Day 1 or 1000 all welcome on the tulips and snowdrops thread 🌷

[AFmammaG]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4930949-tulips-snowdrops-and-another-day-1?page=40&reply=134961706

Ladies I’m making this new thread as we’ve gone up to 993 posts on the other thread and I need to link it before we fill up!

Will post a proper into later.

Sorry to get all "deep" on the thread 😂

But also yesterday after the day with my parents - when we drove home I was awake and sober and could hold a normal conversation.

Usually I am very very drunk but covering it up well but being slightly annoying. Paranoid at my racing heart feeling shit because once again I drank too much.

But this time I was looking at the trees thinking I was in a Bob Ross painting, and it was beautiful, and it was early evening so still daylight and the kids were singing songs and I just thought I was really grateful for this moment. Is that gratitude? I don't know but it was so nice to wake up and not feel ashamed like I usually do on a Monday.

Ithat's lovely, @NCgoingdry

I've had some moments like that myself - walking the dog in the forest and actually looking at the trees. Planting in the garden and actually recognising how nice it is.

I don't know if it's gratitude, but it's certainly awareness and living in the moment. Not just something to be go through until the relaxing part of the day can start (ie - the wine part).

Lovely that you're aware of it. I guess these are the things people tell us you get when you swap them from drink 💕

Sorry, I'm days behind on the thread as it's been a busy few days...... well done guys, there are tons of wins here, open and honest conversations, and new joiners - welcome - you're in the best company!

Day 16 here and I feel great. Sleeping well, smashed some workouts the last few days, had a great weekend in the sunshine and generally feeling positive about the week ahead. I did have a moment of "oh I would definitely be drinking normally" in the garden but I thought .... no, it's a nice day, we're having a BBQ, family are happy, I'm happy and I enjoyed my iced coffee. Didn't miss the alcohol at all. I would have started early, boozed my way through at least a bottle, closer to 2, and what? Definitely felt rubbish today, bloated, would have eaten badly, slept terribly, felt guilty on the school run and spent the day in hangxiety. Not missing that!!

I must say, having 2 breaks from alcohol last year, in a way makes it easier to fall back into the rhythm of it? I know I can do it and I'm totally fine without it. I am better at knowing my triggers, and to keep myself hydrated, and what soft drinks I like. So any break from alcohol is always helpful. For me, it's always the moderation trap that sneaks back in and I have to be so careful of that but right now I'm taking it one day at a time. Not going to worry about events, holidays, whatever, til they are here.

Have a great week everyone x

I drank. Saturday I had this event and I knew it was risky going but there was no way I could cancel (although I could have gone and been dry). I drank and now I feel massively conflicted. Like I’m this awful hypocrite, cheering everyone on and sharing tips and then boom, it’s like nothing’s changed for me. I guess that conflicted feeling is because I do feel like I’ve changed a lot. I’m made so much progress. I’m in a bit of internal pain because I guess I don’t know what I want.
Do I want complete sobriety? Is that even a realistic goal for me? Or would I be happy with drinking alcohol once every now and again. To some extent yes, if I could stick with that but we all know the story about it creeping back and being at the starting line more times than we care to recall.
Plus there are all the awful things that accompany drinking too much. Not being about to remember everything 👋 the awful sleep 👋 the anxiety of what I did or didn’t do 👋 what I expose my children to 👋 wasting the entire next day trying to recover 👋 behaving in ways you wouldn’t if you were sober 👋 the self loathing 👋 this was my Sunday.
Having had a chance to reflect I know my original motivation for stopping is still there. That hasn’t changed. In all honesty if I drink once every 40 days that will be a huge improvement. So I know all is not lost. I cannot go back to drinking a bottle of wine at home on the sofa in the evenings. I just can’t. I don’t want to be that person. I’d rather be this one. So that’s my choice. I choose to continue trying my best not to drink. I’m on day 2. If I make it to another 40 that will look like a win to me.

Ah well @AFmammaG my message above was well-timed then! ANY break from alcohol is a win. You've had a great run again.

And if you're a hypocrite then so am I. I post tons of advice and thoughts .... I was in blackout just over 2 weeks ago after a big night out. I am not a saint. I've realised 4 years ago that my drinking wasn't .... like other peoples. I seemed to drink more, blackout every year, try and stop and then "fail" frequently. I started my journey 4 years ago and I am still here, trying to learn. But I'd rather get my advice and learnings from someone who has been there, is there, understands completely - than some judgey fucker who never used alcohol to cope and doesn't understand that some of us are simply more prone to it and there's nothing wrong with us.

The whole SOBER ... FOREVER thing is big. It's massive. Most of us, deep down, find it very hard to get past that wish to just be a "normal drinker". Will we ever be a normal drinker? Well dammit, we will try! And everyone around us will encourage us to, which makes it even harder.

