Hello all, good morning.
@NextPhaseOfLife you're not boring! Everyone has a bit of a slump sometimes. I think we just notice it more when we are sober. Things will pick up again. I found that it was a sort of grieving process at times. It feels like a sort of 'bereavement' sometimes. We are mourning the loss of the "fun times" and "harmless" experiences our minds tell us were associated with drink, sorrow that we might not have those "good" times again, sadness that we were betrayed by something we thought we loved and apprehension at what facing the future without it might be. I think it's right to feel down, to acknowledge that loss, and to grieve. A something akin to crying at the funeral of an aunt who was nice to us when we were 10, then realising - looking back - that she was really a bit of a sh-t. But it's OK to grieve and feel sad. Hope you have many happier times to come. 💐
@BigFatSoberLife I feel a bit like that today too. Hayfever is off the scale at the moment. Even the dog is sneezing. He ate something iffy yesterday - last night he could have snuffed out two candles at the same time - one at each end. 💨Didn't dare light a match though - the whole street would've gone up.
@EastCoastDamsel Top stuff on day 20, that's brilliant. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to stress about your health. You're doing the best you can now, today, and can't change the past. You're making positive changes and that will filter into everything else. I have to have an annual 'MOT' health-wise for various things, which can include my former level of alcohol intake. I dread it every year, but it has always been OK. Doesn't stop me getting in a stew about it though. It will be alright. The body, and the liver, is usually pretty resilient. After a period of serious alcohol abuse, it generally takes 6 to 8 weeks for the body's CDT levels* to return to normal. You're already halfway there!
That's a long time to have your mum with you. Have you got contingency plans in case things get difficult? I have severe challenges from my own upbringing - a major factor in my drinking roots - I have to mentally prepare and strategize for any and every "incoming". I have had therapy for this over the years, which has helped enormously in understanding that it is not my fault, there's nothing wrong or embarrassing about me, and there's nothing I can say or do that will change her or her attitude. All that I do have ownership and capital in is how I react/respond to it.
Somewhat interestingly, and it may just be my fevered imagination, the dog seems to have picked up on what's going on. Several times now, he has committed entirely out-of-character acts of petty vandalism in my DM's house, which he has NEVER perpetrated elsewhere, quietly and without fanfare. The worst one involved me having to buy her a new set of pyjamas. Utterly bizarre, nothing before or since and, believe me, there are gussets-aplenty on offer in our own house - never regarded. It's only occurred to me recently that these subtle acts of sabotage have happened after harsh and unkind things were said/done to me (it's been such a constant feature of my life that I barely notice all of them now, though they still pierce deep). I do believe that the dog has clocked what's wrong and doesn't like it, and thus meted out his silent justice. Probably fanciful, but at the same time, too marked to be nothing. DM has taken to tying her bedroom door shut with a dressing-gown cord so that he can't get in. I thought I detected a gleam of triumph in his eye when he spotted that. Yet he still sits beside her in her chair and accepts cuddles. A silent assassin, hehe. 😈 It's good to have an ally, who "gets it" without openly saying anything. I get it, @EastCoastDamsel. I expect a few more of us here do too - difficult parental relationships and mediocre childhoods seem to be a common theme among those of us who have sought pleasure and relief in unwise substances. ❤️
*Sciencey bit: (Carbohydrate Deficient Transferrin - the % of transferrin in the bloodstream that is carbohydrate deficient. Transferrin is a protein largely made in the liver that regulates the absorption of iron into the blood, and transports iron to the parts of the body that need it.
Alcohol consumption can significantly impact the levels of CDT in the body, tests for it show if a person is still drinking to excess regularly. It's what the DVLA test for when deciding to reinstate a revoked or disqualified driver's licence. I have never been disqualified from driving, but I do know about this from my engagement with support services in former years).
Cricket tomorrow. The dog was livid last week when it was rained-off. There is a crease in play - but thankfully no gussets.
Strength and love to all. Keep going - you can do it. x