Day 1 or 1000 all welcome on the tulips and snowdrops thread 🌷

[AFmammaG]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4930949-tulips-snowdrops-and-another-day-1?page=40&reply=134961706

Ladies I’m making this new thread as we’ve gone up to 993 posts on the other thread and I need to link it before we fill up!

Will post a proper into later.

Ah the emerging in the morning feeling amazing when you know full well lots of others are suffering is just the best kind of schadenfreude!

I was up v early Sat for a weekend away and often I would have been feeling rough as a dog having pre-celebrated the night away. But this time I was just tired and still perfectly compos mentis so feeling v happy about that. Although my middle aged bones are still jet lagged from the early start!

@TeeNoG surviving a wedding AF is hardcore! Well done! The biggest thing I have noticed generally is being more present for the kids and less short tempered with them.

@TeeNoG 👏it’s so lovely to hear about how the wedding went and thanks so much for the reminder that a sober evening doesn’t equal a boring evening. I would have felt an air of smugness the next day 😆 but seriously, hearing about your son having a good experience and you being clear headed enough to appreciate it is really wonderful.

@TimesaChangeling just had to google schadenfreude… I love the meaning. I think I maybe ‘enjoy’ other people’s misery a little too much 😬

Day 36 here. I listened to a podcast about digging into the reason why we drink. It was really thought provoking. Someone was saying about how they felt trapped having children and drinking was their escape. Another was talking about being a single parent and a drink in the evening was their reward for getting through the day.
The message I took away was how the ‘reason’ changes as we go through different periods of our lives but the effects are the same. The feelings are the same. The reason is really an excuse we use to keep drinking.
It was really interesting. I’ve spoken on the previous thread about how my DD has a long term health condition but that wasn’t why I drank too much because I drank before she came along. I’ve always had a reason. Always been able to justify it. Never really been strong enough to say no more. The fear of losing that coping mechanism was too scary. Having to deal with my emotions and circumstances too daunting without that crutch.

I feel exactly the same @AFmammaG
I remember my first taste of alcohol age 13 and feeling like I had discovered this magic potion. I stopped caring whether I fitted in, what people thought, it switched off that inner critic and I had no off switch even then. I've been chasing it since then, til I realised that the uncomfortable feelings aren't going away. I'm just kicking them down the road and they are in fact getting worse. I didn't have an easy childhood at all and really, it's only since having my own kids that the feelings have intensified and my drinking has ramped up. Trauma and addiction are very closely linked - see books by Gabor Mate and Sober Powered podcast, our brains are actually wired differently.

Day 9. I was feeling really proud of myself yesterday for hitting several sober firsts: first BBQ sober, first sunny day sober for a long time; first bank holiday sober; first mini-break sober; first beach bar sober! I went away for the weekend and everyone else was drinking and I didn't. Kind of a big deal for me but I was fine and had a really nice time. Minor temptation but it wasn't too bad at all. Then I've looked at the forecast this week and am definitely having a tantrum to myself about drinking and sunshine ................... what is it about drinking and sunshine?! So ... think it might be a tricky week but I've got some nice soft drinks lined up. Every AF day this week for me is a big win. Wishing you all the best this week.

Hey mind if I join?

I've been toying with AF for a while. Would do a week sober and then the weekend arrives and because I've "been good all week" I go overboard.

I was drinking daily. A bottle of wine and few whiskies probably. Just got out of hand.

Anyway I went dry for a week then had a mini break and got tanked three days straight.

The anxiety the last few days has been horrific. I genuinely thought at points that something was so wrong that I was dying. But it was just purely anxiety.

All this drinking, compounded during lockdown, I've gained two stone. I've felt low-level rough most days since 2021.

So I've paid for a health coach for 10 weeks who's going to help me get back to my normal weight and this is the time for me to kick it off the radar entirely.

My DH drinks probably twice a year. He will be a good support. We had a brief heart to heart when I basically cried (whilst drunk) and said that I don't have an off switch. I drink to get drunk - and then keep going. It's embarrassing. My kids deserve more. My husband deserves more. My business deserves more.

So, day 3 over here.

Events and weekends will be huge triggers. Looking forward to seeing everyone's journey.

@NCgoingdry welcome! The anxiety and lack of off switch is familiar to most of us so you are in good company. You sound very determined and you have a plan and someone to hold you accountable so it is all sounding very positive! You have got this!

Welcome @NCgoingdry
You're in great company here. We all "get" each other and there's no judgement.
I've been in the same place as you in trying to moderate: just turn into a mega binge drinker at the weekend. It's a tough spot isn't it. And yes, the hangxiety can bring you to your knees.

Are you planning on speaking with the health coach about alcohol?

I find podcasts really helpful, there are tons out there, just find one that you gel with. It's nice to not feel alone.

How are you going @Bringonthesunforthewashing ?

