On a mission to moderate or absolutely abstaining - new thread for summer 2024

[Bigbus]

@amdone123 @touty @coppergate7 @swannyb
@Hohofortherobbers @YoghurtPotWashingMachine @Mj20 @Freezingfeetwarmheart @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 @Nowstrong @enoughisenough4

The last thread got full before a new one could be started. I’ve tried to tag some of the regular posters but I don’t really know what I’m doing! Let me know if this works and please tag people I’ve missed.

@nowstrong that's nuts about serving a local spirit at a honestly, in the morning! Are you British? I think we have such a bad reputation that most countries just assume we all drink all day every day on holiday. I'm jealous of the heat, been a bit chilly here in SW England (but some lovely blue skies so not complaining). I've been banging on about going no/low alcohol to my friends for a couple of years now, so am lucky that I've people around me who don't put pressure on me or make me feel weird if I choose not to drink (shame same can't be said for my family).

How annoying is the power of suggestion?? I've decided my 3 x drink free days are Mon-Weds. The NHS app reminded me this morning today is a drink free day, and I was feeling confident (I did actually have a glass of red on Monday night, so thinking I'll do Tues-Thurs instead). Went to my exercise class this evening and on the way back to the car one of my friends said she was off home for "dinner and a glass of wine"...now it's all I can think about!! 😢 Posting on here is helping me stay strong. Will make a mug of hot chocolate and head to bed with my book soon...accountability is so helpful to me.

Hi @enoughisenough4 on day 3 ag again , my emotions are all over the place due to break up. I know only time will
fix me but it’s so hard. I don’t know if AA will
help? I’m keeping it under control I think

@ForeverTipsy they offer a glass of water and a shot to every visitor, plus loukoums. I think it is just a way of thanking people for their visit, and long hike up. I'm not in the UK but was born there, don't even identify as British anymore and don't have a Uk passport. Don't think I could live there either. Been too long. Hot chocolate will be my go to drink in the evening when I'm back home and having to cope with autumn temperatures.
@Jbob1976 keep on the good work. I can't count how many times I've done day 1. You'll get there. Give yourself time.
@Amdone123 how are you fairing? I'm slowly on my way home and am pleased to see my DGC again. Live travelling but
I'm always pleased to go home. Also pretty curious to how I'll cope being AF when back to socialising normally again.
Bridges to cross when I get to them.
Hope everyone has a good day. Stay strong.

Love travelling. Not live. Can't edit :-(

@Nowstrong I'm doing OK, thanks. Saturday and Sunday I was af, Monday I had 1 glass and a beer, and the last 2 days af. But I wanted to.
Today will be challenging but I'm working so that helps.
I was happy through the night because I slept so well, and once again was thankful I'm never as bad as I used to be.
So, day 6 ( with that blip Monday and that was only because it was in the house).

@ForeverTipsy understand totally about the suggestion / triggers.
I can get triggered by just watching a film etc.
Hot chocolate and marshmallows is my go to drink on these autumnal evenings too.

Hello everyone. I have managed to moderate (by my standards) since Monday after having a pretty crazy weekend. I have managed to stick to a couple of beers around evening meal time and then left it at that.

Having an evening meal is my biggest trigger. I would prefer to be going AF but at least at the moment I am getting amazing sleep and feeling a bit stronger. If I can stick to this maybe AF can be the next step. Given there have been times I have been necking two bottles of red at night this feels like success to me.

Good morning/evening/afternoon to everyone wherever you are. It’s so helpful to read everyone’s experiences and ups and downs. It’s interesting that we get so guilty for having a few drinks one evening, even if we’ve been AF for several days before hand. I’d really like it to be normal for me to have one or two drinks on evenings when I fancy it without it being every day or leading to the wine monster waking up and making me drink the whole bottle! So one thing I’d like to get from this is to lose the guilt when I do have a drink. I’ve been moderating ok I think. @ForeverTipsy i use the drink aware app and I find it really useful and quite an education. I was horrified to think how many units I was casually drinking before I started to track them.

I hope that everyone has a good day. I do sometimes think about going completely AF but I really don’t want to and so far this group has really helped me to moderate and apart from the occasional disaster that I have written about I have a much better relationship with alcohol now. On the days when I have lost the plot and wake up feeling terrible and embarrassed and defeated, being able to write about it here in a safe and supportive space has helped me so much. ThanK you all of you.

