On a mission to moderate or absolutely abstaining - new thread for summer 2024

[Bigbus]

@amdone123 @touty @coppergate7 @swannyb
@Hohofortherobbers @YoghurtPotWashingMachine @Mj20 @Freezingfeetwarmheart @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 @Nowstrong @enoughisenough4

The last thread got full before a new one could be started. I’ve tried to tag some of the regular posters but I don’t really know what I’m doing! Let me know if this works and please tag people I’ve missed.

@Jbob1976 you're doing so well. I know you probably don't feel strong right now, but you are showing tremendous strength.
Remember, one day at a time, and even though there will be a few wobbles along the way, those blips will be easier to manage when af.
You can do it ❤️

@Amdone123 thank you for your kind words, I know I’ll have wobbles for months and dreading Xmas and new years already but I can deal with them af better than drinking heavy every night. I’d be scared to see the empties of what I drank in last month. I really don’t know what I’d have done without the support I’ve had, I’m so lucky as some don’t and I’m blessed in that respect ❤️

Well, completely sober but got on the wrong bus , to say that the bus driver was amused is the understatement of the year. He found it very funny and I had to wait for the end of his 10 minute fag break, for him to bring me back to square one. So had delicious simple lunch.
I've made a rough calculation of how much money I'm saving by not spending it on alcohol, BUT, very often sparkling water, or whatever, is just as expensive (only drank cheap plonk). So not saving any money while out but only when at home. That's the result of my musings on return trip on wrong bus.

Spent whatever I've saved on cheapish dress on sale. Can't take the money with you when you pop it, so may as well enjoy some spending. As a friend says, no need to be the richest corpse in the graveyard. I'll add, nor the youngest drunken one waves to ex who won a competition there.
Writing my post cards, then beach when it's cooler. Have the right bus sussed out for that.
@Jbob1976 yes, you are lucky to have such loving people around you, you can do this, not only for you, but also for them. One day at a time, it will get easier.

@Amdone123 thank you for your reassurance, yep, bet it's only my guilty conscience that's reminiscing and nobody else gives a jot about what I was guilty of, we all have our demons reminding us of our mishaps.
Sending philosophical, miserly, guilty but positive vibes to all. Stay strong, sober and healthy.

How is everyone today? @Jbob1976 How are you getting on?

As I said before I have not been totally AF but have been what I consider as AF as possible for me now for the past two days. Just walking up in the morning and not feeling rubbish has been so refreshing.

Well it’s not been a great week here. Was ok on Monday and just had two glasses of wine but had more on Tuesday and last night. DH is annoyed and stressed by a few things he is dealing with so is using a few drinks as a wind down mechanism. We are usually in bed by 9ish though so we do stop drinking pretty early!

@Jbob1976 - you are doing really well. It’s great you have family support.

@Peridot1 we've all been there. I'm terrible for reaching for a drink after a rough day at work

I was on day 4 yesterday but ended up having a bottle of wine, watching the tennis. I don't know why I bother as I miss most of the tennis as I'm in the kitchen smoking.
Tennis is on tomorrow and I am not drinking - definitely.
I don't feel too bad, but not as good as when I'm af. Never mind, at least it was only 1 bottle - 3 large glasses sounds better.
We've also booked a weekend away in a couple of weeks before winter starts, so I'd like to be af til then.
@Peridot1 I take myself to bed early ish too. I will tonight definitely !

morning All,

day 5 for me and last night I really fancied it but I thought of what today would be and it passed. I just have to take any temptation away now.
@Amdone123 i know it’s so easy to just drink 😥
it’s been a week since break up and had I not stopped since Saturday I dread to think what I would have been like now. I still yearn to just get drunk and out of it but I can’t take the downers anymore, the cost far outweighs any enjoyment I get

@Jbob1976 day 5 is brilliant, keep going. Well done for not caving last night.
Remember one day at a time - no thinking about Christmas or New Year !

I’m spending Christmas with my eldest boy even if just 2 of us, new years my friends won’t let me be alone. I can’t afford to let everyone down and get back to where I felt Sunday morning again, me mostly

You are doing really really well @Jbob1976

Thank you @Peridot1 i think Sunday scared me of how low I could feel and what I thought of. I know it’s extreme circumstances but the booze just amplifies my feelings so much

That's amazing @Jbob1976

Hi @YoghurtPotWashingMachine i think Sunday was my rock bottom. I really do. Every time I dare think about drinking i think of that and that’s what drives me to say no. I just hope I last

Evening all. Bit of a diff post from me… but full disclosure in this alchol journey…. I feel so low and terrible. It’s well over day 50 booze free and all has been well but recently I’m not sleeping (despite all the tricks and hygiene etc)! It’s bizarre and is escalating. Today I woke at 2.30am and have been awake since…. I’m wondering if it’s peri-menopause but I’m 38?

I have a very diff extended family dynamic but usually a happy home.. however hubby and I have rowed. He’s been unsympathetic about how exhausted I am and it makes me feel so alone. The feeling isn’t helped because he is not very affectionate. Adds to feeling lonely.

anyway. Just thought I’d share as although A/f is amazing the crap times still happen. Any words of wisdom welcome xxx

@Mj20 awh sorry to hear you're having a tough time. It's bloody awful insomnia.
Is there anything on your mind like work pressure or work load ? Are you worried about anything in particular - finances, cost of living, etc ?
If not, then could you see your gp ?
My sister started the menopause early 40s. I think I've heard of people starting earlier, but I'm not sure.
Insomnia is definitely a symptom. When I'm af, I do sleep better, but there are still times I'm awake 3am ish. Usually when someone 's annoyed me.
P.s well done on 50 days - it's brilliant.

