On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat *2024*

[Swannyb]

@amdone123 @mj20 @touty @Hohofortherobbers @Coppergate7 @bigbus @colouringindoors @wellitywellness @Atacamadesert @Freezingfeetwarmheart @WouldRatherBeAPieceOftToast @Hohofortherobbers @mickandrorty @Mykittensmittens @afaloren @NoTeaNoShade @CrackersCheeseNoWinePlease @LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 @Nowstrong @enoughisenough4

I have found a sparkling water I am in love with. I’m trying to save it for only a few days a week - at a time when I’d want alcohol (to relax or socialise). I also try and make it into a bit of a thing - wine glass, ice cubes, drink it slowly et

Morning everyone!!!
ah @Swannyb thanks for the reply, lovely to be back in comms with you too and wow congratulations at the great success your having! It’s inspirational! And a reminder I can indeed get back on track!

so I’m Currently day 2 A/f and going to continue this way! As @ToleadaBetterlife says I’m very all or nothing so reading your posts resonated with me! Thanks for sharing!
also @Amdone123 sounds like a positive weekend your end. Reading @Bigbus and @Touty chat made me feel I’m in a similar place… a bit of a reevaluation and I guess processing such thoughts is easier with a clear head!

So I’m feeling good to go and ready to have a good, alchol free week!!!!! Xx good luck all, whether you’re abstaining or moderating.

@Swannyb oohh what is it ? I love sparkling water, I just have the plain one though.

Good job on the moderating @Amdone123 that's impressive.

@Swannyb thanks for the welcome. It's working for me at the moment, where moderation attempts haven't so I definitely think there's something in that.

@Mj20 really good going on day 2 AF. It's so good to feel like there are other people on this path to share with.

Today I was listening to Atomic Habits before work and it got me thinking about habitual drinking. The author says that part of the reason we find it so difficult to form new habits and break old ones is that our habits have formed in line with our identities and our beliefs about ourselves (I'm simplifying and applying this to alcohol dependant which so far the author hasn't). So perhaps, 'I am a heavy drinker' or 'I am not able to drink in moderation'. And these beliefs are backed up by evidence (our habitual behaviour). And so to change them, we have to form new beliefs about ourselves. So, 'I don't drink' or 'I can moderate' but this is hard because we don't have the evidence. So we have to create the evidence by choosing to act like a non-drinker or someone who moderates well. And then we will have evidence to use towards our new beliefs and then in turn we will form habits that are in line with those beliefs (eg not drinking alone or spending £25 on an uber eats bottle of wine worth £7.99, or whatever). So I have been thinking maybe I am doing this wrong. Maybe my goal shouldn't be 100 days AF or whatever. Maybe my goal is to be someone who doesn't feel deprived by not drinking. So I make choices as IF I was this person until I have the evidence to support my belief. That all sounded a lot more feasible in my head. But I am going to give it a go.

So tonight I am choosing to go to bed at 10.30pm rather than drinking wine because that is what someone not dependant on alcohol would choose to do on a normal Monday night when they have to be up at 6am.

@ToleadaBetterlife that’s a very interesting way to see it. I’ve often wondered what it’s like to have a take it or leave is approach to alcohol. How do ‘normal’ people feel about drinking?

second day AF here, 22 units in the last week so not too bad.

@ToleadaBetterlife thanks, that's really interesting. I think that on my 'journey', I've subconsciously thought like that. So, I have gone out and not drank, telling myself I have a lot more to offer than being the resident performing monkey. But, yes, it is difficult because old habits die hard.
I'm going to think more about this.

Again, on a side note, other people's expectations are hard to deal with, but as I've gotten older, and wiser, I'm putting myself first.
I have gotten annoyed with people in the past for expecting me to be a certain way.
One on a work's do ( when the governors and headteachers came), and I didn't want to make a tit of myself so was drinking juice, said she was 'very disappointed ' in me. This was a close friend. It got my back up, and I refused to touch a drop.

