On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat *2024*

[Swannyb]

@amdone123 @mj20 @touty @Hohofortherobbers @Coppergate7 @bigbus @colouringindoors @wellitywellness @Atacamadesert @Freezingfeetwarmheart @WouldRatherBeAPieceOftToast @Hohofortherobbers @mickandrorty @Mykittensmittens @afaloren @NoTeaNoShade @CrackersCheeseNoWinePlease @LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 @Nowstrong @enoughisenough4

Over the past 2 weeks, I've had 6.5 bottles of wine. That's too much. I know Valentine's day was in there, but still.
I want to average 1 bottle a week, max 2 - not 3 🥴

@Amdone123 hating yourself is counterproductive anyway. You need to tell yourself you are worth taking care of. You can't change the wine already consumed. Concentrate on AF free for today - tomorrow doesn't need you to worry about it.

Hello, I hope I can join you. I hope that joining this thread can be another tool that helps me reduce / stop drinking.

ive drunk pretty much half a bottle of wine a night since forever, it feels. I’m 51. Except for breaks when pregnant / breastfeeding. DH and I are foodies, and have an actual wine cellar. But whereas he will easily just share a bottle over a meal at the weekend, I’m a far more greedy drinker. I’ll drink a couple of glasses while making dinner. And recently I’ve started having a g&t instead / as well, as the wine runs out too soon. And it’s not just Friday - Sunday, on a bad week it’s every night. And there have been some bad weeks recently.

im fed up listening to my own excuses - it’s been a hard day, I’m dealing with so much, blah blah. I’m using alcohol to avoid looking at my life and making the changes that I need to make.

it also feels like everyone around me is drinking less and less. DH has always been take it or leave it. My parents, who’ve been heavy social drinkers in the past - my dad has given up completely, my mum has quit spirits. Very few of my current friends drink much - I’m always the one draining my glass and reaching for a refill while they have barely touched theirs. I grew up in Scotland and heavy drinking has always been the norm. But my own kids - teenagers - seem to have zero interest in it, even disdain for it. I’m starting to feel like a bit of a weirdo tbh.

anyway, I’m not interested in AF drinks. I want to cut down to weekends only - and stopping when that shared bottle is finished. I want to do stuff in my life that alcohol / constant low level hangover is preventing me from doing.

Happy Monday morning to all! Sun's out here after rain yesterday, the temperatures are rising. It feels like Spring is on its way. Love that feeling.
@StitchRipper you are right, hating ourselves gets us nowhere. We need to love ourselves. One day at a time if it's easier.

This week is AF. Full stop. Am surprised that my weight hasn't soared these past 2,3 days. Felt really bloated but hopefully am now deflating. Sound like a flipping balloon, also felt like one.
Gots lots of jobs to do all this week. Back to sport too. Also have "old" colleagues coming for lunch on Friday, but definitively non drinkers, so will be fine.
Spirits are high, which is always good.

Wishing you all a lovely day. SSS!

@rickyrickygrimes hi and welcome. I've just got to sort some things, but I'll message properly in a couple of hours. Just wanted to say hi.

Happy Monday everyone. Some good positive stories here. @Amdone123 , please don't hate yourself, today is a new day put it behind you. Rickyrickygrimes welcome. Like you I have been drinking every day for so long and have made decision moderating. So AF all week and weekends tend to be a boozy affair here. But learning take it easier and feeling much better for it Had my first little hangover for years, think that is because of being AF all week. Not very pleasant.

@rickyrickygrimes hallo again.
So, you want to stop through the week and moderate at weekends. Is today day 1 for you ?
I'm with you, if it is.
@MoodyBlues1 I think that's it, regarding the hangover feeling. I've been doing so well and I haven't drank on a hangover for a while ( I did slip up a while back, but I used to do it all the time).

The worst part for me is I'm so much happier when af - it's an absolute non brainer for me, but I still go back to it. I do think we need to ask ourselves why.
Anyway, day 1 and I've got out of bed (!!), did the washing, cleaned up, had a bath and I'm putting my best foot forward.
Keep smiling, folks.

@Amdone123 your last post sounds a lot more positive. New day and all that.

I drank more than I had planned this weekend but a lot less than old. New day for me as well as back to AF.

