The continuing support thread for living alcohol free, every day. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello, and welcome to the alcohol-free support thread. The original thread was started about three years ago by drybird.

We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. Whatever your reasons, whatever you’re going through, someone here will have been there too. People here will have done that first sober holiday, first sober Christmas/birthday/work do/wedding/funeral, first AF night out with the drinking friends, first (and 2nd and 3rd…) AF Friday night/Sunday lunch, first day 31/day 101, first lapse. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size and we have all been there too when things go wrong.

If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quit altogether then maybe have a look at the long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board? Lots of support there too.

Brew yourself a and come on in!

This is an sober emergency post! My partner has just finished work and appeared to start his birthday evening. This is our cue to drink champagne together and have fun. It's so much part of our relationship! Much harder for me than going out. I am going to stay strong but right now it's really really hard! Thankyou for being there, thread people.
Still day 12!!

@livingalivelife i get it. I generally don't miss alcohol at all any more, but I cooked a nice meal for my partner's birthday at the weekend and the kids were at their dad's, and I did have a momentary pang for a nice bottle of something.
But we still had a lovely evening together, and probably a very much better next morning. Stay strong.

You’ve got this! Day 12 is so massive! You’ll have fun and feel fresh tomorrow when you will be 13DAYS AF. And that’s one day off TWO FREAKING WEEKS!
go grrrl!

Thankyou @PosiePerkinPootleFlump (username places you at around my vintage 😀) and @Wantofeelgood for your support. I sat on my hands. It was uncomfortable, definitely my biggest test yet. I was so much more present for my children, and I feel great this morning, and proud of myself. I feel sad that I sort of lost my partner who did have a few drinks on his own, but glad that we're not losing each other together IYSWIM. He usually cuts back naturally when I'm not drinking.

On the positive - I mentioned better guts earlier but this is really one of the biggest benefits - I was having constipation more often, menopause making it worse probably, but this has cleared up completely and I feel so much better for it!

Day 13.

Brilliantliving well done! That sounds very hard and you are reaping the benefits!
im checking in as it’s That Time. So I’m off to stuff toast and milk and chocolate 😀
we CAN do this, it IS worth it.
DH said I’m nicer to be around. And I have so much more energy and good mood. If only I could go to bed now!

Day 9 done! I hope everyone else did it tonight. How’d it go living?

Congratulations @livingalivelife and @Wantofeelgood ! You’re doing brilliantly. Birthdays are one of those milestones that feel hard in the run up, and a bit uncomfortable the first time, but then you get used to being able to be properly present for them, and also for the day after! Christmas I find a bit tougher, but I never regret not having a hangover. One of my biggest reasons for not stopping drinking earlier was always what would I do at my daughter’s wedding. #1 she was 12 at the time and #2 it’s not as if the day’s success, or the marriage, was ever going to hinge on whether I toasted her with alcohol or not. She’s still only 15 now 😂 But a day at a time is absolutely the way to deal with these future fears.

Morning all!
Double digits today @Wantofeelgood !
I’ve managed 2 runs this week so am very happy. Really didn’t want to go this morning- very wet and windy here - but so glad I did.
One of the many things I love about being sober is that I can trust myself. 20 months in, and I still find myself thinking “oh, but what if I’m too hungover to do X” or “I hope I don’t get too drunk at Y”, and then I remember I won’t! Just goes to show how ingrained those thought patterns are though.

Yay on the running @Onewildandpreciouslife
I also made it out this morning after 11 days of no running due to horrid cough and cold and I feel so much better for it.

@livingalivelife well done on getting through the birthday alcohol free. It is worth it! And yes I suspect we are of the same vintage - my username definitely dates me!

@Onewildandpreciouslife your post is so true- being able to trust yourself is a good feeling. I like being able to honor my commitments, and not feel terrible because I have missed something or cancelled as I am hungover or tired.
it’s snowing here and I had a very icy run this morning - no one was about- it was cold and still and I really appreciated it.

@Blackberryblossom irs really interesting how alcohol is so intwined with celebration and milestones. It feels very freeing to reframe that and focus on the connection with others on special days and not the connection with booze.

@Wantofeelgood well done on day 10! And @livingalivelife on day 13

I’ve been to the gym twice in two days! 💪 If someone had told me this time last year that I would be going to the gym and had no wine for over 2 weeks I would never have believed them.

Day 18 here. Trying not to think about Christmas too much.

This is such an amazing thread, thankyou so much everyone who is or has ever been on it, so much to read!
checmking in as I stuff my nightly pre cooking carbohydrates. You all go running! It’s amazing but beginning to think it would be nice tho do some excersise. I’ve bowed out of walks etc for ages because I’ve felt too unfit, so you are even encouraging about that. How lovely to be out in the cold still air.

Morning all!

