On a mission to moderate or absolutely abstaining - new thread for summer 2024

[Bigbus]

@amdone123 @touty @coppergate7 @swannyb
@Hohofortherobbers @YoghurtPotWashingMachine @Mj20 @Freezingfeetwarmheart @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 @Nowstrong @enoughisenough4

The last thread got full before a new one could be started. I’ve tried to tag some of the regular posters but I don’t really know what I’m doing! Let me know if this works and please tag people I’ve missed.

@lemonsaretheonlyfruit hi and welcome !
Well done on Day 5, you're doing really well and working hard to recognise those triggers. I always know when I'm going to drink, it's a seed planted and very little can stop me.

It's great that you managed dry Jan, etc. I've been on those threads. I was last on the sober October - a great bunch of people but even though I try, I can't do a month. I used to be able to.
Now I tend to have 5 or 6 af days, then have 1 bottle of wine and a few beers. I feel in control though.

Don't worry, you're not rambling. Lots of us on here just get it out ; I probably repeat myself 🤣 - no one seems to mind !
What's your plan for the weekend? Are you staying af or is it one day at a time ?

Hi @lemonsaretheonlyfruit so many things I have read on here resonate so much with me too, it’s like I could type that, it’s because we understand. My relationship is the cause of all my stress, too long to go into and not the thread but I finish work at 330
and I am dreading going “home” thing is if I go to flat on my own it’s guaranteed I’ll sink a load. I get that knot in my stomach and it’s only drink which gets rid of it, but then I know I’ll feel like I did this morning and I hate that. For me once I have bought it that’s it, I just wish I could be stronger but then again don’t we all?? Up until 2 weeks ago I have never really tried going dry in nearly 30 years , drank almost every day so that was huge achievement but closer I get to going home the more anxious I get

@Amdone123

I think as long as you feel in control and can carry on doing it that way then that's great! I just don't know if I can from past experience - unfortunately it seems to be all or nothing. Adrian Chiles book on that (I think it was called the sensible drinker or something) was interesting on that subject. He seems to have mastered it in a similar way to how you are. I hope it continues!

I managed the football in a pub last night with 5 work friends who were all drinking pints. They had my fave AF beer in the pub to my delight - so I had 2 of those - the rest all stayed out and had a great night but I Knew I had to leave just after the match finished.

More challenging is going to a good friend's tonight to see her as her mum died this week. We have had so many nights / holidays over the years that have always been wine drenched and I know she'll want (understandably) for us to share her loss over a few glasses of wine. If I thought I could just leave it at that then I would gladly join in but it might be a slippery slope. I might take 2 bottles of AF beer and start with one of those. Then hope I can stick with it!

Dinner with friends on Saturday night. They are quite booze friends .

I think I need to work out if I am doing a month or just doing it day to day.

The only reason I have managed 2 dry jans is because of the black and whiteness of it. It was hard but on the other hand easier not to cave (plus I was doing it with a friend and we were accountable - plus the dry jan thread) ... aghhhh I don't know!

@Jbob1976

I hear you. And I am sure you must have detailed your relationship stress on here. I will have a look. I am sure this sounds ridiculous / obvious but could you do something else instead of going straight home just for today? I have gone to the cinema on my own a couple of times just to avoid this and distract. Obviously not a long term solution but might break it for today.

I am not trying to push meds on people as I know people don't want to for a variety of reasons but for me, the low dose propranolol that I now have really do help with knot of stomach thing. It's traditionally prescribed for heart problems which I don't have, but is also commonly prescribed for anxiety. It only tackles the physical problems but by quelling that knot in stomach / heart in mouth feeling I have been finding it easier to not reach for the white wine instead. I know it's incredibly hard. It's a poison at the end of the day. I find it easier to call it/ think of that actually as that's what ethanol is!

@lemonsaretheonlyfruit I've got that stomach knot on edge feeling at the moment. It's horrible but just pushing on through for now. I hope it calms down soon though. Today was about as bad as yesterday so hopefully this is as bad as it gets.

Read something online saying because alcohol is a depressant your body compensates by upping the alertness of your body. When you the booze away it's still doing it you out feel hyper alert, anxious and restless.