@Amdone123 not sure this is the right day for day 1 - currently on holiday. I think I’m ‘getting my ducks lined up’ by posting here, with a view to starting next week.

what is day 1? Is it first day of abstaining or moderating? How does it work to count moderating days? (I can see why people just stop entirely - much more straightforward!)

@rickyrickygrimes oh I see - probably not the best time to start then. It's good you've got a plan, too.
I count day 1 as abstaining but if I happen to go out, and have 2 glasses, then stop, I'd class that as a success, so I'd carry on counting.
Whatever is best for you, really.
Sometimes in a month, I'd set myself a target of 25 days af out of say, 31. That works for me too as I choose more wisely.

I used to put little coloured stickers on a wall planner to count by AF/moderating days @rickyrickygrimes - green was AF, purple was moderated when OUT (not at home), orange was moderated at home/borderline moderated, red was over-did it and now regret. I might still go back to it...Whatever it takes until moderating/having AF days is an ingrained habit I say.

I was AF last night, didn't give it much thought as was knackered from going back to work. I hope that I am at least not as tired today. It feels such a waste of life to slob around like this in the evenings. I've just given some thought to changing what I do when I first come in from work today, will see if it helps...

Welcome @rickyrickygrimes .

Personally, I wouldn’t get too caught up on counting day 1, 2, 3 etc. if your plan is to moderate as we all tend to be hard on ourselves if/when we ‘fail’.

Also, I do think an initial AF stint can be quite helpful to jump start on those reminders of how good you can feel when not drinking to help motivate you on the journey.

Anyways, just my two cents, but who am I to talk, 😂

I am still not feeling right since last week, so I’ve got good motivation to stay off the alcohol. I can’t see a doctor any earlier than next week so I am staying off booze until I feel better/see the doctor. I need to try and figure out what’s going on.

Morning all, AF last night a terrible nights sleep this seems to be a problem.
@Swannyb sorry to hear you are not feeling well and hope you get to the bottom of things.
@rickyrickygrimes most def not time to start on holiday

@Swannyb hope you get sorted soon. I agree that an af period of abstaining is a great kick-start.
I was fed up yesterday and tired, and I thought to myself the next time I'm tempted, I'm going to tell myself that it makes me feel awful and that it takes too much and gives so little.
Had a bad night's sleep due to something else ( a family problem - seriously thinking of going nc). So, today I'm tired, I look awful and I'm a mass of bubbling anger. Great.
Good news - when I'm miserable, I don't drink, so every cloud.
@MoodyBlues1 have you not been sleeping well for a while ? It's a pita isn't it ?

Morning all! Still AF here. Had a long and good night's sleep, so feel sorry for @Amdone123 and @MoodyBlues1, because I hate missing out on my sleep, one of the reasons I abstain or moderate as much as possible. Alcohol just ruins my sleep. @Swannyb hope you get your health worry sorted.
@Coppergate10 I like your stickers. Might get some for me. Will be able to visualise things better.
@rickyrickygrimes welcome. Enjoy your holiday and when you get back you have a plan in place. Might be encouraging. Either moderating or abstaining. I do both. Trying to get to abstain totally, but it's a long road. Us human beings are complicated creatures.
Nothing else but boring old. Sport this evening.
Wishing you all a good day. SSS

@Amdone123 sorry to hear you’ve got some family drama. At least you aren’t hungover!

I like what you’ve said - takes too much, gives so little, I’m going to remember this.

Lack of sleep is one of my prime motivations for moderating too. Was awake for a couple of hours last night - but if I keep my units low at least the insomnia isn’t accompanied with torturous anxiety. The sleep experts say poor sleep is a learned behaviour, learnin to sleep well will take a while.

Hello everyone, checking in. Feeling for @Amdone123 and @Swannyb and everyone who is having trouble sleeping. Same boat. I had thought it would have been better since starting to moderate.
I completed my 3rd week of moderate drinking. I had 4 AF days and my units were around 15 for the week. I nearly didn’t count the units and presumed I was at around 9, was planning to drink on Sunday but realized I was already over 15 for the week.
Thursday night was a big trigger night since my DH was out for the evening and my young kids went to sleep unexpectedly early/easily. Normal cue for a couple of glasses (turning to 3-4 glasses) with terrible reality tv. I reminded myself that I’m aiming for 21 weeks of moderate drinking, which involves at least 3 nights off and 14 units for the week.. and drinking on Thursday would mean the weekend would be off limits. It helped with resolve in the moment and I drank tea instead.
I’m annoyingly feeling extremely depressed. I had hoped that after a few weeks AF then a few weeks moderate drinking I’d be feeling a weight off. I don’t. But I’m bloody glad I’m not hungover.
Strength to everyone and wishing you all well this week. This thread is keeping me going!