As for the running @Wantofeelgood , frankly, I need something to do with all that extra morning! And the mental part of running is very similar to the mental part of getting sober. When I started to build up the mileage, I would start a run thinking “there is no way I can run x kilometres”, but then I realised actually, I just need to do the next step, and focussed on how my body felt in that moment, not how I imagined it would feel in 30 minutes.

Well done on your 18 days and gym trips @OfDragonsDeep !

Good morning, I am still here - passed the two week mark which feels great. Went to a work party last night which was heavy going. I gave myself permission to leave when I wanted. No one noticed anyway - they were all more or less pissed.
I'd love to find the motivation to run again. I used to run a lot but I've lost all my motivation. Would love to find it again.
Feeling less agitated and more depressed. Pesky feelings ...

Morning all.
Things a bit quieter this morning.
The toxic colleague got his promotion and is now my boss. Not what I would want but I was persuaded to stay by lovely female vice president. I do have a new offer for January so I'll see how they go. Off to UAE with work too.
Had to a buy frock. No bits showing.
Two years ago I would have spent a week on the wine before crashing and burning.
I've decided to have the new drug for my RA. A nasty business as it involves isolation. However I am rapidly spending most days in chronic pain and can't get out of bed easily. I remember my first few weeks of sobriety, I felt so well. I still look five years younger! Keep going lads.

Congratulations @OfDragonsDeep , you’ll reach 21 days on Sunday if I’ve worked that out right! Congratulations too @livingalivelife on making it through a party. It’s true, people don’t notice you leaving when they’re a couple (or more) drinks in.

That’s a mixed bag of new @WendyWagon . I’m glad you have a VP in your corner. Good luck with the new meds too, when do you start them?

I am hugely relieved that it’s Friday evening. We’ve now done all the sixth form visits and applications are in for the favourites. Mocks to come, and then interviews in the spring, but in this moment, right now, I have done all I can. So I’m going to put the heating on, make a hot chocolate, and chill on the sofa.

It’s very encouraging to hear what you are all up to.
very good luck with the meds wendywagon UAE sounds exciting! And toxic twit will get his downfall for sure. This has just happened to DH and it sucks. I’m so glad you have a vp and a potential move.
livingalife wow! Extremely well done 👏for party and two weeks! Same too dragonsdeep and blackberry .
I needed you all and this thread tonight as DH ( being passed over to and no one bothered to tell him) opened the vinegary ethanol. I tasted a teeny sip 😳 and was delighted to find that it was horrible.0phew!
day 10 done!
brother announced he’s going to visit and he doesn’t drink - had a problem, so I’m pleased I can keep my end up.
go us!

Yes, 21 days will be tomorrow, another small milestone! Kids are getting excited about this putting the tree up.

DH and I are on annual leave this week, just using up the last of the years leave. He’ll want to be going out some places and have lunch out etc and I don’t know what to have to drink. I’ve just been drinking water/tea/coffee at home, but I would like something more special for a meal out. I’m not a fan of fizzy or sweet drinks. Never thought about this before, was always a glass of Sauv/Merlot!

@Onewildandpreciouslife I think running outside will be my New Year’s resolution, as soon as the ice is gone though! I’m not good at running, but have been trying on the treadmill. I usually do 10 mins with a break of a min in the middle to walk.

@WendyWagon I always fine those type of people get promoted, but in my experience they always seem to leave not too long after and often under not of their own accord 😂

@OfDragonsDeep I live by two great tips that were on here ages back when it comes to ordering drinks in pubs/bars. The first one is spend a bit of time at home working out a “default” drink - something that you can just order without thinking about it or worrying that they won’t have it. So for me that could be a J2O, or a black coffee if they do coffee. But work it out before you go anywhere, so that the old habit of asking for a glass of Merlot or whatever doesn’t have time to kick in at the bar. The second tip is to be cheerfully assertive. Eg “hi, what alcohol-free beers/wines/gins do you serve please?” Give them a chance to give you a choice. Good luck!

Congratulations on double figures @Wantofeelgood! I’m sorry about your dp. Hopefully karma will follow soon. How nice to have an AF brother! I don’t think I’m related to anyone who’s over 18 and AF. And yes, it’s both odd and a massive relief when alcohol starts tasting and smelling nasty.

Checking in for strength. So good to hear you news.
ten minutes on a treadmill sounds doable, I might copy you!
Good advice bkackberry I find alcohol free beer (or lime soda) good, it’s not sweet, and it fills you up so you can’t fit in anything ethanol based. Right, off to stuff toast !

Hi all,

I hope you're all doing well and powering through a festive alcohol free weekend.

Checking in for day 12 here. Resolve has stayed strong but cravings have hit in waves over the day. We've been doing lots of festive things, which has historically meant drinking, and that is a tough association to break. I opened a pot of vanilla paste that has ethanol in, and the smell of alcohol wafted out straight away. I had never noticed it was so strong.

