Tulips, snowdrops and another Day 1!

[MamaGhina]

New thread as promised. I’ll pop on later to tag everyone as I wanted to get this link on the old thread before it fills up!

Link to the old one for any new joiners:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4877066-its-day-1-anyone-else?page=40

On day 51 here. Have had so many tests which I have come through. Some I have sailed through, some by the skin of my teeth. App is saying I've already saved over £300, which is absolutely wild. Wish I didn't still hanker after wine, but I haven't drank it, which is the main thing currently. It will get easier with time.

@Cloudsclouds6 I totally agree with you about how it's pushed and marketed to us. It shouldn't be allowed! Yes yes personal responsibility but why allow something so harmful to be glamoroused and also so prevalent. I always liken it to other drugs and the contrast is stark! It shouldn't be allowed to be advertised even! And yes put it in special liquor stores. I'm on board with that! Or a seedy section of the supermarket (I'm thinking of all those TV shows that show an "adult movie" section behind a curtained off area in video rental shops! - or would that just make it even more exciting and glamorous?).

@smegley I have had the days where I am subconsciously or consciously determined to drink (and sometimes ended up drinking) even whilst trying to get sober. Some times it just gets the better of you. Really don't beat yourself up. It is, unfortunately, very much part of the process. We're not saying this to be kind; it is very much part of the journey! It's not a slip up or anything like that; just part of the journey and as long as you keep trying and learning, then you are moving forward.

I have just started seeing our local alcohol service. So far so good. They are lovely. For me, I have found so far that it is about working on myself and delving in to causes and solutions. It's going to be a lot of work! But I need help and I'm willing to try lots of things to find what works and to get this right.

Morning all, I’m checking in and reading all the updates. Just rushing before work but wanted to say @smegley I hope you are ok today and anyone else finding themselves back to day 1 (although that’s not how I view it). I echo everything others have said, this isn’t a sprint to the finish, it’s more of an ultra marathon with an element of pacing involved. I was reading about why AA focuses on one day at a time and it’s because any further then that can seem completely unachievable and can put you off even starting. Every dry day counts, absolutely! We are all here, talking it through, sympathising with the struggle and still trying. That’s got to count for something!

Wishing everyone a peaceful day.

I'm back on day 1 again. It does not get easier. It gets harder and harder!

I miscarried over the weekend and I went straight for my old 'friend' I had been doing so well since about May ish. I didn't really do anything to stay sober that time so IDK what to do this time.

DH isn't too annoyed he just wants me to be ok. I think he thinks the MC is a good enough excuse. But I know that there are no excuses for me.

I'm going to have a coffee and read this thread. I feel very very sick today which is usually a good sign, because it means I have stopped.

Oh @alco I am so sorry. Thinking of you right now x

I actually think it will. I think by the time I am an old lady (I'm 30s now) it won't really be the done thing.

The last wedding I went to the bar had AF beer on tap. That's what DH drank. He isn't an alcoholic but prefers an AF life.

I tried to post earlier but I don't think it worked.

I'm in hell tonight with cravings.
10 mins to the shop and back and it will stop for another night.

I'm trying so hard to not cave in.
My willpower has never been great but I'm home alone with the children and my husband is working late so thats a bonus.
Makes it harder to go out.
I have no idea how to do this long term 😫

Also tried to post and it didn’t work, will come back later to post properly but wanted to say so sorry to hear about your loss @alco, that’s incredibly hard.

I’m so sorry @alco xx

Sorry @alco 😞 take care of yourself.

@smegley can you distract yourself? 😕

I've come to bed with my littlest.

Its been hard but I'm pleased I've made through the day alcohol free.
Thats at least one day this week :)

So sorry @alco - be kind to yourself.

@smegley - just hang in there. You are doing well just by thinking about it and trying to stop yourself. You know you need to change which is a positive step.

Just copying and pasting a distraction list somebody gave me recently. If you need some ideas to take your mind of alcohol this is a handy list.

1. Call a friend (post on mumsnets tulip🌷 thread for support)

1. Watch a movie
2. Play with your cat/dog
3. Eat crunchy, fresh vegetables
4. Eat a piece of candy
5. Chew on a toothpick
6. Organise a place in your house
7. Write a friend an email
8. Clean the house

10. Pull weeds or plant flowers in your garden 11. Take a walk around the block 12. Take a long bike ride 13. Do a crossword puzzle 14. Play a game with a friend 15. Read a story to your kids 16. Do an arts and crafts project 17. Take a relaxing bath 18. Bake your favourite cookies or cake 19. Go grocery shopping 20. Take a ride in the car 21. Put on your favourite songs 22. Take your dog for a walk 23. Read or reread a favourite book 24. Wash and vacuum your car 25. Learn how to knit 26. Take a boat ride 27. Organize your computer files 28. Give yourself a manicure and pedicure 29. Try out a new hair-do 30. Walk around the mall 31. Chew gum 32. Do a jigsaw puzzle 33. Breathe deeply! 34. Drink a cold glass of water or milk 35. Look through your cookbooks for ideas 36. Do the dishes 37. Take a nap 38. Exercise 39. Give someone you love a hug 40. Clean out the refrigerator 41. Channel your thoughts into something constructive like a new hobby or volunteer work 42. Spend the money you saved by not smoking 43. Eat an ice-lolly 44. Do your accounts 45. Go to the library 46. Read a magazine 47. Play catch with someone 48. Plan a vacation 49. Play a musical instrument 50. Call a family member 51. Brush and floss your teeth 52. Spend time with your family 53. Give yourself a treat every day you have successfully not smoked 54. Sing loudly 55. Go to a museum 56. Play a card game 57. Explore your genealogy 58. Go get the mail 59. Make a dinner reservation 60. Play a video game 61. Visit a retirement home 62. Revisit your motivations for why you stopped 63. Take photographs 64. Make a scrapbook 65. Paint a room in your house 66. Write a letter 67. Clean out your closets 68. Organize your boxes of pictures 69. Go fishing 70. Alphabetize your CD rack 71. Take a shower 72. Watch the sunrise 73. Take a day trip 74. Do a load of laundry 75. Make a healthy snack 76. Go swimming 77. Plant a tree 78. Work on your car 79. Learn something new 80. Run in place 81. Pick up litter 82. Write a poem 83. Go bowling 84. Go antique shopping 85. Play mini-golf 86. Play in the snow or rain 87. Wax the car 88. Drink a cup of tea 89. Share a kiss with your significant other 90. Go hiking 91. Treat yourself to a massage 92. Call a radio show and request a song 93. Organize your garage or basement 94. Go to an amusement park 95. Cut the grass 96. Take a walk in the woods or park 97. Visit the beach 98. Enjoy a sunset 99. Make a greeting card for someone you care about 100. Write a list of things you are grateful for