Hi @lemonsaretheonlyfruit i already take decent strength antidepressants , I went home and was expected , it’s ok for now , just ok, I bought 2 bottles of cider but I left them in car for now. Im going to watch the football to distract me. I need to be up early tomorrow so i need to be strong.
@OhShitImNearly40 i read exactly the same In alcohol explained , and yet I still do it ?? Af nights equals lovely mornings

Morning everyone
Some improvement last night just the one bottle of cider , I have one left so will drink that tonight , then tomorrow I’m not buying anymore so will just have to grin and bear it. Been reading posts from week ago and there was me saying may go af for long time, who was I kidding ? I’m out all day with youngest and then popping over to see parents so full day ahead, hoping everyone has a lovely Saturday take care

Morning all

Welcome @lemonsaretheonlyfruit - don’t worry about long posts. I think they are useful - both for you to sort your thinking and for those reading as sometimes they bring some understanding of our own issues.

@Jbob1976 - well done on last night. Just drinking one bottle of cider is really good. It sounds like you are aware your relationship isn’t good for you. Maybe time to do some thinking about the future if it’s not good for you? The Relationships threads on here can be a great source of support and advice if you wanted to post there for some clarity.

I went to my afternoon tea and it was lovely. Had maybe four glasses of Prosecco over four and a half hours. Then I went back to some friends with others from the afternoon and had another couple of glasses of Prosecco and then a glass of rosé. Could have stayed longer but decided to be sensible and come home and was home for 9 feeling quite in control.

As I’m not planning on being totally AF I will have some wine tonight and tomorrow but back to not drinking from Monday.

Hi @Peridot1 sounds like you had a lovely day yesterday and felt in control , don’t think you have a grip on it ? For me I don’t as I’m drinking not to enjoy but to calm me. Yes my relationship is at centre of all my problems 1000 per cent, I didn’t think of relationship thread on here at all, I’m going to look them up. It’s main reason especially recently why I have drank so much and have drank in last few days and why I will tonight.

@Peridot1 that sounds like great moderating last night, well done.
@Jbob1976 and 1 bottle was great, too. You'll get there, just keep trying and being mindful.

Moderating must be in the air. I fancied wine after work but was too tired to do anything about it. Had my tea and 2 beers, then stopped. I can stop ( and eat ) with beer whereas with wine, I don't eat and don't stop til it's all gone.

@Jbob1976 I love that.....af = lovely mornings. I'm having that now as my granddaughter arrived at 8am and I'm fresh, and organised.

I'm going to try to not drink today and tomorrow as I need to make a few changes to lose weight, otherwise it's all back.

Hi @Jbob1976 - I felt like I had a grip on it last night for sure. I don’t normally though! Even as I was saying goodbye to the hostess she said it wasn’t like me to be sensible and go home! And we’ve only lived here and known these people for three years. Any other event they have had I have been last to leave and very drunk. I felt like a grown up!

I would definitely recommend having a look at the relationship threads and perhaps think about starting one yourself. People can be quite hard hitting and blunt so be prepared for that but there is also lots of support and people who have been where you are and have lots of advice and experience. Even the bluntness comes from a place of care. I’ve seen so many people over the years posts for advice and get so much help and support to think about their situation and help to leave a relationship if that is what they want.

Evening all,

@Amdone123 hope you had a lovely day with your granddaughter , I’m going to be a first time grandparent in less than a month , can’t wait and we’ll dine on moderating , I’m definitely not tonight.
@Peridot1 i posted on relationships and wow! Too brutal and harsh for me, actually upset me how hurtful some people can be. I know sometimes truth hurts but some people were damn right hurtful.
not good tonight , done bottle of cider already and on beers now. I know tomorrow I’ll pay for it and I have busy day at theme park too with youngest (be interesting) but partner is out and I just can’t deal with things. Determined tomorrow will be af, and I will struggle and prob won’t sleep but I have to do it. Head in that swimming feeling now. Only positive I can take is I’m now conscious and admit my problem where I never did.

