On a mission to moderate or absolutely abstaining - new thread for summer 2024

[Bigbus]

@amdone123 @touty @coppergate7 @swannyb
@Hohofortherobbers @YoghurtPotWashingMachine @Mj20 @Freezingfeetwarmheart @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 @Nowstrong @enoughisenough4

The last thread got full before a new one could be started. I’ve tried to tag some of the regular posters but I don’t really know what I’m doing! Let me know if this works and please tag people I’ve missed.

Morning all,

Morning @Jbob1976

Great to see you posting.

Remind me, what support are you getting in real life? You're coping with so much.

The booze is not helping your problems. It's causing its own and making any others worse.

Have you got a GP you can make an appointment with? Or an in-person alcohol support place you can find?

Goodmorning all, thank you @Nowstrong for the response. Will most def give those AF drinks a try. Hopefully they don't add too many calories.

@Jbob1976 I am new here but have read your previous posts and you're one of the people that motivated me to start my AF journey especially after managing 15 days AF, that was amazing! I'm sorry to hear things are not going so well, do you have any support groups you can access? Sending you a virtual hug, & wishing you more positive days.

On a different note, how long does it take to get better sleep? I know am only 1 day AF but so tired of the 3am wake ups

@PositiveDays my sleep improves on day 1 of being af, but I know it's quite common for it to take a while to settle.
Having said that, I'm struggling atm because of the weather - hot n cold, etc.

Regarding af red wine, I don't think a good one exists. Such a gap in the market. I always get excited when it's a task on programmes like The Apprentice.
Af white wine is awful, Rose - I had a bees knees once that I really enjoyed. Af beer or af kopparberg ( and af gin n tonic in the cans at tesco) might help. I just drink water or Pepsi max - I've given up trying to find something. They are a great aid though for lots of people.
I agree with the increase sweet intake - I allow myself 2 or 3 mini treats, but I don't have much of a sweet tooth.

@Jbob1976 echo the other posters, can you speak to your gp ? You did an online self referral a while back didn't you ?
I'm glad you're back posting and I really hope things improve for you ❤️

@Nowstrong thank you, I have had counselling and am on antidepressants. I just feel I bore people now as it’s being going on so long now.
@PositiveDays thank you, my relationship is so complicated , it’s the main cause of all my issues. I live on my own 4 days a week now and I get terribly down and drink . I know it’s the worse thing I can do but it’s torture sitting there on my own. Drinking just eases the pain but I know like now I’ll pay for it, when I went af for 15 days I felt so much better but my relationship isn’t in state it is now. I’m not a strong person and drinking self to sleep is only way I know yet I know what it does to me. Thank you for listening , it’s hard for people who don’t have same problem to understand.

Hi @Amdone123 thank you, yes I done an online referral and went to see someone, at that time things were much better and I was controlling drinking so well then so I didn’t follow it up and left it, before I can sort the drink I need to sort out my life. If only that easy. I was thinking of going for a slow run tonight after work just to pass time and get me out the flat ?? I dunno I’m just lost? I don’t want to sit there staring at tv and eventually downing cider after cider as I have been

@Jbob1976 I think getting out of the flat tonight is a great idea. A run or a walk - ot could be a start to seeing things differently. And yes it's better than being stuck in.
Why don't you just try that this evening - tire yourself out maybe.

Hi @Amdone123 im going to get out the flat as sitting there from 4 o’clock to midnight drunk doing me no good. I just can’t sleep at the moment with out a drink, brain in overdrive constantly.

@Jbob1976 how are you doing?

Hi @Amdone123 thank you for thinking of me and asking how I am? I get in from work at 4, I had my dinner and went for a walk for a good hour which was nice and passed the time . I’m now indoors watching the Olympics , I have x 2 , 2 litre bottles of cider in the fridge , I know I shouldn’t have bought them but I need that security at the moment, I’m going to call my kids soon for chat. I hate living on my own and struggle to fill the time , hence I drink to knock myself out. Thank you so much for asking , really appreciate it

Evening folks, how are we all doing ?
@Nume @PositiveDays , hope you're doing OK. I know from experience that the first few days abstaining or moderating can be the most difficult.

I'm mixed emotions. A few family problems that have left me deflated. Nothing to do with me, I'm in the middle of it all.

That's the Bad News, the Good News is I never want to drink when I'm fed up, so day 2 done and dusted 🥴

Hi @Amdone123 well
done on 2 days af, when fed up all
i want to do is drink😥 only had the one bottle of cider, going to bed soon as up early. I will get this under control again of sorts

Thank you for checking up on me @Amdone123, you are right that it's very difficult at the start.