Morning all!!!
Day 4 here!
and loving reading everyone’s thoughts…. It makes sense @ToleadaBetterlife and I did laugh @Amdone123 going the other way to prove a point love it!!!! But in all seriousness this is how I quit smoking! Rather than feeling sorry I couldn’t smoke/jealous of smokers I thought but I could smoke, but I don’t want because X, Y,Z and that reframing worked a treat. Obv that was a bit different as I was physically addicted and alchol is just a habit that I know makes me feel rubbish! But never the less, still all applys nicely!

just off on a big walk, working later, and planning on a healthy, wholesome day!

have a good day all xxx

@Amdone123 Pink Lemonade by Famous Soda Co. I don’t know if they sell it in the UK? Not the cheapest but cheaper than wine 🤣

My work is hectic at the moment and usually I’d need to drink to shake it off but I know I don’t need to increase my anxiety any more than what it is!

Morning all! As it is morning here in Vietnam. Am waiting for transfer transport and I'm staying cool so thought a nice catch-up read would be good. Wow! My wait won't be long enough to read it all.
So... my drinking news... was really moderating first 2 weeks as wasn't alone and would have a beer (or 2) in the evening. But alcool makes me sweat a lot in the heat. So since I'm now travelling alone I've gone completely AF. For safety reasons ( don't want to make any silly tipsy decisions) and health. Am losing enough water through sweating don't need any extra dehydration through alcohol.
Am going back towards the coastal area today and I'm hoping that the heavy heat will be replaced by a breezy heat.
I think I've lost a tiny bit of weight but don't know as my few clothes are quite large, I'm travelling very light, so wash, dry and rewear. Repeat often. But I'm definitely not nibbling here so I'm hoping that when I get home mid April new habits will be formed.
Sending hot but very positive vibes to all and will continue to read the thread from time to time to try and keep up with you all. Very sweaty SSS!

Day 35 AF. Not feeling my best, got a sore throat so that'll probably keep me on track for a few more days.

I'm definitely an all or nothing person and find it easy to abstain than moderate.
Just needed a bit of a reset, was eating to many treats too so I guess I'm on a bit of a health kick. I've lost a few pounds which is helping my motivation.

Well done @endlesswashing 35 days! That’s amazing.

@Nowstrong your trip sounds amazing! Im
very jealous. We’ve just planned a European Road Trip for two weeks in the summer which sounds amazing but we will have the 3 DCs with us - 13,15 and 17 - so will have to become deaf to teenage moaning! Trying to pick accommodation based on how good it will look on Instagram so as to at least get one thing right 😂

I’ve been doing ok - I went out for leaving drinks for a work colleague last night - managed to pace myself well and avoided the wine monster - usually after these things that finish at 7.30/8 I end up opening a bottle when I get home and carrying on when I get home but not this time so that’s a definite win.

@endlesswashing well done on Day 35, that's brilliant. Hope your throat feels better soon.
@Bigbus and that's great pacing yourself. Well done.

I had 1.5 bottles after a 3 day break. It's important to me that a have a break in between - I prefer 5, 6 days though.
Lovely weekend planned and not necessarily around alcohol, so I think I'll be ok.
Granddaughters, egg hunts, Netflix, reading and generally chilling.

Another week down AF (except for one slow glass of champagne for a friends birthday dinner). My diet is what is getting me through the weak moments.

I do miss connecting with friends and my DH (over booze) but overall this still feels better! 🤞🏻

I hope everyone is having a lovely Easter weekend so far.

@Swannyb well done. When I'm af I feel like I'm missing something then I remember how rubbish a hangover is.
I've had a busy day. Ds brought a small bottle of wine he won ( 125ml ), so after the egg hunt, I drank it. This would normally trigger me to get hold of more, but my diet is working too, so I've had water. Yay.
Tomorrow I'm invited out. I know it would be a boozy affair, so I've said no, thanks. I don't want to go, not just because of the drinking.