@Bigbus lovely to hear from you. It sounds like you're doing really well moderating. I'm very similar to you.
Last Friday I drank far too much and I think I embarrassed myself ( sending daft messages), but I'm very good at apologising - it was only to my sisters and best friend and thankfully, they laugh it off and move on.
@YoghurtPotWashingMachine you're making brilliant progress. Actually, I'm very similar to you, too ! If I have a couple of glasses, it's much better than the couple of bottles I was doing a few years back.
Keep going - forget your mad weekend, it's past. ❤️

@Bigbus @Amdone123 Thanks both for keeping this thread going and everyone else who contributes. I have been posting or lurking on previous incarnations of this thread for ages and it's only recently that I have really begun to challenge my thinking and take things seriously. This thread is one of the things that is helping with that continuity, rather than having a couple of AF days, thinking you've got it and going straight back to bad habits. Checking in on the thread every couple of days is helping me be honest with myself.

@Jbob1976 you sound like you do have it under control which is really great. I only asked because I saw a post about AA and it popped into my head that you mentioned it a little while ago so wanted to see how you were doing with it. You are doing so so well! Hang on in there, it can't be easy but it will get easier x

Hi @enoughisenough4 i don’t know how I’m hanging on, I desperately wanted to get drunk last night but I resisted and felt better this morning. My break up is sinking in and I don’t know how I’m coping without drink . Today we have texted regarding step children and it’s broken my heart, I was sobbing in toilets at work , I just feel like going home and drinking to forget it al. I won’t and o must be strong but this is my second major break up and It hurts so bad. I can’t believe I haven’t buried myself in booze and my family and friends take credit. I know alcohol is my enemy not my friend but I miss it. I’m 48 Sunday and I feel as low as I ever have. I won’t drink tonight I mustn’t but it’s going to be so hard to resist

Morning. Managed another two beer night last night and had a very long sleep. Feeling quite refreshed now! How is everyone today? What is the weekend looking like for everyone?

Morning. Had a hot chocolate instead of wine last night, and slept really well too so feeling good.

Thanks so much for the recommendation of the Drink Aware app - I'm finding it much better than the NHS one as it's not all or nothing. I was feeling guilty if I didn't "achieve" a drink free day on the NHS one (then was sticking two fingers up to my phone screen), whereas Drink Aware you can log drinks no problem and it tallies the units and calories, which is exactly what I was after.

I'm off to the cinema tonight to watch Prima Facie with a good friend. I've offered to drive so no drinking. Tomorrow will involve an early morning taking youngest to his football match, then we've said we'll have a family film night with grazing boards tomorrow eve. Would normally enjoy a bottle of wine with it, but kids don't like me drinking so I've said I won't. Will have a couple of glasses of red on Sunday night when they're in bed and not feel guilty after a good run of drink free days! I know from my years of yo-yo dieting that guilt, shame and feeling failure are not helpful so aiming to avoid as much as possible.

What's everyone else up to?

@jbob so sorry your heart is breaking right now. You're right - drink is not your friend, but it's hard. Thinking of you and sending strength.

Morning All,

didn’t manage day 4 af, had long text exchange with ex over step kids , it all seemed so final. I was in Tesco with tears rolling down my face so I ended up buying a candle and ciders. Stupidly I drank and felt awful this morning , crying in toilet at work. It’s my bday Sunday and was going to cricket finals this sat, we done it for years , got dressed up in fancy dress and drank loads and laughed but not no more, I have my youngest all weekend so I won’t drink until my bday. Why do I do it to myself when I know what it will do to me

I'm sorry to hear that @Jbob1976 but you have been doing so well, don't beat yourself up. All we can do is get back on the horse.

@Jbob1976 I wish we all knew the answer to that question but gradually, for me anyway, the penny did start to drop. I know how ill it makes me, so it does ( now) make me stop and think.
@ForeverTipsy sounds like a good plan. Enjoy your weekend, and of course, Sunday !
@YoghurtPotWashingMachine well done on the 2 beers - that's really good.

Yesterday, I bought 2 bottles of wine. It was daft really as I did it because I was 'planning' my hangover, which is an old habit.
Anyway, I only drank 1 - I was too tired and I wasn't even enjoying it really.
I'll probably have the other later but.......last night I didn't smoke, I drank water after the wine and I was still up 6.30am, so that's a great result for me.

After work today, I'll be watching tennis, tomorrow I've got a house full of children and Sunday I'm off to watch tennis live.
So, overall I'm hoping to moderate.

