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Alcohol support

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The support thread for anyone trying to lead an alcohol free life.

981 replies

WendyWagon · 30/06/2024 08:50

Hello and welcome. We are a bunch of people (mainly women) trying to give up alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans who can offer advice and signposting.

We don't encourage moderation purely as it can be triggering for some to read.

I'm Wendy and I'll be the captain of the ship for the next two months or so.
I gave up drinking in January 2022.

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ponzusoup · 21/07/2024 16:59

@REP22 have just read properly and clocked what you meant!!! love the metaphor but also hope all ok and agree you should check it out. i had a similar despite having a more a coil. had a scan and gynaecologist said was ovaries idea of a farewell party and could happen from time to time. otherwise she said my ovaries looked ' quiet'. i imagine them as a pair of ab fab types getting sick of the bottle finally, a bit like me, but having a last huzzah.

Sortingmyselfoutdayatatime · 21/07/2024 19:16

@REP22 that is pants literally on your holiday.
hope everyone had a good day

EastCoastDamsel · 21/07/2024 22:00

Good evening all. Tonight I am feeling sad. Just been scrolling through FB and a friend posted an album of photos of her trip today and upmarket restaurant in Amsterdam complete with delicious wines from some of my favourite vineyards in my home country.

I know I don't ever want to drink again but I miss the idea of opening a cold, crisp white on a sunny afternoon over some nibbles with friends.

It doesn't help that after yesterday's fridge/freezer debacle it now seems that the thermostat on the hot water tank has blown (this might or might not be related to to the fridge/freezer incident) and we have no hot water. 😭😭😭😭

Therefore no soak in the tub with NEOM bubbles this evening .

Insurance has promised to send and engineer out tomorrow but I am not holding my breath.

Onewildandpreciouslife · 21/07/2024 22:24

Oh @EastCoastDamsel that is rubbish about the hot water. And I’m sorry your friend’s post has made you sad.

It’s understandable to miss those things. But for me, when I look back at photos of me drinking, I can still feel the pain that underlay it all - both the pain that I was running away from, and the pain that my drinking was causing me. I wish I’d been smart enough to stop before it became a problem, but I wasn’t. And I know that I’d be a lot sadder, with a large dollop of shame on the side, if I were still drinking.

Hang in there.

WendyWagon · 22/07/2024 06:44

Good morning my sober sisters and Sid.

@EastCoastDamsel i am the same when I see pictures of champagne parties. Personally I don't go. I can't be trusted even two and a half years on.

I had a Gordon's AF last night and the marks orange juice. The DH bought rhubarb and ginger faux gin, yet to be tasted.
The DS is back and we had a chat. He seemed a bit better. Lamb dinner which is his favourite.
I have loads of people cheering me on re the coastal beauty company. I need my new car for that.

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REP22 · 22/07/2024 10:15

Good morning all from me and Himself.

@WendyWagon I'm glad your son is a bit more chipper - that was lovely of you, to do him his favourite dinner. I hope all will continue better for him. Sid raises his reedy treble to join the song of support for your coastal beauty company options.❤

@EastCoastDamsel that's grim about the water, I'm sorry. Hope the engineer is swift and efficient and NEOMal service resumes swiftly. I'm sorry the pictures made you sad. I feel the same. I'd have loved some wine when I got back to the cottage last night. But for me, it must not be. I couldn't make the most of my holiday if I was drinking. I think it's the enjoyment of the anticipation of the drinking and the sensation after the first one that we enjoy more than the actual drinking, or being drunk. That came to me again yesterday. At one point on our walk, I was looking to find something we'd gone out to see. Alas, when we were almost on top of it, three very young triplet foals became very over-invested in the dog, and their mum was equally intently focussed on the contents of my rucksack. We had to abandon the waypoint and go back when they'd moved on. At that point I very strongly believed that I enjoyed the idea of Dartmoor and the planning for it much more than the actual experience. I think it's like that when drinking - we crave what we associate with it, rather than the stuff itself, the actual lived experience of which is somewhat different.

