the benefits too. And please don't feel like you need to self edit posts here - it's a safe space!

BezMills · 20/02/2025 06:31

Thanks @Seenoevil33 and @ForeverTipsy

I think I'm going to go for March as well (I don't want to get cocky but I'm feeling good about 6 weeks), at which point I might as well hold on to 6th April and make it a round 3 months / 13 weeks kind of thing. Maybe 6 weeks at a time is a decent unit of time. It's substantial enough to make a difference but not too long to seem endless!

I've made good progress in other areas (diet, weight, fitness) and I'm kind of worried if I start drinking again I'll almost immediately go back to square 1. Which is quite realistic, knowing me as I do!

ForeverTipsy · 20/02/2025 10:01

"Knowing me as I do" made me chuckle @BezMills ! I know what you mean though. I think chucking a long stretch down into manageable sizes, whatever they are, seems really sensible.

My 100 days seems interminable right now. Novelty has well and truly worn off, and I've gone from a very optimistic "if I do 100 days I may as well do a year!" To counting down the days and drooling over a bottle of wine....!

BezMills · 20/02/2025 10:03

yeah there's a lot of 'one year no beer' on the social media sometimes, and I'm not going to think those thoughts. If I got there, I'd be pretty chuffed but I'm not aiming for it. It's too much.

"Just for this training block" I will not drink!

ForeverTipsy · 20/02/2025 10:09

Just sharing the motivation graphics from my I Am Sober app, in case they help others today...

On a mission to moderate or absolutely abstaining, no judging, keep on being strong,  new thread autumn 2024
On a mission to moderate or absolutely abstaining, no judging, keep on being strong,  new thread autumn 2024
alcoholfreelife · 20/02/2025 13:45

Hi all, could I join please? I’ve named changed because my old user name was “Ineedwine” so new name new start!

Basically I’ve been a heavy drinker for years, I’m not sure if I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol or have a drink problem but right now I’m reassessing alcohol in my life and hopefully making better choices.

A bit of a backstory is I’ve always been a heavy daily drinker ( think 1-2 bottles of wine and either a couple of beers or gins everyday), I did try and cut out a few days here and there but I wasn’t very successful at it, I run my own business with my husband and we have no children so I live a fairly relaxed life and can do what I want when I want within reason, I would often go for champagne breakfasts or boozy lunches with friends, come home do some work and open the wine at 3-4ish and drink all evening or go out drinking, every evening,

I should add my husband is teetotal and always has been, he’s never commented on my drinking but always says he supports every decision I make and he’s there for me if I need him, sometimes he passes comment or will step in especially if my health or safety is in danger but mostly he just supports me from afar which I suppose is the best thing a partner can do, you can’t change people it has to come from yourself.

I decided to do dry January as my mum has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer after living a very healthy lifestyle so no booze, cooks fresh and regularly goes out walking with my dad and it suddenly hit me really hard not only that I could lose my mum but also that if she’s got cancer after being relatively healthy what the hell is alcohol doing to me, it was like a huge lightbulb went off inside my head and I went into panic mode, so I’m now tackling booze head on,

Dry January was a huge success in that I didn’t touch a drop of alcohol ( me and my husband are going through a lot of zero beer though) I did have cravings ( and still do) I counted down every single day of January until I could finally have a drink on the 1st Feb, which I did ( I went on an all day bender and spent the Sunday in bed regretting the drinking) I didn’t drink then until Valentine’s evening last week in which we went out for a meal, hubby got me a bottle of fizz and about half way down it I had enough.

All in all I think I’m doing remarkably well for saying how much I drunk, I probably should have sought help with my problem/addiction from the Doctors rather than going cold turkey but in some obscure way I have my mums illness to thank for it, if she hadn’t been diagnosed and rushed to hospital seriously ill I don’t think I would have quit, her illness really has been the turning point for me, and I just needed to stop drinking, the reason I’ve joined is that I’ve been reading this thread since December and amazed at how your all doing and the support, what I have to decide is if to be teetotal or just cut back to special occasions? I haven’t drunk this week and don’t feel like I want to but I also have this voice regularly in head telling me to open the wine, I just don’t know how to keep the voices out so it would be lovely to join and have people in my life ( albeit anonymously) who understands how bloody difficult quitting/reducing alcohol intake is, my family and friends whilst supportive don’t understand this daily battle I have in my head and tell me just to have one, so I’m now saying no to socialising as I’m just not at a point where I can go to a pub or restaurant without ordering alcohol especially with their constant “one won’t hurt” comments so in a way I’m self exiling myself and I think I just need to surround myself with people whom understand it and can help me navigate how to be me without booze, my husband is really proud of me but he doesn’t really understand the voice as he’s never had it being teetotal so I hope you don’t mind me being here xx