Thanks for responding @Amdone123! so there is nothing worrying me, this is the bizarre thing, my worries get better when I’m alchol free, so in a sense my mind is much more peaceful! But I just keep waking up early hours of the morning. It’s weird. I fall asleep fine but then wake and I’m wide awake. It’s odd. Now I’m thinking about it sometimes I wake and feel very hot… but my husband is quite a hot sleeper. I should add I’ve had a very difficult couple of years. My mum died and my dad is very unwell. And my family is generally very dysfunctional. But I haven’t had this sleep problem before xxx

Sorry for silence, have been reading along and cheering you all on but just not been finding time to post constructively.

@Mj20 interestingly I went to the GP yesterday about bleeding between periods, and queried if it could be peri and she said it could (I'm 33). Sorry you are suffering, disturbed sleep is awful.

@Jbob1976 you are doing so so well! I know it's not been easy at all but it's so good you've recognised the dark place you could get into and you're being proactive in preventing it happening again. 5 days AF is amazing!

Been a couple of days for me and won't be drinking until Saturday night now. Out for cocktails with 'the girls' (ie tagging along with my friend and her friends 😅) which is a rarity for me so I hope I don't embarrass myself!!

@Mj20 you say you've had a couple of difficult years - there's nothing worse than a parent dying, especially your mum, and with your dad being unwell, maybe it's all catching up with you?
I'd speak to the gp or self refer, Talking Therapies?
The hot flush is a symptom too.
The gp or nurse could do blood tests, etc.
Hope you're feeling better soon ❤️ - don't suffer in silence, there's help out there ( once you get through the door ).
Maybe you need something to take the edge of.

I messed up last night. Had some difficult family stuff to deal with and got wired into the booze on the train. Then more when I got home. Feeling disappointed in myself.

@Amdone123 and @enoughisenough4 thank you for your messages. And @Amdone123 i did think last night…. The past two years have prob caught up with me! Particularly now I’m A/f and having to face it all with no distraction. I had a lot of therapy at the time and have just booked back in with the therapist for a chat.
I will also ring GP next week to see about my hormones etc.
After sleeping fully last night I feel so much better.

@YoghurtPotWashingMachine dont be too hard on yourself, you cant change it now. Just a lesson to learn from.

Hope everyone else is ok xxx

Good morning everyone and sorry I haven’t been posting for a while - I’ve caught up now. Well done to everyone who has been managing to stay AF.

@YoghurtPotWashingMachine don’t be hard on yourself - did you enjoy the evening? It’s ok to fall off the wagon every now and then as long as you can get back on it. Try to count overall days AF rather than consecutive or count units and see if they are reducing. The problem I have is sometimes the wine monster wakes up and I just seem to be a bottomless pit for wine and the I do regret it but I’ve had other nights when I’ve had a few and really enjoyed myself.

@Mj20 sorry tk hear that you are feeling low. It’s true that sometimes people think that giving up the alcohol is the solution but ignore the fact that there is a reason we drink in the first place. A friend of mine was an alcoholic and he became seriously physically unwell and almost died. He immediately stopped drinking and ended up getting a transplant so everyone thinks he should be happy and all fixed now and of course he’s very grateful for the chance he’s been given and won’t ever drink again but the massive social anxiety and OCD he was drinking to avoid is still there. Anyway that’s a bit of an extreme example but what I’m saying is that alcohol does serve some sort of purpose for most of because the first few drinks generally do make us feel more relaxed and less worried.

I struggle with sleep sometimes and what works for me is CBD which I get from Holland and Barrat and also meditations which I listen to on my phone - these also help to improve my mood and self-esteem. I use an app called Clear Minds but there are others available.

@YoghurtPotWashingMachine try to put it behind you now - it happens to the best of us.
@Mj20 glad you're feeling better after a good night's sleep. Look after yourself ❤️
@Bigbus I'm the same - I can really enjoy myself too - well, sometimes.

Tricky day for me. I don't want to drink today, definitely not, but the wine witch is on my shoulder, asking me what else are you going to do ?
Tennis is on 8pm and if I drink, I won't be awake to watch it. Plus, we've booked a weekend away for end of September as an Xmas present to each other and my funds are really low.
🥴.
That feck it button is flashing.

morning all,

@YoghurtPotWashingMachine don’t be hard on yourself , and that’s coming from me, it’s so easy to beat yourself up, I do all the time. I sometimes think I’ll never learn or change but I’m a good person at heart but feel cursed.
@Mj20 being af and sleep works wonders, like you , facing up to life without the crux of booze is scary
@Amdone123 thank you for continued support
life starting to slowly slowly get there, I’m sort of accepting the break up but every morning I wake up sad and feel teary but now 2 days with no crying. It’s so hard and to do it without booze doubly hard but I must. I’m 48 next week and I must make a change for good as I’ll repeat mistakes of the past. Now my relationship over and stress gone from that a sort of grief and worry replaced it, but with support I can and will win