I also find it helpful to view booze - and the drinking experience - as a friend or relative who seems fun and loving, but is actually a toxic, narcissistic nightmare. Their laughs are mocking and cruel, their hugs are too tight and hurt, they actively enjoy the failings and sufferings of us and others. But still, on some level, we have some level of affection or even love for them. I look at it like they have died. I treated it like a death and allowed myself to mourn and follow the stages of grieving for it - even looking up the stages of grief on bereavement websites and following those processes. Our "friend" alcohol is dead. It is OK - even healthy - to miss it. To mourn its loss, grieve for its departure from our lives, and then, when you're ready, to lay its spirit (often literal) to rest and move on without it. RIP Booze, you have no power over me anymore, but that doesn't mean I don't miss you - acutely at times - but you're dead and gone. 🪦

@ponzusoup , @Sortingmyselfoutdayatatime and all - Thank you all for your good wishes about my monthly recurrence; much appreciated. It is extremely tiresome. My Auntie Flo is a big girl, and I'm paranoid about marking the sheets in my holiday let. All well on that score so far (touch wood) - but I must find a chemist today, as I came unprepared. I actually have a hospital appointment when I return - I am STILL on antibiotics (oh yes) and still have the breast lumps, so have a follow-up at the breast clinic next week. I will mention the latest development to them and see what they say. Possibly the next step will be surgery, as I've been on antibiotics on and off and under the breast unit since February. OH big-billy-b%ll%cks. Never mind; I will face whatever comes.

We are just off out for our second day on the moor, despite being a bit stiff from yesterday (on reflection, a 7 hour walk was not the wisest choice to ease ourselves back in). But here's double-bubble for the Sidettes among us. Delighting in his first time back out on the open moor and - on the way back to the car - watching dozens of hares capering about (they didn't come out in the picture). A less-intense walk planned today, with the whisper of an ice-cream from the posh van in the car park afterwards.

Strength and love to you. Keep going. It will be alright soon, I promise. xx

The support thread for anyone trying to lead an alcohol free life.
The support thread for anyone trying to lead an alcohol free life.
ShyMaryEllen · 22/07/2024 11:52

It's bad luck all round just now, isn't it? Let's hope that joy awaits around the corner.

My own troubles have come in the form of having the WiFi cut off. We are moving from Plusnet to EE, and the whole process has been a monumental cockup, beset by cancellations, people giving the wrong instructions to one another (without consent to give instructions at all) and general ineptitude all round. Things are a bit more complicated than expected as we are getting 'full fibre', which entails the installation of some sort of external box and internal socket combo by an engineer.

We were cut off by Plusnet on Friday, despite an hour-long conversation last week during which they promised to 'put a hold on the cease'. That conversation was interesting, as I had no idea what the chap on the phone was saying. Do something with the seas? sees? seize? I'd have asked him to spell it, but I didn't know what 'it' was. Anyway, we got there somehow, and it was agreed that yes, the cease would be put on hold, but clearly this didn't happen, as at midnight the TV went off, and I couldn't access email. As we were away for the weekend as of the next morning, I let it lie and used the hotel Wifi. Today I need to do some work though, and hooking up to my phone hotspot is far from ideal as there's an intermittent signal at best, due to the rain. Every time I put the laptop down it cuts off 😡.

EE is supposed to be coming out tomorrow to save the day 🤞. If you hear howls of despair when you open this thread over the course of the day you will know there has been another glitch in the seamless system they advertise.

Best wishes to all, and cuddles to Sid.

EastCoastDamsel · 22/07/2024 20:36

Evening all.

Sorry to hear of your interweb troubles @ShyMaryEllen . That's almost worse than no hot water!

A 7 hour walk sounds epic @REP22 . No wonder you and Sid were a little stiff this morning.

I remembered that we have an immersion this morning 🤦🏻‍♀️. So am having a lovely hot bath later. Plumber has been and promised to return with required parts and electrician to fix thermostat this week.

Sortingmyselfoutdayatatime · 23/07/2024 06:59

Morning all. What lovely photos of Sid and typical Dartmoor looking all threatening clouds.
we are upto 30 miles of Hadrian’s wall
there was a bottle of wine in the welcome back. Glad to say after 4 nights it is still there
glad you have a means of hot water @EastCoastDamsel
havea good day all

WendyWagon · 23/07/2024 08:45

Good morning all.
I have holiday envy this morning.
I have been looking at places for a short break before our main hols in November. I quite fancy one of the places on the 'we bought a hotel' programme.

My dog decided to jump around last night so not a great sleep. However prior to AF I would be seriously grumpy. Now I plan for a nap!
I had a Gordon's AF and marks elderflower tonic. Really lovely.

