On a mission to moderate or absolutely abstaining - new thread for summer 2024

[Bigbus]

@amdone123 @touty @coppergate7 @swannyb
@Hohofortherobbers @YoghurtPotWashingMachine @Mj20 @Freezingfeetwarmheart @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 @Nowstrong @enoughisenough4

The last thread got full before a new one could be started. I’ve tried to tag some of the regular posters but I don’t really know what I’m doing! Let me know if this works and please tag people I’ve missed.

@Nowstrong 🤣🤣( sorry!).
Yes, don't worry about it. Do whatever you can to get through the visit, then when they go, get back to your stress free life.
You're always so positive, and in control, which is probably why having these visitors is so difficult.
Sending 💪.

@Peridot1 well done. It must be hard when ones partner drinks. I'd find that so difficult. Mine has the odd beer.

I nearly drank yesterday as my sister is back to annoying me ( she'd had a 2 week break when we got on brilliantly). I'm like you @Nowstrong , I let her get under my skin. WW was on my shoulder, but I had a chat with myself about not letting others spoil my progress. And I had my purse on me, and I needed the shop, but no - not happening.
Day 4 today. Dh wants to have a takeaway and beers tonight for the football, so I'll see how I feel after work. Best case scenario is a few beers.

@Jbob1976 how are you getting on ?
Hope everyone else is doing Ok.

Morning everyone
@Nowstrong , you must have a very long fuse, luckily or unluckily I only have a tiny tiny family who I rarely see so don’t have these stresses.
@Peridot1 my partner likes a drink too , I don’t stop them ever as they are fine with drink but I do envy them
@Amdone123 well done on 4 days, yeah , football tonight but on early so I’ll stick to juice . Doing better today, at last night , was ok really just really struggled getting to sleep
i think when stressed we all seem to default to the drink maybe? I know I do and my urges are so much stronger too when stressed. I am considering drinking sat night as partner out, just 4 beers? That will be 8 for the week and only 2 days drinking in 3 weeks. I’ll see how I feel? Have a lovely day everyone and enjoy the sun (if it’s out where you are?) and footy too

I have been absolutely terrible and my drinking was starting to creep up again - so now on my millionth day 3 🙄 aiming for a week off to start, and I have run out of whiskey because I drank it all, and don't plan to buy any more for the foreseeable.

Trying to enjoy the positives - better sleep, clearer head - and really concentrate on them next time I want a drink! I was starting to look a bit haggard again so hoping to reverse that!

Just had one two three several glasses of wine. Didn't fancy going to jail...🙄

@Freezingfeetwarmheart at least you're on day 3 and you're still trying. It's a good idea not to buy any. I don't know how people have it in and not drink it !
I always look much better when af. As I'm a self - confessed vain mare, you'd think that would motivate me more.

@Bigbus counting the actual days AF rather than the consecutive days is a really good idea. Especially if you are like me and it is all or nothing.
@Jbob1976 look after yourself and I hope your stress has lifted.

@Peridot1 well done at the BBQ, incredible result and enjoy your Prosecco.
@Nowstrong sending strength, I think I would have murdered my BIL in those circumstances and then got the whisky out. Just seen your update - I think you were very wise, it could be a very long jail sentence.
@Amdone123 well done on not drinking - relations can be very difficult. I am an only child and only have one relative, an elderly Uncle, apart from my husband. Sometimes I think that could be a blessing😁
@Freezingfeetwarmheart Good luck with your week. I cannot remember the last time I did not have a drink for a week.

So it is Thursday night here and I am still very pleased with myself even though I have only had one day AF. Every drink I have had has been considered rather than just because it was there. I shared a bottle of wine on Wednesday and tonight have had three measures of whisky - 25ml of whisky is a very small amount! I think I am much better at moderating than giving up alcohol.

@FiveShelties that's great - you're in control and that's the main thing. I think this when I have a drink - I'd hate to, and would never, go back to the darkest days of drinking just for the sake of it.

@Amdone123 - DH is moderating. He has actually been better at moderating the earlier part of the evenings than me really. He will have a couple of AF ciders or beers. I had been still having wine. We are in a habit of sitting outside with the dog in the evenings after dinner as she loves it and we would have wine. So DH is having a wine or two then. I’m actually ok by that stage. It’s earlier that I struggle resisting.