This is a marathon, not a sprint. For me, anyway. You've drank 1 day in 40? Then you're 1/42? You don't need to wipe out all the progress you have made. Make your next plan, you'll be grand, and stop beating yourself up please x

@AFmammaG, @Steppered has put it so well. You drank, you stopped. You haven't spiralled into a bender. That's surely great progress,

Alcohol reduction/removal is rarely once and done.

Thank you for posting. It's important for everyone to be honest and transparent (as much as they're comfortable with).

Thank you @Steppered & @NextPhaseOfLife. I certainly am not a judgey fucker 😆 I’m here in the trenches with you.
I do feel sometimes like I’m 2 steps forwards 3 steps back. It’s depressing and draining but you are right in that I haven’t pressed the fuck it button, I’m straight back to focusing on good choices. I have no intention of drinking again today, tomorrow or this weekend.

What they all said👆🏼

The only reason I haven't had a drink is because I know it will make it easier to have another one another time. I'm still convincing myself with all the good things about not drinking, and yet I still can't commit to not drinking ever.

Being honest with yourself is the only way to succeed at whatever your goal is...

Onwards.

There is no hypocrisy at all, we are all just doing our best and that’s as much as anyone can ask. I was literally within a whisker of drinking on Saturday too and I assure you it wasn’t the notion of failing at sobriety that stopped me! I was just lucky enough to have something else spurring me on this time.

This thread is for honesty (as the little stranger says) and sharing, not modelling some notion of perfection that we would all be failing to achieve anyway!

@AFmammaG , I agree with what everyone else has said, you're no hypocrite! You're an excellent OP, who shows support to everyone. If someone else posted what you had, what would tell them? I think you'd say don't worry, all is not lost, we are here with you whilst you try again. And the same applies to you.

Meanwhile over here I am on day 139. I'm very pleased with that as it's been a very hard past week with redundancy news coming my way. Luckily for me, for whatever reason, I haven't felt like solving it all with a drink, though I have been feeling a bit low so will need to remain vigilant.

So comforting to hear other people’s experiences.

Day 37 for me after years of convincing myself that my 1 bottle of wine a night habit has not been having multiple negative consequences on my life!

I know I am so much better without it. A better wife, mother, more energy and generally a lot happier but it doesn’t stop the daily thoughts creeping in as I sit down in the evenings for ‘me time’. I’ve taken up reading again, hot baths and am starting to exercise again.

Wishing everyone well on their journeys x

It's a strange one isn't it @AFmammaG? I drank too over the weekend. Do you mind me asking how you felt drinking again? I didn't have any reason to drink, no occasion etc, but it built up like an itch, so I drank. But it didn't feel the same. I was expecting great feelings of regret on Sunday as well, but no. I'm back on my sober journey, but not counting days anymore, just enjoying the healthier feeling. My realisation is that if I want to, I can stop, which still amazes me, because I thought this nemesis was with me for life, but it doesn't control us anymore.

@TopDogs2019 for me it was same old story. Enjoying myself and trying desperately to moderate, until it wasn’t fun anymore. I can’t remember the last couple of hours of the evening. I didn’t sleep at all on Saturday night and I woke up Sunday feeling awful. Scared I was going to be sick. Headache. Anxiety. I feel regretful. Shame that I can’t remember, worried about what I did or said.
This isn’t actually a bad thing because it made me feel like I wanted to jump straight back into sobriety. It was a stark reminder of all the reasons why I wanted to stop in the first place.

Ah love, thats hard. Don't beat yourself up, Rome wasn't built in a day. Last weekend is gone, and here we are, ready to start again. When you say midway through the evening, you thought of moderating? Do you see that as a positive? I do. Because we're thinking about our drinking. I tipped my last glass away, and that was a little win for me. We always knew this was going to be hard.

@TopDogs2019 yes I did and actually went to bed early rather than open another bottle. It’s too soon to feel like that’s progress. Progress would have been having a few drinks socially with my friends, enjoying the evening and atmosphere and then having dinner at home and stopping. Instead I ate nothing in the evening and went to the pub without my friends to drink more.

@AFmammaG I applaud your honesty!!!!

You're not a fraud - you're trying like the rest of us and here I am harping on about appreciating nature but I know as some point soon I'll drink again. And guess what, that's ok. Because you can't take my 10 day streak of not drinking away from me.

It's not linear and we are all here trying to figure it out. I can only dream of having 30+ days under my belt!

Thank you all for your kind words, they do mean a lot. And @NCgoingdry I like the statement, you can’t take my 10 days away from me. It was definitely a bump in the road rather than a major detour.

Plus I have learnt that I am really not ready to be meeting up with friends for lunch when I know that will be a pretty boozy affair. Back to early morning coffee!

