On a mission to moderate or absolutely abstaining - new thread for summer 2024

[Bigbus]

@amdone123 @touty @coppergate7 @swannyb
@Hohofortherobbers @YoghurtPotWashingMachine @Mj20 @Freezingfeetwarmheart @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 @Nowstrong @enoughisenough4

The last thread got full before a new one could be started. I’ve tried to tag some of the regular posters but I don’t really know what I’m doing! Let me know if this works and please tag people I’ve missed.

Morning! Another AF night and wake-up. Feeling good. Positive and motivated. For the moment , mind you it is very early, I don't even fancy a drink and I'm not even thinking about having one any time soon. Just hope that this state of mind remains.
Sending healthy positive vibes to all.

@Nowstrong You're doing so well, I'm a bit envious! However I have been doing OK. I haven't managed to go AF but a couple of weeks ago, every second day I was waking up feeling a bit hungover and drinking a bottle of wine + maybe a couple of beers a night.

Last night I had two 330ml light beers. They are 3.4% and without wanting to sound like the hard woman, taste like water.

It actually makes we wonder why I am bothering having 2.2 units a day but I get this obsession with wine at evening meal time and it's just providing me with a way of getting through it. If it works for now, I'm going to go with it.

My brother who I see maybe twice a year is over tonight and I will probably have some wine. The aim tonight is to drink wine sensibly and not get drunk. I had planned to totally ditch wine through the week and drink it moderately at the weekend, so I will just ditch one of my weekend days.

My weight has gone up, just by a pound, but it's disappointing after cutting out all the wine calories. But I'm thinking it could be because I've been chronically dehydrated for months and now I'm taking better care of myself.

Still doing the alcohol hypnosis thing which often just puts me out like a light. If anything it's good for helping me to get to sleep.

Sending positive thoughts to @Mj20 @Amdone123 @Bigbus @Jbob1976 @PositiveDays and everyone else that I have missed. And also thinking of anyone who is not posting at the moment. I know for me, when I'm not doing well, I stop looking at this thread and that's exactly when I need to check in.

@YoghurtPotWashingMachine .you're doing really well. So much great reflection and positives to be found. Keep having the beer if it works for you.
I like your plan for this evening. I think you can stick to it - it's a special occasion sure, but you could just allocate a certain amount for you, or even have your beer / soft drinks through out the evening.
@Nowstrong you're going great guns, well done. Keep that positive state of mind - you can do it.

Day 4 here and feeling good. I'm pretty determined to stay af for a while now. I've had a few thoughts but I've batted them away. It's one day at a time for me.
Weekend - my dh is working and I'm pretty much on my own, but I'm looking at doing a lot of organising, exercise and self care type activities.

So last night was almost AF until the wine witch visited. It was literally 10pm and I suddenly thought, let me just have a quick little glass before bed. Well that turned out to be the whole bottle ofcourse. Grr, why didn't I just go to bed!

@PositiveDays never mind, it's done now and you'll know what to do next time.
That's how I look at it - for every craving, thought or temptation, I have an answer. Well, not every, but you know what I mean.

Day 5 here and I'm up bright and early to get my hours in at work then I'm home for the Bank Holiday weekend.
I've got my af drinks in, some lovely food to cook and I'm determined to not drink this weekend.
It's like winter here this morning so that helps.
One day at a time, folks.

Morning all! AF day 8. Over a week and still feeling motivated, perhaps even more so. It's like a switch has been flicked off. Sleep is flipping amazing. Feeling very rested and calm. Puffy eyes are going down. What I would call "minor IBS" is getting so much better. Feeling less bloated. A lot of positives here. Popped over to my DD's yesterday evening and they opened the wine, I resisted. Several times. However, I went home (was knackered) but also because they were starting to get the "wine witch talk". They weren't drunk, just started talking slightly nonsense. Oh my gosh! I'm becoming a puritan holier than thou prick!
@PositiveDays been there, drank too much, have had regrets. Lesson learnt, which is : Don't listen to the wine witch.
@Amdone123 you seem to be with me on this AF run. My hurdle will be tomorrow. Am invited out for dinner. Either I manage that or I don't. That will really be the test.
Today I'm fine. Should be OK. But as you say, one day at a time.
@YoghurtPotWashingMachine you are doing fine. I'm a planner too. Sometimes don't keep to them (more often than not), but you're getting there. Alcohol hypnosis sent me to sleep too. Took over from the wine! Being better hydrated does a hell of a lot of good, more sport by having to run to the loo, being number 1.
Sending lots of positive vibes and encouragement to all. SSS!