Seenoevil33 · 20/02/2025 14:07

@ForeverTipsy love the inspirational quotes - need to be vigilant as this thing is easy to give in to…
@BezMills you are doing so good - I have no doubts that you’ll succeed at this for however long you choose!
@alcoholfreelife welcome! You are off to a good start! I initially was only going to moderate but I know I can’t do it! I’ve had a lifetime already to do that and I haven’t managed. Other people are stronger than me and could make it work, but I’m a bit all or nothing!
another day and I will not drink today.

BezMills · 20/02/2025 14:11

@alcoholfreelife

It is possible to go from full on daily heavy drinking to moderation (edit, quickly or in one step, I mean), but it almost never happens. I honestly think it's kind of a false hope that one tends to have (just another trick the mind plays), rather than a realistic possibility.

I think the best chance of success for someone like you (somebody like me) is to take some time completely off or as completely off as you can manage (if you have the odd day or lapse for a few days or a week this is not catastrophic but it can show you that you're not quite there yet).

I would say, as a fellow every-day-drinker, that a period of complete abstinence is almost surely necessary to reset your habits and mentality. I'm working through that now, I have wobbly days but I'm keeping at it because it's important - because I'm important, to me and my family.

In many ways life is simpler just being tee-total than waiting for the weekend or whatever day it is you're getting to drink. Whenever you are having some kind of temptation, it's a clear NO, rather than 'Not yet'.

We're here to support you and you're not out of the club if you have a drink, but you asked advice and this is mine. I really do wish you all the best and will offer what support I can on the thread.

You've done really well so far, keep on keeping on, bon courage!

alcoholfreelife · 20/02/2025 14:17

Thank you! Weirdly when I drank everyday I didn’t think about it everyday it was just part of my routine or ingrained as muscle memory but now I’m not absentmindedly reaching for the wine I think about it all day everyday, I count days down ( partly because I’m proud how many days I’ve gone but also maybe because I’m counting down to some imaginary date when it’s acceptable to drink??) it’s the voices that are making me struggle, drinking twice since 1st Jan is a fantastic and remarkable achievement for me though I just wish my internal monologue would catch up/shut up!

BezMills · 20/02/2025 15:19

Yeah old habits die hard, they really do, but I really think you're doing the right thing.

Seenoevil33 · 20/02/2025 18:51

@alcoholfreelife also just wanted to add - my DH is a daily drinker (like me) and decided to just do no alcohol Monday to Thursday. In nearly 5 weeks he has only managed one week not drinking M-T. A big deal closed in a Tuesday so he drank Tuesday and Wednesday. Holiday here last Monday so he drank. I went to yoga last night and returned to him drinking wine. There’s always a bottle open and even when he’s not drinking he looks miserable and like he’s thinking about it.

he only drinks 3/4 of a bottle but it’s too frequent. Tbh I’m currently seething inside and not hiding it very well. Anyhow the point is - moderation is way harder than quitting - a drink is always a possibility. I do believe that after a significant amount of time we can loosen up a bit but I will never drink at home again!

AlertCat · 20/02/2025 20:04

My OH and I started doing dry Mon-Thurs (Sun-Thurs sometimes in my case) back in September, then I did Dry Jan as well. I am trying to get back to a place where a bottle of wine will do me for a whole weekend instead of a night, and in Feb I’m not quite sure I’ve managed it as I hope to. But the rules are iron-clad, except during specified holiday periods, and we both know the other one will be upset or cross or disappointed if we have a drink on a dry day, so there is both a sense of solidarity and also accountability. If we couldn’t stick to that I think we would need a conversation about quitting altogether.

Seenoevil33 · 20/02/2025 20:50

@AlertCat oh I know I’m going to have to bring it up and have the conversation, but I’m so new in my quit that I want to make sure he’s sees I’m completely strong and happier without drinking.

Tbh it puts me off ever drinking again.

ForeverTipsy · 24/02/2025 22:04

Hello all, and welcome to our little group @alcoholfreelife (love the name change). Well done on the Dry January and the mindful drinking, sounds like they're huge wins for you after being such a heavy drinker for so long. How are you feeling today? How's the annoying inner monologue?