@TeeNoG sorry for your news, be super kind and gentle with yourself this week.

How are you feeling now @AFmammaG ?

Anyone heard from Peppa Pig Fan Club? Sending you big squeezes love if you're lurking.

Day 17 here I think. I didn't even think about drinking last night. Gosh it makes the evenings so much more peaceful. There's a boozy work event coming up tomorrow but I'm not fussed at all, I've got a drive on the other end of my train. (I have to say, the amount of boozy events in my job is madness.)

@Steppered thank you for asking. Physically I am fine. I had some disturbing news yesterday and as a result I didn’t sleep and have been churning it round in my head all day. I think the urge to drink is strong because of Saturday. I think if I was on day 44 then I would be able to cope better.

That said I won’t drink tonight and I will have to try and deal with it in other ways.

I haven’t heard from the Peppa Pig fan club. I don’t seem to be able to tag people who haven’t posted, which is a shame. I’d also like an update from smegley, who I think about a lot.

11 days. Jesus. Haven't had a break this long in a LONG time. Can't act like the weekend wasn't hard and things have ramped up at work which usually I would get in and open the wine "because I deserve it after a hard day".

I must say I am finding myself far more productive. Shit like the ironing is done, lunches are made for the next day.

It's still strange waking up, even mid-week, without that hum of regret for sinking the whole bottle and then an extra one the night before.

Had a chat with my coach, not full details but said you know I "reward" myself and she said - you're not a puppy. Don't reward yourself with shit you put in your mouth. Which did make me laugh.

My mind is wandering ahead to certain events I have coming up and how I'm going to cope but I keep just putting it to one side. I'm very much one day at a time right now.

In other news - with this ridiculously strict diet with the coach and total lack of alcohol - I lost 7lbs in a week. I'm taking weekly progress photos and honestly the hideous bloat (you know the kind that's high up so your stomach is like a barrel) has gone - that was purely made up of wine, beer and whiskey. I looked like a puffy version of a half decent woman.

Anyone else just wishing that they could suddenly fast forward and be 100 days sober? It's really uncomfortable being in this space where you're doing well but it's like probation.

Anyway enough of me - what's the peppa pig fan club??

@TeeNoG so sorry to hear that - how stressful. When will you know more?

@Gratitude24 Well done on your sober streak, that's a great achievement. And for checking in when it gets rough.

How is everyone doing?

you're not a puppy. Don't reward yourself with shit you put in your mouth
😆 that quote was a joy to wake up to @NCgoingdry!

Well done for the 7lbs lost, that must feel great. Yes I absolutely do wish I could fast forward to 100 days but I would say this. Having 40 days underneath my belt when I drank has meant that I don’t feel like I’ve gone back to day 1 in a physical or mental sense. This week is nothing like my first 7 days. In fact, I’m almost back to the new normal. A good nights sleep, skin is clearing and the anxiety has dissipated.

I need to work on dealing with stress differently (had a bit of a food binge last night) but Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Oh, the original OP on the day 1 thread back in August had the user name The Peppa Pig Fan Club. From memory she managed around 50 days but slowly it crept back up and she wasn’t in a position to continue the thread. She still checks in with us on occasion. We are all rooting for her to succeed 🤞

Great work with not drinking last night, @AFmammaG

Any kind of bad news / good news would have sent me to the wine in the past - great that you didn't.

Can I join please? I'm day 5 af, but tbh that's not really unusual for me as I usually go for a few days but then when I go I go hard. I can cope on the usual week day nights okay, but how do you all cope with summer evenings (especially with a partner that drinks)? Sounds awful but I can't imagine those evenings being as fun with no alcohol, although I know the first glass is always the best and I end up drinking way too much and feeling moody, shit and tired. I can never just have one or two. But I still just can't imagine going on holiday and having no booze, or a night out, or going to a pub beer garden and having no alcohol. Maybe as a one off I can imagine it but for the rest of my life just seems impossible :(

But I know I have to stop. I don't want to drink anymore because I cannot moderate. Over the years I've tricked myself because I've been able to stop at a few beers and had a great night, and then a few days later I've got sloshed. I just can't trust myself to moderate and I'm sick of my life revolving around drinking.

I can't even go for a nice walk without wanting to get back for a well deserved glass of wine, even things like wrapping Christmas presents and decorating the bloody tree is done wine in hand. When I look back everything I do has revolved around alcohol :(

How do you build a new life with new habits and hobbies when this is all I've known since I was a late teenager really?

Just having a catch up. @AFmammaG well done for getting back afterwards, that is the hardest thing and you’ve proved it can be done. Whether we’re day 1 or 75 it is still one day at a time. @Shiningout welcome to the healthier liver club, it really does get easier, try not to think too far forward. Well done everyone