@Jbob1976 hope you're ok this morning.
There are some horrible people on here - I either think they're trolls or just gobshites who are so meek n mild in real life, that they get their kicks being keyboard warriors.
The best people are the ones on support threads like this. I just concentrate on them.

I had a lovely morning with my granddaughters. They went about 2pm. I sat in the garden and read, drank sparkling water. I admit I wanted wine and that today will be challenging.

@lemonsaretheonlyfruit how have you done this weekend ?

Morning @Amdone123 so glad you had a lovely with your granddaughters and well done for being good 😊
paying for it now, had thumping headache and feeling on edge badly , just made a coffee as need to get myself together. I don’t get people being so nasty , I could never type what some people do , like you say they must get a kick from it? Just not nice. Today I’m going to be af no matter what and I know tonight I’m going to hate it but I have to as I’ve drank 4 out of 5 days now and badly slipping. My aim is to go to next sat now , I can hope ? Hope today is lovely one for you and you , it’s even harder I think when the sun is shining, take care

Morning all! Peace and quiet again. SO relaxing. Can get back into my routines. Had to clean my flat completely, because even though perfection cleaner sister was critising my housework, they don't/won't respect my no shoe inside policy. I always wear slippers inside and I had to even wash their soles as they were black. It's amazing horrifying how much dirt shoes bring into a home. Luckily I have tiles throughout and a steamer.

So it's nice and clean, tidy and peaceful and I'm AF until Thursday evening. At least. I'll be going to stay with friends for a long weekend and they enjoy wine and a tipple in the evening, but if I take my AF beers and drinks, they won't mind. So might try to stay AF even longer. Will see how it goes. But even these 6 days will be good.

Once AF again I find a certain inner peace that being AF and moderating brings to me. Better sleep, more energy. Less bloating. Better control over appetite. Was even slightly shocked at how much BIL was drinking. That's the holier than thou me speaking.

So I have learnt a few things about the present AF and drinking me. When I DO drink, I drink less. I haven't even been really tipsy for a long time. Even slightly and I'll feel dreadful the next day. So I prefer being AF or hugely moderating, not more than 3 glasses. Did have more than that certain evenings during their visit and felt bad about it. Physically and mentally. No spirits. Have even gone off a nice G&T. So sticking to tonic and lemon. That makes me think that slowly my brain is changing. Don't know if that is wishful thinking or being so relieved at being "free" again. Will have to ponder on all that this week. Definitively not completely free because otherwise I wouldn't be thinking about alcohol at all. But I do. A lot.

@Jbob1976 first part of our healing process is recognising that we have a problem. Might take some time, but you'll manage.
@Peridot1 well done you!!
@Amdone123 glad you're enjoying time with your DGD. They are my little joys and having them encourage me to be AF too. Love my lovely mornings too.
@lemonsaretheonlyfruit yep, it's a poison alright. If taking medication helps you, that's fine, perhaps it will help you get out of the drinking habit. Don't hope for miracles though. It's a long haul. Keep posting, helped me tons.
@OhShitImNearly40 love you user name! Yes, you are right too. Can't remember the chemical process it has on the brain, but it tricks you into thinking that you feel less depressed and then when you stop/moderate makes you feel even worse. Hang on in there. I used to get terrible anxiety and/or hangxiety and that has slowly disappeared.

Well you lovely lot, I'll stop rattling on, but am so glad to have some me time to be able to do so. Hope you have a lovely Sunday. The sun has come back here, just hope it stays. SSS!

Went out last night for drinks and stayed AF! Huge win for me, had an AF beer shandy, Apple kombucha and a Grapefruit juice with tonic, hardly spent any money and noticed how loud people were around me who were drinking, something I've never noticed before as previously I would have always had a drink!

@tahinitoast well done ! I wonder sometimes if the thought of being af is the worst bit. I've gone out and stayed af and it's not been that bad at all. I quite enjoy it even. And the next day, no hangover, no alarm at how much I spent ! A win win really.

@Nowstrong so much of what you wrote is the same as me - when I drink now, I don't go mad either. Whilst I can get tipsy, I no longer get roaring drunk, I experience all those benefits and recently, I was out with someone and couldn't believe how much they drank 🥴.
It does make you think when you see others.

