On a mission to moderate or absolutely abstaining - new thread for summer 2024

[Bigbus]

@amdone123 @touty @coppergate7 @swannyb
@Hohofortherobbers @YoghurtPotWashingMachine @Mj20 @Freezingfeetwarmheart @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 @Nowstrong @enoughisenough4

The last thread got full before a new one could be started. I’ve tried to tag some of the regular posters but I don’t really know what I’m doing! Let me know if this works and please tag people I’ve missed.

@Amdone123 - while I’d like to say I’ll do Sober September in reality but think it would be too much pressure for me. If I can do four AF days a week I will consider that a success.

@Jbob1976 - I think the AA meeting would be a great idea. I’m sorry your relationship broke up and that you are feeling so bad and low. Obviously I don’t know all the details but it did seem like your relationship was contributing to your feeling low and using alcohol as a crutch. Maybe long term this will be a blessing although I know it’s probably not easy to see it like that at the moment.

Hi @Peridot1 yes, my relationship has totally dominated my life this year and made me so so low and caused me to drink more. I’m still feeling absolutely devestated it’s happened even tho I knew it was but drinking won’t heal me , drinking will make me feel better for a short while then I’ll crash the next day and be so low. On Sunday morning I really felt that was it I couldn’t cope anymore after drinking what I had and that was it, no more. I never want to feel that low again and drinking caused it. I still feel like I need drink to get me thru life and I have to work out how to change that. Even now the thought of not drinking for months scares me. But I can’t because of the severe downers I get afterwards. I just wish I could enjoy a drink like so many people but it’s too late for that

@Jbob1976 don't think too far ahead. One day, or one hour at a time. You will start to feel better, it just takes time.
@Peridot1 definitely - I can't do it when I'm feeling pressure, either.

Hi how's everyone getting on?
I REALLY wanted a drink last night and I didn't give in, I was lying in bed thinking "I will feel so much better for this on the morning" while still really wanting a drink!
So why is it I've woken up with a splitting headache and feeling sick? Now I'm thinking I might as well just have had one anyway 🙄

Don't think I did too bad I'm August considering, despite the bad week when we lost our cat. I've been filling in the "Try Dry" calendar honestly even on the bad weeks, this time last year it just would have been a sea of drinks

@Freezingfeetwarmheart it's interesting how your pattern is - two days in a row seem to be a pattern for you whereas for me (apart from last week!) it would be a similar number of days but with a day or two in between. Not sure what that means but I just thought it was interesting that my typical chart would also show a pattern, albeit different from yours.

@Jbob1976 I think it's really great that you've made that decision to abstain. I think it'll do you the world of good in the long run although it'll definitely be hard to start with. Have you decided about AA yet? I've no experience with it but I think that would really help you.

I had a GP app today just about bleeding between cycles - she asked me the dreaded question so of course I dialled it down a bit 🤦‍♀️

Thanks for the welcome back everyone!

For the last few days of August I reduced further by switching to 0.5% ciders and now planning Sober September. Whoever would like to join me is very welcome. I’ve got two nights out this week so have volunteered to drive for both.

I’ve actually just been put on some medication which advises against alcohol so that should help keep me on the straight and narrow as I really want it to work.

Catching up on the thread now. Love and strength to everyone x

Hi. @enoughisenough4 still unsure bout AA, don’t know if it’s denial or not? I guess it is. I have so many emotions running through my head I don’t know what to do or think? I got through work today , tough with 2 big cries. The only thing im sure of is that mentally I feel better with no drink and that’s what I need to do right now. Without drink I can try and sort the rest out, by drinking it makes it impossible.

@Jbob1976 I'm the same. Everything is worse when I drink. It sounds like fun at first, but usually ends in tears.
You could try AA - it wasn't for me but the people were really lovely. I know some people try different meetings in different venues and find the one they like.
I suppose I should have done that.