@Jbob1976 Don't give up, you will get there, only the one bottle of cider is progress.

So yesterday I told a friend that I've started my AF journey, they basically laughed me off that I couldn't do it. That really got me down, & ofcourse drank 3/4 of a bottle of wine. I have decided not to discuss with anyone in real life and stick to this group because you're all very encouraging and non judgemental. I know I will eventually get to my goal of the recommended 14 units per week.

Wishing you all a great day

@Amdone123 Well done for 2 days AF! I hope you're able to sort your family problems soon.

Morning all! Still AF, not sure I'll last the month, hopefully will manage the week, but being over 1 week is good for me and has got me back in a good moderating mood. Feeling very tired this morning, got up at 03H30 to drive DS and family to airport. Went back to bed when I got back and fell asleep, now feeling like a wretched hag. Still playing canteen lady until Sunday, so better get something done before lunch time. Will definitively have a nap this afternoon.
@Amdone123 if I'm really fed up, I'll most probably have a drink. But now not sure. Did have to deal with some emotional family business too last week and managed not to have a drink or two. So perhaps I'm changing. Can always wish.
@PositiveDays very often your AF/moderating journey makes others have a look at their own drinking and sometimes they don't like that. Best to keep it to yourself or share with people who you are sure will positively help you. I'm on a lone journey too, not always easy. Stay strong.
@Jbob1976 you are cutting down and that's always a positive. Always stick with the positives. You'll get there.
Feeling too sleep deprived to really think straight. So wishing you all a good day.
Long live good nights. SSS

@PositiveDays yes, we've all been there. No point in telling anyone. I don't really speak to my dh about it. If ever I mention it, he tells me I'm not that bad. Shocking really ( after what he's seen).

Once when out with colleagues/ school staff, some of the higher echelon were present - governors, etc, so I made a conscious effort to not drink. My closest friend at work told me she was ' disappointed ' because I wasn't my usual lively self. Shocking, again !

You WILL reach your goal and you CAN do it.

Hi all,

popping on to say hi, and to stay accountable!!!! Can’t believe it but…. 4 weeks AF tomorrow! I always forget how quick the days tot up once I hit double digits! Enjoying soberiety despite being full of cold!

Lovely reading all the posts from familiar and new names 🧡. Some really great inspiration…. Well done @NextPhaseOfLife that’s inspirational and to @Nowstrong for your sober stint too! , hello to @Amdone123 sounds like your smashing successful moderating! Also a general well done everyone, just for being here, showing up and having some accountability and desire to change whilst supporting others. I love this community!

I was so sad when I read @PositiveDays faced negativity from a friend… don’t be disheartened by their reaction, it says more about them then it does about you! @Jbob1976 sending strength and support, hope your ok.

sorry to anyone I haven’t tagged. So many of us now!

current plan for me… stay sober! Off on a camping trip for 4 days so this is quite a new experience within my sobriety. But I’m keen to do it xxxx

@Mj20 wow, you're doing so well. I know you felt deep down that abstaining was better for you than moderating, so all kudos to you. I think you'll be ok on the camping trip !

Day 4 here. Yesterday on leaving work, I had The Thought, which was strange as it's usually a seed planted much earlier on.
It was easy to ignore. I even popped into the shop to see what they were giving away, and came out empty handed.
Result.

Thanks @Amdone123 yes, after moderating over the years with different levels of success complete abstinence has been the right call for me! And I’m loving it tbh! I think I’m getting through it by seeing this as a lifestyle rather than a goal with an end point 🙏🏼

sounds like a win for you @Amdone123 well done you! It’s amazing how many wins happen along the way!!!! Xxxx

Wow! @Mj20 4 weeks is amazing! Well done also to @Nowstrong and @Amdone123. Thank you all for the kind words. I've only managed one AF day so far, but the better news is I've drunk less than I would normally have. I don't know if I can do multiple consecutive AF days yet, am thinking of counting the AF days in a week instead. I had set myself to drink only on weekends but 5 days straight is daunting for me to start with. If by Sunday I've managed to drink a day and skip a day for example, that will be good progress as overall I've reduced the units I've drunk in a week. Wish me luck

@PositiveDays I think that's a great plan. I often liken it to losing weight and slow n steady definitely wins the race.
You've made a great start in reducing your units, so keep going.