Hi there @NCgoingdry 💕

@Steppered there are so many similarities here. I also started drinking young, had a confusing and mostly unhappy childhood and enjoyed the person alcohol helped me to become. It’s one of the reasons I’ve found taking a break so difficult. I enjoy drinking. I want to get drunk.
@NCgoingdry drinking to get drunk is what I’ve spent my life doing I’d recommend series 2 of “fucking sober - the first 90 days”. In the first episode she talks to her husband about needing help while in the grips of an awful hangover. It’s creates quite a picture of her throwing up at 4am on the bathroom floor and thinking enough!
That’s why I joined the original thread. I was just so tired of feeling ill. So tired of loosing my precious weekends to a hangover. So tired of trying to hide how much I was drinking. And I was tired of thinking about the next drink. Sad really. I’ve had fairly long breaks since and I’ve felt so much better for them. I still can’t say I’ll never drink again because I’m not ready for that statement. I’m very much still in the One Day At A Time (ODAAT) space.
Day 37 for me and I’m enjoying feeling more emotionally balanced. Feeling in control and more confident at work. Having more patience with my children. Laughing more. There’s only positives.

@AFmammaG

I loved reading your last post. Patience with your children. Laughing more.

Living life. Lovely to read.

I've found myself humming more 😀

Hi @NCgoingdry welcome! I empathise with the awful anxiety. At one point I felt this overwhelming sense of dread just pop up in the middle of the day out of nowhere. It was horrendous. It’s mostly gone now, with the aid of some magnesium top ups and I have gone back to taking Kalms at night as well. I still wake up in a rage of cortisol inspired angst occasionally but at least it’s not daily any more. So much better!

I am also a week into having stopped the ciggies as well.

Hmm, maybe that explains the intermittent rage. Vaping like a trooper tho, bad but not as bad. I hope. My average heart rate has dropped down by another 3 beats per minute. I shall be horizontally zen soon!

@TimesaChangeling well done on stopping smoking! I also stopped around February and switched to vaping. If it helps I also vaped like a trooper at the start but hardly at all now. I had a particularly heavy evening and the next morning when I woke up I could feel the menthol vapour kind of dripping down the back of my throat that helped me reduce it down and now I vape a little in the evening if I feel like it. It’s so lovely not having to hide cigarettes from the kids, or wonder if my clothes smell or worse of all be afraid the kids might catch me.

@NextPhaseOfLife thank you for your post. I am happier. I was introduced to someone at the weekend and we had a chat about a mutual hobby. When looking back on the conversation I was surprised about how natural the conversation flowed and at times I was …. dare I even think it … funny (without any alcohol). I just feel like this confidence in myself is returning. I’m rediscovering who I am. Allowing myself to be me. It’s actually quite a nice feeling.

@Pippa246 & @mumsy2015 my new joiners from page 1, how are you after the bank holiday weekend? @Bringonthesunforthewashing hope you are ok 💐

Thank you all so much for the warm welcome. It's really lovely not to be judged. @BoilingHotand50something it's great to know that I'm not unique in my challenges - as much as I wouldn't wish them on someone else.

Day 4. Feeling quite shit if I'm honest.

Umm no @Steppered I haven't detailed my struggles with alcohol with my coach with the honesty that I should have. I did say that I consume a lot of wine and give myself justification to do so - good day/bad day/long day etc. The fact it was so expensive I hope keeps me on track.

Oh @AFmammaG I just listened to the first episode of season 2 of fucking sober and I could have cried. It's so much like my own situation. Looking forward to seeing what happens next.

@TimesaChangeling well done on jacking in cigarettes too!!! That's so hard.

Honestly thank you all. How is everyone doing?

@AFmammaG doing well thanks. Had a tricky Monday/day 5 owing to a falling out with DH and I felt verrrryyy tempted to hit the fuck it button but I had an ice cream and a Tripp drink instead. Craving passed and I hope I am creating new connections in my brain that I don’t have to give in to cravings.

Trigger alert - next bit mentions cancer so some of you may want to stop reading.

I had a dream last night that I had pancreatic cancer and the nurse asked me how I thought I’d got it and I replied “drinking too much” and the nurse said “well you weren’t drinking too much but you were getting close to it”.

I know I am drinking too much so I am interpreting this dream as my body telling me it’s not too late - get out now and you’ll be ok.