@Amdone123 That's impressive, I would really struggle with the temptation of having another bottle sitting there. Or even worse, a classy box of wine.

@YoghurtPotWashingMachine thank you for your kind word. Everyone on here is part of what makes it so helpful. People being able to be honest about the good days and the bad day.

@Jbob1976 I'm so sorry things are so tough for you. I'm the same age as you and although not going through what you are going through, I think it's quite a complication time of life even without the horrible situation you are in. Do you have some friends you can talk to? Can you take some time off work while the kids are at school to look after yourself or is it worse when you have lots of time and space to think?

@Amdone123 well done on only the one bottle. I have so much alcohol in my house all the time - I found a random bottle of vodka in the freezer the other day left from one of my daughters' parties! I think there will always be alcohol so I've never been able to use lack of access as a control mechanism. Fear of hangover is my greatest deterrent at the moment!

I have a party to go to at the weekend but eldest is coming back from a trip at 10pm so I will use that as my curfew and also want to be able to chat to her so I think I'll be ok.

I hope everyone else has a good weekend.

Hi @Bigbus @Amdone123 @YoghurtPotWashingMachine
i actually need to be at work to distract me, at home worse place to be at mo. I have brilliant friends and the best son anyone could ever have. I just must not buy it, if it’s in fridge I’m done for. I’m seeking counselling for my break up, I’m coping but I’m like a zombie. I know it’s only officially 2 weeks yesterday but it feels worse today than ever. Talking helps but it dont take pain away like drink does. I’ve been at 9 out of 14 days since break up, can’t believe I have achieved that. I want the pain to go away so bad so I don’t desire the drink but it wont.

Hello everyone!
Have just caught up on the thread. Fantastic to hear how everyone is. Love catching up on everyone’s news!

So I’m still A/f…just over 70 days… so nearly 11weeks, I’m so proud of myself, But a bit like @Nowstrong there are challenges and tests, and it’s not all plain sailing but I continue. I’m happier without it that’s for sure (even if I do miss it now and again)! I just remind myself I don’t miss the hangxiety!!!! Which was the tipping point for me!!!!

sending everyone Friday cheer…. @Amdone123 @Bigbus @enoughisenough4 @YoghurtPotWashingMachine @ForeverTipsy @SisterMaryLuke @mumzof4x and an extra special shout out to @Jbob1976 who I think is going tremendously well in very challenging circumstances, thinking of you xxxx

Mj20 Thanks for the Friday cheer and well done on 70 days. Have a great weekend everyone.

Thank you @Mj20
i have bought cider tonight but left it in car , feeling sad tonight as should be in Birmingham for the cricket, always loved that weekend and I’ll never go again. I’ve signed up and doing park run tomo just to get me out. Therefore shouldn’t drink but more I think of cricket the more upset I feel.

@YoghurtPotWashingMachine oh I struggle having it in, believe me ! That was a rarity, leaving it in the fridge and going to bed.
In many ways, keeping busy ( aka having a job) is key for me as I'm thinking of something else, busy, etc.
@Mj20 70 days is brilliant well done !

I had aforementioned bottle yesterday afternoon, smoked 2 cigarettes then went to bed early. I was shattered. I definitely won't drink today - too busy !

Have a lovely day, folks !

Morning all! Back home. Lost 15 degrees in temperature, but it is sunny and windy. Yesterday when I arrived it poured. What a welcome back! Still AF. Yesterday evening was a test as I was invited to my DDs for dinner and she had invited one of my friends. I know that at their place wine flows. I had 1 AF beer that they had left, which I didn't really enjoy, and after that watered down apple juice and just plain water, which i preferred. SO proud of myself.

Jumped cautiously on the scales this morning, and even if they groaned, I have lost 1 kilo. That is also encouraging.

Monday will be my 1st whole month AF. Going to be really busy today and tomorrow, so not really worried about it. But there are alway ups and downs so not celebrating before getting there.

As @Mj20 says, I am happier without it, so impressed with your 70 days. Starting to reap some advantages physical and mental. My erm intestinal health has never been so good. Heart burn gone. Less headaches. Sleep is so much better. AND I'm saving money. Perhaps not a lot but when you're retired any little helps.

@Amdone123 enjoy your busy day, @Jbob1976 you are doing fine, keep up the good work and enjoy your run.

Sending positive vibes to everyone else, thinking of all of you. Know that if I can manage, and it has been hard, everyone has some hope. Keep those little flames of AF desire burning. Stay strong, love yourselves. Enjoy life! We only get one.