I'm at work thinking a bottle of wine would be nice tonight ( 🎾), til I remembered the tennis is on at 10.30pm, and I'll be lucky to be awake by then.
I'm getting quite good now at knocking the wine witch back, feel like I've got an answer for all temptations. Before, I just gave in. It's good to question it.
Hope that makes sense.

@PositiveDays i think your onto something here… it’s about your progress and finding ways which work for you. @Amdone123 is so right…. It it is like weight loss, if you go too restrictive and try to change too much it just back fires. Also @Amdone123 your right about the questioning. It’s like we have an impulse to our thoughts with booze and if we pause and think about it actually we can realise we don’t need it….
I always think of when you told me to “play it forward” by imagining the next day when I’m anxious and regretful etc and that really helps when I’m tempted…..

lovely sharing thoughts guys xxxx

@Mj20 ahhh, bless you - my mission is complete 🤣.
When is your camping trip ?
I've never been camping but when I imagine it, I think more hot chocolate and marshmallows round a fire than a chilled white wine.
You're doing so well, so keep going. An af break is a brilliant achievement.

Day 5 here, but that's not unusual. I was tempted again last night but ignored it.
I think today will be difficult but if I get through today, I know I won't drink Friday because we fly Saturday, then Saturday that will have been a full af week which is great.

I'm going to Spain for 5 days on Saturday so I'm going to think about what I want from my break. I'm not like I used to be on holiday ( missing full days because of hangover), so I have improved but I still have a long way to go.

How are we all doing ? @Bigbus @Freezingfeetwarmheart @Jbob1976 @Needtokickthehabit @NextPhaseOfLife @Nowstrong @Nume @OhShitImNearly40 @Peridot1 @Shiningout @Swannyb @Wakeupcall12 @YoghurtPotWashingMachine @determinedtomakethiswork @enoughisenough4 @mumzof4x

Usual apologies if I've missed anyone. ❤️

Im still drinking. I am not getting drunk but still have not had any AF days.
Last night I had a bottle of wine 'just the one' menaing I feel fresh and healthy today. Early to drink, early to bed, early to rise so that means I won't 'crave' it today. I will drink a half bottle tonight. The more I drink the more I want to drink which turns into a cycle of it so now thursday night for me will be the half bottle and just going to try day by day from now on.

Morning all! AF day 10. Feeling good in myself but still have puffy eyes, most probably always will 😭. Perhaps because am pretty tired as very busy still. Had a very nice quiet evening yesterday, for once, and went to bed early, didn't even fancy a drink. So progress there. Getting into nice habits. Will power not going too good with my daily exercise regime that I'm supposed to follow, as I do a few then get fed up and do something more interesting. Like writing here, for example.

Totally agree with @Amdone123 about going slow and steady. Not sure how long I want to be AF for, but I did need to moderate as the wine drinking was creeping up again. Don't want to go back to how I was, drinking daily and too much. Mind you have totally given the spirits up, so that is a win. Also upped water, herb tea and AF drinks intake, so must be more hydrated. Which explains my frequent loo visits.
Nibbling is on a decline, because even if I haven't got a lot of will power, drinking kills whatever I have. Except yesterday went strawberry picking and ate an enormous amount. One for basket, one for me. Well not really but felt like a real kiddy. Came home all red and sticky. Great fun.

Pilates lesson this morning, then I'm canteen lady again for the day. DDs move will be over officially on Sunday. Will be feeding all the strong armed helpers on Saturday as a thank you. Phew. Glad that will be over soon.

@PositiveDays the beginning of our AF journey is about discovering how you manage, what turns you to the drink, what helps you avoid it. One day at a time is fine. I used to be a daily, pretty heavy drinker. I'm now 10 days AF! Been moderating pretty well until a glitch happened, will have to find out why too. @Mj20 "play it forward" that really speaks volumes to me. Will make a written note and stick it everywhere.

This thread is my AF/moderating journey best friend. Nobody that I know in real life will ; a) admit to having a drink problem, if they have one, b) would take this journey with me, and c) understand what my worries, anxieties, little victories, defeats, are and mean to me. Everyone here does. Because we all live, more or less, the same, even at different levels, we've been there, got the T-shirts. Also never forget that the past is the past and can't be changed. Today we can only but do our best. Nobody knows what will really happen tomorrow, we can only make plans. I love a good plan.

Before I start on a long waffle. I'm off to get ready. Hope you all have a good day. Don't forget to love yourselves, because if we don't, others can't, so it helps. SSS.