@Nowstrong - probably a good idea. I don’t think we could spring you from jail.

@Jbob1976 I definitely default to drinking when stressed. I think it’s been a coping mechanism for years. But also when happy, sad, bored, or just because!

@Freezingfeetwarmheart - well done on three days.

@FiveShelties being in control is really good. My neighbour is like that. She decides what she will have and then that is it. Switches to water. Once I start all bets are off! Am hoping to become more sensible.

Oh my goodness, I have lost 3.4 pounds since Friday. Although I am delighted, it shows how much wine, followed by ice cream or cheese and biscuits I was having, which is a bit of a worry. But it is a good loss and I am delighted. Have a good day everyone.

Morning all, love to say it’s a good morning but it’s not, having major relationship issues and I drank really heavily last night , feeling rubbish today. I just couldn’t resist, way things are at home I doubt I will be at over weekend too but that’s something I need to deal with. Funny old thing life, just when I thought I was changing direction and doing well it bites you on the bum and back to old ways. Only positive I can take is done 15 days af once and can do it again. Sorry for negative post on a sunny Friday , hope you all have a lovely Friday

Another AF night ticked off for me. Slept better too.

@FiveShelties - great loss! I weighed this morning and while not as dramatic as yours I am down a pound which I’m pleased about.

@Jbob1976 - sorry to hear that you are having some relationship problems. That definitely doesn’t make it easy to stick to being AF. Can I ask if you think your drinking contributes to the relationship issues or the other way around? Sometimes even just realising what some contributing factors are can help with moderating a bit.

@FiveShelties that's great. I'm the same. Not weighing officially til Monday but it's looking good.
@Jbob1976 keep reminding yourself of that positive 15 days. One day at a time is best, too. Don't think too far ahead - just get through today as best you can. You're coping with the problem the only way you know - I can be the same. Keep posting and don't apologise - that's what we're here for.

I had a bottle of prosecco last night and 2 beers, so I'm pleased with that. Once upon a time, I would never even buy just 1 bottle, was always 2.
I'm hoping that's me now for the weekend as, as I said upthread, my weight is falling and I don't want to sabotage it.

Hi @Peridot1 yes drinking has caused issue
for me in relationship but last night I went back to my flat and drank alone. I know it’s wrong thing to do and I feel rubbish this morning , but I just felt I needed it last night. When things are good I seem fine staying at but as soon you know hits fan I resort to drinking. Going to not buy any tonight and start again, tomorrow will be hard and I doubt if I’m honest that i will be af but I accept that.

@Amdone123 well done on your weight loss, that’s big plus of being af! Thank you, 2024 has been rubbish in so many ways, fed up with it already. I drank nearly 2 x 2 litre bottles of cider last night so I get buying 2 bottles , feeling it now at work. Don’t think will power will win this weekend and start again Monday? Good luck with continue weight loss may it continue 😊

@Jbob1976 - sometimes even just thinking about it all and our triggers can help. Even if we still drink and it doesn’t seem to help much. The self awareness does eventually help. So don’t beat yourself up. Self hatred definitely won’t help. Be proud of what you achieved. And think about what makes you feel better.

Hi @Peridot1 the stupid thing is I know exactly what the drink does to me and how affects me next day with moods and mental health yet I still do it ?? I am really proud of 15 af days as I never ever thought I could do it . I know exactly what my triggers but last night I just needed it to calm me. My relationship is so messed up and complicated. When I feel like this which I know is mainly caused by heavy drinking it’s hard to stop it. Need to shake myself and be positive , it’s so helpful reading everyone posts and the battles we all have that it’s not just me

I'm on day 4 again. Drinking had escalated massively the past few months, not sure if I've been properly sober all that time. Drinking all day every day and it was getting silly. It's scary how quickly it can go downhill.

It's bloody hard right now, sticking with it. Told a couple of friends how bad it's got so am accountable irl and have people to lean on. Really am nearly 40 now so would be good to get through the worst of this by then!

@OhShitImNearly40 well done on Day 4. It is hard but definitely, definitely one day at a time.
I wish I'd have stopped when I was 40. I don't even think I thought about it tbh - it was just what I did. Was having fun til it wasn't !

@Jbob1976 I hope the week-end is better for you. Relationships can be really tough sometimes.