Hi all! Good work @Swannyb and @Amdone123

a successful bank holiday for me! Day 8 here and no inclination to drink! Had a lovely active day yesterday which helps remind me how much more I prefer being sober!!!!

happy Easter all! Enjoy tomorrow xxxx

@Mj20 same ! I've not drank all weekend and I've had the lovliest time. ( Fri sat sun af)
Well done on Day 8, you're doing great.
I am out today, lunch with dh but I'm enjoying no hangover so I'm definitely moderating.
My 2 litre bottles of sparkling water are diminishing too 😇

Morning @Amdone123 well
done on your successful weekend. And sounds like a good plan for today. I’m going to have a chilled out day today, reading, a light walk, watch a movie. So easy to
continue A/f. I love it when I’m in the zone! xxx

good luck everyone else, whether your abstaining, moderating etc xxx

Hope everyone had a good Easter, I found it a bit of a moderating challenge - haven't yet figured out the rules for holidays.
We had an old drinking buddy stay with us on Saturday night - all caution flew out the window. Of course, we ran out of wine because we no longer stock it by the box and we ended up on the white port!
Sunday was a bit grim - my head felt like it was going to explode. The thing I find interesting is that for one night of excessive boozing I did not pay heavily with insomnia or anxiety - there seems to be some sort of build-up effect going on. I don't think there is much research in this area informing you of how the anxiety builds with continual drinking over several days - if this is even how it works.
Anyway back to moderating on Sunday with one pint of beer and a few card games in my local.

@StitchRipper that's interesting regarding the build up. I get insomnia and anxiety after 1 night only but it could still be a gradual build up.

Also interesting about holidays. In fact, I was thinking about this and I actually think I'm close to understanding the root of my problem. So, holidays like Easter and Christmas, I don't drink as much. For some reason, I'm not interested when everyone else is doing it. I'd rather drink on my own, say on a random Tuesday. I'm a bit of a rebel, but not sure what I'm rebelling against.
Does that make sense ?

Well... not a great week for me. Saturday night was an unusual amount for me but still. We went out for dinner with friends and I carried on drinking when we got home, and encouraged DH to in an attempt of 'having an evening together'. Ffs. I rarely see 'high risk' but it's plain to see here 🤦‍♀️

Currently finishing with a 0% beef, and it's very good. Might try this more often.

@enoughisenough4 that’s pretty much what my app looked like yesterday only a bit higher! Mine was made up of a bit too much on several days rather than a big night out although on Sunday I drank over the course of the day so it all added up. Although it’s frightening it’s good for me to do the app because when I drink like that (a bit too much in several days) I don’t really have a hangover so without the app I would convince myself I’m doing quite well!

@StitchRipper I’m off on holiday on Saturday and I really need to learn how to moderate when I’m away. I’ve had holidays where I’ve had at least a bottle a night of red wine and I know I feel better when I don’t (and my app will probably explode if I log all those units!). I’m finding I’m enjoying the lower alcohol wines just as much - by which I mean 10% rather than 13% and it does make a difference.

@Amdone123 i also much prefer solo drinking! It still feels like a treat to me to have the house to myself and have a take away and a bottle of wine! Even thinking about it now! But these days I pay for it the next day so that’s what I try to keep in mind.

@Bigbus yes, I think that's what it is really - a treat, escapism, peace n quiet !

Regarding your holiday, I've got so much better in recent years. I used to waste whole days hungover.
Now, I drink as much water as I can day and night. I take my own bottles to bars and restaurants so I can drink whilst waiting etc.
I stock up the bedside table too.
I eat much more than I used to and I put back the drinking til as late as possible.
And the 10% ones on holiday I'll happily drink. Not so much at home !
I get up early on holiday too - not for everyone but I love walking on my own. And I know if I drink too much I won't be able to do this.

Hi all, I’ve made it to this side of Easter. Started moderating at the end of January, from half a bottle of spirits a day down to under 14 units a week. I made it, which is great, but I feel like I’ve got a bit more than I bargained for. On the few occasions when I have had more than one drink (not even a lot more - say two beers), I’ve blacked out immediately and had a two-day hangover, which never happened to me before. I feel a bit sad, that now that I’m out of the habit, my body won’t even let me enjoy moderate drinking anymore. Does anyone relate? x

@sixthvestibule firstly, well done on cutting back - that's brilliant.

Regarding the tolerance that's only happened to
me when I lost weight. Years ago, I lost 2 and a half stone with weight watchers ( went from my heaviest since pregnancy to my lowest ever, 12st, and in quite a short space of time ( no more than 3 months).
I could only have 2 or 3 large glasses - so a bottle - and that was me done.
Has it just happened with beer ?

Thank you, @Amdone123. That’s interesting re. the weight - I hadn’t considered that. I have lost nearly a stone since late January.
I got really drunk really quickly on some whisky as well the other night, scared to drink anything now!