Day 7 today and feeling good. Hope everyone else is well - we can do this. IWDWYT 💪❤️

@NCgoingdry - sorry to hear you are feeling shit. Is there any particular reason why that you’d want to share? I consider myself one of the worst offenders on here (falling asleep in a ditch drunk) so if it’s drinking behaviour related, I can probably empathise. Happy to listen irrespective of what it is 💐

Morning everyone, just wanted to say well done to you all, cutting down, not drinking at all, not smoking, it’s all hard isn’t it? 283 days since I last had a drink, feels like I’m talking about somebody else! I also know I will never drink again, not a sentence I believed I knew how to say and mean it. It’s the best thing ever, keep going and reminding yourselves that you can do it and you are doing it, no matter how far in you are, happy Wednesday x

The vivid dreams can be very unsettling sometimes can't they @Pippa246 , it almost feels like the brain is trying to dump out a lot of stuff. Last time I took a break from booze, I started to get drinking dreams after a few weeks and they felt so realistic. It's all very normal, but certainly unsettling.

@NCgoingdry nice to hear from you. Well done on your Day 4. We all have our challenges and reasons for being here and there is certainly no judgement from anyone. Just understanding and support. We all get it. As you've spent so much money on your Coach, do you feel you could be more honest with them? It's your money and you might as well get the most out of it, they might be able to tailor it for you to make sure you're getting the right nutrients and not overloading yourself mentally? No need to be ashamed, expect they see it all the time and appreciate genuinely being able to know you and help you?

Day 11. I slept terribly last night, a neighbour's car alarm woke me up at 2am and I couldn't get back to sleep. I was also having weird dreams and just felt quite anxious? It was tough getting up this morning and I handled the school run pretty badly with my stubborn child. I am also a bit anxious about the weekend. A member of my husband's family is coming over on Friday evening and I find them quite hard work .... they were very rude and hurtful towards us last year and I'm not finding it altogether easy to move on. I also worry that my husband will be drinking with them. and I will feel excluded (a massive trigger for me). We are also hosting a BBQ on Saturday. And this warm weather is quite a trigger for me (and so many of us).

I'm pretty sure I will get through it all but I might be a very miserable bastard about it...

I need to find alternative rewards (and see alcohol for what it is, poison, not a reward). So I'll have a think. (Any ideas welcome apart from baths, I hate baths!)
I also need to try and live in the present a lot more rather than harking back to the past and staring into the future with my worries. I do try but it is NOT easy.

How is everyone else doing?

@Pippa246 Well done on day 7. Over here on day 4 that still feels like forever away.

Your dreams tick a box for me really because I'm utterly convinced the level to my drinking is what would finish me in the end. That, or risky behaviour.

I still have a slight lingering of shame which I'm trying to keep in a box in terms of how out of control it has been this year (falling over, not being able to put the kids to bed, being a general belligerent fool).

I think physically though, because of this coach and lack of alcohol/sugar I'm not just missing wine I'm also missing stuffing my face. Slight headache, not slept well, low level anxiety. Insane thirst despite necking pints of water. But nothing drastic.

I'm sure pushing through the weekend will absolutely help. And this thread too!

@happinesspersonified 283 days is unbelievable! Well done. How did you feel in the early weeks?

@Steppered Sounds like you have a challenging weekend ahead - do you have a plan in place to manage? Although I think just accepting that you'll feel miserable is ok.

Day 8, and even as I write it, I can't believe it. I think I was born without the willpower gene, and have never stuck to anything. I don't think I've gone so long without a drink since I was pregnant, and my DS is 24! 😳 This thread is definitely helping, bits of everyone's experiences resonate with my own story. Good luck today everyone. ❤️

Thank you! To be honest I had convinced myself that I was going to die of cirrhosis. I had finally allowed myself to read everything that I could find about the damage alcohol can do, and was petrified. After all the years of drinking (a lot) I didn’t even allow myself to think about the bad stuff, never mind actively look for it, so in the early weeks (and for quite some time) I was too busy being scared and that was what kept me going. I do drink non alcoholic stuff and to be honest, that’s all I need. People say why do you bother with that stuff but I still like the taste of a glass of beer or wine so I have it. Anti depressants are gone, anxiety that I thought was menopause related is gone. Horrendous sleep (little or none) that I also blamed on the menopause is gone. I miss absolutely nothing, gutted that I waited until I was 50 though.

I'd pay privately to get annual check-ups/bloods done and in some sort of sick way, almost hoped that there was something slightly abnormal with them - not enough to be deadly but enough to make me kick the drink once and for all. They were always fine. I felt I needed that fear, that scare to make me banish this easily. I know there's been a few ladies on this thread who have had their health impacted by alcohol and their stories are certainly impactful & made me feel terribly bad for wishing ill-health to myself. The brain does some weird things under the influence of the wine witch.

Vague plan for the weekend... @NCgoingdry . I plan to sit in the sun and read and relax with soft drinks as much as possible. Friday evening I need to drive. Saturday I will want something to reward me, so might get a takeaway or do a long yoga session once my hosting duties and clean-up is done.

Well done @happinesspersonified on your long stint and @TopDogs2019 for your new streak. We can't do this on willpower alone, we have to truly want to change ourselves and the way we view alcohol. (It's not come overnight for me but I chip away, live and learn) x