I often liken this sobriety lark to losing weight so I was thinking last night that I'm going to do it in stages.
Day 5 today and my next mini target is 10 days (it's so long since I've been in double digits), then I'll aim for 2 weeks.
That's it for now.
( I feel that if I wanted to lose 3 stone, I'd do it in 7lb steps).

@Nowstrong you're doing brilliantly. Well done for not drinking last night. I've not had it in front of me yet, but, again, I'll cross that bridge when I get there.
P.s - in the past when I've been going out to eat, I've looked at the drinks menu for anything af.

Thanks so much for tagging me and for the support earlier on in the week for my day 1.
I'm ashamed to say I just didn't manage to do it.
For one reason or another when I got to the resort on holiday I became more anxious than ever.
Leading up holiday I worked ridiculous hours. Have a very stressful job which meant I literally couldn't leave the country if my report wasn't complete. I worked 7 days a week leading up to the hol and my daughter was particularly challenging (additional needs)
My father ended up in hospital while we were all away and on top of that I swallowed something which got stuck in my throat and there wasn't a hospital on the island. That kicked off panic attacks which I have never ever experienced.
Anyway yesterday I got super stressed ( dd ) and struggling to work as she's not at school) and my blood pressure went up to 168/118
Gp doubled my meds and gave me a good talking to re work life balance / lack of exercise etc
And what do I do ? Pour a glass of wine .
I'm so disappointed in myself .
Day 1 seems harder than ever and usually I'm able to stop and like it when I'm not drinking .
This time it seems different and I really need to get a grip and make some changes.
Day 1 seems so much more difficult this time . Sorry for long rant . What a negative and boring post I'm sorry, but thank you anyway because I don't feel judged on here .
Well done to all of you on your journey and hope everyone has a kind and positive day xx

@mumzof4x don't apologise - you can post on here whenever you need, to say whatever you feel.
It sounds like you have been through the mill with everything you've had going on. I hope things settle down for you soon. In the meantime, don't worry about the wine - it's sometimes just another added stress, and the pressure you feel doesn't help at all.
Wait til things settle down ( and they will ), then have a think about what you need and want to do.
Don't be disappointed in yourself either - you're doing your best, and if you have a glass of wine, who could honestly blame you ?
Sending 💐

I love this thread for the lovely encouragement thank you! @mumzof4x sorry to hear you've been having such a tough time, it's understandable wanting to have a glass of wine. Don't be so hard on yourself. Take one step at a time and you'll get there.

@mumzof4x so sorry to hear that you have been through so much it certainly does sound stressful. Take some time today, think about what you want. Consider if this is the feeling that you want to experience every morning. The regret, the guilt and shame. I can really resonate with this! Try to record how it feels, write it down and read it BEFORE you get the urge. Don't wait until you get the urge. It's too late by then! Read it throughout the day, to try to change your mindset about the 'usefulness ' of alcohol. It might work. If it doesn't then we move and we start again. It's all we can do.

With the bank holiday weekend now pretty much underway I am wondering what plans people have made to support them to either avoid or reduce alcohol this weekend? I will be absolutely fine throughout the day but when 4/5 pm hits I get a bit bored and think ' why not ? It will be fun' . It is fun for the first 2 hours I admit, but it's not fun when the next day I feel sick , tired and like an absolute loser for letting something so fake and toxic fool me in to having a good time! Just looking for inspiration!!

@40andlovelife omg, I love your post. The Usefulness Of Alcohol - those 4 words could change my life !
I've definitely been thinking about how rubbish it is before I get the urge. I didn't realise that's what I've been doing - or maybe I do, as I often play it forward.