@Seenoevil33 my dh did Dry January but is now back to drinking 3-4 nights a week. Sometimes just a beer or two, but the other night sunk a whole bottle of wine to himself downstairs alone whilst me and the kids were in bed asleep (I do tend to go to bed around 10pm though tbf). I too am biting my tongue and saying nothing as it's his body his choice. It's so hard not to come across as judgemental and annoyed sometimes isn't it?! I'd really rather not have any alcohol in the house tbf. Am considering just drinking socially on occasions if/when I do go back.

Saw this and thought it may be of use here:

Our top five tips for maintaining your gains from the Dry January® challenge | Alcohol Change UK

Nowstrong · 25/02/2025 00:21

Morning all! Travelling (again) so normally I'm AF, but Sunday I had 1 beer. But it wasn't cold so that put me off. Yesterday decided I "needed" a glass of nice cold white wine. Ended up having 2. Which I enjoyed (too much) fought off the urge to have a 3rd. Was pleased about that.
Really strange that I had these fancies. Have been fighting off the chocolate fancy for 10 days now. So I think that something had to give.
I'm meeting with family today so I won't be on my own for nearly 2 weeks. Which will be nice but tiring. Then I have my last week to do what I want before going home.
Love travelling . Discovering places, meeting people. Making memories.
Take care of yourselves! Can't answer but am reading. Stay strong. Don't forget a bit of self loving. Sending positive and warm vibes from somewhere in Asia xx

OP posts:
Seenoevil33 · 25/02/2025 00:53

@alcoholfreelife i did end up talking to him and explaining that I felt he wasn’t really committed to it. He thought on it for day and went af Sunday and tonight so I think he may try a little harder now.
@Nowstrong your life sound much more exciting than mine although the sun was out for once so I walked for 2 hours on a local trail. I felt serene!

have had an absolute huge reduction in anxiety since quitting drink. Whilst it wasn’t severe it was definitely there before - enough of a reason to not drink I think.

Nowstrong · 25/02/2025 01:23

Saw your post @Seenoevil33 , I got rid of my 2 major anxiety makers. My ex and booze. Took me a long time to pull my big girl knickers up and to do both. Now at 70 I'm living my best life. I'm not rich, but budget very carefully my modest pension to be able to travel as much as possible while I'm fit and healthy. Also take care of my health. Which I wasn't able to do with my ex. And drinking also didn't help.
So now I'm my main priority, family close behind. But you can't take care of family if you're not fit, mentally and physically. That's my take on things now.
Take care , stay strong x

OP posts:
alcoholfreelife · 25/02/2025 09:11

Thank you for thinking of me! And well done everyone on your own journeys whether that's quitting or cutting back! I've still got the internal monologue counting down to some imaginary date and craving booze but I'm doing ok.

One issue I have found though is that instead of looking and feeling better in myself I look and feel like absolute shite. I'm not sleeping, I'm battling a breakout in spots all over my face and chest ( I though it was chicken pox but it is just acne) I have bags under my eyes, I've gone really pale and I can't focus on anything, I'm not hungry, I'm managing to get through the days but I just want my bed and when I'm there I'm not sleeping, Hubby says I look like a zombie 🧟‍♀️ , ( he's a great support 😆) I spoke to the doctors and they want to put me on antidepressants which I'm not willing to do so I don't really know what to do or where to go from here but I'm certainly not glowing which lots of alcohol free websites and podcasts would have me believing

BezMills · 25/02/2025 09:39

@alcoholfreelife

It's not uncommon to feel rough when you've made a big change to your diet (and cutting out heavy daily booze would count I think). Who knows if it's the gut microbiome getting out of what or what.

Also when it's something that you've been using for self-regulation, it's probably natural to be a bit out of kilter.

This is the hard bit, but you can keep going.

alcoholfreelife · 25/02/2025 10:06

BezMills · 25/02/2025 09:39

@alcoholfreelife

It's not uncommon to feel rough when you've made a big change to your diet (and cutting out heavy daily booze would count I think). Who knows if it's the gut microbiome getting out of what or what.

Also when it's something that you've been using for self-regulation, it's probably natural to be a bit out of kilter.

This is the hard bit, but you can keep going.

Yeah it could just be my body trying to regulate itself, I'll see how I go, looking back I probably should have gone to the doctors with help on quitting rather than just stopping but the shock of mums cancer and how unwell she was really knocked me for six so I wasn't really thinking straight, although he didn't really seem too concerned about my over health when I went to see him the other day with my skin issue/insomnia and over all feeling like death, he just wanted to give me the ADs and go off on my merry way, I'll give it another few weeks and if I'm not coming out of the fog I'll go back and see another doctor

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