One thing I've started is recording my favourite memories. Apparently it's good for your mental health if you can create a life story of all your positive memories. That's on my to do list now.

@alco, nothing, but nothing compares to the raw pain of losing a wanted baby. To contextualise the shittiness of it, women can feel low enough the day/night before a period because of the hormonal drop. When you miscarry that drop is 100 times greater and mixed with the feelings of loss. Whilst the hormone crash is greater with birth, with birth also comes the adrenaline love rush of a new baby which takes the edge off the bay blues, which I'm not trying to minimise because they can be awful too. But the reaction to the level of drop is mitigated so less proportionate.

I hope I have explained that OK.

Be kind to yourself- it's a tough time.

Come here and talk whenever you need. And fuck this blip with the booze.'

That’s a comprehensive list @Yocal, thanks for sharing!

I was thinking about the way we talk to ourselves. I honestly think for me, drinking to excess has been a form of self harm. I’ve spent years putting myself down (a legacy from my parents). I had such a productive day yesterday. Normally I would be cross with myself for letting so many jobs build up. For not keeping on top of my admin. Instead I’ve been giving myself a pat on the back for doing so much and as a result I’ve managed to continue being productive today.

It’s a hard habit to break and it doesn’t help that DH can criticise on occasion. Possibly from a place of genuine frustration but I’ve managed to largely ignore because I find it demotivating. I keep reminding myself it’s taken me years to get to this place, it won’t be an overnight change. I keep chipping away and trying, that’s all any of us can do really.

Well done @smegley for not giving in today. I hope you have a restful evening.

Hi everybody , new here and really enjoying reading through the posts

@alco sending my love and support to you at this devastating time 😔

@Yocal thanks for that list. What a great idea. And love your number 1 on the list. 🌷

@Blubellsarehere welcome!

@alco @smegley hope you guys are feeling ok today.

Good morning all.

Welcome @Blubellsarehere

@alco I've been thinking of you x

@smegley hope you are okay this morning

Xx

Welcome @Blubellsarehere, loving the username, sounds like the title of the next thread!

Lots of positive self talk going on in this house today. I’m psyching myself up to go for a run tonight, whatever the weather. I feel like I’m finally building up some stamina and I don’t want to lose that but it’s so hard in the evenings when it’s dark and wet and you’ve been at work all day.

Slowly cranking through my list of jobs too and for the first time in ages the house doesn’t look like a bomb went off, so all positive steps forward here.

How about we post today about something we feel grateful for? The ‘old’ me would have done a huge eye roll at that but I feel like spreading some positive vibes might help lift some of us who are reading.

I’ll start. I’m grateful the sun is out and hope I won’t get too wet cycling to work this morning. I’m grateful for my job, which gets me out of the house, allows me to chat to my colleagues and leaves me feeling like I’ve achieved something each day. I’m also proud of working with small children and hope that seeing me graft each day will rub off on them!

You next! Then I can read them all when I get home tonight!

Gratitude is something I try to harness but my mind is so attuned to finding the things that p me off, but here I go....

I am grateful, today for

Getting passed by weightloss plateau, been stuck at 93kg for over a month and finally got to 92kg. It feels like a massive breakthrough!

I have all that I need to get by, but not everything I want and that is probably a blessing

I did some DIY Panelling and was really worried it was a bad decision, but now it's finished it looks great 👍 that I am truely grateful for, because it was more labour intensive than the tiktok time lapses make out and at one point the paint looked desperately drab. It now feels very homely in the living room. Definitely managed to get that hyggy vibe going on for winter.

I think that will do for today.

Thanks all, I am feeling a lot better today. Well not great but better. I was up half the night nauseous. Poor DH he doesn't know to give me sympathy or not, because even I'm not sure if the rough feelings are from alcohol or mc!

He had repeatedly reassured me though that I didn't do anything to cause this.

I do often wonder how he stays with me when I have these 'bouts' he says the other 95% of the time makes it worth it. I'm not saying this to put myself down but I honestly don't know if I would put up with it.

@Yocal that is some list!!

@smegley I hope you are feeling better this morning. When the cravings are hitting strong it can be very difficult

I am grateful for my DDs but sorry that is so insensitive @alco

I am grateful to my hairdresser for giving me the best haircut and colour I have ever had. The confidence and positivity it has given me is undoubtedly helping keep me on track.

I am grateful to my boss who lets me be totally flexible, providing I get the job done. Which is just as well as I am knackered today and might need a little lie down!

@BoilingHotand50something hi, sorry what did I say that was insensitive?

No I was being insensitive @alco given your situation.