Hi @Amdone123 im the same , I don’t know how I will benefit ? Day 2 tonight and drinking Coke Zero for a change. When I’m drinking It just makes life harder. My son suggested only being a social drinker , never touching indoors ! That way it’s fun and enjoyable , at the mo
i just need a good long dry spell

Hi all! Checking in! Great to see the thread so busy! Just shows what a supportive bunch we are! As others have said I’m no longer counting the days…. I’m alchol free and intend to stay that way!!!
@Jbob1976 really great to catch up on your news and although things are still incredibly tough you you have made some monumental progress and your heading in a good direction! Your relationship with your son sounds amazing and can be a really positive focus for you. Please keep posting and let us know how the AA meet goes!
@Nowstrong go you! It was on my Greek holiday I ditched the booze! And I feel the more experiences we do booze free our resolve and new habit will strengthen!
@YoghurtPotWashingMachine your solidarity with @Jbob1976 onnthe A/f days is so heart warming! So you asked @Nowstrong about cravings…. I think it’s very individual too and have found for me it’s more association than cravings and it took a good month before I stopped equating Friday and Saturday (my usual wine nights) as a night to drink. I guess these habits take a while to build. But now I don’t have that connection which is great!
@Amdone123 congrats has n your 12 day streak and your day in the garden sounded moderated etc and your always very good at progressing forward, and taking it all in your stride! Good to hear off @Peridot1 @Freezingfeetwarmheart @enoughisenough4.
keep in touch all! Here’s to a positive week for our moderating/abstaining goals xxxx

Morning! I'm really relaxing, perhaps too much, I'm getting lazy. Beach day today but still not anyway near ready, and all I have to do is brush my teeth and put on swimming cossie. But here I am writing to you.

@Mj20 your post made a lot of sense. I second the feeling of solidarity on this thread, helped me so much. It's really strange but my cravings for a drink have disappeared. Perhaps got too much of a sweet tooth at the moment, but I'm pretty sure that will pass too, eventually.
Pretty determined to stay AF for as long as possible. Did buy 2 Af beers, but had one and didn't really enjoy it. Prefer ice tea instead (no sugar). So perhaps will leave it in the fridge when I leave this island and disappoint the next visitor when he/she opens the fridge. Yah! A beer! Oh, zero alcohol 
Still need to communicate with you all and put my feeling "out there" in a way. Seems to help me keep my resolve. I know that my major problem time will be when I go to the UK to visit my sibling, who will not be understanding about me not drinking and will encourage me in every way possible to have a drink. Especially if I have lost a bit of weight (crossed fingers) and if I'm looking good. Or should I say better. As you can see confidence with my sibling is not my forte.
Well, off to squeeze into "shaping" flipping swimsuit. Tackle the bus system here and try not to get too burnt. In fact not burnt at all, will have to stop at shop to get sunscreen. Mustn't forget stupid looking hat too.
Sorry for waffling on. Sending support and best wishes to @Jbob1976, @Amdone123, @Peridot1, @YoghurtPotWashingMachine, and everyone else, not got laptop with me so writing this is painfully slow. Stay strong, love yourselves, death to the wine witches, beer devils, and anyone trying to sabotage you.

Morning all, day 2 af done. I lm proud I’ve done it but woke up so sad thinking of my ex, looking at pics really upset me and I’m at work now and just had a huge cry. The only positive is that being at im not as down as I could be? Last night me and my son chatted and watched bit of tv and I felt ok, but this morning I have the feeling I’m out of stomach and all I wanna do is cry. I will resist drinking as I know what it’ll do to me, just want this feeling to go away 😥😥😥

Hi, I am doing Sober September and wondered if I could join you. I have doen Dry Jan a few times and think I recognise a couple of names from those threads.
Actually my plan is to do 3 months and then treat myself to a beauty advent calendar for 1 Dec, to celebrate my lovely (by then) glowing skin! (And maybe incentivise me to keep it up longer...) That all feels a long way off, and here on Day 3 I have several huge spots on my chin, probably from all my indulgence last week rather than not drinking. Also slept really badly last night. I know I just need to get through this stage. I haven't bothered to buy AF drinks yet, but might do for Friday.
My reasons for doing it now are that I have been drinking a lot all summer, almost every night. I haven't really been drunk at all, but it is quite embarrassing how much I can now consume. I need to lose weight and save money. And I have several big things happening this year and could really do with being in a good place mentally to deal with them.
Anyway, hope it's okay if I join you. I am going to go back now and read the thread.

@Jbob1976 You're doing so well. I will stay AF with you tonight. If you feel yourself tempted to drink post on here or send me a PM. I will do the same.

I have a friend coming up this weekend so I have to be realistic, I probably will have a drink. But I'm going to see how many days I can go AF in September. I had one glass of wine last night and I'm going to take that as an AF day. It's cheeky I know but I am not a "normal" drinker. One glass is a whole lot better than one whole bottle + several beers.

I am having a good think about "triggers" and how to avoid the ones that I can avoid and manage the ones I can't. Some of them are a bit weird.