Well done @Peridot1 you are doing really well. @Amdone123 good luck with the week-end and the weigh in.
@OhShitImNearly40 my drinking also crept up and I was shocked just how many units it added up to. I am trying to stop the 'all or nothing' view and although I did start posting on here saying I was going to be AF, I have found it easier to moderate this week. I am only a week in though and know just how difficult it can be.

Tonight I have had three G&Ts, much less than a bottle of red so a win for a Friday😁

@OhShitImNearly40 - well done on four days. That’s really good especially if you’ve been drinking during the days too. You should be really proud of yourself.

So I am off to my afternoon tea with prosecco function this afternoon. Was planning on coming home afterwards but have now been invited to drinks afterwards too. Will see how I feel.

So it turns out I sold myself shot, yesterday was actually day 4 so I am now on day 5! Will have to try not to cave after work as I know it's going to be stressful later, but I haven't bought any whiskey which should make it easier! (I have gin)

Or even sold myself short! Shots would be a really bad idea!

Hello can I join please? Late to the party. I have been on the dry jan threads for the last 2 years and managed that both times but have massively struggled in between. Which tells me something which I (and a lot of us) already know. Some people can moderate and some can't! (Can I apologise for the long post. Next ones will be shorter!)

I am a single parent with 2 teens (1 DD autistic/ adhd and lots of MH problems) and a DS who is ok but a handful.

I'm not using this as an excuse but most of my drinking is a reaction to stress. Ex is awful to me too and sometimes I just can't cope. My Dad died age 54 from alcoholism. His drinking really ramped up around age 50. My age now. I am so aware that I don't want to turn into him and put my DC through what he put us through. Plus I want to live to see my DCs become adults!

I too had started drinking in the day just to blot everything out. I have read loads of lit, am on quite a few FB groups and have listened to lots of podcasts.

My DC have seen me drunk (mainly asleep on the sofa) a few times and I know it just has to stop.

This time round is feeling a bit different. I am only on day 5 but I am really trying to pay attention to the trigger that makes me panic and drink. That pit of stomach feeling and heart beating faster.

I was prescribed v low dose beta blockers for anxiety and as soon as I get that feeling I take one and that feeling goes away and I don't feel the need to quell it with alcohol. It's working so far. Sleep is now getting better too and I don't want to undo all of the work.

But I do love the social side with friends . It's the home alone stress drinking I can't stand. They feel like two very separate things.

But ultimately they aren't are they, as I absolutely know that if I go and sit in the friend's garden tonight for a couple of glasses of rosé - I am much more likely to stop at the shop of the way home and get a bottle of rosé and drink it when I get home. Then I'll feel really anxious tomorrow morning and I'll be thinking about booze (as well as feeling the shame and regret) .. and so the cycle continues.

Sorry this has been a complete ramble but these thoughts swim around in my head all day and it's really good to 'verbalise' it.

Thanks for reading if you have got this far and thanks for having me. Future posts will be much shorter.

@lemonsaretheonlyfruit welcome and please don’t apologise, everyone is so understanding and non judgemental on here and support each other 😊 post away if it helps , it does me. Luckily I have never drank during the day but I can definitely relate to stress drinking , read my posts from last night. So well done for getting to day 5, I managed 15 but drank last 2 of 3 days and tbh don’t think I’ll resist this weekend . We understand each other on here, my partner says they are supportive but could never understand that urge and what it’s like. Likewise my head is on the go all the time with various problems and I cope to relax by drinking even tho I know it’s the worst possible thing for me, keep
posting and make them as long as you want , take care

@Jbob1976

Thankyou! I have always found the dry jan threads really supportive too. I find that whilst the quit lot/ podcasts/ books are really useful, there is nothing like connecting with and supporting others in the same boat. It's good to be on here!

I read your thread from last night and it completely resonated with me. I totally agree whilst relationships can be wonderful, they can equally be a huge source of stress (which is why I am a scaredy-cat and staying away for now)... but wherever the stress comes from its too easy to reach for the booze as we know it will make us feel better within about 15 minutes. Until the morning obviously. I do always do the 'play it forward' thing which sometimes helps but it depends if the level of stress is more powerful than the ability to play it forward to the next morning doesn't it.

15 days is a great achievement however! We beat ourselves up over 1 'glitch' and immediately forget all the good stuff and hard work that came before that don't we!