Regarding Bank Holiday weekend, I have my motivation, but admittedly, that's not always been enough, so I have ;

1. af drinks, some nice snacks, some great food, and ice lollies ( a recent discovery).
2. I need to finish my book and I'll probably start another.
3. I'm going to watch tennis and also a few sitcoms that make me laugh ( films bore me)
4. my family is gathering this weekend at a place we normally drink - they don't mind me not going, so I'm not feeling bad about not going, so I've sorted that emotion in my head
5. grandchildren early tomorrow morning - it's never great with a hangover
6. some housework - not a lot as I want to avoid that reward feeling but enough to make me feel good
7. I enjoy walking so I'll do that - just remember to not take money
8. I love self care type weekends - so I'll spend time doing that ( bubble baths, masks, nails, etc).

Don't know if this is exactly what you mean @40andlovelife but it helped me to write it down !
I have to have a plan in place, otherwise I wander.....

@Amdone123 aw glad my words have helped. True though isn't it- alcohol is no use at all. It's just momentary fake fun. In fact , it makes all of the other actual fun things in your life seem dull and boring. So that nice walk, reading a book, playing family games can become a bit dull compared to the alcohol. It's really sad actually. I'm not saying sad in a sarcastic way here BTW! I mean that it's genuinley sad that the actual fun things in life get dulled. I read something a while ago about the scientific basis for this - something to do with brain chemicals and the reward centres becoming eroded so we don't get the same pleasure anymore from things that we used to.

That sounds like a great weekend set of plans. Im going to order some pamper treats from Amazon right now , love a good face mask. I will be doing my gym in the mornings so that I refrain from drinking the night before. I do need to make a list like you though, a list always helps

@40andlovelife sometimes if I'm bored and feeling like a drink ( I often drink when bored), I remind myself that a hangover is boring - especially the ones where I'm lay in bed, unable to do anything.

Being bored sends me to the bottle too. Usually happens around 16H30/17H00, then it "must be 17H00 somewhere" rings in my head, and I have "just the one" to take the edge off things, off the boredom, off the hard reality of life. But then it's never just the one.
@Amdone123 like your list. I also need to have plans and an agenda. Little steps. Like carrots encouraging the donkey to walk towards its goal.
The uselessness of alcohol will also be printed out somewhere to remind me daily.
Funnily enough went shopping this morning and got myself some eye masks to de puff them. Plus some "beauty" creams to pamper myself. Got to love yourself for others to love you too.
Off to salad lunch at DD's, she bought me some AF beer. Which is sweet, as I have declared that I'm not drinking alcohol for a while. Haven't given any dates or goals. Just off the ole vino for a bit.
@mumzof4x don't worry, this is what this thread is about. Baring our souls. Not only to others, but especially to ourselves. You're going through a tremendous amount, be kind to yourself. One day at a time. I know, I tend to waffle on a lot.
Take care and 💐

@Amdone123 yes a hangover is certainly boring! I do this too and I also tell myself to at a grown woman lay in bed with a hangover looks a bit pathetic!

Morning all! AF day 9. Wrote 2 messages yesterday so don't want to bore everyone. Feeling worried about this evening. Might message beforehand to say that I'm not drinking. Actually, will do that, but it's too early for the moment. Other than that, same old. Still feeling positive, just don't want to break my good resolves this evening. Aaahhgghh why is this so hard? Will report back tomorrow morning. Give me strength! SSS (that is actually for myself too)

Good morning!!!!!
B/H weekend…. And the A/f vibe is still going strong here for me, 46 days sober.
wins this week….. celebrated DS gcse results with nosecco, went on a family evening out and drank soft drinks and Diddnt even consider drinking booze!!!!!

The thread was so lovely to catch up on. I particularly love all the tips, thoughts and reasons. Really helpful for us all! The thing that is keeping me on track is my mental clarity….. my mental health has never looked so good, and I also love all the extra time I have. The nights go so quickly when I’m drinking and then the next day is wasted too.