Triggers:

• Socialising (drinking due to anxiety)
• Online food shopping (drinking due to boredom with the task)
• Travelling by train (drink in a bar if early/drink on the train)

Things that help me not drink

• Reading
• Watching a film
• Going for a walk

I need to come up with some more safe activities.

Thank you @YoghurtPotWashingMachine you are so kind . I’m ok when I have people around but when alone I worry I’ll fall off wagon. I may pm you if that’s ok? I think if I drink alone it’ll take me to a dark dark place I don’t wanna go.

Missed the biggest trigger: Having dinner, which is obviously something I have to struggle with every night.

@Jbob1976 Please do if you need to, I'll keep an eye on my phone.

@ColouringPencils hi and welcome onboard. It sounds like a great plan - good to hear you've done dry Jan a few times.
I think whilst it all seems a long way off, it may actually soon pass when you're focussed and totting up those days.
I'm on day 3, too, but just one day at a time for me.

Hi @YoghurtPotWashingMachine that’s so sweet, I’ll be ok to Friday . That’s when son goes home, be so so tempted then I know but I must not as I know what sat am will be , plus im taking youngest to Thorpe park on sat too

@YoghurtPotWashingMachine I like how you're being realistic regarding the weekend - it's important to be realistic, otherwise you end up disappointed.
If I have 1 or even 2 glasses of wine, I count that as af , too, so don't worry about it. We're all very similar yet do things differently, our own way.
I like your last, too. I like that you're not triggered going for a walk - I hada vision of it being spilt !!

My main trigger is boredom or needing something to look forward to. The Reward feeling is big with me, yet when I'm af, that's the biggest reward.

I was on a roll last week but yesterday, having drank Saturday, I was depressed and fed up. Probably related so today I'm working hard to get that feeling from last week back.
It's either that or I go under.

@Amdone123 Oh I get the reward thing too. I need to change my mindset from, I'm missing out by being AF free and start to focus on the benefits.

The walk thing - yes I did think that might have looked a bit odd haha. I suppose I mean in the past, I would have walked and had a pint or two in the pub as a treat. Don't really do that any more. Also when I get a craving for a drink, going for a walk instead can really help.

putting aside my current situation in “normal” times I never really had triggers, I drank every day and was habit. Weekends were my rewards where I’d buy stronger nicer drinks. And If I was happy or stressed id drink more. Currently with the place I’m in I dare not drink as the places it takes me and I can’t that again

Morning still here 'n going strong. But being AF does have it's disadvantages...
My memory is intact and is intent on replaying to me everything I've said or done when drunk/tipsy. It's not a pretty show. That alone is encouragement to remain AF.

Sleep is getting better and better. Skin is starting to glow. Eye bags very slowly deflating. Still frightening appearance in the mirror in the morning, but definitely getting better.
Weight wise I have no idea as scales are also on holiday. At home. Most probably shaking in fear at the thought of "the return" and me jumping on them.
Every afternoon I get the sweet tooth need, and have an ice cream, then feel slightly nauseous for a couple of hours. Going to ditch that habit pronto.

My morning ritual of drinking at least 1 liter of tea is also disappearing. Most probably because I no longer need such extreme rehydration. 1-2 cups now are enough and thoroughly enjoyed.

So slowly reaping some benefits but must admit that the shit show memories on replay are embarrassing and I hope that any witnesses are having less replays than me.

@Jbob1976 you're doing fine and don't hesitate to grab help from anybody offering.
Can't stroll back without losing my post, so positive vibes and strength to everyone. Stay strong

@Nowstrong , I have that a lot when I'm af. The ruminating and regret. It used to drive me to drink until I realised it's part of the process so stick to your guns, you're doing brilliantly.
Also, I don't think anyone remembers what we said or did. I certainly don't remember what friends have said or done when drinking - I must remember that, though.

Day 4 here, I've slept so well and I'm in a much better mood.
The wine on Saturday set me back at least 3 days - it's used to be 1. Then again, I'm not 25 anymore.

Morning All, day 4 for me and I’m finding it easy , is that weird to say? I just never want to feel that down as I did last Sunday and that’s my motivation, had all my kids and grandson over last night which was so lovely , made me feel so loved. Had major wobble and cry this morning but it passed. If I hadn’t stopped drinking I don’t think I’d be coping at all, and that’s my driving force when no doubt the temptation and inevitable returns as I know it will