I have a very young baby and I've relapsed I feel so guilty

[relaspedagain]

My baby is only 7 weeks old and I've had a relapse. I saw all the other mums in my group having a few glasses of wine so I thought I would too.

It turned into a glass on wine Saturday night, to me drinking about 500ml of vodka last night.

I have cleared out the house there is zero alcohol here. My husband as always has been supportive. I don't know why he puts up with it, well he says sober me is worth it.

I went over 9 months without drinking why do I do it! I can never just have one. Why do I convince myself it'll be different.

I have been on antidepressants for PND, I am seeing the GP tomorrow. I'm not sure if I should say anything about this.

I've been denied life insurance because of it. I was also on anti depressants from pnd after I had my 1st baby.

I had a slip when that baby was about 11 weeks. But managed to reign it back in until last Oct when I had a miscarriage.

But I do think having babies is driving me a bit loopy. Things were going really well when dc got to about 10 months and slept thro the night and I wasn't as worried all the time. I think I'm done having babies.

I am going to say to the gp that I'm struggling but I'm not going to mention alcohol.

It was nice to catch up with my friend today and I'll hopefully see her again soon.

There are a lot of other stresses going on. I have my own potential health issue which is being investigated. My mother, FIL and MIL all are in various stages of investigation, chemo and a very tentative remission. Then we've had 3 very large unexpected financial issues which I'm not sure how we will cover.

But drinking will not help any of that.

There's so much lovely and kind support on this thread for you OP. I hope that makes you feel valued and supported.

(Special mention to @FusionChefGeoff for such a helpful reply and reaching out to the OP, that's so kind).