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EastCoastDamsel · 23/07/2024 11:20

Morning All,

I think I have PAWS.

Sleeping really well but absolutely exhausted by 3pm. Also feeling rather bleary-eyed in the morning. (Luckily this seems to lift quickly after a cup of coffee and feeding the dogs, unlike when drinking.)

DC at summer school Tue-Fri this week which is both a blessing and a curse as it's 40min drive away but only between 8:45 and 3:15 with no wrap-around care. They are old enough to take the train there and back though (station is 10min drive away) so I have informed them that this morning was the only chauffeur service they will be receiving. Queue DD saying, "You don't love us! I always feel sorry for H&H (twins) who have to get the train home every day and think that their parents don't love them!".

Not taking any notice though as she in the 12 going on 18 phase, and tried her best to get the biggest rise out of me as possible at every opportunity.

Hope everyone has a good day.

WendyWagon · 23/07/2024 13:15

@EastCoastDamsel my two DC loved summer school. They were happy days.

The DD is home before her new university in September. She will be commuting. Our son did this too.
I have been able to do a few things around the house. My mobility is improving so I am very grateful.

I have another boozy friend coming next week for lunch. She's driving so hopefully she will be on the soft drinks.

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Souredgrapes · 23/07/2024 13:45

Hello All , I’m still here , still reading . You sound like a great bunch and I’m trying to stay caught up , absorb all the good advice and generally enjoy the good humour And beautiful dog pictures.
I think I’ve beeen following you all now for about 6 weeks. Had ups and downs . My goal is AF not moderation and I’m simply not there yet . I could say I have good reason but we all know there is never a good reason to drink . On Sunday 14th of July , hours before everyone one was getting ready for the football I was in a car accident . It was at a reasonable high speed ( I was doing 50pmh) and have broken ribs. A few days after I hit the wine with friends who thought it would do me good . It didn’t , the pain in my and the mix with strong pain killers Left me drained and wiped out . I’m feeling both grateful no one died ( the other driver has a broken pelvis so still not great ) but so sad this had happened to me again ( last time my boyfriend died and I feel like I’m reliving that all over again). Anyhow, the drugs are keeping me off the booze for now . They don’t mix. I wish it was inner strength keeping me sober but I don’t have much of that right now .
I have read all you stories and I know I’m not the only one to be struggling with alcohol and non alcohol issues so sending strength to you all.

i have a holiday booked for three weeks time . I’m planning on taking it regardless of the broken ribs . I would rather be uncomfortable on a sun lounger than the sofa . I just need to re sort my holiday insurance as I’m guessing it’s not valid now.

Souredgrapes · 23/07/2024 13:46

Been here 3 weeks not 6 . 🤦‍♀️

NextPhaseOfLife · 23/07/2024 16:56

Gosh, @Souredgrapes - that's awful. I'm so sorry to hear about your car accident - and your tragedy before that.

No wonder you're traumatised.

Well done for recognising that Alcohol doesn't make anything better.

Every day that goes by you're a step further on your journey.

Think it's about 90 days AF for me now. I've had a few moments of 'god, if I'm not a drinker, WHAT AM I????' But i've realised that drinking again is not the answer.

I don't want to drink - I just want to be interesting/entertained/entertaining.

And that's got to come from me, not a bottle.

ShyMaryEllen · 23/07/2024 17:14

That sounds painful, @Souredgrapes . Maybe you'll find that the enforced spell off the booze will wean you off it enough to stay sober. Any withdrawal symptoms should be masked by the drugs, (for better or worse).

My continuing internet saga continues. They didn't turn up earlier, and to cut a long and very tedious story short, there has been a huge glitch, which will leave me running the whole house from my phone's hotspot until August. AARRGGHH!!

I've postponed going away once already because of this, and will now have to postpone again. The plan was that we'd go to the Lakes when the bathroom was being fitted, but that's when the new appointment will be. I could scream.

ShyMaryEllen · 23/07/2024 17:27

90 days, @NextPhaseOfLife ! That's a milestone. You should be getting better liver results now, and generally feeling better. This is a guide to the physical impact of giving up. I had a slightly different one bookmarked when I gave up. I can't find it now, but it will have said much the same things. I found it useful to know what was happening that I couldn't see.

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-happens-when-you-stop-drinking-alcohol-timeline-5324861

Alcohol Addiction Recovery Timeline

Wondering what will happen if you give up alcohol? Here is a timeline of what happens when you stop drinking, including important alcohol recovery milestones.