Congrats @Nowstrong you are on a roll. I think you’ll be successful tonight as you’re already planning. I’m rooting for you! @Amdone123 your also smashing it, it’s funny when it just clicks it clicks, I’m the same! I particularly love your list! @PositiveDays and @YoghurtPotWashingMachine keep keeping on, your trying and reflecting and making progress, count the wins!!!! Lovely to read your thoughts too @40andlovelife.

special message to @mumzof4x as things sound really heavy and stressful. I hope you’re ok. I’m thinking of you. I was just thinking, and I know it’s not easy, but if you could get day 1 under your belt that could be such a positive and a boost for you. Maybe break day 1 down into chunks…. So your hitting little goals that lead up to you big goal. Whether you abstain or not we are all here for you. Keep in touch.

Good luck all and have a great bank holiday

Morning, folks!
@Nowstrong I'm rooting for you, too. It's so hard because it's easier to not think about it, but then we have to think about it in order to have a plan, to be successful.
@Mj20 46 days is brilliant, you're doing so well. You're right about nights and days being a write - off. I get more done, too.

How are you today @mumzof4x ?

All good here. Day 6 and a 2lb loss. Slept really well, and skin clearer.
Yesterday afternoon was lovely. Different as I'd normally be drinking, smoking, etc so the afternoon / evening was very calm. I did 4 things of my list, so I need to add more !
Comparing the 2, I'd rather the af one.

How are we doing @Bigbus @FiveShelties @Flumpywoo @Freezingfeetwarmheart @Liverpool52 @LydiaWickhamsBonnet @Needtokickthehabit @NextPhaseOfLife @OhShitImNearly40 @Peridot1 @Shiningout @Swannyb @Wakeupcall12 @determinedtomakethiswork @enoughisenough4 @lemonsaretheonlyfruit

( usual apologies, I know some people are on holiday).

Hi AmDone123 Well done on your successes - way to go!. Currently on Day 15 - all is good. No cravings, but am eating a lot of sweet stuff. Will start a healthy eating plan on Monday (of course!) My sleeping isn't any better, but I do have chronic insomnia. I shall KOKO.

@SisterMaryLuke that's brilliant, well done.
I hear you with the sweet stuff. Yesterday I had 4 chocolate tea cakes.
But I'd rather that than cave.

Thanks for tagging me.

I’ve had a bit of a long not-AF run for some reason. A few drinks everyday. I’ve managed to go out and stay moderated - despite people trying to get me to drink more I’ve held firm! But I could definitely do with some actual AF days. I’ve downloaded a hypnosis app and meditation app which I really like - it’s weight loss but includes some alcohol stuff as well.

good luck to everyone over this long weekend - this can be a challenge!

@Bigbus I resonate with the whole people trying to get you to drink more thing. Really pisses me off actually. I'm rubbish when it comes to peer pressure and drinking but I'm really working on it. My approach now is to view them and their attempts to get me to drink more as their way of justifying their own habits.

Hello! Me again. Went for a lovely long hike and am really knackered tired, but as I forgot my ear phones couldn't listen to any music, so mulled things over in my mind, as you do.
Came up with positives of not drinking :
Better sleep, no heart burn, no drunken (or even tipsy) online purchases, no going to bed without removing makeup, or without brushing my teeth, no wine stained dribble marks on my pillow cases, better intestinal health, better skin, less bloating, no painful finger joints (because I'm hydrating better), less nibbling, feeling more energetic in the morning, less negative thoughts. I think that's enough for now. So the question is : why do I drink? Seems logical not to. Will sign back in tomorrow to let you know how dinner invite went.
Thank you @Amdone123 and @Mj20 for your support. Really appreciated. More than you can imagine. Well done @SisterMaryLuke !

Thinking of you @mumzof4x .

💐of encouragement to all!

@Nowstrong I really needed to read that list of positives.
I'm having a lovely day, grandchildren were just gorgeous, and I've done more of the things on my list ( bath, self care, reading) BUT I did have a wobble earlier. Not about drinking today ( that ship has sailed, as if I were drinking, I'd have started at 1pm ish),but thinking about tomorrow.....
Had to remind myself to take one day at a time and of the benefits of being af.
Thanks for your list ( and your invaluable support).