Day 1 or 1000 all welcome on the tulips and snowdrops thread 🌷

[AFmammaG]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4930949-tulips-snowdrops-and-another-day-1?page=40&reply=134961706

Ladies I’m making this new thread as we’ve gone up to 993 posts on the other thread and I need to link it before we fill up!

Will post a proper into later.

Hi, can I join please?

Day 2 for me. I made the decision on the spur of the moment yesterday to start (after knowing for a long time that I drink too much) after reading a thread on here.

I would usually have 2, possibly 3, alcohol free days a week but the other days I could never have just 1. If I opened a bottle of wine, the whole bottle would be gone. I'd look forward to my children going to bed so that I could sit and enjoy a glass of wine. I forgot about the tooth fairy a few weeks back as after a bottle of wine I took myself straight off to bed. My son found it funny that she was late, I was silently mortified and felt like the worst mother ever.

I wouldn't find that I felt particularly drunk on one bottle, it was enough to dull everything and wake up without a hangover the next day. However my mental health and physical health has taken a real battering recently. I have gained 2 stone in the past year, I am now on antidepressents, I had my BP checked today and it is high so I need to go back next week, and I just feel so unfit. I'm also sleeping awfully.

I have set myself a 100 day challenge as on day 100 I'll be at the airport with my children about to go on a week's holiday in Italy. I'm hoping by that point I will see so many improvements in my life that I will continue on, but I thought 100 days is a good initial goal (other than the 1 day at a time which I am doing as well).

Welcome @AFreshCleanStart , I could have written your post myself. You're in good company here as we are all in similar journeys. All the best with the 100 days and I feel sure that the sleep, BP, and physical health will be so improved without this poison.

Lots of messages to catch up on, which is great!

@NCgoingdry you are still in the grips of the ‘spiral of craving’. That first week is so tough. Breaking those habits that have been around for months or years. It does get better with each hour, with each day, it really does.

@Pippa246 that craving does go if you keep telling it no! It took me a while to realise that the quicker I say no to the craving the quicker it goes away 😆 it was all the dithering about would I or wouldn’t I that was agony. I do feel like I’ve made a new pattern of behaviour in the evenings and when DH goes to get a bottle, I don’t have that moment of consideration anymore. He has also stopped asking me if I want some!

@happinesspersonified congrats on 283 days. I love your confidence about the future and never drinking again.

I’ve also had drink dreams. My last one involved a glass of bubbly that was ordered for me, sitting at the bar and me feeling too rude not to. It felt really real.

@Steppered do you have a plan to deal with the family member at the weekend? Maybe a headache and early night might happen…. Alternative rewards is my specialist subject! I just threw out my old eye shadow pallet and got a new one. Or you could get a new book if you like reading? Or organise a day out? I recently drove to the coast for some sea air, I found it very therapeutic.

I also spend too much time chewing over past events. Now I put on some music or a podcast to try and distract myself. It’s a really hard habit to break.

Going to post this so I don’t lose it and then read the rest of the posts.

@TopDogs2019 well done on day 8, that first week is a killer. It may help if you keep a little note of some of the things you are noticing for the better, even if it not massive wins it might be motivational. Enjoying the taste of food/skin feeling softer/less headaches/more sleep/better mood/more money….! It’s easy to take them for granted a little further down the line.

@Steppered just saw your plan on a later post, sounds good! Maybe have a code word you can say to yourself every time this person annoys you. Like butterflies. Might give you a giggle. Better then repeating wanker under your breath 😆

@freshstart321 welcome, welcome! I would rush my children into bed on a Friday so I could open a bottle. I would get impatient if they dragged it out, speed through the book, going through the motions. Bedtime feels much more relaxed now. I’m not sure I would go so far as to say I enjoy it but it’s certainly a better routine for everyone. I start it earlier and don’t get annoyed or angry if they call me back in for one more cuddle. I’m wishing you all the best for the 100 day target. Just imagine how much different you’ll look and feel for that holiday. Such a motivation!

I just wanted to add that this time around I’ve spent some time looking at the things in my life that stress me out and trying to put them into groups of what I can do, what’s out of my control etc

I used to hide from the notifications on my phone… too many WhatsApp’s to keep up with, emails I haven’t responded to, Facebook notifications I was ignoring. It was really stressing me out.
I decided to try a new system. The busy WhatsApp groups I muted and I catch up at the end of the day and only respond to the ones I need to.
Personal messages I put some time aside to respond to and if I can’t respond I send a bit of a holding message like ‘have seen this, will let you know when I’ve had a chance to check abc’. That way I don’t feel guilty about not responding.
With the emails, I’m unsubscribing from everything that is essentially junk so I don’t miss the important ones. I check them twice a day and not more.
It is making such a difference to my stress levels. I really recommend taking some time to look at the pressure points in your day and think about ways to change the routine. What’s the saying? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing but expecting a different outcome?