@Amdone123 i can relate to feeling more calm and chilled whilst af, in fact my DP mentioned to me today that he has seen a difference in me and that I’m much less aggressive doing af, lol didn’t quite know how to take that!

but I do miss it, the escapism etc.

Good morning everyone, I’ve had one beer in the last 4 days which for me is a success! I went to a sporting event last night with my 12-year-old son and had one beer before it while waiting for food. That was enough. At half time I did not have a beer, just sat with him and chatted. I realised that in times past I would have been rushing to get to the bar then drinking the beer really quickly because you can’t take it in to the seats while my son would have to tag along. For what benefit? It’s mad! I’m so glad I have a better balance now.

However, like @Moderato2024 I’m feeling quite miserable. I feel good about not being hungover and pleased I’ve been able to do this after a very boozy week, but generally I feel quite low. Maybe it’s just an adjustment period.

What kind of things do you want to do with your AF-ness? For me, I want to be more productive in the mornings. I have physio exercises that I should do daily. Plus early morning is the only time our house is quiet. So ideally I want to be getting up 6am, exercising, having a cup of tea and generally starting the day in a peaceful way - before the madness of the school run and getting to work etc.

but even a little hangover / poor nights sleep knocks it on the head, and I’m fiddling around on my phone brain dead instead 🤷‍♀️

Sorry to hear about the family issues @Amdone123 . Sometimes NC/VLC is the only way to bring peace, really hard though.

I'm quite annoyed with myself about last night - I drank and had headache in night. Excuse was it is my day off today. What I ate was terrible too. Forgot about new routine when getting in from work. I had a packet of crisps and then vanilla ice-cream with chocolate sauce when I got in (5.30). About 7 pm a bowl of cereal and then the drinking started at 7.30 pm. No proper dinner. Maybe it needed to get that bad to shock me into sorting it out!

Success with the one beer being enough @Bigbus !

Sorry you're feeling depressed @Moderato2024 . You're doing super well with the moderating! I was surprised how low I felt after 5/6 weeks of AF - I guess I half expected it to do all the work but alas it was just the first step. Drinking can mask the real problem.

Interesting question @rickyrickygrimes ! I guess I want everything to be better - slimmer, fitter, happier, more social, consistently lovely home, more interested and interesting, balanced, less tired, less pain. Like you, I also have physio exercises I should be doing...My morning routine is a lot better than it used to be on work days but would still benefit from a tweak. My off work morning routine is a bit too leisurely! After work, well...that is a mess. One step at a time I guess.

I'm going to start recording my days again - I drank 6 nights out of the last 7. Two not moderated enough (headache). Not exactly a great first week back moderating.

So, I managed to get an appointment with the doctor today, and it might be a stomach ulcer. He queried my alcohol intake and has asked me to not drink for 2 weeks. I don’t drink that much really (my DH and our friends drink much more) but more recently I had been feeling like my body was telling me to stop, more than just a hangover.

@Bigbus @Moderato2024 Isn’t it funny that I feel so sad about it? What will I do for pleasure for the next 2 weeks? It’s quite pathetic, really.

DH and I planned a date night for the weekend and I want to cancel because I can’t drink!

@rickyrickygrimes your morning plans sound great. I need some evening inspiration/ideas!

@Coppergate10 your eating night sounds just like what I do when I’m tired 😂

Is the plan to see how you are after the two weeks AF @Swannyb ? Sorry to hear you might have an ulcer, hope it can be treated easily if that's the case.

Realised I decluttered my wall planner - gone a KISS method now - much better! Just using highlighter pens on the full year planner at the front on my diary now. Green is AF, Orange is drank a bit too much (any sign of a hangover), Red is really overdone it (hopefully won't need to do this), yellow is moderated well. Going to ditch the at home/out thing for now.