Anyway, I haven't wavered. Just finished a hot chocolate, and glad to have survived the day.

Has anyone got any good podcast recommendations? I've been listening to Sober Awkward over the last week, and I'm loving it.

Morning all.

3 weeks @OfDragonsDeep ! Congratulations! Running outside is the biggest gift, but it takes a bit of getting used to. Maybe try a couch to 5k when the ice goes?

One of my first posts on here was when I couldn’t cope with going to country pubs and not drinking white wine. Because that was what I’d always done. I was firmly told it was a false narrative that alcohol was required to enjoy the experience. I spent the next lunchtime muttering “false narrative” in my head, and it got easier over time.

Well done on the party @livingalivelife . I confess I skipped one work party recently but have another one coming up which I’d better go to, at least for a bit.

Well done @Wellysock and @Wantofeelgood - hope the benefits are starting to kick in.

Good to hear from you @WendyWagon . It’s a great time of year to visit UAE - I fancy a bit of warmth myself! Good luck with the new meds.

Good morning everyone

I am away from home for a big family event and it seems to have been challenge after challenge! Evening with DP on Friday night (Friday night!), then spending yesterday evening with my sister who I haven't seen for a while (celebration!) - both would have been boozy evenings. Looking back I'm horrified at how exhausted and rubbish I would have been feeling! Enjoying sleeping well and having energy but I am finding socialising without alcohol tough.

Agree about being prepared @Onewildandpreciouslife and @Blackberryblossom I'd told my sister and she offered me AF g and t (yuck) and becks blue (fine) which helped.

Hello @WendyWagon wow your work life sounds tough - I hope your new meds work well. Awful to be in pain all the time.

Hello @Wellysock and @Wantofeelgood! I hope you're doing well and enjoying watching the days go up too! I know exactly what you feel welly about riding wave of cravings. In a way it's exhilarating and amazing to not succumb but I am very afraid of falling.

@OfDragonsDeep that is brilliant you are changing your habits with your DH - so hard when it is part of your relationship, not just going out! I struggle with this. Congratulations on three weeks! Is it changing? Interested as you are a few days ahead of me.

Day 17 and I would not be here without this thread - thanks all.

It never gets old waking up on a Sunday hangover free. My 3 DC are with their dad this week so it’s a peaceful morning here. It’s just snowed again and I am going to wait for it to get above - figures and go for a run.

I have realised since stopping drinking on and off this year that a lot of my drinking was related to social anxiety. I don’t drink alone but used to drink an awful lot when out and about with others, and would always be the let to leave. It makes me cringe a bit now.

it has been really helpful to look at this and unpick it. I am 44 years old and for the first time in my adult life I am saying ‘no’ to social engagements. I am only going to things I really want to do and with people I really want to spend time with. No more social ‘obligations ’. It feels really freeing. And I am enjoying spending time in my own company. And when I do go out I enjoy spending time with others and feel present rather than on a massive bender.

I had dinner with a friend on Friday. The food was amazing. I really appreciated it as wasn’t downing the wine. We had a really interesting conversation. The bill was much cheaper without all the ££££ money. We talked about a time we went out and we ordered the deadly 3rd bottle. I am glad not to be in that kind of mindset now. We drove home in the snow and I was on the sofa by 9.30pm. I like my new very unrock n roll life.

Have done a long streak of 100+ days this year and then did a ‘planned’ starting to drink again. Decided it wasn’t for me so am stopping for good. Today is day 29.

Keep on keeping on everyone. This thread is such a help. Happy Sunday!

@livingalivelife it’s interesting with DH as I hadn’t expected him to join in at all, but he’s now as keen as me. He’s always been more into fitness than me, so increasing the exercise has been something he’s taken to. He also bought a smart watch to track runs and stuff which seems to help with the motivation. He’s been loosing weight, but I haven’t lost anything!

I feel much happier with myself, I don’t like this time of year normally, but have been enjoying it more this year. I definitely feel stronger, but I think that’s due to the gym. Another thing I have really noticed is that my hair seems so much healthier. My hair used to fall out constantly and looked dull. I was thinking the other day that I haven’t had to clear hair out of the shower drain for ages. That seems to have happened since I massively cut down on wine in September. I was going to dye my hair yesterday, but I looked in the mirror and thought it looked fine as it is.

Thanks everyone for the tips on ordering drinks. Luckily my work isn’t having a Christmas party this year. Everyone WFH now and some people live in different countries/towns. I just have to navigate the family parties.

At the moment I’m not sure what I want going forwards, but for now I don’t want to drink anymore. My old mindset was it’s been a bad day/good day/hard work with the kids/celebrating something/grumpy about something/any old reason, so I’ve earnt/deserved some wine. I wasn’t a binge drinker, but an everyday drinker.

I would like to try couch to 5k. I have bought some headphones for Christmas. I think I will be mostly walking it though 😂