(Glad you've got your house back, btw).

I'm heading off for a 3 hour walk now and I have to end up at the supermarket. I'm really playing it forward as I do not want to drink today. Tomorrow it's going to be hot, I'm working and probably a double shift ( I love work but not with a hangover and not in the heat), and I'm weighing myself in the morning. I've been great all week and drinking today would just put it back on.
Gawd, I might just walk and forget the supermarket.
Wish me luck folks ❤️

@Jbob1976 - I am really sorry you encountered some of the nasty less supportive people on your Relationship thread. I have to say it is so so common on here now I hesitated to suggest it in the first place but I know there are some really empathetic supportive people on there too. I’m sorry you met nastiness.

@Nowstrong - glad peace is resorted at yours!

@tahinitoast - well done! Sounds like a nice selection of drinks too.

@Amdone123 enjoy your walk.

I want to get to the stage where I don’t go mad when I do drink. Friday was good for that. Last night at home not so much! Woke in the night with dreadful heartburn and a splitting headache. I had a can of white wine as I didn’t want a full bottle open to tempt me tomorrow. Then DH opened a bottle anyway as he needed it for the meal he was cooking. So that’s now open and in the fridge. After the can of white wine I switched to red. We had a bottle and a half between us over the course of the evening and DH switched to whiskey at one point.

That amount is pretty normal for us. Every night.

Tonight I’m going to try to remember to stop earlier and switch to mint tea. Might set a reminder on my phone.

I was shopping yesterday and have stocked up on some non alcoholic drinks to have during the week. We both said we found it pretty easy to stay AF Monday to Thursday so we will be doing that this week again.

Morning all,

Sorry I've been absent a bit, I've not caught up yet and it looks like there's a lot to catch up on so will find some time later.

I've been having the odd blip but nothing major, until last night. Got way too carried away and drank about 2 bottles of wine. Feel absolutely shit today and of course now in edge about palpitations kicking in. Absolute idiot 🤦‍♀️

Hope everyone is doing well!

Also, been meaning to ask for a while - what does SSS mean? 😅

@enoughisenough4 Stay Strong and Sober 😏

Hi @enoughisenough4 hope you're feeling OK.

Success for me today. Walk was lovely, though tiring and by the time I got to the supermarket, I just wanted my few bits and to get home.
So, it's been blackcurrant juice made with sparkling water ( really refreshing) for me.
No hangover tomorrow and I'm on track to lose a few pounds.

Sorry for absence over the weekend. My mum is staying for a few days and, whilst she's lovely, I always get questioned what I'm doing/ who I'm texting when I am on my phone (just being nosey) so I tend not to when she's around!

After an AF week I went over to my friend's on Friday. She didn't know I had been AF all week and had a glass of rosé poured for me when I got there. Of course I could have said no but it was Friday eve in her lovely garden and it was just too inviting. I had 3 glasses there and walked home via the shop and bought a bottle. I wasn't annoyed per se about drinking at hers but I was about the bottle. No off switch! So much so that I had 2 small glasses then chucked the rest down the sink!

Saturday was a dinner with 8 friends. I kind of knew it was a foregone conclusion so didn't bring my AF beers.

If I could just do that on a Friday and Saturday with no booze in between then that would be fine. But I don't know if I can!

Intending to be AF now this week until Friday.

@Jbob1976

Yes agreed there are some bloody awful people on Mumsnet. I posted on AIBU the other day on a thread about friendships (a perfectly reasonable balanced comment I thought) and the vitriol I got from one poster!?!! Who are these people.

I am intending to star AF until sat so let's do this!!

@Nowstrong well done!!

@Amdone123 Sounds like a really lovely weekend!

Can I ask... I'd like to comment on others' posts but I can't remember every ones names and updates without losing my message.. it's on my phone so maybe there isn't a way of doing that!

@enoughisenough4

I know thar feeling all too well. So many times over and over. I hope today hasn't been too bad. Please don't beat yourself up. A hangover is already bad enough without chastising yourself too.

Try and draw a line if you can and remind yourself how shit you felt this morning next time a craving hits