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-happens-when-you-stop-drinking-alcohol-timeline-5324861

NextPhaseOfLife · 23/07/2024 20:04

Thank you for the link, @ShyMaryEllen

It's good to read through.

I certainly feel mentally more alert, falling asleep in front of the telly doesn't happen, and acid reflux has totally gone.

It is SO good to go to bed not wondering if I'll be sick from reflux in the night. I can't believe that was a regular effect of drinking, and/or taking omeprazole daily so I could have a glass of wine.

Itsrainingten · 24/07/2024 06:38

Hi all sorry to hear of everyone's troubles. Especially @Souredgrapes that sounds awful. Especially following on from the terrible accident before I'm so sorry
We're in Istanbul. Arrived last Saturday. I haven't found it hard really. It's not really a big drinking city and DH hasn't been drinking much either. We were out for dinner last night and there was a group at the next table. It was a British man and Turkish woman who had got married a few days before and the man's family who had flown over for the wedding and had met his wife for the first time. The British family were all drunk and LOUD. Especially the mother / mother-in-law (which is how I know so much about them!) I was feeling embarrassed for her and I could tell the daughter-in-law felt awkward. Really reinforced how awful drinking is.
We leave today for our all inclusive hotel on the coast. That will be the actual test for me.

Sortingmyselfoutdayatatime · 24/07/2024 06:44

@Souredgrapes so sorry re accident. I totally get what you are saying re previous trauma and it all coming to the fore.
well done on not drinking to blank it all out

Souredgrapes · 24/07/2024 07:59

Morning All, thank you for the kind mentions . I’ve read the link re what happens when we get sober . Looking forward to all of that. I just want booze out of my life. I don’t understand why I struggle with it so much. I hate the feeling of being drunk , I make bad choices ( eating and Amazon ) I know my children hate it . My goal is an AF holiday in 3 weeks with my adult daughter and her BF , neither of whom drink much at all . DH is coming and his days will revolve around alcohol , it’s going to be tricky .

I hope you do enjoy the next part of your holiday @Itsrainingten , we are All in too and I’m focusing on the extra cake in lieu of the cocktails .

WendyWagon · 24/07/2024 08:34

Good morning sober sisters and Sid.
I was a bit earlier today but trawling through my business post. The doc has signed me off work until September. It gives me some time to see if I can get a meeting with the my previous boss. I also hope to do a bit of ebaying as I have so many clothes.

I'm sorry to hear of the incident @Souredgrapes . How awful. I broke two ribs in 2021. It can effect your breathing. Be gentle with yourself.

I'm off out to breakfast. The BFF has moved in with the bf. I haven't been there yet but at least I won't be offered booze. The BFF is drinking again to the extreme but I'm not taking that on.

Have a good day all.

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ShyMaryEllen · 24/07/2024 10:30

If you have to be signed off for a few weeks, this is definitely the time of year for it, @WendyWagon . Good luck with the job search, but also try to enjoy the rest.

My daughter assures me that Vinted is better than eBay these days, but I can't speak from experience as I buy rather than sell.

I am out for lunch today, and then (🤞) taking delivery of a mini hub to work the internet until we get it sorted. I have a million emails to answer, which I can't do without a lot of reading and editing of documents, so I need a reliable connection, as some of them are getting urgent.

Love to Sid and the sorority. That sounds like a 60's pop group 😂

WendyWagon · 24/07/2024 14:11

Ooh,Sid & The Sorority. I'm getting a t-shirt made up to wear with those zippy trousers. A la certain punk bands of my youth though I am actually a Disco girl through and through. Give me a Beegees tune any day. However a lot of us are ex caners so I can see the look!
Breakfast was fine and I even did a short headhunter call. Needs must.

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WendyWagon · 25/07/2024 07:16

Morning all.
Up earlier because it's cool here. A touch of rain.
I'm off to see a very pretty farmhouse later today. The DS noted astro turf and said what the heck. It's just what I wanted but it may be in the wrong place. They obviously sold off land years ago for housing. If its too built up around there I will feel hemmed in. Due to working in London I need green.
I am going to enjoy my enforced month off and not feel guilty about it. Easier said than done. I have got some help in the house booked for September.
I tried the rhubarb and ginger AF Warner gin. Not for me. It tasted of nowt.

Hopefully all are enjoying their holidays.

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