Thank you for the welcome 😊 @AFmammaG I have done that exact thing with Whatsapp messages. The amount I'd receive sometimes from groups would drive me round the bend. They're muted now and I check them once in a while.

Day 2 is done! I have been absolutely shattered today (dozed off at lunchtime) after not sleeping brilliantly last night. I also have had (sorry if TMI) a bit of a dodgy stomach all day. Is that a common side effect to stopping? The next 4 days are going to be a challenge as my children will be with their dad for the weekend and I tend to drink more when they're not here, especially if it's the weekend.

I am trying to plan things to do to keep me busy and to treat myself a little which I hope will help. I've booked a hair appointment for Saturday morning (first one in over 6 months) and I plan on cutting a few inches off, and I'm thinking about going swimming first thing Friday morning (currently plucking up the courage as my self esteem is currently very low).

So much to catch up on! Really good to see so many posts.

@NCgoingdry i would echo the suggestion about honesty with the coach, there is a lot to be said for owning it (with the right person, obviously, we don’t need to share with everyone ). I fessed up to the doctor about my 50 odd units a week 3 months after I’d quit and the therapist she recommended was an addiction specialist. I was really surprised but sometimes outside eyes make things clearer to us, because we are just so good at kidding ourselves.

well done on the huge streak @happinesspersonified that’s wonderful! I too like to scare myself to death, and my health check showed just how much I had overall improved since stopping. Plus some of my older clothes are in reach again which is tremendously exciting to my sad sartorially impoverished big girl wardrobe.

@Steppered triggering people are just so, well triggering. But I wonder if you can try an experiment - think - I’ve got this and I see you, I know who you are. Whereas I have this delicious sobriety secret and you don’t know it. To give you some power to wield and keep you strong. Sorry it sounds totally weird and cheesy - the butterflies will get probably work better!
@AFmammaG it’s great to hear your DH has finally stopped offering and is being supportive. That’s excellent news.

I have been a very dedicated smoker apart from four years when I had quit but then I just turned into a very dedicated vaper. There was nowhere, and I mean nowhere, I wouldn’t vape. So I am not convinced I will transition as well as you did but at the moment I am just happy not to be smoking. ODAAT.

@Pippa246 I've seen your posts on the other thread as well and I really admire your gumption and honesty - it’s inspiring to read as well.

@Steppered Sounds like a solid plan. We have no socialising to do this weekend so I need to get out in the sunshine as much as possible and move my body. I wish I could get into yoga but I can't even touch my toes!!

Welcome @freshstart321 - I'm new too and everyone has been wonderful. Looking forward to joining you on the journey.

@AFmammaG Yeah I think now because my diet has been so restricted I find my mind is more leaning towards craving food, not wine. I've lost 2lbs since the beginning of the week but I know that's purely water weight from not being a drunk. My rings are moving on my fingers.

Quite hideous really when you think about it. What it does to your body inside.

I feel like I've got so much more TIME now. Just need to figure out how to squeeze exercise into that.

@TimesaChangeling I need to be a little braver before I tell her I think. Maybe once I have a weekend under my belt. Did you see the addiction specialist? Did it help?

I'm panicking about an event that I'm going to in June already.

Day 5.

Well done everyone IWDWYT.

Morning... peeking my head in from the monthly threads and see lots of familiar faces 😉

Still going strong. Not sure on the days as I've stopped counting but I started on a 100 day challenge to myself and haven't yet drunk this year (if you don't count the gin I poured away at 630am on New Year's Day 🙄)

Lovely to hear so many of you doing so well, and for those just starting definitely try to find your trigger point.

@VanLife33 I always enjoyed a drink before eating, and found that eating earlier really helped at the beginning.

No weight lost, but also no going up and down after binging on the weekend. Just stable in general.

Out dancing for the first time tomorrow night sober - not really looking forward to it, but tickets have been booked for months. I cancelled my hotel room and am now driving, so have promised myself I'll leave when I want.

I have barely seen my best friend all year - just once. She's going through a hard time but every time we go to meet up she asks me if I'm still not drinking - when I reply yes, plans don't seem to materialise. That makes me sad.

Onwards....

Good morning, @Thelittlestranger

Great to read your post, and all the positives.

I'm sorry that your friend is associating company with alcohol at the moment. I know she's not alone in that - previously I would have considered a night out, one to one, as difficult if my friend wasn't drinking.

I would have suggested coffee or pizza though, instead, is that an option for you?

@NCgoingdry no I didn’t go in the end. It was mostly because, at the time, I was really sad and struggling with a few things, not just that. By the time I found time to think about the therapist I found the cloud had lifted and I’d moved on. I didn’t want to rock that boat!

I’d worry about June when you get to June. That way you feel about it might be completely different by then and there’s literally nothing that worrying about it now will help with.

I have a dinner tonight which is a one on one with a client and I am a bit nervous about turning up arms empty of “fun”. But then I remembered it was my thinking, not theirs and actually I am just going to explain I am in the middle of giving up smoking and drinking would totally derail it. 🤞

Thank you @NextPhaseOfLife I've suggested dog walks, lunches, coffee, popping over to hers... dropped over unexpectedly, left the ball in her court. I now feel almost stalker like and am backing off.

@TimesaChangeling I found my work 'drinks' have been surprisingly ok sober. I've not come home with any regrets, and have really enjoyed having slightly deeper conversations being sober has granted me. Apart from when I was sat next to an arsehole 😉 That was very tedious and would definitely have been more fun with a drink in my hand.

@Thelittlestranger quite right - that's plenty of alternatives. Her loss xx

Oh my gosh. Happy to see such a busy thread, although also sad to see so many of us in the same boat!

I will catch up soon but have just had the biggest test as I have been through a major health scare without caving to the wine witch. I am out the other side now and thankfully have the all clear. The fear I went through definitely reinforced me continuing to stay off the booze. And I was very pleased to be able to honestly answer ‘no’ when the doctor asked if I drank. Had a little secret proud moment.

Will try and catch up properly soon. Enjoy the sunshine without the booze everyone!

Well done @BoilingHotand50something that must have been terrifying and it is really really amazing to go through it without going to the wine. Really glad it is all clear.

Made it through dinner! Ironically the “I’ve given up booze” would not have been enough because he said he would have tried to talk me round but as soon as I said wine would = cigarettes he instantly understood and said he respected that. Weird but grateful!

I'm day 4, I've needed to stop this for a while, drink Thursday to Saturday and can easily drink 5-6 bottles of wine over the weekend. So glad I've found this for support

Day 41

Well done to you all

It is hellish at times

My god I love life booze free now 🙏❤️

Hi everyone, I’ve been following since the beginning of Feb and it really has helped. Day 100 for me. I never thought I’d be able to do it but once you get in your stride it really does get easier. Waking up with a clear head is worth millions. My anxiety has disappeared and I feel so much calmer . I bypassed nights out in the beginning to give myself a chance but now find it easy to meet up with friends and leave when I want and nobody gives a hoot if you say you’re having a soda. I’m going for the next 100… don’t give up if you feel a wobble and well done to everyone, there’s more of us than we think x

Day 1 here. Feeling scared - really want to do this but I’ve failed so many times.

Morning all, it’s lovely to see so many posts. I don’t have a great deal of time this morning so will post properly later. I just wanted to pop on and welcome @IncognitoUsername, you are in good company. Friday nights are particularly tough for me. I’ve been trying to fill them with things that don’t tempt me. Are you able to listen to a sober podcast during the really hard hour? Or go out for a walk? I did a lot of cleaning that first week..l couldn’t sit still. Anything to avoid thinking and feeling about it!

I’m on day 40. Approaching the longest dry streak I had last year, which was 44 days. If I can get through this weekend I’ll feel safe for another week. Unfortunately there will be a lot of temptation but I really hope I have learnt enough coping mechanisms to stay strong. I’ve stopped thinking about the reasons why I don’t want to drink and have switched to thinking about all the reasons keeping me dry. The sleep, my mood, that feeling of self respect is creeping back. I can’t lose that!!

Did everyone here just stop drinking? I’m worried about side effects. Tried to contact GP but no joy yet. Advice online is conflicting. Do I just stop and keep an eye out for symptoms? Have DH with me so I’m not on my own.

@IncognitoUsername No, there are some older posters who did a detox. I won’t @ her but there was a poster who went to the GP, was referred to a stop drinking alcohol service. They prescribed medication. She did have the offer of in-house detox but I think she had time off work and did it at home. The also tapered down her drinking slowly and in a controlled way to help with the withdrawal.

I wasn’t an every day drinker so I didn’t need to do this. Do you mind sharing how much you are drinking? It may be worth looking for another service if GP appointment is taking ages 💐

Am drinking every day. Gin mainly. Still going to work etc but it just needs to stop. Tried tapering before but I always slip back. Need to stop completely. Have been in touch with alcohol services locally.

@TimesaChangeling You're right I need to think about June when it gets here as I'm still very much one day at a time.

@Thelittlestranger It is definitely her loss. Plenty to do that doesn't involve drinking. Now I'm just trying to figure out how to fill my time without it!!

@BoilingHotand50something WELL DONE for not going back to the old coping mechanism. It's so hard. I hope you're well.

@greenose I'm in your shoes too. Would suffer all week "sober" then go nuts from Thursday because "I deserve it." Apart from it crept up to weds (ah midweek almost the weekend) and Mon/Tues because I never stopped from the weekend.

@Housebythesea1 100 days is astonishing. So pleased for you. Can't wait to get there.

@AFmammaG Heading to 40 days seems impossible to me right now so you've done amazing!!! I'm fully in the "clean everything" mode so I'm distracted still.

@IncognitoUsername You can do this.

Day 6 - longest break I've had in a long time. Feeling very tired and very thirsty. Guess this is the "body is healing" part. A bit groggy - but mentally 10x already and my anxiety is shifting off. Slept like an actual baby last night.